Dh and kids always thank and compliment me even if its Taco night....but I have had a couple of rude guests especially younger kids who stay for dinner while having a play date. I once had a child over and before i even sat he started to load his plate...something our kids do not do they always wait for mommy to sit as does DH. So this child is going to town and my daughter Margaret says "Steven my mom hasnt sat and we havent prayed yet". His reply was a shrug of his shoulders and says I DONT PRAY!!! So the silience was deafing by the kids...so I sat and said I understand certain people dont pray but you will wait for us to pray or you can go down the block and eat at your own house!!! Well...I look at Johnny (my son,this is his friend) i said You can do prayer tonight. He said "Thank you God for the food we are about to recieve" At once we all said AMEN! I looked across the table and to my surprise Steven said AMEN! So yes they thank me but others are raised differently I try not to judge but when your in my house you will respect or you will leave.

My friends and family always thanks me.

I don't recall being thanked, and I don't recall caring.

A couple of weeks ago, my son and SIL were helping me make salsa, my son turned and said "I never understood how hard it must have been for you to fix dinner every night for more than 25 years, and come up with new stuff. I've been doing it for a year now, and I'm already tapped out!"

I had to give him a hug for that one.

It's just me and DH, and we always comment on the meal, say please and thank you. It's a habit, but since I never felt appreciated as a kid, I make sure we appreciate each other verbally, several times a day. It's one of those things that other people may not understand, but I believe keeps couples and families closer. Not only is it positive reinforcement, it's one of the ways we hear each other and we know we're heard.

We try a lot of recipes, take a certain amount of pride in turning out a good dish, and do a lot of critiques on our food. Because of that, we both know the kind of effort it takes to think thoughtfully about food, not to mention what's involved getting it to the table.

There have been many guests at our table who ate and never said a word. We both think that's a little weird, but realize not everyone appreciates the effort it takes, especially if they never make it! (Those people don't usually get invited back.) If they don't like it that's one thing, but I invite them to show me what I'm missing. They never do.

My father always thanked my mother for cooking and taught us kids to do the same. Unfortunately DH was not raised in such a home. I've never heard his father thank his mother for cooking. Or offer to help in any way for that matter. Ok that works for them so whatever. But I had to teach DH and my kids to thank me.

I always say thank you for things people do for me, whether it's cooking or something else whether it's labor intensive or not. And my kids have learned by example, so they are actually in the habit of thanking me for lots of things which I think most kids don't do.

I agree with what claire said, it's verbal positive reinforcement but the act of doing it regularly deeply affects how we feel about each other within the family.

I don't think I've ever thanked or received thanks unless I was a guest or a host. The few nights I don't cook we go out and waste money in restaurants or buy junk food, so I should probably be the one thanking my family for eating my food.

I always compliment a meal, particularly a good one. My wife used to never comment on my meals. It drove me nuts. Now she does more often. Maybe I'm becoming a better cook, who knows. All I know is that I HATE when I try out something new and get no reaction, whether positive or negative. Tell me you hate it, I don't care. But say SOMETHING.

From guests and near family, yes, but since it is just Dad and medaily, I will honestly say that he will thank me later in the evening for a meal, but only after making a negative comment about it at dinner. Every single day.

My husband almost always complements my cooking, whether it's breakfast or dinner, even his bag lunches. I'm sure it is often not great and/or boring, but I'm pretty sure it's appreciated and that's the point. I would love it if he would cook for me too!
Annie'71

We are used to expressing our appreciation to the cook in my family. My sons always thank me and sometimes ask for the recipe!

My dad had this "thing" he'd say to get my mom going:

dad: "this chocolate cream pie is delicious....who made this?"

mom: (fuming a little) "the maid baked the chocolate cream pie, Charlie!" [ummmmm....there was no maid]

My FIL was a man of few compliments, God rest his soul; so when he said "well, Teresa, you sure know what to do with a chicken" I knew that was high praise indeed! I've never forgotten that.

Almost always.
There were those nights when everyone was scrambling and meal time was simply "fuel-up!"
We sat down as a family 99% of the time, prayed together, then politely passed dishes, dipped our plates and ate together as we shared our day. This was important to us as parents.
Now, sometimes DH & I eat at the table, sometimes in the living room. Much more casual now that the kids are gone.
He still thanks me, provides wonderful feedback, and wanders into the kitchen to see what's cookin' regularly.

