Your plan seems reasonably complete but I would change the order - site prep first (clearing out any existing plantings, layout of features, grading/excavating, lasagna conversion), then the hardscaping. Planting is always the last step in a landscape renovation other than any mulch application. Not sure what kind of lawn type you have now, but if a Bermuda grass, the lasagna method is not gonna work. Even digging out the sod and flipping it over and piling on other layers will not kill the Bermuda. It will remain around forever and create a huge weedy grass issue. If a Bermuda grass lawn, you will need to kill it off somehow before attempting the lasagna layering. Otherwise, I agree that mowing the lawn short is not a requirement but might make work easier. Roger's Gardens in Corona del Mar holds a 'California Friendly' gardening contest each year. These are conversions of water consuming landscapes into eco-friendly, drought tolerant but still lush and attractive waterwise and fire retardant gardens. Whether or not you choose to enter the contest, looking at their album of gardens from previous contest years could be a great inspiration. And they carry a wonderful selection of appropriate plantings. Worth a Sunday drive for a visit if nothing else ;-) And I'd suggest you post in the regional California Gardening forum your request for sources for materials. Locals will have a much better idea of directing you to appropriate vendors for your needs. Craigslist is a good resource as well. As I stated in your previous post, this is really more of a landscape design issue than necessarily one just focused on soils or organic gardening. You've got the concept nailed down pretty well..........it's only the methodology (organic or not) that is up for discussion and it is certainly possible to accomplish your intent without resorting to chemicals. But don't get too wound up in the "organic" mindset. Sometimes this terminology can get confusing and interfere with the most efficient process to achieve your intent. This is more an issue of sustainability or designing your garden to accommodate your climate with minimal input and recycling materials to create the effect you want. And the recycling can/should include the hardscaping and mulching as well as the lasagna layering. Here is a link that might be useful: California Friendly gardens

For a decorative tree, closer to the house... Rose of Sharon (Hibiscus syriacus) is a good window tree (they can be in bush or tree form) you can plant it close to your home These are great in our area and flower early summer through fall!, and you have probably seen the weeping/flowering cherries available now and you might also consider Hawthorne. Flowering and a naturally more manicured form. I know the honeylocust is overplanted, but for a backyard tree giving filtered shade and no leaf mess (leaves are so small they literally disappear). It is hard to beat the wide canopy and it is also fast growing and not weak wooded. That is probably why they are so popular. The Golden Rain (not chain) tree is also faster-growing, not weak wooded and has year round interest as the seed pods look like little laterns that hang on over the winter. Consider Linden, crabapple and the other trees recommended in the other thread if "not messy" is a priority. These don't get that large that quickly. Bur oak takes on a wonderful form with age, but I am probably not patient enough to recommend it as the centerpiece of the yard if it will take a 30+ years before it gets substantial. I still might plant it with another faster growing tree that it can replace in time. Same goes for Ginko. A beautiful tree that glows in the fall and can get quite large in time. Leaves seem to drop in one day, but they are not messy. There is a red maple that is being extolled elsewhere here. It has the Silver Maple as one of its parents, and not quite as weak wooded as the Silver with wonderful fall color. There was a poster here who has mentionedl the dawn redwood in the past. They have a great Winter sillouette. These are decidous conifers and I understand they grow quite fast. You could also try a redwood if you have the room for it. I can't comment on the messiness of these trees, but that could be a problem.

"Seeking advice for online lunatics (such as myself...lol!) is not really the best of ideas you know." I dunno....seems like a viable an alternative as many others....spill your guts anonymously to strangers and see if anything worth considering comes out of it. Even responses to trolls may have some good ideas for others within them. What's to lose? Dks27.... "I always feel so angry, depressed, lonely, and hopeless." With respect, these are your issues -- not your husband's or anybody else's. If you're resentful because your husband doesn't fix them for you, you're making a mistake. Being jealous because your husband -- and/or the rest of the world -- seems to be going on without you gets you nowhere. And certainly doesn't make him -- or anybody else -- want to be around you. Don't know how may choose to deal with it but inasmuch as your life has changed, you only have to choices: wallow in it or break out of it. From what you've written, I think the changes needed must start with you. Counselors can be good for this. Your life has changed. Your mind needs to. Get some new perspectives. If your husband is ignorant of the affair, don't tell him. Suck it up and move along from where you are.

