Thanks to all for your insights and experiences. It really helps. This post is a bit long because I thought I'd share more about our build and our decision-making process. The builder and I made some progress yesterday. I discovered he did bid out the pieces and had three quotes on each major component from various subs he has worked with over the years. We reviewed them together. He went with the lowest. However, he had miscalculated the overall square footage (100 sq feet too much). Now, after talking to the subs, the bid is a bit lower. The GC had also added an extra 5% for each line item to cover problems which might arise plus included a separate reserve fund. Actually, that's ok with me as I would rather estimate on the high side than be surprised and be forced into a home equity loan. We're doing the remodeling, addition, and pool in cash and I want to keep it that way. My big cost concern was the framing labor. The framers are doing more than just framing. They'll also be installing all the windows and doors, inside and outside trim, and painting. I don't know why he didn't communicate this during our earlier discussion. The current house is a combo of brick/wood and we're using Hardi-Board as our siding choice, a more expensive choice. We hope to replace the wood siding on the rest of the house with Hard-Board as soon as our budget recovers. We also cut the roof budget and the HVAC budget. As recommended here, I pulled out some pieces of the job that I can GC myself...mainly finishing work. I found flooring at half the estimated cost so we're going with my guy. I cut the paint budget to builder's white and will go back and repaint with my chosen paints. We can paint. The closet finishing was cut to the bone, as in "give me a rod". It's one thing I know how to do myself. I have no confidence in my ability to GC framing or plumbing and other big pieces and am not sure I can learn enough fast enough. I started this project with a very clear idea of what I wanted. I want this to be my last house. Of paramount importance was to build a house that was aging-friendly and could be retrofitted easily to accommodate age-related disabilities. For example, the walls in our separate toilet area are being reinforced now for future grab bars if needed. No steps and all transition areas incorporate universal design. Layout, doors, faucets, laundry...almost everything has been designed for age-related disabilities and keeping a person in the home, as long as possible, with the aid of home health care services. The toilet area is placed very specifically to ensure an easy transition from bed to bath in the middle of the night with few risks for accidents. Having moved and nursed two sets of aging parents into nursing homes, we have a pretty good idea of what it takes to keep people in their homes as long as possible. It goes beyond traditional universal design concepts. Now, watch me get taken out by a bus. We've been planning this for three years trying to decide between a new build or adding onto an existing house. This spring the right existing house, in the right location, at the right time, at the right price made the decision for us. Our next decision was to go with an architect or go design/build. We interviewed two architects. One of them scared the hooey out of me. He was very focused on redoing the entire facade of the house with stone work and a turret! I felt he had not listened to a word I said and would be very intent on fulfilling his vision instead of mine. The other architect spent more time talking about all the permitting problems we might encounter than the actual design. By the way, our permit sailed through, with one minor delay. Cost was also a factor. The architects quotes were 15-18% of the total cost for a small addition plus $175-250 per site visit. I do see the wisdom of using an architect but the price made me very nervous. Maybe that was a mistake on my part but almost everyone I know here goes design/build. That's what we decided to do. The architect fees for design/build ran about $4000. This included using an expediter to get the permit through. One of the problems we ran into in our initial planning for this project was the lack of timely responses from the builders we interviewed.. We are working within a certain time frame. I wrote a very detailed scope of work and prepared a super-detailed spreadsheet for my interviews. The three contractors I interviewed pretty much quoted the same price per square foot. I understand that talking price per square foot isn't completely realistic and that adding to the current can be more expensive than building new. I gave each one my spreadsheet and asked for a detailed estimate. The GC we are working with was the only who got back to us within 30 days. Given the downturn in housing, we thought we'd hear back from everyone pretty quickly. That didn't happen. Still hasn't. This GC has an excellent reputation and we have a pretty good rapport. We haggle and disagree but it's always civil. He's been working on some remodeling of the existing home and the work has been high quality and on budget. I also like and trust the subs he's employed to date...except that they keep drinking the bottled water in my fridge when my back is turned. If that's the biggest problem I have, then I have no problem. Many of the same crew will be working on the addition. Over the weekend, I had a pretty frank conversation with a builder/friend who couldn't take our work due to his schedule. He feels the cost of the project with the current cost cutting is about 10% more than he could deliver if he could take it on. He said our GC has an excellent reputation for quality work, tends to be more expensive, but does deliver on budget, once we've haggled our way through it. My friend also said that many of the custom builders here are still running very high in pricing and if they come in low they'll likely play games to make up for it. He did remind me to keep in mind that I'm building a single story addition which always costs more than a two-story. My friend also agreed with many of you that I should pull chunks and take care of it myself. We halted the remaining remodeling work in the current house which I'll finish off plus cut out chunks of the addition project. My time and labor is worth the dollar savings up to a certain point. The decision my husband and I face is to stop the process, go out to other builders, hope they respond, and blow our time frame with hopes for a better result or pay (literally) for our time constraints and continue with a reduced budget. We're leaning towards the latter. The DC housing economy has slowed but incomes are very protected here from recession here compared to the rest of the country. We are also facing a builder backlog because the weather has been so miserable with rain for the last couple of months. The one thing I don't get is why all the building folk talk about price per square foot on initial interviews but don't give you all the caveats. I think that's why I was so stunned when we actually looked at hard numbers. Even during this downturn, it's hard to get return calls. We've now got the cost for the addition down to $140,000 from $160,000 which is $213/square foot. Given our high-end bath, we may be approaching reasonable. The good news is that we are increasing the house from a 3 bedroom/2.5 bath to a 4 bedroom/3.5 bath which should increase our value (and tax assessment). Although, I hope to stay in the house until they carry me out. I must admit the Master Bath is driving up this price. It is the only area we planned to truly splurge. For those of you who are interested, here is our budget. Due to health reasons, neither of us can use a hot tub to relax those old muscles so went with a steam shower to help with muscles, allergies, and skin conditions. Master Bath 12'x12' Overall  5'x5' Steam Shower  5'x5' Separate Toilet Area  Separate Vanities. - No Bathtub- One Window, Main Entry Door, Another door to the very large combined Master Closet/Laundry space. Steam shower Generator/Control Kit  Mr. Steam - $3200 Stream Shower Lights  Mr Steam - $600 Rain Shower head  Moen - $600 2 Hand Held Spray showers - $700 Glass Door with seals - $1200 2 Grab Bars - $200 Kerdi Moisture Proof Barrier Kit - $900 2  36" Vanities with Medicine Chests  Merillat stock - $2000 Vanity Tops  Blue pearl Granite - $800 2 Faucets  Moen - $700 Tile  entire bath - $4300 Tile/Labor - $3000 Plumbing - $7000 (to bring from main house  most work done in a crawl space) Total Bath - $25, 250 Live wire oak  if you've made it this far, thanks for the reality check. You're right on the money. MyDreamHome  I agree with the difficulty figuring out the home building business. I'd rather face the dentist without anesthesia. If I had infinite time, I'd run down more of this myself but between work, kids, other family, life stuff, there's only so much one can do. Luckily, I work from home and can take on the smaller components. Actually, we're not in the house yet. We wanted to finish the current remodeling work and get the addition underway before we move in. We sold our other home in 2005 and have been renting and saving for this home. Our lease ends in August. Sniffdog, Congratulations on making it through. I'm so glad you like your steam shower. We've rarely used used the jacuzzi tubs in other homes and hope the steam shower is a good idea. The Bathrooms Forum was invaluable when we started thinking about the shower. Thanks to all....now over to the Pool Forum

