to tree or not to tree? LONG

17 years ago

I grew up in a Jewish home. My southern belle wannabe Methodist mother converted to Judaism when she married my NY Jewish father and the four of us were (in the beginning ) raised Jewish. But mom couldnÂt let go of her Christmas tree so that was incorporated into the year, we did all the jewish holidays ( even with a sukkah some years in the backyard) and then this one anomaly in midwinter. I confess I loved it and felt no conflict with being a fairly observant Jew until I moved to the south. There was so much ignorance and confusion about Jews in the south that I decided to take a stand and banish the tree. On some years I said okay to one upstairs where no one would see it. And when the century ended we put up a tree and went to see Last Night of Ballyhoo.

My mother or maybe my father drew the line at Christmas, no nativity, nothing Christian on the tree no easter etc, just the tree. And so I grew up and even rationalized it as borrowed from the pagans anyway. Well this year in Portland we have a stupendously high space in which to put a very large tree Â a winter solstice tree- and I am conflicted about doing this. First itÂs a hellava lot of work and I will do the main job as my husband won't get here until the 23rd and that night we have a ballet performance to attend. So that means I must buy the tree and put it up Â I am sure I could grab a friend to help me get it in a stand a tied to the wall because my cat's s reaction to the tree is a total unknown. And then I have to do the lights etc and have the ornaments all ready for jim to help trim the tree on the 24th. And second itÂs a REAL pain to take down and put everything away.

do I want to be sucked into the potential stress of Christmas again? As much as I loved it , it is a time fraught with stress: pregnancy loss, reaction formations, family memories, are we sharing the load? Is jim merry enough? Why do I do all this work when itÂs not MY holiday? I mean I guess I have to own it and do it for me and if I can get to that point I wont have any built up. so if I put one up it should be for me... like on the 20th but then I would decorate it myself because if I wait for jiom I will begin to feel I am doing it for him, yet if I donÂt wait I will be robbing him of something? Or do I invite other jjewish friends and the four of us decorate it so itÂs just a pagan party? You see how complicated it is? What would you do? Please write and share your thoughts, thanks.

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Comments (7)

kacram
17 years ago
wow! lol

Actually, I think you already answered your question. Sounds like no tree to me! seriously. Did I miss something? Is Jim Christian? Is he working? is he serving in the armed forces?
kacram
17 years ago
hey, why don't you come on over to the kitchen table. Lots of traffic over there and the posters are always happy to offer lots of opinions! lol

Here is a link that might be useful: garden web Kitchen Table
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sylviatexas1
17 years ago
You can decorate with lights much more easily.

& you can celebrate/enjoy the season without doing all that work.

You'll be welcomed at a Unitarian church or fellowship if you're Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Moslem, Wiccan, Pagan, atheistic, agnostic, or all of the above.

There's always a tree, & they always, in my experience, dance the hora.

They often sing old carols with new, more inclusive words, & I once was moved to tears at a Unitarian Church in Oklahoma on Christmas when the minister asked all the people with December birthdays to stand, & the congregation sang Happy Birthday to us before they started on the carols.

Merry Christmas
Happy Hanukkah
& a Joyous Winter Solstice.

sylvia
laurenk88_pa
17 years ago
LOL...I go to a UU fellowship also!

My old church would have a winter solstice celebration every year...what a hoot.

We have Christmas Eve service and sing carols, and every spring, my favorite thing is celebrating passover. Pass the haroset.
sable_ca
17 years ago
Wow, Movingwest, do I sympathize. I converted to Judaism over 35 years ago, out of belief, not for marriage. Came from a Christian background and we celebrated in a huge and very religious style. I had spent significant time in Israel and returned immediately after converting. Married ex-DH there, and so Christmas was not as issue. But when we came back to the States and lived near my parents, my yearnings for Christmas returned full-force. Ex-DH refused to have anything Christmas-y in our home, but we shared in my parents' celebrations. So our children had Hanukah with us and we all had Christmas with their grandparents. Somehow they kept it all straight.

Moving along - divorced, eventually remarried, to a lapsed Christian man who is more Jewish in his heart than most Jews. He has little interest in Christmas other than watching themed movies with me on TV. I, on the other hand, love Christmas music - the real stuff, the Messiah, the old carols. And I love selecting cards to send to Christian family and friends. And for a long time have been wishing for a tree. This, which must be hard for Christians to understand, but you do, has nothing to do with my Judaism, as I've never wavered in that belief. It has to do with powerful family traditions and childhood memories that are impossible to erase.

We're considering going out in the next few days and buying a pre-lit faux tree, which I would decorate in blue and silver and gold, with no religious items. I also have the problem of two cats, which is one reason I'm thinking about an artificial tree - no pine needles all over the floor, no matter what. I am thinking of very simple ornaments - the round balls and just a bit of ribbon, to see how things work out with the cats. Am pretty sure that our naughty little female will be climbing.

Your larger issue is the fuss and bother and emotion and work. Could you simply do a tree and nothing else? Just to see how you feel? Could you do it early and take your time, so that there isn't a Christmas Eve rush? And yes, if you have Jewish friends, or any others, so inclined, invite them for a little soltice-decorating party? I know many Jews who actually enjoying decorating more than their Christian spouses. Why not? It can be fun! As matter of fact, ex-DH, who was so tough on Christmas when we were married, got remarried to a non-Jewish woman and he is mainly responsible for the heavy tree work, the lights, etc., now. And enjoys it. It's all so strange, isn't it! I think that I would try it this year and see how you feel. It should not be an obligation, though, it should for pleasure.

Good Luck - and Happy Hanukah!
piscotty
17 years ago
Hi,

I think you should put up the tree. The original idea of the tree started with pagans not Christians. Here is a link that discusses the history of the tree. I say do what makes you happy, I do not see how this will conflict with your religion. Just because you put up a tree or sing a Christmas carol does not make you Christian! I'm sure if it was that easy to convert someone we would all be the same religion.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas_tree
grammyp
17 years ago
I am visiting from the quilt forum but do you mind if I just jump in? How about a compromise. One of my best friends in highschool was jewish. They had a tree, but it was not a traditional one. They had a live tree with lights that stayed in it all year. On each persons birthday (there were 8 kids and parents) the tree was lit. It was also lit at Christmas but not called a Christmas tree. If you don't want a very large live tree in your house, find a nice silk one, wrap lights around the branches and leave it up. We now have a slik "birthday tree" that lives in our living room and hide small presents in it often.

beverly

to tree or not to tree? LONG

Comments (7)

kacram

kacram

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