Thanks everyone, I'm so discouraged just thinking about going on antidepressants. I had 2 depressed parents and a depressed brother, so I think its in my genes. I've been depressed my whole life. But I've really tried not to be! I've had very strange, bizarre physical sensations my whole life too. In retrospect, I've had panic since around age 7. On top of Fibromyalgia, and an extremely horrendous perimenopause, I have very little reserve left to tolerate obnoxious SSRI side-effects. The thought of going through more of this craziness makes me even more depressed! Sometimes I think I'm an alien! My husband is a doctor and he seems to agree with the others that if the main tests are okay, then there's no sense in thinking its (for example) thyroid, adrenals, etc. I keep thinking I should go to an endocrinologist, but my husband (and my internal medicine doctor) seem to think that an endocrine doc won't know anymore than they do. I'm thinking they probably do. Even if this isn't caused from panic/anxiety/depression, I should probably give the antidepressants a try......considering I've been depressed for 58 years. Its gotten worse since menopause. I've talked to alot of women who actually developed panic/agoraphobia, etc., after menopause. I feel like I've failed somehow in needing an antidepressant. I'm a "natural" kind of person, and am disappointed in myself for needing something. I know that's a bad attitude. The brain can misfunction, just like any other organ. I'm usually extremely sensitive to meds. A tiny amount of xanax puts me to sleep all night.......but it didn't seem to get on top of this daytime anxiety. The Toprol is working on the lowering the heartrate, which is good, since I tend to panic when my heart takes off. But I was on it for 5 years in the past and it had some unpleasant side-effects. My husband is encouraging me to see an OB/GYN endocrinologist. The one I went to during perimenopause for horrendous migraines and other various horribleness was absolutetly useless. She didn't even seem to realize you could get headaches from hormone fluctuations..??????????? Maybe I can find another one. You're right about the "panic disorder" label. Docs do that all the time with my fibromyalgia label and it really ticks me off. I'm fortunate that if there's a test I want run, my DH can run it.........but I'm still sort of lost, since unfortunately he doesn't think "out of the box". I'm being very careful with the xanax and try to only take .25mg in the morning. It takes the edge off the panic a little bit, and the Toprol is slowing my heartrate, but I'm still getting the hot flashes, weakness and shakiness. I don't want to go anywhere now, since I fear that feeling when I'm out. I'm so tired of having to deal with this body! I just want to get on with life! Thanks to everyone for their replies.

My thoughts align with SG for the most part, however, I have witnessed post-partum hallucinogenic psychosis and have known suiciders that no amount of self-will training or loving support from others would have prevented. There is a very real need for medicines which manipulate brain chemistry, and fortunately we have progressed in our ability to protect the most fragile in times of severe crisis. I hope that we can all be sensitive and respectful of people who have to resort to urgent pharmological interventions as the most effective and life-enhancing treatment for some types of depression, psychosis and other forms of severe manifestations of emotional distress. By and large, we've come to recognize and accept that brain chemistry and circuitry problems are indeed real physical diseases and that, just as with other diseases, there are various approaches to treating these types of illnesses. But SG's suggestion that it is an industry that is undermining our health is well-founded. Yes, there are appropriate usages for these drugs, but caveat emptor: there are several studies that suggest there is a price yet to be determined in terms of long-term cognitive ability with protracted use of anti-depressants. Consequently, they are currently in disfavor in much of Europe after having been tried, and other more natural treatments are now more routinely explored initially. I don't think these meds are the panacea to be used to mask garden variety discomfort, and I believe that is the segment that is best addressed by SG's approach. I concur with SG and others who suggest that far too many have been persuaded the appropriateness of dealing pharmocologically with the discomfort that is a consequence of simply being human. Grief, anger and other unpleasant emotions serve a real purpose, are often very appropriate responses, and are an intrinsic part of our journey. Often anxiety and difficult emotions are a sign that we really have difficult inner homework to do, and I'd opt for working through the issues whenever possible rather than placating through meds. (I hope readers understand my emphasis is on whenever possible and repeat I'm well aware that it is not always possible or advisable.) My SS, a neurologist, and some physician friends do not agree, and often routinely recommend for themselves and their patients meds to deal with stress and unhappiness rather than undertaking the arduous task of changing the structure of one's life and/or learning healthier responses to challenges. Ergo, it seems we will continue to be less able as a society to go down the path SG suggests. I believe many would be better served by accessing inner resources than by pills, but also know that a requisite foundation of skills, or access to a means to acquire this knowledge, is not within reach for some. Philosophically I can agree with SG that the answers lie within, and wholeheartedly endorse our responsibility to respond with love at all times, but IRL I know some are equipped with damaged circuits through no fault of their own upon arrival as Kkay suggests and others whose circuitry becomes damaged from illness, toxins or accidents, some have been badly wounded experientially, and some just may prefer an easier way out. I'm not sure that SG said there is no physical basis for depression. "Depression/anxiety is actually being stuck, neural-activity wise, in the primal mind of the lower brain." Rather, I understood her comment to signal a real understanding of physiological responses but that we can trigger better responses by substituting different thought patterns, widely endorsed by cognitive therapists and other gurus. SG is quite capable of defending herself, but I know many intelligent, non-cult, independent thinkers, medical professionals and main-stream religious and total non-religious types who concur with this approach. There is no one path to wholeness, and while it is always preferable to rely on inner resources and loving support, it is not always possible. Wholesale dismissal of alternate, non-pharm approaches is not helpful nor is insistence on innate ability to cope with severe illness without intervention. Intelligent discussions of this type can be a wonderful resource for countless anonymous readers in cyberworld who are facing difficulties, seeking solutions and who may need encouragement to face another day.

Then I really have a problem - panic while making decisions and panic over the outcome - LOL. I too agree, this is a good panic, like getting ready to go on stage and worrying if you'll mess up even though you've practiced to death. If you did even a minute bit of planning, it will be OK. If it doesn't look like your dream, it will still be OK. My kitchen looks A LOT better than my dream - so much so, that I'm having additional work done - removing cabinets, opening up spaces, etc. NOW I'm worried. But, it still looks great (I least my neighbors are jealous!!) So don't worry, you can still make some darn good-tasting lemonade with a bunch of lemons, and I'm sure you have more than lemmons to work with. Best Wishes!! gng

Pqsmom, I'm so happy you love your Buckingham! I can't wait for mine. I'm still not 100% at ease, but doing better. There have been a few snags (what a surprise since that never happens right?). For example in spite of asking the owner of the cabinet shop about 7 times if she was sure she had made the trash cabinet big enough since I thought the Rev A Shelf website saying the opening had to be 15" meant it needed a 16.5" cabinet, she repeatedly stated her specs said a 16" would be fine. Well, installer agreed with me since the trash didn't fit. Now they are going to have to re-cut that cabinet, adjust some stuff and re-order the door. They also sort of forgot to make the fridge cabinet or order the doors for it. Whoops. Anyway in spite of those and a couple other issues, they were still able to come out to template so at least the mistakes won't mean I have to wait even longer for my Buckingham - just as long as it takes to re-cut and install the messed up cabinets. I found the templating interesting since it sort of looked like two grown men doing a big arts and craft project, using plywood boards instead of toothpicks! But maybe that's just the renovation insanity setting in.