My mother taught me to call every female "miss" unless instructed otherwise. I remember the first time I was called "maam". I was about 26 years old and it was a female cab driver .

Usually people are upset over the lack of respect these days!

"You never hear a man complain about being called 'Sir'. "

Oh yes you do. I worked at a deli/pub/grill once and I was severely reprimanded by the owner for calling male customers "sir". There were complaints. Apparently blue collar workers and college students and others like entry level hospital workers, take umbrage at being called "sir" and see it as mockery.

I get called "miss" and "ma'am", which doesn't bother me. What does bug me, is when someone much younger than me calls me "dear" or "hon".

Firemanswife -- Aw, don't feel bad. This happens to all of us. (And we all remember when, where and how it happened!)

I was "Miss" well into the early years of marriage until the day I got into a cab and the cabbie said, "Where to, Ma'am?" I just about cried! It was like night and day. From then on nobody ever called me "Miss" again. (Who gave cab drivers this power, anyway?)

I remember DS's shock the first time he was called "Sir" by some teenager only five years his junior.

I'm used to being "Ma'am". Now I object to being called "Miss" by some smarmy creep who can clearly see that I'm a Senior, but thinks he's being 'cute'.

I used to dislike it but I prefer it to "dude" now. A young man I once worked with called me "dude" and I responded "I am not a dude, I am Mrs. ______ to you". He thought that was hilarious because everyone called me Linda.

frankly i don't mind as it's some form of respect...most of the time everyone complains about the lack of please and thnk you, this is really minor...

Years ago, when I was twenty something, I had a male co-worker who was a year of two younger than me, call me son. He was from KY and I found out that he called everyone 'son', when I was around him anyway.

Having lived in the South all my life, I have always heard the terms, sir/maam. Nothing that was taught, it's just how it is. It's a respect issue and while it made me feel strange at first being called maam, I know that it is intended to be polite and that's the way I take it.

My son's friends call me Miss Tammy or Mrs. _______ , and I take it as being respectful, nothing more.

Tammy

It makes me feel old, too!!!
And it was a shocker to me, too, the first time I heard it. Was it at about the same time I started to see gray hairs popping up?

Let me tell you what does make me feel old. Last summer, my son came out into the back yard; DH was grilling dinner and we were listening to the Beach Boys on a portable CD player.

DS rolled his eyes and announced he was going back inside because he did not want to listen to "elder music".

Beach Boys? Elder music? Sheesh!! Now that made me feel old!!

Beach Boys? Elder music? Sheesh!!
I consider the Beach Boys Classics along with others from 'that' era.

I get it all the time, I live in the Dallas area. I don't like it much but figure they are just being polite. I never taught my kids to say it but I noticed when my daughter was working retail she would say it.

I spent my first nine years in Florida.We were taught to say "Sir" and "Maam". WHen I was nine we moved to Iowa where my Dad was from. When I went to school, they told us not to say that. My Dad said that we wouod say it while we were in his house. At age twelve we moved back to Miami and we taught our own children to use those terms of respect.

Would you rather be a Madam?

ole joyful

A while ago, I was in my local bank making some rather complicated transactions. The teller was a trainee (as evidenced by his large "trainee" badge). The bank branch manager was standing by supervising him.

He was clearly sweating bullets, both because he'd never done these types of transactions, and because the boss was standing over his shoulder.

When done he said "Thanks, Mary! Is there anything else?"

I must have looked shocked, and the manager was horrified. I just left without saying anything.

While I'm not overly fond of Ma'am, I vastly prefer it to having someone young enough to be my adult child calling me by my first name during a business dealing.

When I was a children's librarian in a small town, all the children addressed me as Mrs. ----, except one family of ghastly children (a good argument for abstinence)who tried to use my first name. I corrected them, and their mother told me that I was being stuffy and they encouraged their children to address even their parents by their first name! I told her I was uncomfortable with the practice, didn't want the other children to pick up the habit, and if her children couldn't manage to call me Mrs. ----, they could just say ma'am. The children continued to frequent the library, calling their mother Mary and me Mrs. ----!