It's been quite a while since I've posted here. Just thought I'd post an update. My gf's son moved in with us in early July. He had to sleep on an air mattress in the living room for the first month and a half, because we were in a one bedroom apartment and waiting for a bigger place to open up in our complex. That said, it was still a major environmental upgrade for him. Grandma's house had a scabies infestation, drugs and screaming matches that went on all night long. This is the reason we moved him so quickly - the more we got to know about his living conditions, the more of a hurry we were in. And, we wanted enough time to try and stabilize his mood and behavior before school started. As of now, he has his own bedroom with new (or new - used) furniture. His mother and I don't get into screaming matches, although there's occasionally enough passive aggressive tension in the air to cut with a knife. We had a pleasant enough summer. We gave him the kinds of privileges we thought he should have, and that I took for granted when I was a kid. He could go out until the street lights came on, we gave him a cell phone, he could use the computer, play video games, watch TV, etc. He has chores to do, and an allowance (which we were compelled to promise we wouldn't steal back as his grandma did). Aside from his chores and bedtime, he didn't have much responsibility. He was and is still afraid to go anywhere by himself. I find this trait to be strange, as when I was his age I rode my bike all over the place and grounding was a torment I couldn't tolerate any longer than necessary. Similarly, whenever we go anywhere together, he is pretty much right at my side the entire time. This isn't as bad anymore, but I do find it quite irritating from time to time. I imagine this is related to some abandonment issues he may have, so I usually don't say anything. We were preparing him with conversations and reminders, on occasion, that he would be expected to put forth an effort when school came around. He had been told that he had failed the 6th grade at his former school. I don't have a very high opinion of the school. It was a charter school in an old office building where a lot of trouble makers go. And, I'm convinced that the place was in business to soak up state school-choice dollars and didn't really care about the success of the students. During the last week of school, we had a conference at school during which it was decided that he was a special needs student, and that he would need additional resources for the following year. Regardless, between his teachers' attitudes and the kinds of other students which were attending, we decided to put him in a different school. Apparently, due to "no child left behind", and his status as a special needs student, his former school told the new school he should be in 7th grade, despite his academic performance in the 6th grade. So, he started the new school year at a new school, in a new home and behind academically. Now, he is a bright kid. He can learn the material, and I help him. But, because he was behind to begin with, and the fact that he learned that it was OK to act out at his old school (they would just send him home if he talked in class too much), the beginning of this year has been horrible. He doesn't want to look stupid, so he just acts goofy, pokes other students and is generally impossible to quiet. We got two calls home from the teacher on the first two days of school, and that pattern has more or less continued since then. He was suspended for a day after the teacher had had enough. We met with his teachers and principal the next day. Instead of threatening expulsion, as I had expected, they said they were determined to do whatever it took to help him overcome his behavior problems. I knew then that we had made the right decision about changing schools. As far as life at home has been during this, I would say unpleasant would be an understatement. Though, It's not any worse than it would have been for my parents. He lost all of his privileges. I have been wrestling with this issue, because I cannot, in my mind, cede any of these privileges to him without improvement. At the same time, I know how tedious life can be with nothing to do at that age. Plus, given his history with his mom not being around and his dad abandoning him, I'm afraid of what too much time alone would do to him.As an alternative approach, I decided a few weeks that instead of taking privileges away, I would have him do work. I took him up to my parents' house and had him do yard work for a few hours on Saturday. This, I figured, would at least get him outside for fresh air and sunlight (not that he's locked in the basement or something - you know what I mean). Finally, mom and son started psychotherapy. Both have a lot of issues to work through. He thinks she hates him, and that he was a mistake. He doesn't understand why she left him with "those crazy people" for so long. This is what comes out in abbreviated 13 year old exclamations, so I'm sure it's more complex than that. She's angry with herself, with her mother who convinced her not to give him up (she believes he would have had a better life with a different family). She has anger issues in general which, while significantly improved in the time I've know her, are still a challenge to handle. And, occasionally, these feelings boil over onto him. She loves him, but whenever he has problems she is reminded that he might not have them if she had done the right thing. So, in essence, he is occasionally a reminder of her failure. At any rate, the combination of help at school, counseling, consequences for bad behavior and rewards for good behavior have started to pay off. I'm still not 100% confident, but he has had some noticeable improvement over the last couple weeks. His daily reports from the teacher have been less severe, and today he brought home a report with only good remarks and corresponding grades for behavior. He has earned his cell phone and TV privileges back, and for today's report, we gave him a Bears jersey (although why he likes the Bears, I'll never understand, we live in Wisconsin.) If we can get the behavior under control, he'll hopefully absorb more classroom instruction, and we can get his grades back where they were a few years ago (he was an A student). It's a rough road, and I'm sure we'll hit some more potholes along the way. But, I think we're on the right path. I'm still not sorry for my decision to do this. I think that, although there were pros and cons for removing him from his grandmother's "care", the pros far outweigh the cons.