From your description, your son needs to be institutionalized. That or military school -- if you can get any to take him. From your description, you're over your head. Probably way over. Don't pretend you're not. Do what you have to to get him out of your house and into some professional environment where he can be dealt with. From what you've described, "helping" your son is priority #2 at this point. Protecting yourselves, your daughter, and society is #1. Don't hesitate. You've described a very dangerous boy.

Hmm Munkos, well yes, we put a new mirror in the bathroom, and rather than admire his beautiful markings in the shiny new mirror, Simba lavishes all his attention on the wall and spooks Mama late at night. Haha, our cats too weren't sure what to make of the ceiling fans the first summer. They weren't scared, though, just a lil over-ambitious - when they realised they couldn't jump high enough to catch the fan, they settled for lying on their backs and swatting up at the fan :-P You may be right, there probably was an insect (or something else of interest) in there before, and he remembers it, but then usually all three cats 'hunt' together, and Nikita should've been right up there with him with her cute lil chirps. Also, why would he do that only at night? Maybe some noise coming from the other side, but I could hear nothing - I tried last night. I can't begin to tell you how spooked I am right now - everything Simba does, everywhere he looks, I have to check out. He's also asking for more attention than before, more purring, more sucking on the tail (he does that when he's anxious and just before he goes to sleep), more 'Ma-maaaa' in top volume all around the house, when he's not yowling, he's sitting in my lap, or somewhere near me. (DH still finds it funny that I'm scared all the time; I'm thinking of dressing up as a ghost - flowing white robes and all - and waking him up while Simba's screaming his head off - maybe that will make DH take this a lil seriously. Lol) Well I'm hoping the yowling routine stops before I land a job!

My problem is not about marriage! Mine is about my eldest, who loves to degrade me, talk about me to her friends, get them to believe she knows me SO WELL, that whatever she says about me is absolutely the truth! She will tell me, she is JUST TRYING TO HELP ME,that I have problems, that no one knows about but her, then she blasted me on an internet page, (not in private) but so E1 could read it, about something I did 2 mos ago and saying the current incident is THE SAME thing but that she stood up for me anyway, when another family member I now live with said I lied,(which I didn't). Anyway,twice, she had asked me to live with her, to help me financially, after becoming disabled and was struggling but both times, it was a disaster, and of course,(I got the blame) even though I stay to myself, respect others in the home,tried not to get work dumped on me. But both times I got accused of not doing ANY of that! And of course,also, SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT! If I would have my own opinion on ANYTHING...she would correct me, telling me and others how WRONG I am! We have mutual friends and I think she is also jealous of that! One of my other daughters has told her to stay away from her and her family, that she was no longer welcome in their home because she related her husband to someone else, that he is totally not like at all. A mutual friend on an internet site, doesn't talk to her anymore, and I recently asked her why that was, and she said she HONESTLY didn't know, she just quit talking to her? I just read the post on: "TOXIC Relationships"! And believe me, most of it has been going on for about 3 plus yrs. between us. I have stopped talking to her in the past, due to this behavior toward me but if she approached me and apologized,(which isn't often but she will do it, if there's a benefit in it somewhere)...or so it seems?...I have given her the benefit of the doubt and we have started hanging out again! It's funny how the very things she accuses me of, she does herself but somehow, the WAY she does it, is still better than me! I just moved out the last time at the end of Feb 11 and moved in with another fam. member because I had no where to go. She didn't ask me to move out but it wasn't pleasant, so decided it was best for me! (all involved)!I think she's jealous as I said about a mutual friend because I had asked her to go places with me without my daughter and so? Her and I get along! my daughter has told me to SHUT UP in public and embarrased me, and our friend said "respect her, that's your Mom". And she'd say, "I'm just playing"! For some reason she had gotten into this bad habit of saying this and even has said it to her husband making him mad too! However, she has gotten over that mostly! Her and her husband had their own problems and needed help, that's ok but now that they are, she advises others, as though she's all fixed and can/should tell others their problems and "learn from this" is what she likes to say now! I have made my mistakes ,I'm human but when I did said I wouldn't do it again and didn't but this last thing she decided to advise me on was similiar but not exactly the same thing happened but she isn't SAYING it but doesn't believe me about it! And when I told her she was wrong about it and me, she just kept going on and on about it and I asked her to quit, that I can kick my own butt all by myself. That I already felt bad about the situation and her rubbing it in wasn't helping!BUT she just kept on, so I said what I had to say and decided it was best to not talk to her and had to delete her off my internet page so I don't get her messages! It's too tempting for me to reply and I just don't need her "helpful" advise or hurtful words! I have felt like crap over all this happening! This is my eldest daughter! I've asked her to respect me, even if she didn't like things I DO! I don't go out of my way to say hurtful things to her! But even in common talk, she will begin YELLING..just to say something like she's anticipating a neg. reply before I speak, so I am already on the defense myself and YELL back! It is utterly ridiculous! ANd I have never liked it! But I can't get her to see her part in it! Even her best friend said,I dont argue with her, cause she has always GOT TO BE RIGHT! And her room mate that lives with them asked me a couple of times,"Why do you argue with her, just ignore her, smile and say BLESS YOUR HEART"!(but she either tells her off or kisses her rear end) and my daug. makes extra money off her for staying there? Well back then, I didn't realize the arguing is what she wanted to prove her point as to why she is always right! But if you tell her that, she will say "No she doesn't need to be"! SO, once again, I am having to just stay away from her,& not talk to her! It feels awful! But if I say look Im done, I can't take this anymore, you won't quit, she will say, "why do you treat me so mean"? "I do everything for everyone and this is how I get treated by everybody"! Gee, I don't know..hmmm!So here I am, on the net, looking up this problem to see, if I am wrong! But from what I've read, it is on her! Her own LOW SELF-ESTEEM, and she needs to do this! OMG, this is heart-breaking to me! She had me convinced for so long, that I was just a terrible Mother and making all these mistakes. Not when she was young, she had the utmost RESPECT for me! But as an adult, she has turned against me! And I honetly don't know why! She once said, she just didnt trust ANYONE anymore after her 2nd husband molested her kids!(13 yrs.ago and lots of counciling). That is where she lost trust! I can understand that but why me? I didn't do those things! Sorry this is so long but it DOES help to get it out! Without burdening my friends and family of hearing it ALL AGAIN! AND she doesn't WANT anyone TO THINK ANY OF IT IS HER FAULT! Never, ever,NEVER!!!! SO, I guess I do just have to stay completely away!?? That is so sad!She can seem so very caring and giving but I tell you, it will benefit her in the end! I did the best I could with what I knew raising my children, I have 4. 3 girls and one son! And the others don't treat me like this! And I'm not sure she treats them anywhere near how she does me! I don't hear all their conversations! Other than the other oldest(my 2nd) telling her to stay away since Thanksgivng I think? Or just around Christmas! By the way, she is 42, not a child! Anyway, thank you for letting me vent! Don't know if anyone has any comments or has had this kind of problem but it would be nice to hear whatever will help!? Thanks... CS