KHoene- You can do this!!! We are building our third house now and I can honestly say it is not rocket science. If you are well organized and have good communication skills, there is no reason you can't save yourself a big chunk of money by being your own general contractor. There are lots of great resources complete with sample contracts available on line to help you. http://www.buildahouseyourself.com/ is one that I've used myself. Don't get me wrong, contractors do make things easier for the builder. We have many friends who are contractors and my husband has worked with contractors for over 20 years with his work. But most just follow a step by step process and stay on top of things. One just this week was saying how people can save themselves a lot of money just by doing what he does for themselves. A friend of mine who is a stay at home mom was the general contractor for their home two years ago and they saved a lot of money and had NO problems. Their home is beautiful and she had never done anything like that before. She was just extremely organized and on top of things. You know what your skills are better than any of us. Time to oversee the project and make sure that everything is completed appropriately and timely will be the most difficult aspect of the process. Good luck on your adventure!!!

GC's charge mark ups, that is how they make their money. they should be charging, they are performing a service. if you do not want the hassle of dealing with multiple vendors you hire a GC and you will pay a markup. the benefit of this approach is if the vendor screws up, it is the GC's fault and they need to absorb the error, not you. in my case that included a bad counterop install that was expensive to re-do. if you want to deal with vendors directly, yes you might save soem money IF all goes well, and you will spend time finding, supplying and overseeing vendors. if they screw up it will be your problem. the best approach often is determined by size of job. smaller jobs may be fine with a handyman. depends on your level of expertise.

I'm not saying I'll kick him off the job at all. but if he doesn't act in a reasonable manner when I tell him that he can't charge me for airspace and provide a good reason why he needs more money, I have options. honestly I don't know anyone who is patient enough to wait 9-12 months past promised end date ... I'm very understanding and reasonable. but I think I've had enough BS and if he can't put the finishing touches on the house, which has been in this finishing phase for 9 months, I have got to get somebody else who can.