Why don't bananas snore?
Because they don't want to wake up the rest of the bunch.

LOL Diana55

Q: Why did the banana go to the doctor's office?
A: She wasn't peeling well. Get it......Peeling well !!! LOL Diana55

What do you call the Banana that gets all the girls?
- A Banana Smoothie

Where's the best place to hide a Banana?
- At the bottom of a Yogurt Cup

How is it possible to wear 2 Bananas?
- When they are a pair of Banana Slippers

Banana Jeopardy!!!
Ok, Mr. Corm, what's your category?
I'll take pop music for fifty dollars.
And the question is ... A new television series about a musical singing family formed by two divorcees who match up to form a family.
Oh I know that ... What is the Banana Bunch?
Correct ... and on to our next round ...

Profound Banana Philosophy 1:
If a person walking down an empty desert highway early in the morning slips on a Banana Peel, falls and kills themself, does it make a sound?
( Banana Peel: The silent, but deadly killer )

Profound Banana Philosophy 2:
Does Banana Float?

Profound Banana Philosophy 3:
And just what difference would it make, if Bill Clinton smoked Bananas?

Check out the (Banana) Joke of the month below ...

Here is a link that might be useful: CZ Joke of the Month

OK, let's get my current Banana Jokes backlog cleared toward a compendium of Banna Jokes.

I thought up the following two this morning ...

A young girl asks her father "Dad, why do they say someone has gone Bananas when they do something crazy?"
Her father thinks hard on it and brainstorms a suitable answer "It's because monkies act crazy in the tree tops and people see them acting crazy and they know that it's because the monkies eat Bananas and are foraging for them. Someone, a long time ago, started equating the noisy chatter of the monkies foraging for Bananas with crazy behavior. So today, they say 'I've gone Bananas'"
"Oh." the daughter responds in agreement.
Later that night, the girl's parents got in a big squabble about some insignificant thing, whether to stretch the family budget and buy some lavender colored blinds for the windows. They kept the kitchen area animated and noisy for about three hours during a heated disccussion.
The next day started peacefully enough, but later that day, the young girl threw a fit, tossing her toys about and arguing determinedly with her mother.
"What's the matter with you?" her mother demanded. "This isn't the kind of behavior I expect from you!"
"Sorry." the girl conceded "I think I've gone lavender blinds."

A bank loan officer responded glibbly to an applicant who inquired about how accuracte most people's applicatons were ... "If I had a Banana for every time someone lied on their application, I wouldn't be able to eat them fast enough and would be up to my nose in mush. I'd certainly need something contrary to a laxative."
"Have you tried nuts?" asked the applicant, fecetiously.
"Banana Nut bread." mused the loan officer "I imagine that might help just a little bit."

And all this stuff is either thought up by me or can be found floating around in current Banana Joke Lore:

Banana Sayings
Old Bananas never die; they just rot away.

Too many Bananas spoil the bunch.

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a Banana.

---

What would you do if you found a blue Banana?
- try to cheer it up!

Bert and Ernie Skit ( Found on Wikipedia ) ...
Bert: "Hey, you've got a Banana in your ear!"
Ernie: "What?"
Bert: "I said, YOU'VE GOT A BANANA IN YOUR EAR!"
Ernie: "What? I can't hear you; I've got a Banana in my ear!"

How do Bananas communicate?
- by Banana Phone

What's the best way to help Bananas interact?
- Banana connectors

What do you call a short Banana movie?
- a Banana Clip

What is the Banana equivalent of a Couch Potato?
- A Banana Loaf

What did the Banana say to the apple?
- Nothing, Bananas can't talk!

From the animated flick "Roger Rabit"
"Is that a Banana in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?"

Banana is not a color; it's a pigment of your imagination.

Where have all the Bananas gone?
Idiot! Don't you know anything? It's Banana Sundae.

Bananas! Hrmmmff! Once you've peeled them, you can't dress them back up and take them anywhere.

What's soft, cold and mushy and might be encountered in the dark of night?
- a Banana in bed

What do you call a Banana delivery service?
- Peels on Wheels

And these are common jokes found on the internet in one form or another ...