I thought I would address some of your inquiries - My husband and I most definitely talked/talk about this. We both feel very similarly about the situation, but I think he is more angry because it he felt it was embarrassing and disrespectful. I have let him take the lead in the situation. The last time he spoke to her was over a month ago. I actually encourage he to talk with his sister, but she has been slowly cutting him and the rest of the family off - she changed her cell and home phone numbers and email address and didn't tell anyone. Their grandparents were in a serious car accident a couple of months ago and no one knew how to get a hold of her. I absolutely do not talk about this publicly, however I do talk with my close friends and immediate family - my husband knows what I say and to whom regarding his sister. He does not mind and understands. I don't expect her to apologize for her BF's behavior. I think it would have been nice if she had said that she was sorry that she had to leave the reception so early and that she missed such a special day in her only brother's life. I am over the lack of apology and have been for months. I think that it is really difficult to say that this is only my DH's issue, b/c I am apart of the family now. But, I most definitely differ to my DH's wishes re: what to do in handling his sister. Except I do insist on the following: we send her a Christmas card from us. I have talked to DH about my suspicions about her being in a borderline abusive relationship. They really have all the telltale signs (isolation, withdrawl, dominate personality with strong machoistic tendancies, etc.). We don't believe he is physically abusing her (yet), but we know about the signs. I think we will continue to follow her lead on the direction of the relationship, but we are most definitely vocal about the fact that we care about her and would like nothing more to at least be civil. BTW, I had a wonderful time at my wedding and reception. I didn't realize half of the things that happened were going on until after the honeymoon. My brother, DH's BM and ushers, and other loved ones worked at handling everything discreetly. I think most guests didn't even know that these things happened too. I know my Grandmothers had/have no clue. I guess we will just continue to send cards to her for her birthday and holidays, for now. I guess I just wanted to check to see if DH and I should be doing more. DH and I are extremely close to my family, and it pains me that we can't establish a good relationship with his sister. But, I think I just need to come to terms with the fact that it isn't my fault - she doesn't understand how to have a relationship with anyone in her own family. She actually makes her own Mom cry when they talk by telling their Mom that she is fat and needs to loose weight and criticises her about her hair, clothes, etc. It is awful. Jenny is really mean and horrid to all of these people who love her so much. I truly do not understand her. My DH thinks that there is something broken in his sister - they are sooo different. It is amazing that they are siblings. I believe that she has a predisposition to be mean, but that she has also attached herself to a person (her BF) who is like poison. BF has the attitude that you should only have to do what you want to do no matter what, that he and Jenny are right, if anyone disgrees "F@#! them" - sorry for the language, but I've actually heard his say this before about several people. Sigh! Well, thank you for letting me vent. I wish that there was a solution to making the situation better, but there doesn't seem to be a magic bullet. I just have to let go of the idea that all siblings and families relationships work in a particular way when certain criteria are met - it just isn't so. I wish there was an explaination for her behavior - it just doesn't make any sense to me. Yes, her Mom and Dad aren't perfect, but I think there is something really wrong and illogical to her behavior.