Barb, although the situation sounds so difficult, I'm glad your son got to experience it first hand. His going on the visits with you will relive you of a lot of pressure.

I think you're right about the nudity incident. If it had been serious, a real case of exposure with the police involved, you would have been called. Something happened, but you may never know exactly what it was. It could have been as innocent as a caregiver reminding your father to put some clothes on before he heads out of his room.

Something similar happened to my mom. One of the male residents ended up in her room at around bedtime. He only has his underwear on and was trying to get into her bed. The caregiver came and took him away. But before he left, he kissed my mom. It was obvious to the caregiver and even my mom, that the poor guy thought my mother was his dead wife. Sadly, you never know what the demented mind is up to.

My mom has told me a couple of times that the place did not serve breakfast or lunch. I know it's all a mistake. She either forgot she ate or she wandered down to the dining area at some odd time during the day when meals were not being served. The caregivers always herd the residents down to meals, so I know she just isn't remembering things correctly.

Take care. I know how upsetting this can be. When I saw my mom a few days ago, the first thing out of her mouth was that she had been locked in "this place" all week. She wanted to get out so she could go home. Sound familiar?

She wanted to get out so she could go home. Sound familiar?
Oh Yes, dad walked outside with us when we were leaving.
We stood there for a few mintues with him and then told him he had to go back inside. That was very hard to do. Like your telling your kids to get back inside but in this case it's sad.
I know it's hard for him to be left in there but I know how he is and I can't handle taking him out on my own. He would demand for me to take him home and he might even grap the wheel. So he has not been out with me since he's been placed in the home.

Barb

My heart aches for you. My Mom has been in nursing care for over 3 years. Didn't plan on it but things happen. There was no way I could continue to care for her, my handicapped brother and my own dd who was 9 at the time.
I've watched her get worse mentally even though the issue was always physical before. She has been in a wheelchair for over 7 years and relied on it for 3 years before that to a degree. She has no hip to speak of etc. She is now convinced that I can take her home if she can walk. She has had several falls trying to get out of her chair. Many times when I visit she tries to scoot out of bed. Amazing what they can do when the desire overrides their ability.
My oldest brother has been oblivious but in the last couple of months he too has been there more to see more of what actually goes on. I hear similar things like aides being unkind, not eating etc. I know she isn't being mistreated but we all know it's nothing like home. She's 86 now and I've watched the changes. She can't talk well because of a stroke like illness, she can't see because of detached retinas and she can't hear well, is incontinent, the whole nine yards. Up until about 4-6 months ago she got pleasure and peace from her prayers, saying her rosary and watching the news. Now, I don't know that she does any of that.

I've rambled on but it's somewhat comforting to know that we aren't alone in our situations and whatever guilt, unhappiness or sadness we feel is normal. Still struggle with it but hopefully it makes us stronger in the end.
I hope your family continues their support of you and I wish you peace.

Sis

My 85 year old mother-in-law made it sound like she didn't get served dinner at her assisted living recently. After I asked a bunch of probing questions, it turned out that she slept through it and woke up about 8 pm. She claims they don't come to remind her for meals, but we've seen them do it when we visit.

You really wonder if they actually do believe this stuff themselves, or are just trying to throw a pity party.

Been very busy but doing ok. I finally got to see the grand kids ages 14 and 10. I took them to see great grandpa and he thought my granddaughter was my daughter. So the dementia is getting worse, other than that he's doing good.
How are you doing? Thanks for checking up on me.

Barb

Glad to hear from you. Have been concerned because of the stress you have been going thru. Sounds like your Dad maybe settling in or on good behavior because the the kids.