Really, none of the above bother me at all. I don't sweat the small stuff.

Sue

The OP wasn't criticizing different forms of address.

She's commenting on the shock of discovering that she's no longer young (a "Miss") in the eyes of the public at large.

(Do Southerners really call young girls "Ma'am", not "Miss"? That's not what I remember.)

Being called ma'am wouldn't worry me although it is not really used here. One thing I really dislike is being called "darlin'" by complete strangers. I don't even want my DH to call me that, let alone people I don't know.

Sorry,but I don't see that as offensive.I'd rather be called ma'am than young lady or little lady(neither of which I am!) madam,hon,honey,sweetie or darlin by a perfect stranger.A "Miss" I'm not but there are a couple of people that call me "Miss Lillie",which I don't mind,(from them).I don't like being called by my first name by someone I'm doing business with that I have never met before.I guess it all just boils down to one's personal preference.

Another thought on this....if anyone is paying attention to your name, such as the bank teller, server with a credit card, etc., would you rather be addressed by your last name? For instance, our last name is ethnic, and hard to sound out, or pronounce. Instead of butchering the name, most people just say, "Thank you Ma'am". It's easier.

Ooh! What lilliepad said!

If I have wine in my grocery cart and some 20-something idiot asks me "Are you old enough to buy that young lady?" I do get irritated.

I'm 54. I'm NOT flattered by someone implying that I look like an underaged teen. I do deserve respect from people employed in a service industry.

I usually ask them "Do you honestly think you're flattering me? You're not. It's insulting." I don't snarl or say it in a mean fashion, but I have mentioned it to managers at the stores. That has worked.

I guess I don't look at it as some one being rude or impolite it just makes me feel old.
I have a coworker that is my age and calls me kid...for some reason coming from him it's funny.
I have another coworker who is retired military and he calls me "ma'am" and I know it's his military back ground and it's fine.
I do however hear it from the teenage bag boy at the market and I look for my mom or mother-in-law. Just makes me feel old.
I too don't like to be called sweetie, darlin or honey. I did have a guy tell me one day "See you later pudding" and I turned around and said "See you around cupcake!" The look on his face was priceless. I of course just walked off but you could tell he didn't like it either.

Well, I haven't read all the responses, but I sure would like to hear a lot more of that around here! Just appreciate the sign of respect that it seems to be. Be glad they say it.

LOL at the cupcake to the pudding!

Tami

My 86 year old mother would like that. She does not care to called "hon" or when she's out to lunch with my brother "you guys".
Personally, I don't care what they say.

So, you don't like terms of endearment like sweetie or darling, but you reject the most polite of terms.

Do recognize that the store employees are instructed to call you Ma'am if they don't know your name. If they do know your name (from your personal check, or because they know you), they would still be expected to call you Ms. or Mrs. Firemanswife.

You can't have it both ways.

Pretty soon everyone will start calling you "honey". That's how you know you are really old!

It does not bother me when someone much younger than me calls me ma'am. I am 39. Now when someone my age calls me ma'am it does sound feel sorta strange, too formal, especially if they know my name. I.e. One of DH's coworkers. They rarely see me, couple times a year, but they still know my name. But they will greet me "How are you, ma'am?" Creepy. Awkward.

But teens, 20-somethings, no problem. I know their intent is respect and manners. In fact, I appreciate when my students say ma'am. Of course, they really only do so when they know they are in trouble. ;o)

But firemanswife.....You may not consider yourself "old" but you are older than the teenage bag boy!LOL
I do know what you mean.None of us like to realize we are getting older.LOL It is nice to know though that the boy has some respect for his "elders".Someone taught him well.

No one brought this up, but when I worked in retail, you talk to a million people per day. You tend to just get in a routine to be polite and say ma'am and sir to everyone and not stop to analyze their ages.

