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Male Member Role Call

15 years ago

We're always in short supply of male members here, so we must keep up with the ones we have. Several regulars are (near) MIA, but we've acquired great new ones this year.

If you are a male member of the forum, oldie or newbie, lurker or participant, please chime in. We'd like to know you.

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Comments (44)

rj_hythloday
15 years ago
I'm more regular on the soil,toms,and veggies but have been lurking here a while. Not too many males on any of gw it seems, I tell my wife but she isn't interested in joining my madness hobby.
token28001
15 years ago
I'm a man, baby! Just don't try explaining to my parents why I like flowers so much. I like tomatoes a lot too. And cucumbers. And corn. And butterbeans seasoned with a little bit of fatback. I also make a mean chocolate pie from scratch.

I was brought up right.
Related Discussions
A definition of the role of step-parent?
Q
Comments (8)
I have two step-children.... 4 and 6. Their Bio Mom is still around. It's joint physical custody. The kids are here just as much as they are there, although sometimes Bio Mom likes to take her trips and live her social life and she often let's the kids slip as her number one priority. She is an involved Mother, just not as much as she should be. My husband is a great Father......NOW. He was horrible when we first met. I had to come in there and lay down the law. The kids were getting away with murder and not respecting adults. I helped him to see that and much of the excellent behavior these kids display, can be attributed to me and my efforts. My husband loves his kids, but even he is not as involved as he should be. I really do everything. I fill their shoes A LOT. Recently, I have put my foot down and I've told them, YOU NEED TO DO THIS, THIS IS YOUR BUSINESS, STAY HOME WITH YOUR KIDS ETC. They respond well to it. My husband is supportive of me...and so is his ex. We are actually all friends...and we work together really well. But I just feel sometimes that my role is too strong, but we all placed myself here in the beginning.... I've been a strong influence/parent from the start. Once you take on all that responsibility and become a huge role in the kids' lives, even if you realize it's too much, how can you really stop without hurting the great relationship you have with the kids? If I pull back, the kids know it and they feel rejected by me. So I feel stuck in this HUGE role forever... I don't mind it very much at all, I just don't want to be taken advantage of. As I wrote above, I put my foot down a lot. Recently I yelled an emphatic NO! We've changed the schedule to accomodate my time and Bio Mom knows I do a lot....and that I am often put in the middle of her and my husband. She and I are true ALPHA females...we have a lot in common. When she was married to my husband she was the boss. That is the same in our house. I run it... he makes the money, but I run the house and our life... SO when it comes to planning for the kids, his ex and I directly work together. He is just informed once we have reached a decision. This way has always worked better for me because I then get to make the decisions....and don't feel like I'm having to adjust to her requests coming through my husband. If we work on a schedule and set it up a certain way I feel more willing to do it...then if my husband set it up with her. It's easier...and feels less threatening and controlling. Not only that, she and I work together better. We communicate better.... Those two are horrible. They are night and day. If they planned things together, the kids would be lost....and dressed in pajamas for school. SO basically, what I am trying to say and going off on a tangine with, is that life has been set up in a way that makes me totally accountable and responsible for the kids....more than perhaps most stepparents. I don't think it can change. As long as I have the strength to communicate my limitations or express when I think it is too much, it should be okay. My major concern in all of this, will be how the kids feel. We are close and enjoy our time together...and I am very much their Mother...not BIO MOM of course, but no different from her and her role. However, I've sensed a pulling back lately, as I pull back. I think the kids feel like I don't want them... It's so hard sometimes because as much as I love them, there are times I could do without them.... I think they are starting to sense that feeling, even though I don't directly show that to them...somehow they are sensing it. I don't know how to comfort them and help them to realize that it's not an evil thing, it's justified....but doesn't mean I don't love them. I also think that they sometimes wish they had both of their parents taking care of them.... When they want their Dad, they may not say it, but feel it, AND they get me instead. I think they are getting smarter and figuring things out and experiencing some new emotions. I know I threw out a huge question to everyone. I think I sent it out when I felt pressured by my role for the day.. Today my role is fine...but perhaps two days ago it was a lot! Every day is a different day... It's amazing how your attitude can change from day to day as a stepparent. I wish there was more consistency in this life. Anyway, I just want the kids to be happy...but I just sense some tough things