Emily, I would be feeling the same things and probably more. I admire you for taking this step, sometimes the first one is the hardest!

You're going to do just fine. I bet in a few weeks you'll forget how this feels right now and you'll be as comfortable as if you'd been doing this forever!

Hey, you're "Fearless Em", remember? LOL

Good vibes coming your way! Good luck!

Linda

I have an under-utilized set of high IQ left brain cells beaming energy in your direction. Feel the power yet? Take all you need. I pretty much just use the other side. ;)

Ei

You'll be fine. I felt the same way when I started my doctoral program. But here I am, and tomorrow I defend my dissertation.

All these smart and educated people - I'm proud of all of you.

Emily, you go girl! You can do it. I can't imagine not feeling a bit overwhelmed in your situation, but don't let that stop you. Of course it won't stop you. As you said, just put one foot in front of the other, get interested in your studies, and you'll be fine.

Good luck, Leel, in your defence of your dissertation.

Sally

I'm sending some more of those unused brain waves, to bot of you.

Ashley is feeling the same way and she only took the summer off, I think it's a natural part of "going back to school". It's something I NEVER plan to do, I hated school, and that's why I never enrolled in law school, I just took my degree and RAN!

So, my hat's off to both of you, good luck.

Annie

Sending smart waves!
And when you are through can we call you "Dr. Fearless?"
And Lee...also sending you good thoughts for tomorrow!
Linda c

Hey, Em. Here's a great big "you can do it" from me. And I know you can. It's only a matter of getting used to change, which for many of us is not easy.

I went back to college at age 37. I felt like a great big sore thumb among the 18 year olds. After awhile I found other returnees, but I was still among the oldest. It wasn't long before I found that the regular students were awfully nice to me -- maybe because I took excellent notes and was willing to share! I felt like in some ways I had an advantage because I wasn't distracted by the need for a wild social life and raging hormones. I didn't like beer, either.

It feels so good to stretch your brain, doesn't it? I am very proud of you, and you are absolutely doing the right thing. You've got the right idea -- just keep putting one foot in front of the other and before you know you will be there.

Leel -- tomorrow is here so I am thinking of you. I hope you are very "defensive" and you knock the committee dead! I have no doubt you will. What's your thesis?

Leel, good luck with your dissertation!

Emily, I know exactly how you feel. I was the oldest student in some of my classes when I getting my master's degree, sometimes older than the teachers. Hang in there and you will be acclimatized before you know it.

Good luck! I'm recently back in school part time and I'm overwhelmed with my one little class. I can't imagine how challenging it would be to try and go full time.

AM

Oh jeeze Emily, I know exactly how you feel! You're in a big boat. I am teaching two college classes (don't even get me started on my doctoral quest), and one is on a completely new subject for me. And the other is a new class, even though the subject is not new. It's been two years since I taught college, and I feel like a total wreck! I have a student in my horticulture class who knows WAY more than me, it was sooooo embarassing. Luckily he didn't take too much sadistic pleasure in playing "Stump the professor!!" I am working day and night and every weekend, everything else in my life is falling by the wayside. But WE are not alone, I had a student talk to me for quite a while after class because he is a mid-life career changer and feeling pretty nervous. Luckily our class is about half and half, so everyone is pretty supportive of everyone else, they bring a lot of maturity to the table. The "back to school" boat is getting bigger and bigger. My assistant today was telling me how fried she is trying to balance school, work, and family and an internship. I think something happened today, everyone in the world just had a panic attack!!

All you can do is all you can do, one step at a time. You will not win every battle, but you will win the war!! As I told one of my students today--don't get discouraged and don't quit, just keep going!! She said there are some days she doesn't even want to get out of bed. I said, "On those days you'll just have to pretend you are someone else who does! I do it all the time!"

I'm rooting for you and praying for you. You too Lee!!

Find some colleagues who are supportive. There are certain people in academia who have too much insecurity and they make other feel small. Luckily there is another universe of folks who are not like that. Find them, they are there if you look. Today I had one colleague giving me a hard time and making me feel like a looser about using the printer when he wanted to, and another colleague (a award winning one) quietly handing me instructions for just what I needed to help the student I was meeting with, and telling me not to worry, that she forgets these things too, so much is on her mind. Look for those types, they've been where you are and are secure enough to be only too happy to help those on the way up.

Emily, I also understand how you're feeling, as I'm three weeks into law school, 24 years post-undergraduate.

I have moments of clarity, moments of uncertainty and moments of, "What the #$%^ was I thinking?!" I'm enjoying my classes, the school and my classmates, but sometimes think that everyone else is "getting it" faster/better than me.

In most law school classes, the entire semester grade is based on one final exam. I had an awful dream the other morning, in which I walked into class part way through the semester and everyone knew it was exam day except me. The exam itself looked like it was in a foreign language and no matter what I tried, I couldn't answer the questions. I woke up sobbing.

Like you, I'm putting one foot in front of the other.

We can do this!!

Sue

Thanks for the encouragement folks -- it helped to remember while I was at school today that I could online and get a boost from my friends...

Goldgirl -- I hear ya on the big shift between moments of feeling good and then moments of feeling like "what the @$$%@#$ did I get myself into?" I think you should be SO proud of yourself for going back to law school now... I don't know if I mentioned this back when you were applying, but my aunt went to law school at age 60, and now at around age 85 still practices part time because she loves it. You can do it!

Leel -- woo hoo! Dissertation defense! How did it go?!?! Congrats in advance, and right now I can only dream of eventually getting to that stage in my education...

lpinkmountain -- I hear ya about the importance of just keeping going -- when I was visiting programs to decide between them, I asked one professor what he looked for in a Ph.D. candidate and his reply was "persistance." At the time I felt like I had that in spades, so I'm trying to remind myself of that now... Fortunately the students in my program -- which is actually quite small -- have been very supportive, which helps a lot. I think one thing that is challenging is the fact that there are only two 1st year students in my subfield, so most of the meetings I'm in are filled with 3rd, 4th, and 5th year students who just know so much more than me. I'm trying not to focus on the comparison and just trust that if I keep reading and trying to assimilate, gradually the knowledge will take shape in my head, until eventually I won't even know how I've come to know it... That's my hope at least...

Emily

OK--just call me Doctor. I survived, and you will, too. My department is rather small too, and we have been very supportive of each other. In fact we formed a writer's group of those doing either their master's thesis or doctoral dissertation. Can't tell you how helpful that was. As for age when starting, I started undergrad when I was 42 & master's at 43. That was 32 years ago--figure it out for yourself. Now I have to decide what I want to do when I grow up--but I will definitely be the oldest in my graduating class. One of my profs got his Ph.D. in his 80's, and is till teaching at age 93!

Dr. Leel -- I bow down to you. That's fantastic. I can barely remember my name and address, much less do what you have done. You are amazing!

Dr. Leel!!! I am in awe -- thank you for giving me inspiration... Who knows, if I make it through this Ph.D. process maybe in 40 years I'll have the strength to start another! I hope you're planning some wonderful treat for yourself to celebrate...

And as a side note, I love the idea of a writers group -- I'll definitely put that one under my cap for a little ways down the line...

Emily

Em, you are feeling exactly the same thing most of the rest of us would feel. I know I certainly would, that is if I dared tried to do what you are doing. I do admire you so much and I'm sending hugs and prayers your way. Remember when you get to the end of your rope to tie a knot in it and hang on. You WILL make it!

A big congratulations to you Dr. Lee! I'm so glad things worked out where you could do this.

Beverly