I don't mind help clearing, but once the dishwasher is loaded, I prefer to do the remaining dishes by myself. For all the same reasons you mentioned.

Being on the other side, though, I admit I feel a little guilty if I don't help the hosts clear and clean up after I've enjoyed a meal at their home.

Linda

If it is a big family dinner, I much appreciate the help from my kids, but if it were a dinner party, good heavens I would never like any of my guests to help. It is more more comfy to join them for cocktails or dessert or just enjoying each others company. I do not like people working in my kitchen especially.
However, when I have hosted (numerous) cooking forum get togethers, I have never minded my cooking friends helping in the kitchen. It feels right.

I totally agree with everything you said, amck!

And my own reason for wanting to do the clean-up myself......not all people get dishes as clean as they should be nor do they load the dishwasher the right way -- also known as "my way." I don't even mind having to do some of the clean-up the next morning if I have to. It's not going anywhere...it will still be there in the morning. And the kitchen/forum police will not show up to check up on me either.

My sons are very good to carry dishes from the dining room to the kitchen counters. My mom has finally heard me when I say "I'll clean-up later, I'd would like to enjoy everyone's company right now" but she fought it for a long time.

Cooking forums friends just seem to naturally know what to do or not to do - whatever the moment requires.

I don't mind help clearing the table, but it stops there. Once the table is cleared, I'll very quickly throw perishables in the fridge and go back to the group. I find that DH and I, having done this countless times together, get through cleaning up five times as fast as I would if I had other help in the kitchen.

Like Teresa, others don't load my dishwasher "my way" and don't put things away in the right places.

What I've discovered is that if DH and I dig in and clean up together once everyone has left, we get the place put back together almost perfectly in a very reasonable amount of time.

If I have other people helping, it takes far longer and then there is yet more work for me to do either later in the evening or the next day.

All that said, I don't mind in the least if one of the kids has a friend over and they put their own plate and cutlery in the dishwasher - as long as they leave the kitchen after that! lol

I put away the perishables and leave the mess for later when we have guests; seems rude to abandon the guests to clean up. Besides, I don't want to miss anything! Family is a different matter - they know the routine, even my mom and MIL. I appreciate their help.

This is going to sound crazy, but I think it's one of those things where the polite thing to do is dance the dance of offering and declining. The guest should offer, the hostess should turn down the offer, and the guest should accept the refusal politely.

But, yeah, I prefer to do it myself.

I think it depends on the intimacy between the host and the guest. Unless the relationship is extremely close (as in brother and sister), the guest should not be involved in the clean up. I especially hate it when guests put my Baccarat crystal wine glasses in the sink, where they could easily be knocked over and broken. They do that once, and they are never served in crystal again. My grandmother was compulsive about helping clear dishes after a meal, and she once broke an heirloom bowl at her niece's house because she insisted on helping clean up. Needless to say, it would have been better if she had stayed out of the kitchen.

I feel no compulsion about cleaning, and I think it should happen in its own good time. I'm more concerned about serving and making sure everything get presented nicely - anything afterward is anticlimactic. I am particularly annoyed by family members who are compulsive about cleaning - that irritates me no end. It's not about the cleaning - it's about enjoying the food. Cleaning should always take a backstage, and it's even better if you have servants to do that for you, which is what I recommend, if you are obsessive about clearing and cleaning. My sister annoys me no end with her obsessive clearing even before I am done with my meal. She tries to take glasses away from me that I am still using! How much nicer if she would chill out and let me finish in my own good time. Admittedly I am a bit slower than the rest of the family, but then from my perspective, they are too fast.

Lars

I'm with the majority here. I'd rather do the dishes myself. It's fine to help clear the table. My preference is to clear the table, put the leftovers away (myself), go back and join my guests to chat and relax.

One year my BIL and his wife did all the dishes after a big meal. I wished they would have just stopped and joined us for conversation. I know that their hearts were in the right place, wanting to help. I was finding things in strange places for weeks after! No harm done.

I also agree that guests are somehow required to offer to help with cleanup. When it's a very casual get-together, it can be nice to chat while one person washes and the other dries.

After everyone is gone I find that cleaning the kitchen is a good way to wind down. Fortunately my kitchen is not visible from the dining room or living room, so you're not sitting there looking at the work to be done.

I also prefer to take care of the clearing and cleaning myself in my one-butt kitchen. I will do a quick clear and stack to serve dessert but discourage anyone from doing more. Most friends are very obliging.

We don't entertain much, so usually not an issue.
When we do, it's family most of the time.
Almost all of them carry their own plate to the kitchen, rinse and stack.
On the big holidays, I am very, very fortunate that my DH is awesome!

He entertains while I finish the cooking, he cleans while I finally get a chance to sit and visit.

Our dining and kitchen are one big room with a counter/bar dividing them. It's very open so we can easily visit and still work in the kitchen.

I definitely prefer that WE do it vs. guests. There's a couple of people I can "work with" in the kitchen, but not many!

Hoping one of these days to be part of a CF cooking/party/event to experience that "natural" kitchen thing!! LOL

Deanna

Lars, I agree, the cleaning is secondary, the eating and socializing is paramount for me.

I'd rather have everything left until later that night or the next day, I'll clean it up then. I put away the perishables and have another glass of wine. Enough wine and I don't care about the dishes, LOL.

Annie

Ya. Me too.

