Nice day in low seventies here. Hosed down the outside of most windows today, getting rid of pollen and dust so my indoor plants will thrive. We removed all windowscreens since they just collect dust mostly, use attic fan to pull in outside air thru screened doors on the days we don't need ac or heat. When we first removed the window screens years ago at our former house, someone asked if we had repainted living room...it just allows so much more light inside. Really makes a difference especially in winter. I've a milk crate full of magazines I haven't read. DH has read and initialed the mailing label- a method we use to be sure we don't pass them on before we both read them. I had them stacked on tables and sofa and finally collected in crate. I know I'll enjoy them...just hard once I get behind to devote the time to read them all. Been spending too much time online and with tv lately. I'm thinking I may not renew them all...but I usually miss them and succumb to about the 10th reminder. Saw an interview with a WWI veteran who is 105 years old...looked darned good. He's one of only about 25 veterans of that war still alive. Set me to thinking how many wars there have been since then and like Elia, had to get busy and look for more pleasant thoughts. josh

That's a wonderful country song, written by Rory Feek (he and his wife have a weekly TV show on RFD TV--"The Joey and Rory Show") and Johnnie Barnett, and sung by Clay Walker. It was based on a story written by Barnett for the book "Chicken Soup for the Country Soul". It was based on an actual event in Barnett's life. It is beautiful, and I got teary-eyed the first time I heard that song...it still touches me.

Hi LisaMarie, It's nice that I'm no longer the only one who is FSM to a child who is not biologically related to SO. In my case, the guy who got BM pregnant (and then threatened to kill her) has been in and out of jail for the past decade and has never met "his" son. My BF started seeing BM when A__ (now age 9) was a month or two old and they were together for three years. BF is the only dad A__ has ever had. Just a little forewarning for you, there are occasionally people (both on the board and in real-world) who won't respect your connection to FSD, since she is not biologically your FDH's daughter. Ignore them. Anyhow, moving along... I was pretty alarmed to hear that she doesn't know FDH isn't her biological parent. A__ knows that "Mom had a different boyfriend when she got pregnant with me, and Dad became my dad when I was a little baby". I don't think he really understands genetics (considering that he's 9) but it's good that he knows. I don't think now (with all the other turmoil) is a good time to spring on FSD that her dad isn't her dad... But it's definitely something that will have to be addressed soonish. IMO, it's better to tell her when she's young enough that she has to get over it because she depends on FDH for food and shelter and the like. Maybe that's an odd viewpoint though. Anyhow, I'm also a motherless daughter (although I lost mine to cancer when I was 16). I was done with my first period, first boyfriend, and first breakup. I was about to start grade 12 and I was doing well in school. I had siblings I was close to and didn't have to move... and it was still really hard to figure out my place and learn how to navigate my life! I can't imagine how lost she feels right now! Even if her mom wasn't involved in her life, she has lost the opportunity to get her mom back, to have all of those things that mothers do with daughters. Another poster mentioned that you need to make a special place in FSD's life for her mom... And I totally agree! If you have photos or any personal objects, they could go into a few frames or a shadow box and up in her bedroom. FDH should sit down and write some stories for FSD about things Mommy did with her when she was a baby - anecdotes, worries, parenting style, etc - if you have some photos, get copies of them made and try to include a photo of FSD or BM with each one. FDH is her link to her mom now, and he needs to be able to talk about her mom so that she doesn't feel totally without. I agree with other posters about the "Big Sister" pin for the shower, and having her responsible for a shower game or something. She should get a little moment in the sun, but realize it isn't a shower for her. Oh, about always having roommates and such, my BF always had roommates too, so A__ shared his room when he was over, or more recently, slept on the couch. I understand that circumstances aren't always ideal, so don't feel that you owe anyone any explanations over that FDH wasn't able to provide a room for her previously. Housing is expensive and I assume FDH was doing the best he could. About how FSD treats you poorly... My guess is that she partially doesn't realize it, partially knows she can get away with it, and partially after lots of it, you may be oversensitive to it. I know I can be oversensitive when A__'s being a handful, or whips out some rude comment, and sometimes I just have to remind myself that I shouldn't take everything personally. My first question would be - what is Grandma and Grandpa's relationship like? Does GM do all the work while GP sits on his tooshie? If FSD is used to seeing GM get fresh towels for GP and her, and make snacks on demand for GP and her, etc, then she may think that this is just how relationships work and that the female adult partner does everything for everybody else on command. If that's not the structure of Gm and GP's relationship, my theory is out the window. As for GM's suggestion that you have to do fun things with her to make her like you, I say bullsh17! Personally, I think A__ and I bonded better on Saturday night when we wrote secret messages with salt water on black construction paper (the water evaporates and the salt crystalizes) than we did on Saturday afternoon when we were all at the arcade together. Little things, day to day things, are way more important, IMO, than "Disneyland" activities. I think you're better off to be going to her soccer practice every Wednesday than doing extravagant things every weekend. When I do fun things with A__, I tell him it's because I want us to have fun together. I have canceled fun plans because he pulled attitude on me and was rude all morning, so I said "The plan was for you and I to go have fun this afternoon, but with your bad attitude, I won't be having any fun, so I no longer want to go. We can stay home." I've used this on my multitude of nieces and nephews too, and it works extremely well to make them behave better to earn back the fun activities. I know that this is hard for everyone, but I think you've done most of what you can do (talking reasonably to FDH, talking reasonably to FSD, etc) and what she probably needs right now is time to get her head on straight while you're patient and try to help where you can. This isn't going to be easy, and I wish you luck!

I think it is high time you changed you attitude. If you don't get the support you need, then there are two things happening: either they don't understand or they don't care. Before I'd chuck it all, I'd make sure that they understand what I require as condition of my giving all the things that I give. So I suggest you make a list of the top 10 things you really, really need from your husband AND from your step-daughter. Then let them know in some CRYSTAL CLEAR fashion that these are the things that WILL be in your household. You know, stuff like: 1) Truthfulness 2) Respect 3) Honoring your commitments 4) Affection etc. But when you make a list, you MUST be prepared to honor the list as well. I might suggest that you give your husbands some ideas/hints on WAYS he can show you his support -- sometimes we are all just clueless about how to give another what they need. I agree with Rosie, in that, kids teenagers need to begin the road toward independence so they are going to need to make some of their own decisions but I still feel there are consequences for egregious errors in judgement (lying, disrespect, thievery ... the moral issues) other things I'd let slide. In order to prepare, teach and guide a child toward becoming a happy and well-adjusted adult, parents need to supply rules and consequences and do it somewhat consistently. For example, teaching them how to do laundry will equip them for doing their own laundry when they grow to adulthood, allowing them to help with dinner will teach them how to cook, showing them the right way to clean a house will (hopefully) keep them from living in filth as an adult and there are many, many more daily living skills that yound adults NEED to learn. Then there are the moral teachings. One that comes to mind is... that the truth ALWAYS has a way of working itself into the open, lying simply doesn't pay. All it gets you is TONS of grief -- that is as it should be. The joy of giving can be taught by charity -- helping others for no other reward than helping. Do you see where I'm headed? "Spoiling" a child will not equip them for happiness as an adult. Somethings needs to change. The BEST place for change to start is within your self. Good luck! Q