I cannot imagine being a guest and not complimenting and thanking the cook as well as the couple/family that invited us! Just simple courtesy and manners!
Heck! I thank waitresses for bringing my food when we're out even though it's her job! It's still nice...and I've been on the other side of THAT one!

Deanna

Teresa: That is so funny "you sure know what to do with a chicken" -- Now that's the type of complement you remember!

I catered to my 92-year-old FIL this summer, up from Florida as the snowbirds are known to fly. Going through treatments for breast cancer on top of it, and cooking for an old goat who can't chew much, shakes like a leaf and only likes meat and potatoes.

His compliment? "I'm going to have to find myself a bimbo to cook for me when I get back down to Florida this fall".

I about dumped his dinner on his head. Wish I had.

seagrass

My husband and son always thank me,no matter what I have cooked.

Shelley

In addition to its being a creative outlet, another aspect of cooking/baking that appeals to me is how much my family appreciates my efforts. It's the one "chore" that is always acknowledged.

I could work my fingers to the bone cleaning the house and I would have to point out what I did to get a response. But even the simplest meal, even the morning oatmeal and fruit, is well-received and I am thanked.

I do most of the cooking here, but DH does his Sunday brunch crepes, grilling and pizza making and I would never think not to thank him for helping prepare the meal.

My kids are grown and have their own households now. The cooks in their homes are always thanked when a meal is served.

I can't imagine being a guest anywhere and not thanking the cook during/after the meal.

Yup -- my husband always thanks me for making our meals, and I always thank him for doing the dishes! I'm with amck and others, in that I can't imagine being a guest anywhere -- even in my own home if someone else cooked -- and not thanking them.

I guess I just don't get the "thanks" part. As a guest, of course, but within one's own household? If I make a standard weeknight meal I don't feel I deserve thanks any more than my wife and I would exchange thank you's for doing the dishes, the laundry, the vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, dusting, mowing the lawn, changing a diaper, giving a kid a bath, taking out the garbage, or whatever else needs to be done in the household on a regular basis.

Sure, if one of us goes beyond our normal course of duty the other will (or should) acknowledge. And I'd appreciate acknowledgement of a meal that I've taken a special effort to prepare. Or a yay or nay on a new recipe. But beyond that? Clearing off the table is thanks enough for me.

I don't get "thanked" for cooking. Maybe I misunderstood the OP question. I do get a sense of appreciation, however. That may not be enough to some, but to me it goes a long way -- can't really equate it to changing a diaper, however.

We always thank our hosts for dinner when we're in their home. My in-laws were visiting last week, and my MIL thanked me after dinner each night.

On a day-to-day basis, the kids and DH don't say much about a regular meal. Frankly, one of the ongoing issues has been the fact that often times the kids don't appreciate much of anything that lands on the table.

However, for the last year or so, I've made a very concerted effort to try to incorporate everyone's likes and dislikes, even if that means my youngest is eating a salad and rice for dinner. I've also been trying to find a balance been "kid" foods suitable for more adult tastes. I'm very happy to say that several times in the last several weeks, both kids have made a point of specifically saying thanks for a wonderful dinner. This is progress!

We had a friend of my 12-year-old over the other night, and he was eating before everyone else was seated and was up and wandering around the living room while the rest of us were still eating. I was just more than a little shocked. I would expect that from a younger child, but not one who is 12!

However, I'm enjoying the "thanks" from the kids these days!

Mandie

When I was little, the maid DID cook dinner, but that was only until I was about six years old. After that, I wanted to make dinner myself, and so I would help my mother make it, so that I could make sure that it would be something I would like. I would compliment her on things I liked, but if I didn't like it, I would be silent, and that irritated her. I couldn't lie and say I liked something that I didn't because then she might make it again. I much preferred making my own food, and I never expected to be thanked for cooking, since when I cooked, I got to create the menu, which was thanks enough.

If someone asks me to make something specific, I expect to be thanked, but if I make something because I want it, I don't expect thanks. People frequently do thank me, however, just not DB, who lives with me. He barely lets me know if he likes something, although he is quick to let me know what he does NOT like. My nieces thank me when I cook holidays dinners in Texas.