I don't mind, and even welcome, help clearing the table. By that I mean, carrying everything in from the dining room to the kitchen. But once it's there, it's mine. I also put away perishables and then leave the rest for later.

Sometimes, if it's a late lasting dinner, (Passover for example) I will go ahead and rinse and stack. DH is the actual dishwasher in the family but when there are a ton of dishes to do (read:multiple dw loads) and it's late, I like to help out by doing all the pre-rinsing so that all he has to do is load and unload.

I agree that the kitchen is my (and DH's) territory so I don't like people encroaching on that. I also agree that clean up is secondary and the dinner and visiting with the company is much more primary. The dishes can WAIT!

And my friends pretty much know that now, I seldom have to insist they leave the cleaning to us.

OK, and maybe I'm a bad guest, but since I don't like people doing dishes in my house, I'm not comfortable doing them in others'. So I don't offer. I do help clear unless I'm told not to (like at my sister's house). But honestly I think that too many people cleaning and washing is not the best process so I'd rather not get involved even if the host(ess) doesn't say no. Instead, I'd rather invite THEM over to my house as the reciprocal.

Can't add to those who already voiced my sentiment that I appreciate help clearing the table, but I prefer to load/clean on my own.

Once in a while, for the guest who really wants to help (I have one family who can't/don't cook much, I enjoy their company, they make up for it in other ways, but she really does appreciate our hosting and wants to help) - I make sure when they walk in the door there are little jobs to be done - filling water pitchers, slicing a pie, washing fruit - and she can help at the end when I give her food storage containers for putting food away. Sometimes it is just as important to make people feel they are being useful/helpful. A fine line to walk!

I don't mind if people want to "help" by bringing things into the kitchen from the dining room, but that's as far as I want to go. I don't put my good china or crystal in the DW and would rather set it aside to do later or in the morning. I will reluctantly let guests help put leftovers away, clear the dining room or prepare it for coffee and dessert -- but please don't try to help me clean up my kitchen! In fact, the few times I've agreed to letting guests have it their way and let them help clear up and do the dishes -- has resulted in broken china and delaying the evening. It seems like I'm always glad to see those people on the other side of the door!
This makes me sound like a shrew for sure! But I've enjoyed a reputation as a good hostess, and people forcing themselves into my kitchen and into my way of doing things sets me back a little. I accommodate them to placate them, but it's MY house, after all! My sister is the best! She will always say -- "I need a job or something to do." I always say "you're on vacation" and then she says, "I know your at your best when everyone's out of your kitchen".
Annie'71 (signing my name here because I don't want to confuse this response with OOAnnie, who I'm sure is not as anal about this and old Annie'71)

I should add that I've had some guests who come early with the pretense to help me prepare food and are completely useless in that task, but then stay to the end and are extremely efficient at cleaning up afterwards. I'm always amazed by these people, since I do not have those skills. They usually talk and visit with me while I am preparing the food, which I can appreciate as their contribution to helping to prepare. For some reason, I generally expect something else, however. Then there are some people that absolutely do not want me to help with preparation at all, and they are often adamant at wanting to help. I have to carefully plan what tasks I will allow them to perform, since I have some trust issues in this regard. I'm more particular about preparation than I am about cleaning, but I can definitely find preparation tasks that are helpful.

Lars

I agree with most of the responses. I'll take it a little further, my preference is to leave everything on the table as I methodically clear the table--handle it once!

With that said, I am amazed with the swiftness and competency that CF members clear the table--gotta love it!

Here is a "clearing the table" pet peeve of mine.

I just can't stand it when people scrape the leftovers from all the plates onto one plate -- at the table! Yuck! It looks like the dog's dinner, which it may be.

I know it saves steps to consolidate all the scraps and then stack the dishes, but, please, just make a few extra trips to the kitchen and carry the plates and serving dishes "as is" back to the kitchen.

Yes, Pam! Ugh! My in-laws did that. One sister-in-law especially would not be diverted from "helping" this way at my house. She'd end up with a stack of plates in front of her, and a disgusting heap of uneaten food on top of it. My daughter and I got very good at jumping up and whisking plates away just before she grabbed for them.

I absolutely agree with the comments about scraping all the leftover food scraps onto one plate in the dining room. We use our dining room even when there are only the two of us. We use candles and music, even if we use the every day dishes. Visualize the dining experience with guests and china and crystal then -- BAM! All over -- dump all the crap onto a plate!

Ugh. I don't like the "plate dump" either. Talk about a fast way to spoil a good meal! My other peeve is people who put the napkin on their plate. Obviously, they have never had to try to get gravy stains out of a napkin.

I don't mind either way if people want to help or not. We had casual supper guests one time that absolutely floored us with their ability to clean up after the meal. They have 5 kids including young twins and must have some kind of military-based efficiency training. They had the dishwasher filled up and the countertops cleaned before I got the leftovers put away -- it was like something out of the twilight zone. I stopped what I was doing and had to turn in circles and look around to find out what kind of magic they used to clean up in less time than it's taken me to type this response! To this day I don't know how they did it!

If it's family they better damn well help! That includes, clearing, scraping, starting the dishwasher, helping dry pots...all of it.

If it's company, I want them all to move into the LR, have another glass of wine, coffee whatever. I don;t want company messing about in my kitchen (unless they are trying to help me read a meat thermometer! LOL ).

Once they leave , it's Clive's problem! LOL