That being said, I don't enjoy when young kids call me ma'am! Although I'm probably old enough to be their mom! lol

I don't care what you call me, just call me. I can't understand getting up in arms about any term if it was said without any ill feelings. This goes for many other things too, not just terms of endearment. You can't always figure out what people want or how they will react to something. If I'm acting with no ill will and doing what I think is my best to be polite, courteous, a good friend, or whatever, then that is all I can do. If I hit a sore point, tell me and I'll try not to hit it again, but please don't hold anything against me when it wasn't meant with any negativity.

Two totally different scenarios but what I find very disrespectful to a woman is being called 'the ol' lady'. When we were first married my DH tried that. I set him straight in short order. I shudder when I hear other men talk that way. I'll take ma'am anyday.

I REALLY REALLY hate it when someone calls me "Miss Vicki." I haven't been a Miss for 36 years and I tell them so. I told someone that once, and she replied that it's a Southern thing and I said, well, I'm not from the South. I'm from Iowa, and to me "Miss Vicki" sounds derogatory, condescending, and insulting.

She didn't call me that again. :)

Teresava-Just out of curiosity,what would you like young kids to call you? Are you talking about little kids,teenagers or people under 21 in general?
Deamn-My DH has never called me "ol' lady".He knew better!LOL On the other hand I never called him ol' man or refered to him as my old man. He calls me Momma a lot,or grannie around the grandkids but we have always called each other honey.Is anyone else offended by being called momma or grannie (or whatever the grands call you) by their husbands?

My husband calls all women Ma'am and all men Sir....even me sometimes like when I ask him something and he doesn't quite hear or understand the question... he'll say "Ma'am?" He spent 15 years in the military and it's pretty engrained.

lilliepad, I have some friends (a couple) that call each other momma and daddy, and they don't have any kids. It creeps me out! LOL

I was just going to say that people in the military say ma'am or get in trouble.

BTW, Joyful... you DO realize what is the contraction of "madam", don't you? :D

Yeah, lots of things make me feel old. But then again, I am old. "Old" is not an offensive or derrogatory term. "Elderly", "senior" and other politically correct terms of avoidance are similar in concept to I LOST my Harold 35 years ago... So where did you last HAVE Harold? He didn't just get up and WALK away, now did he? Or did he walk in front of that semi? Or did he board a plane for Costa Rica with one of Tiger Wood's honeys? :)

When people get all hot and bothered about age and not wanting to acknowledge that they're "old", I like to ask them if they're willing to forfeit their old fart (aka senior) discounts, Social Security, Medicare, reduced housing, etc. That usually makes their dentures shift!

How about the strange duck who refers to his wife of umpty-ump years as "My Bride"? Ick. (Have never heard a woman call her husband "My Groom".)

One fellow vacationer at a small resort always addressed his wife as "Baby Cakes". Puleese, not in public, SIR.

"I REALLY REALLY hate it when someone calls me "Miss Vicki." I haven't been a Miss for 36 years and I tell them so. I told someone that once, and she replied that it's a Southern thing and I said, well, I'm not from the South. I'm from Iowa, and to me "Miss Vicki" sounds derogatory, condescending, and insulting. She didn't call me that again. :)"

Wow.

What would you say to a woman if they said the same thing to one of your sons? Particularly if they were trying to be polite, which (not knowing the rest of the story) it seems that this lady was trying to be? (Did she know your preferred form of address, and that your were from Iowa, and that your were married for 36 years? On a side note--if you were married for say, only 30 years, would her form of address be OK? :)If she did know all of this, and still ignored your wishes, then yes, she was very rude. If not, then I think you were expecting her to be a mindreader.)

Just curious.

In the South where I grew up:
Both boys and girls answered their mother and grandmothers with "Yes ma'am" and "No ma'am." Also that was how you answered your school teachers, SS teachers, and just about every non relative female that was about 10 years older than you.

If you needed something that you did not understand repeated you said ma'am? That sounds better than what? or huh? to me.

