I use Facebook purely because some coworkers and extended family find that the only thing they seem to be able to use. But I don't find it "safe". I've already had my account hacked once. I don't post anything on there that I wouldn't want the entire world to know. I never post anything personal or emotional, etc. I don't really have time to read everyone's posts on there, either, so I don't really add people. I don't care to see what Facebook game someone won a cow in. I don't care to see all the replies to some thing someone tagged me in... (I only want a reply to what I replied to that one person...! but facebook doesn't work this way...) I don't want to hear about friends' political rants. I use Twitter also, but just for random silly things and announcements. My twitter mirrors to my facebook. I use my blog: aimeemajor.com and aimeesroses.wordpress.com for more lengthy subjects. I enjoy this format a lot more than facebook and twitter which are extremely limited in number of characters and images and format. I suppose if I alot of rose people wanted to use FB more, I might use FB more, but I don't like mixing my family, work and gardening all in one spot. If I had to add a bunch of gardening folks... how would I keep track of all the posts about what they ate that day, when all I really want to talk to them about is gardening. Sure you make some lasting REAL friends out of hobbies like gardening, but the firehosing of content and information that would come from friending everyone I'm an aquaintance with in every hobby would just be overkill for me. and I have a LOT OF HOBBIES. Also, I don't think all of those hobby-friends want to read about every single thing I do, either. I suppose I could make "filters" so that only the rose stuff was on one reading part? I don't know. I've never gotten that far into facebook. I suppose I need to learn more about different groups/filters. A ton of distant old friends (who haven't even emailed me in YEARS) and fans of my professional work try to add me... but I'm just overwhelmed by it all. Since I have my own webserver and I know how to use EMAIL (gasp) I can't see the need for posting a million stupid photos of myself on facebook where it will be taken by the whole internet and put wherever for all time. Instead, I take a photo. I email it to the person I want... or I take some photos and put them on my website, and then share the link. (knowing that they are then "out there" I also don't appreciate my facebook "friends" posting unflattering photos of me and then tagging me for the world to see. And then they get offended if I ask them to take the photo down. I really don't understand how people can "NO LONGER DO EMAIL". But I've had instances where the only way I could get someone to respond was FB. WHY???

Thought I'd update. Got Windows installed without a hitch, Dell talked me through it. I debated whether to put Win 7 in since I was starting from scratch but worried some of my software might not work Everything went well except I couldn't find drivers for some things such as my wireless adapter so couldn't get on line. Called Linksys and they spent over an hour trying to get the driver in and finally did. That was the best part, finally getting on line and getting hit with a zillion MS updates. I have misplaced or lost some software. We moved here in March and I could not locate my Office disk, wireless mouse/keyboard software and a few other things, might have gotten lost in the move. I'm most concerned about Office 07. I paid for it. Dell says they can't help and I could try contacting MS and see if they would do anything. I haven't moved any of my files back yet. Otherwise, I feel like the computer runs better than when it was new. Things seem different, have to fool with fonts and views, but I'm amazed how effortlessly the machine runs. This computer always seemed to have a few 'glitches' but I was used to it. Now it seems so fast and smooth (of course there isn't much running on it yet.) I don't know how to thank everyone for all the support and help I received. You are the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I guess you can teach an old dog new tricks! Thanks from the bottom of my heart... Jane

