Mike, I'm sorry, but you're out of luck here. We had over 12" of rain on either April 28th or 29th, followed by more rain most days for the next two weeks, so my garden is a wreck. The zinnias, which were 4" or 5" tall when the 12" of rain fell are still 4" or 5" tall and aren't growing at all because they are so waterlogged. Most years, I'd have zinnia plants 2' tall and in full bloom by Memorial Day, but not with this year's weather. Even my poppies and larkspur are rotting and collapsing because of the wet ground. I hope folks who've had better weather can help you out and feel horrible that I can't. Good luck with the wedding. Dawn

I Thank God everyday that this wonderful man entered her life! I told Christy if he didn't marry HER...I was gonna ask him to marry ME! I was determined to keep him in the family!LOL I also told Christy that some people marry for love...some marry for money..but Danny married her because I was going to make such a great Mother-in-Law!!! My MIL set the example of the perfect MIL from the day DH and I married. If I'd custom ordered my MIL..she still wouldn't have been a wonderful as the one I have!

Hi, I think we're going to have to presume a "worst case scenario" here for the sake of argument, to get at the roots of this dilemma, and clarify the issues. (But we can certainly hope for the best!) Worst case scenario: Daughter tells you ---for whatever reason (BM interference or her own personal feelings)--- "no way", she won't consider inviting them and she wants only you there. Your decision now is whether or not you go solo. I feel very strongly that you should, and I'm going to explain why via responding to your list of concerns one by one: "1 - My fiancee is very family oriented and has gone out of her way to bring us together as a family" That's fantastic, and to me is evidence that this situation ---even in the worst case scenario--- will work out fine b/c if she's very family-oriented she will understand that you need to go to your daughter's wedding with or without her, as this is an extremely important day for her and b/c your kids have recently expressed their need for you to be there for all of them. I don't think I need to tell you that if you, as her father, were not present for her wedding, especially after the recent conversation about "being there" in general, that would definitely spell the end of that relationship at great loss to you and she. But it is not going to spell the end of what sounds like a great relationship with fiancee and kids if they don't go. It's the most important day of your daughter's life but one family function out of many to come with your fiancee and her kids. "2 - If my fiancee finds out that she and her kids were not invited, my fear is that she would feel rejected and possibly think it was her and call off our future so that I can be closer to my kids." Again, I really don't think that's going to happen, based on how family-oriented she is. And the way she feels about it can be somewhat modified by how you present it to her and what you do for her to ensure that even if she feels rejected *by your daughter* that she is not rejected by *you*. You might even be able to soften the blow of rejection altogether (i.e. "ex-wife's relatives are being crusty and old-fashioned about this and don't consider fiancee part of the 'family' until you're married...it's nothing personal", or "the guest list was made a long time ago and they can't change it" or "this wedding won't be the last chance we'll have to be together as a family and forge family bonds"). Yes, she'll probably still be able to detect that there's opposition to her being there behind whatever excuse you give, but then she has a choice: push it or not? A matter, for her, of picking battles. She's still relatively new in this situation and also would be well aware that if she pushes coming, she would be putting you in the same "middle" spot of having to choose that others may be attempting to do. She's most likely not going to want to do that, nor take the gamble that an ultimatum will fail. She'll probably decide to let this one roll off and do her best to form family bonds at future functions. And then you can further help the situation by encouraging/arranging plenty of those future family functions. "3 - My kids seem to like my fiancee but have not gotten close to my fiancee's kids" What are the age differences? Also, if they haven't seen each other but a few times, and never alone, they probably haven't had the chance to build bonds just yet. Especially because the blending of families is always an ambivalent thing and takes plenty of time. As I wrote above, this wedding will not be the only chance for the new family members to be together and grow closer. "4 - No, I did not have an affair with my fiancee before I divorced. I think my ex-wife still have not gotten over the divorce nor admits we had problems while we were married for 19 years. She has also stated that she doesn't ever want to meet my fiancee." Well, that is her issue to deal with. Hopefully she will be an adult and not continue to pressure her daughter to make an "either/or" choice which bio parent she wants at the wedding, thereby also setting the stage for others to possibly insist you make such a choice. Maybe BM will remove herself from the equation if she really can't handle co-existing at the same geographical location for the sake of her daughter's important rite of passage. But unfortunately we can't count on her rising to this level and certainly not her backing out. So you have to make a firm decision on what you will do regardless of what BM does. 5 - Yes, I'm paying a large portion of the wedding but this is not a leverage that I care to use - it is not a financial exercise. To me, it is all about bringing together my old and new family as closely as possible. I desperately need this.... I really hope your daughter and/or BM will be gracious adults and not exclude their soon-to-be-new family. But even if they refuse, this one event is not the last chance ever to bond, and is not insurmountable as a slight if you handle it well and make an effort to be as inclusive as possible in the future. Remember: your daughter's exclusionary behavior in this instance doesn't have to keep YOU from being all-inclusive. Hopefully, it might even encourage her to be more inclusive in the future, once she sees how welcoming you and fiancee are to her and those bonds continue to be formed over time.

Yep. You're far too sensitive on this one. This ring is nothing to you. However it means something to the girl. I have a hunch she has not had it long and she'll soon put it in a jewel box. Ignore it. It's hers and something special to her that represents her beginnngs. You've been with her father for five years, it's no threat to you. Make a stink over it and it will become one. And for the record, my children were given my similar type items (ring, earrings ect) from my first marriage...it's no big deal. One adult child had stones from earrings and a necklace reset and wears it all the time. yeah, it get it surprised you and that to you you feel the ring should be banished (destroyed, just like the marriage was) and never to see the light of day again. You'd like the ring to poof just like the marriage did, new start, new beginning, no signs from the past... But the threat exist only in your head. That marriage ended long ago, think of the ring on the chain as nothing more than a piece of jewerly that belongs to the child. It's nothing to your BF, don't let it become a sore point. It's nothing to be jealous of, resent, and/or get all angry and upset over. Her mother and father were once married and created her, it's a present of her beginnings from (I assume) her mother. To the child it means something, to you, it's nothing. Let it go.