Lars

In Iceland we have a formula for this: "Takk fyrir mig" (thank you for the meal - the meal is implied, as is it's goodness), and the cook answers "Verði þér að góðu" (May it do you good). I have additionally made it a habit to always mention it if the food was especially good.

My husband unfailingly thanks me for meals, and when he comes in from work says something like "smelling good!" or "what's on the stove?". I think it is because his mother is such an abysmal cook!

DH thanks me for every meal, even if its leftovers. I thank him for earning it!

I need to work on my kids thanking hosts when we visit. They do ask if they can leave the table - I've taught them to be considerate if their peers haven't finished eating. Gets to be difficult if there is one slow-poke holding up the group, but suffering is good for their soul, heh heh.

My children will enthusiastically thank me about 50% of the time, when I've either made something that they really like, or have waited till they're really hungry, lol! They thank me normally most of the time. What I love most is the anticipation of a dinner. They will come in the kitchen or house, and rave about how good whatever is cooking smells. They particularly love the smell of homemade bread of course :) Who doesn't?

The challenge right now for me is making two meals. Since I'm on South Beach, and it tends to cater more to grown up tastes, I'm making 2 dinners every night. Last night, I roasted skinless chicken quarters for the kids, and made Italian green beans and whole wheat pasta with butter and parmesan for the kids. I was also cooking Saffron Stewed Chicken for me. The kids were saying how good everything smelled, and I don't know if it was what I was cooking for them or me! But they did love their dinner, and wolfed it down. The speed with which they eat (ages 6,6,8&10) tells me how much they like something, and while I know we should take our time eating, I'm also flattered when they eat fast :)

Nancy

I guess I'm in the minority here. Like Foodonastump, I don't expect to be thanked by members of the household for doing my normal "jobs," any more than being thanked for cleaning the house, but I appreciate an acknowledgment when I've accomplished something special or gone out of my way to do a favor for someone. I'm the same way: I don't express gratitude when DH changes the furnace filters, but I always thank him for carrying in the groceries and saving me from that chore.

DH rarely comments on the meal, except when I ask him his opinion of a new dish. His feedback is really helpful. I don't receive many compliments on my successes, but OTOH, I don't get criticism on my failures either!

My cousin has been living with us for several months, and he raves over *every single dish*. It's actually a bit disconcerting to be complimented for every frozen vegetable or processed food I prepare. He even compliments me on the ice cream I scoop out of the container! The excessive praise seems to cheapen the appreciation of the *homemade* dishes I've labored to create. I'm glad he's appreciative, but there can be too much of a good thing!

Sue

Heck! I thank waitresses for bringing my food when we're out even though it's her job! It's still nice...and I've been on the other side of THAT one!

That brings up an interesting point. At work, I do projects for a lot of different people. It's my job but I don't think a single one of those people forgets to thank me. Including people whose jobs are lower down on the totem pole than mine, all the way up to the Prez of the company.

Thanking someone for doing something for you, even if they are getting paid for it, is not only courteous, but think of what it does for their morale! It's really nice to hear those thank yous, and I am in the habit of doing the same, both at work and outside work in any situation where someone is serving me in some way.

And maybe that's also my answer to FOAS's question. Of course cooking dinner may seem like an every day normal thing. And it is. So are the dishes, laundry, etc. But a thank you for any of these things, whether normal or "above and beyond" just goes a long way toward boosting morale. It's just nice to hear. And in return, when I say it, I know the recipient feels good hearing it.

I have a bit of a phobia about thanking the cook- when I was small, it was our family thing to thank Mom "for the delicious dinner". And every time I was about to spontaneously and genuninely say it, my (abusive alcoholic) father would kick me under the table and hiss "Thank your mother for dinner". So I never really felt sincere and I hated saying it.

My husband and son always thank me,although I dont expect it.

Shelley

I'm with Sue, Annie, and FOAS, I don't get explicitly "thanked" by my DH for every meal, nor do I expect to. I know he appreciates what I do because he often "brags" about me to others. If I do something new and he loves it, he will tell me, he'll also tell me if it's something he wasn't crazy about.

