You did say that you didn't know her well and that she was new to the choir. It seems to me like maybe she likes her new acquaintances and would like to get to know you better. It's not necessary to give a gift every time. You could attend the wedding, take a few minutes to greet her, welcome her to married life, the church, the choir and invite her to call on you in the future when she and her new husband are settled. Back in the good old days when calling cards were the norm, it was also considered an honor for a young bride to be invited to call on an "established matron" after her marriage. It was a matter of being accepted in local society. Not necessarily high society, but older folks were prepared to provide young marrieds with their wisdom and an occasional small gift. Young married women who eschewed the invitation were rarely if ever invited again. Now since this is 2009, and the young bride probably hasn't been raised to recognize the signs of graceful society, she might be forgivven if she doesn't come around. But I think that through time, she may well come to recognize you as a wonderful person, and since you go to the same church you may still have opportunities to share the wisdom of your experience with her.

Lindac said: I have never heard of anyone calling a member of the opposite sex and saying" Say, what are you doing three weeks from tomorrow? I have a wedding to go to and even though you don't know anyone, would you like to be my date?" And Joann replies: Wow! *I* have - I've done it and I've had it done to me, as have virtually all my friends when they've been single, at one time or another. And I watch my younger, single friends do it now. Seems just par for the course, to me. I've seen it done on television shows like "L.A. Law" and "Friends," too, which makes me think it's a pretty common part of American society. Of course, this is one area where I disagree with my idol, Miss Manners. I not only think there's nothing the least bit tacky about inviting your single guests to bring a date - even a casual date - I think it's a terrific thing for you to allow them to have someone to sit with at dinner in the midst of what will certainly be almost all couples, and, maybe more importantly, someone to dance with. In spite of Miss Manners' assertion, which I've heard from other people (usually older, married women), that weddings are a great place to meet people of the opposite sex, I have never found that to be the case. And, in decades of asking couples, "So, how did you meet?" I've never once heard, "At a wedding." When I was single and not asked to bring a date, I can tell you that weddings weren't a whole lot of fun. Well, maybe when I was in my early 20's and my friends ran in a pack, but that's about it. And I'm outgoing, and have no problem sitting by myself and talking to new people. It's the dancing that used to get to me, to the point that I generally just left when it started, if I wasn't allowed to bring a date. Getting to dance once or twice with a friend's husband while everyone else dances as much as they like isn't my idea of fun. Neither is standing by the bar, drinking. I never made a big deal out of it, I just ducked out after dinner. As to the times when I've been someone's date at a wedding where I know no one, that never bothered me in the least. I figured that most of the invited guests were unknown to one side of the family or the other - it wasn't as though everyone knew one another except for me. I just hung out with my date and talked with his friends. I never like the way that dates are referred to as "random strangers," either. It's not as though you're opening your wedding to people off the street. They're the friends of your friends and family. When I have parties at my home and invite single friends, I always tell them to "feel free to bring a date, if you like," and wouldn't have the slightest hesitation in doing that at a wedding. And I'd even write "and guest" on their invitations, unless I knew they were seeing someone special. "And guest" has been around for at least 30 years now. I think it will stick around for a long time to come. And I think that's a good thing!

No, no, NOT "Mrs. Jane Smith"--this indicates that her mother is divorced, not widowed. (though, maybe she is) If she follows etiquette strictly, and her mother is a widow and never divorced her dad, the invitation would say: Mrs. John Smith request the honour of your presence And THAT includes him on the invite, right there. Or, The honour of your presence is requested at the marriage of Catherine Anne Doe daughter of Mary Doe and her late husband, John to Mr. Walter Fritz Mondale (why him? I have NO idea; his name just popped into my head)

I have a dear friend who had an ornament made with our wedding invitation and gave it to us for our first Christmas! It is beyond special to me. She also had it done with my children’s birth announcements. <3 They are some of my very favorite ornaments on the tree. This thread also reminded me of an unusual gift we received for our wedding. There was a cute couple who were friends with dh’s grandparents so obviously older and had known the family & dh for years. The husband’s hobby was clock-making. You can see where this is going....he fashioned a wall clock in a case and his sweet wife laboriously painted watercolor flora all over my invitation (lol, she told dh’s gma “those children had the PLAINEST invitation!” it was engraved Roman font on a simple Crane off-white, so yes, plain ;) ) They put the clock face sort of over the invitation, you know. Anyway, the love for my dh that these folks put into this project truly touched me, so even though it wasn’t “to my taste, decor-wise,” I couldn’t part with it. Which is fortunate bc several years later, they were attending the theater in the city with their son, and wanted to drop by to see us! Dh’s mom had given us the head’s up that these spry 85 year olds were heading our way...and I fished that clock out of a box in the back of our spare room closet! No time to hang it so I gingerly had it perched on our sideboard, lol. So glad I saved it bc it REALLY made them happy to see it used. :)