Hey Jennifer: I did use Sluggo once but you have to re apply it often. Seemed like a pain for the cost. We have three cats that are into positively anything so I have to use any chemicals if I can help it. So last year I went out and bought a whole bunch of plastic ashtrays from the dollar store. This is for my hosta beds. Once a week I fill up the ashtrays that are hidden behind the hostas with whatever the single cheapest beer is at the grocery. At that time I might rinse out the slug carcasses or I might not. It is just as effective to pour beer in with or without dead slugs (or what's left of them) in the ashtray. I do rinse them out as needed with the hose and then put them back in place. It works great. Furthermore I like the looks on my neighbors faces when I walk around the front yard at 6 a.m. Saturday morning carrying a six pack:) Kate

I truly believe that there are some of us who are so dependent on our female hormones, that life becomes pretty bad for us, during this adjustment period. I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia shortly before I began having irregular periods, at around age 46. I developed sleep problems, IBS, migraines, severe joint and muscle pains and overwhelming fatigue. I thought it was all my fibromyalgia.....but I've talked to alot of women who seem to develop these symptoms, as they enter perimenopause. I saw tons of doctors and had tons of tests, and they were all normal. Over the past 10 years, I've learned to deal with most of the problems. The fatigue has definitely gotten better, but I still have the IBS and sleep problems. I'm sorry I don't have any good advice for you, except to be sure its nothing else going on, and then read up on fibromyalgia and what things you might do to feel better. I know menopause isn't a disease........but for some of us, it sure feels like one. I learned how to budget my energy so that I could get a few things done in the morning, when I had the most energy. I definitely had to re-assess alot of things, and stop expecting myself to be able to do what I used to. Fortunately, I had a very understanding family. I tried Wellbutrin for awhile, but it made me too nervous. Drugs like Welbutrin, Provigil might help you with your severe fatigue. But then coming off of drugs like that can be a challenge in itself. About all you can do right now is try to custom-make a plan for yourself, including diet, exercise, and alot of rest. Good luck to you.

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. For what it's worth, I was in a long marriage to an emotionally abusive man, and I also (now, not then) have a child with special needs. I can't imagine how you could possibly have dealt with all that you've been dealing with for as long as you have been. It has to have been intolerable. Don't worry about how you're "supposed to be feeling" -- Just go with what you do feel, and allow yourself to feel it. Give yourself permission to let go for a few days. If you're sure it's the right decision, then tell the kids that you're sad that you and their father could not be happy together (not sad you're splitting), and that it's important to allow yourself to feel sad for a few days -- But that you know it is the right decision and that you'll be happier next week. It might actually help to put a date on it -- I'm going to allow myself to be sad until Friday (so they don't worry too much). Then CRY. Just hug your kids and cry, and let them cry too. Then pull yourself together after you've washed out some tears and start moving forward. You may be surprised actually behow relieved you feel. More than anything else, I felt relieved, and like I finally had a chance at reaching something good. You may be scared right now, but IME, it's much easier to have NO help than to have almost no help and lots of criticism. Clearly, you've got incredible resources, and you're going to be OK -- probably better than that.

I agree with jenkins that CPS should be called, if they haven't already. The mother is an enabler of his behavior and if she continues to believe nothing is wrong, the boy will never get the help he needs. I'd get a good attorney and petition the court for supervised visits between the mother & boy and NOT stop fighting for them until the court appoints supervised visits in a neutral place by a neutral party. I would like to know though, why you are still considering marrying this man if you feel nothing but anger and disgust towards the child. Clearly, this situation will make anyone normal human being wince and feel what you have because it's abnormal and morally incorrect. But do you really think that marrying his dad will make those feelings go away? The boy isn't going to go away either just because you marry his dad. If you really have been reading posts on this board, then you probably know by now that most people who enter marriages on not the best of terms, such as yours, do not get any better. Most often, they get worse. And you already have a biological mother in denial who refuses to believe that her child has the potential of causing serious harm to another human being then exposes him to more situations that will encourage improper behavior. Are you really willing to deal with this day in and day out? Also, you never mentioned if you and his father would want children of your own when or if you marry. Could you honestly expose your child to this boy knowing that he may try to cause harm to that baby?