"...cindylou, imagine if you can what it would be like after all you and your husband have experienced with your MIL if your own children grew up and estranged you..." If I had a child who estranged me, I would not think it had anything to do or not to do with my MIL. I would not think that they owed me a relationship because I tolerated my MIL (maybe I misunderstood what you meant by connecting my MIL into that idea). If my child estranged me suddenly and with no warning and if I asked and they said, "You know", and I truly didn't, I would make the assumption they didn't quite didn't know themselves. That they have feelings and upsets they don't quite understand themselves and that they needed time away from me to work them out. (This is assuming there's no mental illness or addiction. If there is mental illness or addiction, then I do know and frankly, maybe I'm just getting too old, but I've seen the hopelessness and heartache of addiction and mental illness, and I think I'd just be grateful for being cut out). More likely, I would have been told the answer. And I'd accept it, even if it didn't make sense. "Because you wore blue to my kindergaren graduation." Huh? Ok. I don't think I'd argue. I can't imagine arguing with an adult child. They are an adult. I barely argue with them now. My parents didn't argue with me, I never saw them argue with their parents. My aunts and uncles on both sides didn't argue with either their adult children or their parents. It's just not done. I can't imagine it. There are differences of opinion and hurt feelings and misunderstandings and on rare occasions, conflict between adult members of my extended family. Of course there is. But everyone seems to understand a basic rule. I live my life and you live yours, and I can offer my opinion and it's fair if you don't follow it. The person who's business it is, gets the final say. The person who has the most responsibility gets to decide. The person who takes the biggest risk chooses. We are none of us perfect people; but we don't squabble and manipulate and gang up on each other and form one alliance and then another to force family members to do what we want. And we don't stab each other in the back. That's such a bizarre concept to me. And we are very close--without melodrama. There's not a lot of conflict. So if a child told me, "I don't want contact from you because you wouldn't let me go to Aruba on spring break." I'd respect that. I'd figure sooner or later they'd understand. Or if not, sooner or later it wouldn't matter any more. I would absolutely believe that eventually they'd come back. Not the way they were, it wouldn't be the same relationship, but had we stayed close, it wouldn't be the same relationship at 30 as it was at 20 or 10. Would I miss them and be hurt. You bet. But I'd be comforted that I would see them again and focus on the other blessings of my life while I waited. I truly believe that if you love something you let it go, and if it loves you, it will come back. And if it doesn't come back, you never had it to begin with. If after 10 or 20 years there was still no contact, I'd have to face the fact that it's probably for the best. We didn't have the relationship I thought we had; I didn't know them, and we obviously weren't a match even if they have half my DNA. Do I hope to have close, intimate relationships with the families of my adult children? Of course. But I will be happy with any non exploitive relationship my children feel comfortable with. I may want more contact or less, depending on the personalities, but perfection doesn't happen in relationships; it's like tension between togetherness and individuality that has to be worked out in a marriage. When your children are adults with families, you renegotiate your relationship, and if it REALLY doesn't work for someone, you might have to walk away. Sad, painful, but realistic. I have a coworker who is retiring and moving to be closer to her daughter and grandchildren. They are delighted to have her. On a recent house hunting trip she was dismayed that her daughter seemed to expect/demand a lot of babysitting from her. She's not moving there to take on the responsibility of babysitting her grandchildren, altho she does hope to see a lot of them and participate in their lives. Things were tense as she attempted to come to understanding with her daughter. She came back and asked if things don't work out in the other state, can she have her job back. I sometimes in the past had wondered if she's a meddling MIL so much does she talk about her grandchildren. But I see now she's got a life outside them and is not exploiting her daughter's family to fill the emptiness (if any) in her own life. And she's not going to allow herself to be exploited by her daughter however much she loves her family. She sees her standing up for herself may result in a cut off; and I respect her handling of this delicate situation. I'm sure it will all work out, but I can see myself in her place; in any relationship, there's always the possibility that you or the other person will walk away for whatever reason. You may think, oh yeah, you are so philosophical, just wait until it happens to you. Well, like anything, what choices do you have: you either accept with grace or you don't. How does not accepting with grace help anything? The ends don't justify the means. Bullying, manipulating, harassing, yelling...none of that is going to help. If you accept with grace, while you are waiting for the problem to resolve itself enough so the child talks to you again with a willingness to compromise, at least you can still have meaning and pleasure in your life. It also gives you time to reflect as well. It might not be that you did something WRONG, it's just that you don't mesh well. And you can measure in the absence how you and your adult child's family don't mesh and what you are willing to compromise to make the relationship more pleasant for EVERYONE. "Mom, you can never be unsupervised with my kids." "Why?" "Because you are a taurus". Huh? Well, that makes no sense to me. But why jeopardize my supervised visits with my grandchildren which can be wonderful by arguing if being a taurus prevents one from being a good grandma or not. Why fill that time with strife and anger and posturing and demands and righteousness and counter accusations when I can be on the floor playing Candyland and angling for the chocolate swamp or coloring in Barbie coloring books or stacking Lincoln logs as high as the sky. Who cares if DIL is glaring at me when my darling grandson and I are holding our breathes to see if we can make a Pixie Stix teepee? I believe letting them go gracefully gets them back eventually, and if it doesn't, the relationship would have just caused heartache all around anyway, estranged or not.

Yes. I'm comforted by the others who measured so much that they memorized the numbers. Sometimes I would ask if contractors if they were sure they had measured correctly, especially when they were off from my own numbers. I used to measure, re-measure, re-remeasure, and re-re-measure. My best friend would call me up and ask if she'd interrupted my measuring. At random times of the day I would suddenly have new ideas on layouts, and I'd HAVE to draw, re-draw, and re-re draw everything. I would sit in meetings at work and calculate the possible cabinet dimensions or work up budget figures. Luckilly I work with numbers and financials so no one realized I wasn't taking notes at the meeting, I had graph paper and tracing paper, samples, etc. I visited dozens of showrooms and had 2-3 contingency plans for every decision. Guess what, it all paid off in the end and I love the result.