Funnily, my kids always thank me. They always say "Thanks Mom, that was great". Not sure why but suspect it is becasue now that they are cooking for themselves they really appreciate when I cook for them.

Rarely, however DH will often comment positively or negatively on a specific dish. He's usually positive (he'd better be or he'll be cooking for himself!) He's quick to tell others that I do a much better job than 99% of the meals that he can get in most restaurants. I'll take that as a compliment!

We did have a marital agreement based our mother's denials, that when I make something that doesn't work, I will admit it. His mother in particular used to ignore a bad dish and say, "but it's good" when it was simply awful!

The rest of the family will tell me when they like a specific dish or meal, but not really say thanks. I'm basically ok with that, but who doesn't liked to be thanked?!

My husband nevered thanked me or told me that he enjoyed anything I cooked.So I quit cooking for him.I have always been the "breadwinner".I work 2 jobs,16 hours a day several days a week.He is on his own for meals.Needless to say it's not a great situation.My kids always appreciated my cooking.My DIL requested several recipes my son loved to eat at home,that in itself was a big compliment.

LOL, Ellen, I'm usually the first to say "well, that was a cooking disaster", and my kids or Elery will tell me it wasn't that bad.

Elery thanks me for cooking and I thank him when he cooks for me, but I never had anyone cook for me before him. My girls didn't usually thank me when they were children but now they are adults they are much more likely to thank me for a good meal or for making something they especially like.

I try to always remember to thank my host for a good meal, although many times we are good friends and we get so busy talking that I forget at the end. I did thank you for dinner, didn't I, Sharon? It was delicious but we ran out of time to talk about everyone....um....everything and made the train back to Toronto with FOUR MINUTES to spare. (grin)

As children we always said prayers before a meal, but we never asked to be excused. I'd never seen that anywhere except on television until I was an adult, but we were expected to pick up our empty plates and put them in the sink. My girls rinsed theirs and put them in the dishwasher, poor overworked things, it was probably against the child labor laws!

Although I didn't always get thanked, my girls would often turn down the chance to eat out, opting to go home because they told me that my food was better, so I know they appreciated it. Their friends always made sure they were at my house at supper time too, and most said their parents didn't cook. My ex only complained.

Annie

Annie not sure if you did or didn't say "thank you" but you surely did let me know you appreciated everything!

We always had to excuse ourselves from the table...always! When we were little the line was "'scuse me down from the table" . As we got older we would say " may I please be excused" . My brothers and sisters still say "scuse me down from the table" when we eat together......the kids think we are weird.... : )

My perfect children always asked to be excused too, took their plates to the sink, scraped them and then fought with me about homework, phone, TV etc ! LOL

My sons and DH have always said something.... I don't always expect rave reviews and ohhs and ahhs of course, but I DO expect at least a "Thanks for cooking." I really appreciate their thanks too. Over the years, my reply is often "Thanks, you know I work for compliments!" and that's very true.

BTW when I mow the yard or do the top to bottom weekly cleaning, I do like to hear DH Joe say Thanks, or it looks great..... etc.... something to acknowledge a day of hard work. I try to do the same thing to him to thank him for his hard day at the office or some other chore that he might do.

I'll admit that I've been a little disconcerted by a future DIL who just eats and leaves the table. My other kids (in their 20's now) were even shocked the first time it happened. I feel sort of petty saying that I've felt like invisible hired help after every meal that I've cooked and served her since she's never acknowledged it in any way. After hearing that many of you don't expect it, perhaps I should get over it!

Grace

I admit I seldom thanked my mother for cooking, but that's because she was a truly terrible cook. "Thanks for the food poisoning AGAIN, mother" probably wouldn't have gone over well anyway. (And I'm not joking: at least four of us were hospitalized for foodbourne illness because of her cooking.) I did always thank my grandmother for cooking.

DH thanks me, and I thank him when he cooks...or mops, or cleans the bathroom, or even opens the car door for me. It's not that he expects ir or that I expect it; it's just something we do to show each other we appreciate the energy and effort of making life more pleasant for each other. I guess it falls under the theory that if you reward positive behavior, you don't spend as much time compalining about bad behavior. :) I appreciate him, and I want him to know it.

As for guests not thanking a hostess, that's just plain rude.