A man and his wife had boarded the train going west from Ontario to Vancouver, Canada. It would be a long ride and they had brought with them some crackers, some fruit and bottled water and sodas to eat and drink during the journey. Just before the train entered one of the tunnels encountered during passage through the Rockies, they had each fetched out a Banana and had started to peel them. The man had just swallowed down some of his Banana as the train entered the tunnel. Suddenly, in the dark, the man shouted wildly, cautioning his wife "Millie, don't eat that Banana!"
"Why not Howard?" she asked calmly.
"I just took one bite and I've gone blind!"

Caution, content possibly offensive
Tilly the kindergarten teacher first settles the children down and then announces with a smile, "Kids, we're now going to play a guessing game".
The kids settle and show intense interest and expectations.
Tilly continues ... "Ok now, who can guess this? It's yellow and tastes real good".
A tiny little girl named Rebecca can be heard over the noise of the other kid's answers "It's a lemon!" Tilly rejects that answer, responding, "No. I'm sorry Becky. It's a banana, but I'm glad to see that you're thinking"
But before Tilly can proceed with another question, a young kid by the name of Danny shouts from the back of the room "What do I have in my pocket that's long and hard, has a pink tip?"
Tilly is astonished and acts quickly to shut Danny down ... "DANNYY! That's not something you should be asking about!"
But Danny blurts out the answer "It's a pencil, but I'm glad to see you're thinking."

Caution, content possibly offensive
An old guy hovels into an ice cream parlor, groaning as he has a hard time walking, bumping the door open as enters, hunched over and obviously in pain. He goes up to the counter places his order "Banana Split, please."
The young gal at the counter asks "Crushed nuts?"
The old man responds "No, Arthritis!"

Two university students sitting on a San Francisco Bay Area campus bench between classes, discussed a party they had been to the previous evening.
Clarissa: "Be sure to thank your friend Rick for inviting us to that party; I really enjoyed it."
Deana: "Yeah, it was great fun. You seemed to be a bit messed up on that guy, huh?"
Clarissa: "What guy?"
Deana: "You know, the one with the piercings, you kept staring at. Did you talk to him?"
Clarissa: "He seemed nice, a bit crazy, and I really like his piercings."
Deana: "Yeah, he's got some cool piercings, but there's something I know that you don't. You should be careful."
Clarissa: "What do you mean?"
Deana: "The Banana of your dreams may not be what he seems."

New York Crime:
The rumor being passed about a Bronx Precinct House was that 'A real tomato had held up some fruit with a Banana'.

Jorge Moreno, a new inspector at a border crossing between two Central American countries was on his first day on the job when a man road up on a bicycle with a bunch of Bananas strapped to his back.
"Whoa!" Jorge said as he called the man over to be inspected "Where are you going with those Bananas?"
Antonio Navidad de Escuela responded "Oh, I am taking them to my cousin who lives on that side of the border."
"You have family over here?" Jorge inquired of the man.
"Oh yes, of course." Tony replied "No line on the ground can keep people from meeting, marrying, having kids and wandering and such things. I don't have to pay a duty on just these few Bananas do I?"
Jorge gave it a moment's thought and believed Tony to be sincere and allowed him to pass.
Later that evening, Antonio Navidad de Escuela walked back to his side of the border. But the next morning found him bright and early back at the crossing on his bicycle with yet another bunch of Bananas.
Jorge eyeballed him and queried "More Bananas for your cousin?"
"Yes sir." Tony responded. "I have many trees and my cousin lives near the biggest town in this area."
"Why don't you get a truck?" asked Jorge.
"I can't afford one." Tony responded "I am just a poor farmer with a few Banana trees."
And feeling pity on Tony, Jorge let him pass.
But every morning, Tony would show up on his bicycle with more and more Bananas and finally, Jorge demanded that he start paying a duty, which Tony did. But afterwards something about Tony, body language perhaps or the expression on his face, triggered suspicion in Jorge's mind. In the following weeks, Jorge subjected Tony to pat downs, closer inspections and even had his bicylce partially disassembled to inspect inside the frame. But nothing could be found. And every day, Antonio Navidad would arrive on his bicycle with another bunch of Bananas and every evening he would walk back across the border to his home.
Finally, Jorge relented and gave Antonio a proposition. "I know you are smuggling something my friend. I know it. I don't know what it is, but I am certain there is something."
"Me?" Tony responded, feigning being startled.
"I can't sleep at night." Jorge confessed "I must know what it is. If you tell me what it is, I won't arrest you, but otherwise, I will inform my bosses and they will look into it and they aren't as nice as I am."
"But I am not smuggling anything." Tony said in defense of his constant crossings.
"You are." Jorge retorted "You must tell me what."
And after a great deal of thought Tony confessed "Bicycles".

