Mom with dementia upset about move
netty_73
13 years ago
Featured Answer
Sort by:Oldest
Comments (66)
netty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agodadoes
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoRelated Discussions
A discussion about dementia
Comments (87)We are dealing with my father who has had signs of vascular dementia for a few years as in being forgetful. He has some health issues which has landed him the hospital with an infection in his leg which traveled through his blood stream. He has been so weak, he can no longer walk and get to the toilet without assistance. Up to a day ago, he had a pick line with antibiotics still. He was sent to a rehab hospital where he refused medication, refused rehab and pulled out his pickline. He wants to go home, but my mom can not care for him at home. He was discharged to a skilled nursing center with an excellent rehab facility on Friday night and we have hired Home Instead to have people sit with him at night. He is extremely angry, uncooperative, threatening to take us all to court because he wants home care at home. He is cussing out the Home Instead people at night and calling us at all hours of the night asking why he is there and is unable to hear any logic due to paranoia(we are all out to get him) and/or stubbornness, but until he starts cooperating, it's hard to get him home. Such a catch22. Just looking for advice. I live out of town and for the last few weeks, I have been going up to support them, but it is wearying. Not sure if this is dementia or he is just being self absorbed....See MoreNew here and need some help with Mom moving in
Comments (9)You better buckle your seat belts cause it's gonna be a bumpy ride. I'm glad overall that I took my MIL in but it certainly has taken a lot of adjusting. The best advice I can give you is set some boundries now, and be prepared to change them as time goes on. Give her ( if possible) her own living space separate for yours. We are lucky enough to have two bedrooms and a bath on one end of our home that we have converted into an "apartment" (she calls it that) for her. She has a bedroom and a sitting TV type room and it has her furniture from her home in it arranged the way she likes it.(usually messy) She can get up and watch tv at all hours of the night if she wants, talk on the phone or do whatever in her space. She has her own bathroom full her of her stuff.( older people seem to have a lot of lotions and ointments and such for some reason) I no longer allow her to cook because she set fire to the kitchen 3 times but she is allowed to use the micro ( with supervision--she has been known to punch in 15 minutes to warm a roll). At night I unplug this stuff because she does get up a lot. She isn't doing this stuff to be spitefull or naughty--she just has lost the ability to think and reason. You cannot be angry or upset because she truly cannot help what she has become. When she first moved in it was stressful because she loved her things and would often remove my pictures and pillows to replace with her stuff. It really bugged me. Now she has a place that she can have her things and I can still have mine. As far as food choices, she's been with us for two years now and seems to enjoy what I cook. If she has a craving for something special I'm always willing to fix it for her and let her help me do the prep if she can. The dementia, physical weakness and mobility have really limited her on what she can do. She likes to sometimes sit in the kitchen while I cook just to have some girl talk. (thats another story--Ive been having the same "girl talk" for two years now--she forgets what she tells me) There are gonna be days that you will be so frustrated that you cant breath and you want to go screaming in the woods. This will consume your life. Eventually everything you do will have to be planned around her. Think long and hard about taking this on. For us it started out that "MOM was a little ditsy and had to stay with us after Dad died. She certainly had more ability to care for herself then. Be fully prepared to deal with the situation if they start to loose those abilitys--chances are they will. I wish you a lot of luck with this. Let us know how it's going for you and remember this site is a great place to ask or vent or rant. BELIEVE ME--it has been my saving grace to have a place to go where people understand what it's like....See MoreUpset about design fee- am I unreasonable?
Comments (30)SAS, the attitude you describe is, in my experience, prevalent in the ID business. It seems a lot of folks have trouble reconciling the concept of luxury goods and value (maybe this means most luxury goods are poor value!). I also agree with the OP that it is the principle more than the cost. Nothing enrages me more than the sense that people are ripping me off "because they can". I've told the story before about the guy who quoted an AV system for our house. First he kept asking if I wasn't sure that I wanted every kid to have an AV system (I am totally sure, mister ... I don't want AV zombies). Then, when he gave me the quote, I asked him (perfectly nicely, I promise) some clarifying info about the pricing. He declined to answer and then withdrew his quote! Ahh the cast of clowns and criminals that one had to deal with in this industry! That said, IDs do hold the keys to all of the "to the trade" goodies, which I personally could not decorate without. Moreover, they do know the rudiments of scale and traffic flow and have a sense of color. I have picked some of that up but still need help with it. Lastly, a really good ID knows where to find good labor and how to manage it......See MoreHow to explain ex step mom has moved on?
