sue - yeah, we go to the beach all winter long too - weekend here and a weekend there. Someday I hope we have a house there. The beach is beautiful all year - the entire maine/nh coast is beautiful all year though. It's the most beautiful place in the world - Nubble on a stormy day with the water crashing up? The giant mansions that line the coast in Rye? (we used to "pick" out those houses as kids, which were mine, which were my brothers) But I'm a summer beach girl at heart and to walk around with sand between my toes and the sun out, and a good outside shower at the end of the day...ahhhh...and the smell of the marsh at night and the sound of the waves...

First, let me CONGRATULATE you for realizing this is not working and will never work for you. That is something that many, myself included, never realize before it's too late. Tell him one final time, via letter, then: Stop answering his calls and/or emails. Period. Never, ever answer or engage him in any way again. This will just make him think there's a chance he can get back into your life. Do not speak to him and give him the opening to wear you down and make you feel guilty about not trying again. That is why I suggest the letter. A few other observations, and these are red flags that you have probably already seen, but just in case: 1. "He's been married twice already." HUGE red flag! No matter what he's told you about his ex wives, there is a reason he has two exes. Don't sign up to be ex #3. (I was wife #2, and he's got #3 lined up. I wish I could warn this poor woman, but she'd never listen. He is controlling, and verbally and emotionally abusive. He did not start this until after I married him.) 2. "I am trying to wave all sorts of red flags, and this man is not understanding what I'm telling him." Another huge red flag. He DOES understand, but he is refusing to respect your thoughts, feelings, and boundaries. That type of treatment manifests itself in so many awful ways if you continue a relationship with this kind of person. 3. "Helping me go through my "issues" Um, you don't have any issues! You simply and wisely realize that this is not for you. He thinks he can show/teach/change you, against your already stated desires. Red flag for a controlling personality. 4. "I don't want to be the source of more pain to them, but I have to look out for myself and my future as well, and this situation doesn't make me happy." Follow your gut! You are absolutely right, you have to look out for YOURSELF and your future. You are not happy! Embrace your feelings because they are saving you YEARS of future anguish. It's hard to be a source of pain to someone, but what's the alternative? Marry this guy and ruin your life? I won't even go into the stepmother issue, there's plenty of that to read on other threads here.

"his ex hates my husband she is not sad they they are not together. She likes to cause trouble though." I didn't mean that she is pining away for him, but you said, "My husband was fooling around with the mother of his other child for years on top of everything to start off. I stayed with my husband because I believe in love and 2nd chances." & I thought you are saying that he was fooling around with the mother of this 8 year old & if he was doing that while he was seeing you, then yes this child saw his parents 'together' at least in some way, unless they were so sly that they hid it from their own child. And even if the mother hates him & is not sad, that does not mean she does not let her son know how angry she is (anger is also a feeling that is much easier to express than hurt, so who knows if she truly hates him or is hurt he finally ended it with her and married you) but I'm sure the child picks up on those feelings because children are little sponges & know more than most people give them credit for. If mommy is angry all the time at daddy, of course it's going to affect how he feels about daddy's house & the new wife, baby, etc. "I think that it's good to be proactive and encourage my stepson to be nice to my son. I don't try to force it upon him. To me to encourage him to love his brother should be a good thing. I agree that yes he is eight and may be frustrated which is understandable. I just don't think that it should be ok that he takes it out on my 2 year old son. If their our any mothers out there you know how you are protective over your children no matter who it might be. If it was my neice , my friend son. I would not stand them to be nasty to my children." If you want to protect your 2 year old, then never allow the 8 year old to be alone with him. It's THAT simple. If dad refuses to acknowledge the problem, then it rests with YOU to protect the baby & make sure he's always in your sight when big brother is around. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be a happy little family, but if he (the 8 year old) does not want that, it is going to backfire to force it. I believe he does know right from wrong & he has anger, resentment issues... maybe from how his mother expresses, directly or inadvertently. He is manipulative if he changes face when dad comes around the corner & I agree with Sylvia that is a dangerous child that does that. (reminiscent of "the good son") Lovehadley has a great point that leaving is probably not the best idea since the child only comes over every other weekend and leaving could place the younger child in jeopardy when he would visit. The bottom line is that unless mom & dad are willing to work together to find out why their son is so aggressive & deal with it, then the only solution is to never allow your baby to alone with him. Yes, he was part of the package as you & your kids were part of a package, but YOU and your DH accepted each other's package... the kids don't get a choice. He didn't choose the package so how can you expect him to accept you as you've accepted him. You are the adult.

How I Loooooove these cat stories!! I couldn't help getting a few tears in my eyes but so many more laughs!!! At 73, I can't say I ever remember a time I didn't have at least one weaving in and out of my legs, tail up, meowing either for attention or food. A few even tried to use me as a scratching post !lol My bff in IL takes in rescues, and at the moment has 21 or 22. The 100 yo historic home she bought 9 years ago came with 2 separate garages, one housing the majority of the kitties, the other is used for storage, but she always keeps the big door open a foot at the bottom, and knows *other* critters take part in the 'vittles' also. Sthe has either 4 or 5 in the house, one being a mama cat w/7 kittens, the very start of her rescue 'mission'. She gave away 2 of those kittens(after neutering!),and never stopped regretting it. They have all found a forever home with her. Her vet/food costs are insane, and when I visited in the summer we found worms in one of the litter pans, and in a two day period, took every cat into the vet to be dewormed. That was $400. It's neverending work! Whenever I call she's scooping, feeding, or rocking one of them in the old rocking chair that was moved out to the garage. She also donates to almost every animal organization known to man, even if it's only $5. She's a one-woman rescue shelter, and I wish I were closer to help. We always say we like animals more than people because animals can't help their situatuon, but people usually can.