bob414 Didn't see your last post until today pretty funny !! Subject: 1961 - 2011 This should be sent only to those whose level of maturity qualifies them to relate to it... 1961 : Long hair 2011 : Longing for hair 1961 : KEG 2011 : EKG 1961 : Acid rock 2011 : Acid reflux 1961 : Moving to California because it's cool 2011 : Moving to Arizona because it's warm 1961 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 2011 : Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor 1961 : Seeds and stems 2011 : Roughage 1961 : Hoping for a BMW 2011 : Hoping for a BM 1964 : Going to a new, hip joint 2011 : Receiving a new hip joint 1961 : Rolling Stones 2011 : Kidney Stones 1961 : Screw the system 2011 : Upgrade the system 1961 : Disco 2011 : Costco 1961 : Parents begging you to get your hair cut 2011 : Children begging you to get their heads shaved 1961 : Passing the drivers' test 2011 : Passing the vision test 1961 : Whatever 2011 : Depends Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list: The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1993. They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up. Their lifetime has always included AIDS. Bottle caps have always been screw off and plastic. The CD was introduced 2 year s before they were born. They have always had an answering machine.. They have always had cable. They cannot fathom not having a remote control.. Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show. Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave. They never took a swim and thought about Jaws. They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are. They don't know who Mork was or where he was from. They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane.." They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is. Mc Donald's never came in Styrofoam containers. They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter. Do you feel old yet? So have a nice day!!!!! It is good to have friends who know about these things and are still alive and kicking!!!!

Sometimes it becomes necessary to move your computer to a new location for whatever reason; installing/adding new hardware or just decided to move it for "easier access", for instance (note easier access in quotation marks). Whatever your reason is, this handy guide may help you alleviate some of the stress that always arises in such occasions. Keep in mind that this is a venture only to be undertaken by those who know what they're doing...and masochists. 1. Bone up on your cursing. You will need it later. 2. Pick a *good* spot to locate your computer. Don't be too picky; you will regret having started on this venture soon enough. 3. Disconnect all cables, cords, power sources, umbilical cords and plumbing. Look at the black, gray & white spaghetti mess on the floor and sob. Refer to number 1. While you're at it, it helps to focus on cursing Bill Gates and Steve Jobs for making all this possible. 4. Be sure to dust machine off, since it's been sitting for months in one spot, gathering a dust mound the size of Mt. Rainier. This is especially essential if you have asthma. 5. Now that you've picked a *good* spot, it's time to replace all the cables, cords, etc. Make sure it's in a dark, hard-to-reach location. 6. New computers have color-coded plugs and plugins to make assembly easier. This has no bearing on you since your computer is in a dark, hard-to-reach location and they're all the same color: gray. See number 1. 7. Get a flashlight. Look for new batteries for flashlight you've left in the junk drawer for months. Go to store to buy new flashlight batteries since you don't have any. Rule number 1 is coming in handy now. 8. While inserting various cords and cables, be sure to drop at least one on the floor behind the desk, where it will take a contortionist to retrieve it. 9. Find out that your printer cable is now not long enough to reach the computer (see number 1). Oh well, you didn't use it that much anyway. 10. Once you have all the cables, etc. back in place, turn computer back on. 11. Sit, puzzled why computer isn't working. 12. Plug monitor in. 13. Ponder why keyboard and mouse don't work. 14. Switch keyboard and mouse plugins. 15. Call spouse in to admire your handiwork. 16. Spouse informs you that he/she liked it better where it was, and to move it back. 17. When asked why you're banging your head on the monitor, don't reply. It would only confuse him/her.

Holiday Eating Tips - For The Sane I hate aspects of this time of year. Not for its crass commercialism and forced frivolity, but because it's the season when the food police come out with their wagging fingers and annual tips on how to get through the holidays without gaining 10 pounds. 1. About those carrot sticks. Avoid them. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls. 2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. Like fine single-malt scotch, it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnogaholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me. Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas! 3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy. Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat. 4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission. 5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello? Remember college? 6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog. 7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. You can't leave them behind. You're not going to see them again. 8. Same for pies. Apple. Pumpkin. Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or, if you don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day? 9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, after all, have some standards. 10. And one final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips. Start over. But hurry! Cookieless January is just around the corner.

Thanks for posting that, I had forgotten the conversations side. I need a laugh this morning.