Comments (11)It sounds as if this kid wants to maintain an attachment with his dad's ex's and if the ex tried to schedule time with him, she should not have been told no. This kid seems to have been put through a lot of women in and out of his life and he may have trouble with trusting because of it. Even the one that he said was mean... he wants some sort of acknowledgment that it meant something. So far, all he sees is that the women in dad's life come & go... I wouldn't cut off one that hasn't cut him off. I might explain that people move on with things in their life, like new relationships & jobs, but that doesn't mean she doesn't love him any less... and maybe now she can only see him occasionally. Can't they exchange phone numbers or email & keep in touch that way? I know it's hard for you to have your DH's ex, who isn't even the mother to his child, in the picture at all. But, if she isn't interfering in your new life together, I would look at it like his long lost aunt that he wants to see him a few times a year. (the key words "AS LONG AS SHE ISN'T INTERFERING" in your life) And I would also tell her that if she makes plans, she needs to KEEP the plans because it hurts the child if she cancels & it disrupts YOUR life, which IS interfering. And I'm sorry if this sounds mean, but your feelings are not as important as the child's feelings... in this regard: You are an adult. You are capable of thinking rationally and objectively. He is a child. He has had more than his share of women come & go, he may not really believe you are permanent. The fact that he asked about her after a long period where you thought he had moved on, only shows that he still thinks about it after all this time. He may not talk about it, but he will continue to think about it and wonder if relationships are just temporary things.. his parents marriage was.. his dad's ex's were.. maybe his mom has had a few too.. For that reason, I think it's important for you to put your (valid) feelings aside and do what you can to facilitate a relationship to continue between the child and his exSM......See Morerickyrosy
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agonetty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agonetty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarrie630
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agosushipup1
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agonetty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarrie630
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agosushipup1
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarrie630
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agosushipup1
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarrie630
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoblitzyblond_protege
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agonetty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoblitzyblond_protege
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agonetty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoshambo
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoasolo
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agonetty_73
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agocarrie630
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agobrownthumbia
13 years agolast modified: 9 years agoCandushka
9 years agolast modified: 9 years agonaniloa123
8 years agograndmamary_ga
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agograndmamary_ga
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agograndmamary_ga
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agofoodieoma
8 years agoCA Kate z9
8 years agofoodieoma
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agoCA Kate z9
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agofoodieoma
8 years agomililani50
8 years agonaniloa123
8 years agocacocobird
8 years agomaifleur01
8 years agoAnne Olivero
7 years agoAnne Olivero
7 years agoJody
6 years agostacylong1
6 years agomaifleur01
6 years agojerianns
6 years agomaifleur01
6 years agoehocker
last month
Related Stories
LIFESo You're Moving In Together: 3 Things to Do First
Before you pick a new place with your honey, plan and prepare to make the experience sweet
Full StoryLIFERetirement Reinvention: Boomers Plot Their Next Big Move
Choosing a place to settle in for the golden years? You're not alone. Where boomers are going and what it might look like
Full StoryLIFETips for Moving Into a Smaller Space
Downsize with less compromise: Celebrate the positive, pare down thoughtfully and get the most from your new home
Full StoryGARDENING GUIDESA Mom, a Garden and a Gift for the Neighbors
Gardening can be therapeutic in unexpected ways. See how one gardener found peace and purpose in a patch of Florida soil
Full StoryHOME OFFICESRoom of the Day: A Happy Home Office in Atlanta
Lively colors and separate areas for tasks and fun put a relaxed spin on a mom’s workspace
Full StoryMOVINGMaking a Home Away From Home
Feeling like a stranger in a strange land? These tips can help ease the transition after a big move
Full StoryLIFEA Therapist’s Guide to Dealing With Conflict at Home
Piles of laundry and dirty dishes are a part of cohabitating. Here’s how to accept it and move forward
Full StoryLIFE10 Steps for Saying Goodbye to Sentimental Objects
Are keepsakes cluttering your space and your life? Consider this approach for letting go and moving on
Full StoryGARDENING FOR BUTTERFLIES3 Ways Native Plants Make Gardening So Much Better
You probably know about the lower maintenance. But native plants' other benefits go far beyond a little less watering and weeding
Full StoryLIFEDo You Live in Your Childhood House?
Tell us about the home you grew up in — whether you live there now or not — and share your pictures!
Full Story
shambo