There are a few females around older than me, and I still answer ma'am to them as appropriate. I still address persons of authority the same way. It just comes out of my mouth so easily, almost automatically.

I really do not care how a person of any age addresses me as long as it is in a friendly polite manner. I like joking.

To maddie in Ky: I see you are from the south :)

Yes, the person who called me Miss Vicki knew I had been married 30+ years. She's known me that long, and she's younger than me.

My married state really has nothing to do with my dislike of the term. It's just a handy come-back to use.

I still feel "Miss Vicki" is a derogatory term, used to infer the superiority of the person using it.

littlebug5
Here in my South
"Miss Vicki" or Miss whoever is used to acknowledge superiority to the persom being addressed as such, and is considered good manners.

Almost sounds like we lie in two different countries.

We live in TX and I am finally used to being called "Ma'am". Thought it was strange when we first arrived though. I wouldn't mind being called "Miss", I don't think it sound derogatory at all.

The only thing that makes me feel old is looking in the mirror.

I rarely pay any attention to what I am called by a clerk or delivery person, etc. If they have not been taught good manners, then I feel sorry for them. I would never be so rude as to reprimand them for it. In the Miss Vickie situation, I don't blame the person for not using that term again. Had it been me, because I would have felt insulted by that reply, I would just not ever have spoken to you again.

BTW, I was born in the South and have always lived in the South, where MANNERS are RESPECTED. Don't understand why not everywhere?

Sue

I don't really like being called Ma'am, but it's better than some of the alternatives. I'm glad that I'm no longer working in retail or a restaurant... I'd be afraid to open my mouth as I might offend someone. I personally don't mind being called "Hon", or "Miss" or being called "you guys" and I don't mind "No problem"... but obviously those are things that bother other people.

Here in Missouri... the little kids are taught to call their preschool teachers "Miss Lydia (or whatever the name is)". I agree it is a little odd for Vicki's aquaintance of 30 years to call her that... but again I don't think that would upset me.

Linda in Iowa I came to post the same thing. This respectable looking lady and a gentleman were stopped on the sidewalk the other day and as they were parting he said to her, "See you later dude." She just responded and continued walking. I wanted to be cheeky and tap her on her shoulder and say, "You do realize he just called you dude right?" lol

Hate being called ma'am, but don't mind the pet names.

I can not stand for people to call my husband and I "Guys"
I am not a guy I am a Ma'am, and most the time I correct them by saying "I am not a guy" and get an apology. One restaurant has learned to not call me that any more.

That can raise issues- I work in a hospital- I call my patients in as Mary Smith, or sometimes Mr. or Mrs. Smith. I could really butcher some of the names- had Mr. and Mrs. Fuchs a few years ago, they did not speak ANY English, and nobody wanted to be the ones to call them back! There were about 6 other people in waiting room....
I would rather be called by my first name by anybody, including children's friends- (Joe's mom does get my attention if they are uncomfortable with it.) This is out of respect to my DMIL who passed 34 yrs ago. Just can't be called by her name.... I will still be Pam when I'm 90 in the nursing home....
I would like to remember to ask people how they would like to be addressed, but I can't seem to remember to do that...
I have been called PammieJo, Pookie, Ladybug,and Pamster.(?)by other hospital employees/Drs.
I have learned not to be offended. I was suspended from HS for telling the principal to call me by my name, not young lady. He persisted in calling me that, and I returned with an "Old Man" He didn't like it. I gladly went home.....
PS I was just called Darlin' as I type by a stranger at the window.....

I sometimes refer to you other people here using the term "guys" and I know that's not correct.

So ... should it be "ma'ams"?

"Mesdames" ... but that's the direct for of address. In this case, I'm referring to you in the third person.

Should it be, "you people"? And, by the way, I'm having a hard time getting used to "peeps" ... I thought for a while that they were referring to the call of a recently hatched chicken ... but that was not relevant.

So ... how should I refer to you, instead of saying, "Coming here to bug you guys"?

"Gals"?? Doubtful, at best, no?

ole joyful