In a world gone Bananas, what do you call the craziest of terrorists?
- Banana bin Laden

Gosh, I think I'm banana'd out. If so, that's the whole banana.

Enjoy.

What do you call a cartoon movie about Bananas?
- Bananamation

if bananab is a palidrome, what is anabaa?
- A Bananagram

What do you get if you drop a Banana from an airplane?
- A Banana pancake

Where did the crazy Banana go?
- to see their pscho-bananalyst

What do you call an excessively miserly or obstinate Banana?
- Bananal retentive

What do you call the study of Banana physical structure?
- Bananatomy

Mathematical Question
What results from filling up two small banks with twenty thousand Bananas.
- A slipstream

What do you call a Banana in a cage?
- spoor

Jack and The Banana Stalk

Jack took the stand to tell his story and the Judge and Jury listened, intent on knowing the truth. His story went as follows ...
You see, your Honor, my mother and I are poor. We only had a cow and two chickens plus the clothes on our backs and the landlord was demanding the rent. You gotta understand Your Honor, we couldn't pay. So I took the cow and the chickens and headed down to the market square to sell them. It was then that I was approached by a man who claimed to have a handfull of Magic Banana Seeds and that he was going to get rich by planting them and harvesting delicious Bananas for the rest of his life. I was naturally amazed that such small handful of seeds could make a man rich and when he offered me an opportunity to buy into his good fortune, I couldn't resist. And as all I had was the cow and the two chickens, I traded them for some of his Banana seeds.
And my poor mother was at first in tears. But she was soon amazed after I planted the Banana seeds and of the seven I had, one grew immediately. It grew and grew, straight up into the clouds and I didn't even have to water it.
About the second day, I wanted to see if there were any Bananas to be harvested, but I couldn't see because of the clouds. So I climbed up the Banana stalk. It took hours, but I finally came out on top of the clouds and was amazed to find solid ground and an enormous cabin with a wood pile outside it. Well, your Honor, I was curious, that's all. So I went up and not being able to get up to the window, I peeked in the open door. Nobody seemed to live there and I entered.
I was amazed your honor. Upon looking around, I found a huge chair, by an equally huge table. And I climbed up on the chair and then onto the table, only to be even more amazed. There on the table were five huge gold coins, as big around as pie pans and as thick as ... well half as thick as that bible you made me swear to tell the truth on.
I looked around some more and I found the hearth was cold and there was absolutely nobody around. So I assumed the place was deserted and could not believe my luck. With much effort I rolled each of those five coins, first off the table, then out the door and over to the Banana Stalk where I let them fall to the ground below.
My mother had never been so happy. We were rich. But I felt certain there was more up there. So we bought the old shack of a house from our landlord with one of the coins and the next day, I woke early and climbed back up the Banana Stalk. As I broke through the layer of clouds I looked up and there, at the top of the stalk was an enormous bunch of Bananas and hidden amongst them was one that was made of solid Gold! I climbed up and was just pulling it loose when I heard him, your Honor.
"Fee Fi Fo Fum" he roared, "I smell a scurvy thieving bum."
I was frightened out of my wits. The golden Banana dropped to the ground far below and I started down the stalk. As I looked up, I saw him, this huge and horrible giant climbing down after me. I reached the bottom before he had time to and chopped down the stalk. He fell, crumpling up on the ground with his head, banging upon the golden Banana. But he was still alive, so I took out my gun and shot him, twelve times. Finally he was dead. It was self defense.
And that's when the cops showed up and I was arrested. But you see, your honor, if that guy Jack could climb a bean stalk, get rich, kill a giant and live happily ever after, you gotta let me do the same.
The Judge looked at him after he had finished and the Jury had rendered their verdict of Guilty. He clarified some details of the story. It would seem, Mr. Jack, that the giant wasn't much of a giant after all. He was nothing more than an elderly 72 year old retired man. Further, the wound to his head was inflicted by pistol whipping with the butt of your gun, not a golden Banana. But I will agree that the gun, with your finger prints on it, was responsible for the victim's death, although it'll never be clear, which of the twelve bullets ultiminately resulted in his demise. That fact makes this a particularly heinous crime and the Court will follow the Jury's recommended sentence. Your are therefore remanded to the custody of a State Penal Institution to await death by lethal injection.

