When is mockery NOT the best form of flattery?

15 years ago

I have to share this, if for no other reason than to vent my frustrations.

I have a neighbor who mimics just about everything we do with our yard/property, and it's to the point where they don't hold back from telling us that they're doing so.

It's like clockwork. When we do something, they do the same. Down to every detail. I can go on and on with a list of things, but it would sound petty. Here's a good example. We have a shrub next to our garage, they got the SAME SHRUB, SAME UNDERPLANTINGS in the SAME POSITION. My favorite color in my yard, guess what neighbors changed to?

Ok, so I can tolerate most of these things as they seem rather trivial to get in a tizzy over. But this is where it gets beyond annoying.

We have very subtle, classy landscape lighting in the front of our house, and guess what, neighbors had to get a 150 watt spotlight to light up their house which basically drowns out our own lighting. It's obnoxious. "Look at me and not my neighbors house!!!" is basically what it says to me. This is not flattering to me AT ALL.

We JUST completed the installation of our flagstone walkway to our patio, and guess what, neighbors want to install a flagstone walkway in the front of their house because of 'a show they watched on HGTV' (yeah, right). Again, this is in a matter of days...

I was almost offended by this one because it was so blatant: I told neighbor that I was dying to go out and get myself a climbing red rose bush - a true red rose - and guess what? Within THREE DAYS, they had a TRUE RED CLIMBING ROSE BUSH. I think I stood there with my mouth open because I didn't even know what to say. I felt like I was back in the third grade again and joey next to me was copying from my paper.

I don't claim to have a patent on plants by any means, however, I take pride in making my yard/property my own, I like to have "different" things, and I don't want visitors to see the exact same thing in my neighbors yard since we have small (less than 1/4 acre) lots. I don't want a "cookie-cutter" home.

I don't share information with them anymore, but come on...what gives?

The sad thing is they have a BEAUTIFUL home that was professionally landscaped, and they are just destroying it for the sake of destroying it. They have no idea what they are doing and I just don't understand this constant need for "competition". Is this some kind of personality defect?

On the other hand, our home was an eyesore when we purchased it, a major fixer-upper, and we've worked hard, our own sweat and blood, to make it one of the finer homes on the block. They purchased a very well kept home that really didn't need any work whatsoever. Not my business what you do with your property, but please don't mimic my own down to every last detail.

I feel like asking them to just purchase our damn house.

So at what point do you laugh, and at what point does mockery become less than flattering for you?

Tell me your worst experience.

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Comments (9)

DLM2000-GW
15 years ago
You're mixing mockery with immitation - not the same things at all. But that's just semantics - I do have an idea of your frustration with my next door neighbor but some of the issues are different and not to the extent you've described.

My advice is to get over it and move on, life is too short to get your undies in a bunch over everything your neighbor does. Buy more 'distinctive' difficult to identify plants and keep the names to yourself!!! Seriously - in the end, a well designed garden, a well tended house shows for what it is, as does a slap-dash hodgepodge look that's thrown together without a larger vision. JMO
domino123
Original Author
15 years ago
Yes, if you want to be PC then imitation is the best form of flattery, but I don't know anyone who says that. "mockery is the best form of flattery" is the phrase I'm familiar with.

Do a search on "mockery is the best form of flattery" and in probably over 90 percent of the results there are no negative connotations.

BTW - I am "over it" like I said, it was a vent session. Likewise, no need to get your "panties in a bunch" over reading someone's post.
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mail-lady
15 years ago
I understand you're frustration - everyone wants to feel their home is special and "their's". It might help you to realize they not only think your choices are much better then anything they could come up with themselves, but they lack the ability to think for themselves, and are completely missing the joy of gardening and the anticipation of the results of their own creations. The thought comes to mind for them -- Get a Life!! Do you ever think about slipping some poison ivy in some nite - and you know how the wind can carry a bit of round-up !! In all honesty, there's not much you can do about this, as you know, I'm sure. Have you mentioned to them, that the houses are looking alot alike, and you would like to try something to set them apart? Good luck, and I hope "venting" helped some. Mary
sassygarden
15 years ago
Maybe you could take her a housewarming gift, such as an unusual flower or plant...something you DON'T have. It'd be a nice gesture that might open up some communication between you all.
dlpasti
15 years ago
Next time you tell them your getting a true red rose bush and they run out and get one, plant a bright yellow one in the position of your yard where they did the red one.......
fountaam
15 years ago
I'd say it's time to concentrate on your backyard. I'd also save up for a really expensive plant or two - a wistera tree, yellow peonies..

And I'd also browse catalogs for more unusual perennials and annuals. If you use less easily available materials - well, maybe she can't copy.
bradarmi
15 years ago
I am with you on the mockery/immitation thing, that would really get under my skin. Since I am the only gardener in our neighborhood (everyone else 'landcapes" if you know what I mean) - I get violent when they tell me I need to trim my rosebushes, or the clematis should be removed since they don't flower all year like thier standard red geraniums (pelorgoniums, actually).

I almost gasped when our neighboor asked me to cut down our 25 year old ashes since they are too big and shade the street not to mention drop too many leaves in the fall - I told him thats what trees are supposed to do. I don't cut his cats head off whenever it S^iT$ in the yard - right?

I would do the following to mess with them:

1. plant poison ivy on their side of the house (ok probably not the right tihng to do but funny)

2 find out what they hate and buy several of them (pink flamingos, trolls, Greco-Roman statues, Madonna) everyone has their lawn ornament-thing they hate.

3. I like the idea of switching nursery tags (yellow to red rose, etc.) I would plant sedum and name it something long and latin that cannot be translated....Pittospiulinium macrohepatodoethenuem var. albicans sans purpurea

4. plant a prairie, they sound like control freaks and would not like a prairie since they are hard to replicate
1. tell them the next plant you plant is a division from a friend and you have no idea of the name.
virakech
15 years ago
You must be really frustrated.

"get over it" is not really good advice - I mean, you are living with it, but you ARE allowed to hate it.

I suggest you try planting a few things, and when they plant the same - take yours out and plant something else - using those plants you removed in the back or side yard. Also, direct comment of how you feel about what it appears they are doing might clear things up. It might also cause bad feelings between - but you're already feeling badly toward them.

I wonder if they do other things like other people... weird, actually - isn't it?
brenda_r
15 years ago
I wouldn't tell them any of my plans. I might also put up a privacy fence.

When is mockery NOT the best form of flattery?

Comments (9)

DLM2000-GW

domino123
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When is mockery NOT the best form of flattery?

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domino123Original Author

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domino123
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