My father set a pretty good example for us kids, saying thank you to mom every evening at dinner. She'd usually respond by thanking him for some small thing he'd done that day to make her life easier. It was a reciprocal thing. We ALWAYS had to ask to be excused from the table, and then it was only to get our butts in the kitchen and do the dishes (no dishwasher, the horror!).

Now, my dh will compliment me if I've tried something new (and it worked) or if I've made one of his favorites, but he doesn't necessarily say thank you for every meal. His feedback is great as it helps me adjust and tweak things to make them better! Of course, I'm usually a lot more critical of my cooking than he is.

When I have a meal at anyone else's house, it's always "Thank you for making dinner. If you point me in the direction of the dish soap I'll do dishes" No exceptions. I know how stressful it can be to have company over, and I appreciate the effort. Helping clean up just means it's one less thing for them to worry about that evening!

Like Claire, DH and I grew up in households were there wasn't much appreciation going on, so we make a point to let each other know that whatever the other does, it is appreciated.

Running a balanced household, whether it's making the bed, cooking, or mowing the lawn, IS a choice and it's a gift that we give to our loved ones. It lets them know that we care about making a place of comfort and sanctuary, where the family can feel safe and loved. Nothing says "I care" to me more than a home-cooked meal. It's a gift I can gladly and lovingly give.

So, we say "thank-you" everyday. It's one of those things that it may not be overly obvious, but you know when it's not there.

My guys always thank me for a meal, whatever that meal is! And I totally agree with Lowspark:

"Thanking someone for doing something for you, even if they are getting paid for it, is not only courteous, but think of what it does for their morale! It's really nice to hear those thank yous, and I am in the habit of doing the same, both at work and outside work in any situation where someone is serving me in some way."

And that sentiment holds over to anything my kids or husband do around the house, no matter how menial the task. I think it instills a sense of worth to the person to be aknowledged for doing something helpful. It really can be as small as picking up the sneakers from under a chair and putting them away, but I always thank my kids and remind them that they are being helpful and that help is appreciated. In return, my children have a sense of how much I do for them around the hosue and they will thank me for some of these "expected" things too - even if it is just making sure they have clean paired socks.

Alexa

The responses are interesting to read. I agree that there is more than one way to say thank you, and commenting that a meal was delicious is as good as saying thanks.

I don't think I ever thanked my husband for cutting the grass, unless it had gotten to be two feet tall and I said thank you (implying that it was about time!). However, I would say things like the yard looks nice.

I just think that cooking is a fair amount of work, since it also involves shopping, carrying the groceries in, unpacking them, looking for the best prices and quality, setting the table and cleanup, so I think it deserves a thank you or an implied thanks.

I love Netla's sayings, and I will try to remember to say "May it do you good" the next time someone thanks me for a meal.

I always thank the waiter. I thank the people in the caf at work who make sandwiches or prepare plates of hot food, too. I even thank the cashier. I worked as a waitress and I know how hard it can be, dealing with the kitchen staff and the busboys, etc. I'm a good tipper, too. I think anyone who has worked in food service appreciates the work that goes into it.

I use to say thank you to my mother. Just trained that way I guess. I don't get a thank you unless it is something special or out of the ordinary. At times I have to fish for compliments when I want to know whether it is good or not and if I should make it again. It doesn't really bother me except when I have slaved over a hot stove all day. LOL
Clare

To those of you who have a spouse that goes off to work every day to earn a living:

Do you thank him/her each day when they return home from that job?

Rusty

Rusty, that's a very good point. My brother and I both work, and so we're on the same plane as far as that goes, but I do all the cooking and organization of the kitchen. I do it because I want to and don't expect to be thanked for doing it, since I am doing it primarily for myself, although I need him to help consume all that I make. My brother does most of the yard work and driving (probably because he is afraid to ride with me when I drive), and so we have worked out our chores fairly well. We definitely do not keep score of who is doing what (AFAIK), and we never have arguments. We're not the Odd Couple either, although he is slightly neater than I am. We're both Pisces and so we're both very tolerant, unlike our Virgo sister, who is a bit obsessive about cleaning.

Lars

Rusty -

no, not every day, but I would guess at least once a week I give my husband a big hug and thank him for being a wonderful husband, provider and father to our boys. And no, it isn't on payday!

Alexa