The moral of this story: If you are going to stand before a Judge and Jury in court with nothing more than a fairy tale or a fable, get a better lawyer to tell the story.

Apparently, some time in the past, some Banana Forum folks went joke crazy. I found a couple Banana adaptable jokes which I polished up a bit in that thread.

The original was posted by 'michaelalreadytaken':

The forensic scientists had reached a stunning conclusion and Detective Acuminata briefed reports advising them that he didn't want to create a panic. "It appears ... " he explained, "that both victims were found in the kitchen sprawled out on the floor in puddles of milk with corn flakes and bits of Banana. We are certain now that this was a homocide and further, that it is connected to the other recent cereal killings."

And this originated with 'kittymoonbeam':

Two young friends were walking along the beach discussing girls ...
"Ah, I don't know." complained Randall, "Girls just don't seem to be attracted to me."
"What d'ya mean?" asked Phil.
"Sure, there's a lot a really cute girls here." Randall explained "But they don't even give me a second look."
And Phil was struck with an idea. "We can fix that!" he rejoiced. "Just take a Banana and put it in your pants."
"A Banana?" Randall was stunned.
"Sure." Phil chided. "Girls will go crazy for you."
So Randall returned the next day with a Banana in his pants. But to his dismay, the girls noticed all right, but laughed uncontrollably. He felt humiliated. They were laughing so much that none of them could take the time to explain to him what they were laughing about.
Randall quickly hustled over to Phil's place to protest about what he felt was a joke played on him, recounting how every body on the beach, girls and guys both, laughed at him.
And Phil finally asked "Did you put the Banana in your pants?"
"Just look," Randall pointed out, turning around to show the Banana's bulge smack in the middle of the back of his pants.

"Bananas Don't Walk"

The man was obviously upset and worried. He wavered with an uncontrolled impatience as the officer continued to test him regarding his current circumstances. Clearly, he wished he had been able to avoid the situation.
"Did a large Banana just walk by here?" the officer asked very pointedly.
And the man choked back his fears and replied "Wha?"
The officer pressed for an answer, this time more assertively "Did a large Banana just walk by here?"
Dismayed, the man answered "No."
"How do you know?" the officer continued.
"I didn't see no Banana walk by here." the man said firmly.
The officer looked him directly in the eyes "If you didn't see a Banana walk by here, how do you know that one didn't?"
And the man waivered, dropping his left foot to the ground and teetering in that same direction. The officer knew, he thought. The law had him dead to rights. "It's possible a Banana may have gone by here, officer." he sighed, "But I didn't see it."
"Turn around and put your hands above your head." the officer commanded. And as the man complied, the officer cuffed him. "You're under arrest for driving under the influence." he was informed; and the officer guided him into the rear seat of the police cruiser for the now wholly unavoidable trip to the town tank.

You guys are corny, or should I say, BANANAS!!

Might get stuck in your head:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RzddYIPkrZY

Why didn't the apple marry the banana?
Because she can't eloupe!
(canteloupe)

Oh it's quite lame but nonetheless still funny.