on the rise. It seems to come in cycles..when we first met, it was really hard. Although the kids were nice to me, they displayed anger to their Dad...mainly the 6 yr old, he was 4 at the time. Things calm down, the kids adjust and then one day they say something, things get quiet, they adjust, someone gets angry at something or doesn't listen, they say they get tired of going back and forth, and through everything, they have not pulled back with me... But lately they have...and I think it is because I pulled back the time I put in with them...and my other priorities replaced them temporarily. It sucks for a stepparent because if you do something that upsets the kids, or if you are not there when they need you....you have to work twice as hard to get it back, while Bio Mom checks out for a week and never calls and when she walks through the door, she is Heaven on Earth!! SO unfair. How can you prevent your steppchildren from sensing that they are not wanted one day? I guess you just have to suck it up and pretend you are happy to see them, when you don't even care? I'm rambeling, but I see things are changing...and I'm worried. I don't want to lose what I have with them...it's a great, loving relationship... One of these days, they will see things clearly and I'm so afraid they'll hate me, and all this time I put in, will be for nothing... And my marriage will suffer and life will just plain suck!
...See More
Future? Stepparent experiencing mixed roles and responsibilities
Q
Comments (40)
I read your original post and pretty much skipped the follow ups because I want to respond, just to YOUR post and not the opinions of others. "she left him after 11 years when she becamse pregnant by a bf. She now lives with the bf, who is abusive physically and verbally, and the 3 kids live with her too because they go to school there and their dad works at a feed lot FULL TIME!!" Working full time is NO reason to leave your three children in a situation with a physically & verbally abusive stepdad or worse, just her boyfriend. "OK, so the problem. The kids spend weekends and some holidays and summer with us. When they are at our house, I am with them all day when he is working. I discipline and hand out chores and rewards...all the things expected of a mother. We get along very well and my bf backs me up when needed. Recently we recieved the 13 year olds grades from first nine weeks and she is basically flunking all core classed. I'm talking C's and D's. (and not even a C+). My bf was upset too and we talked and he talked with the ex. I also e-mailed his 13 year old about how I felt. I am a teacher, so I thought maybe I'd have a different insight. They never bring homework with them on the weekends and I told her I want to see homework from now on. The next night the ex called my bf and was very upset that I e-mailed and he talked to her for 30 minutes and seemed to agree with everything she said. Then he was angry at me and when I tried to defend myself....he kicked me out." I disagree with anyone that says you were trying to assume "parental" anything. You were however, the babysitter while he was at work. Before my now husband moved in, I kept his daughter when she didn't have school and he had to work (on his weeks because he had her every other week) I don't have a problem with that. Your post is titled "future?" so I assume you'd like to marry this guy and if he felt that way about you, he would value YOUR opinion. The fact that he threw you out is a clear sign that he still lets his ex rule his life and that's not a place you want to be. I guarantee it. "Was I wrong??? I just don't think it's fair to ask me to perform motherly responsibilities when they are staying with us, but I have no say otherwise if it makes the ex angry. I feel that at least I am a good influence on their lives. The ex's bf is an abusive jerk who is definately involved in the kids lives...so how much room does she have to talk??" I don't think you were wrong to have an opinion about her grades and wanting to help her. You are a teacher and that was a positive. The fact that she would rather be jealous that it's coming from you because you are with him, is her problem. It only became your problem when he listened to her and threw you out. Do you think that if her teacher from school called and said what you did, she would have had a problem with it? I don't. "The 13 year old e-mailed me back and said she was trying in school but her homework is always late because she has practice right after school and then babysits for her little sister til 11pm when her mom finally comes home from work. Then she doesn't have time. I just don't feel she has her priorities straight. If she can't keep up with school work, then maybe she shouldn't be playing ball at school. And what is wrong with asking them to bring homework to our house on the weekends so I can help them??" If you are back with your BF, I wouldn't worry about it. If she asks for your help, offer it but for now, he hasn't put a ring on your finger and you are not responsible for his kids. You can be their friend and help if you want, but it's not the same as "mothering" although I think I know what you mean. When my kids were young, our house was where all the kids wanted to play because we had a pool. and I considered feeding or teaching them things, mothering. I heard the phrase "turf war" used and I agree, too many moms and step mom's get so far into a battle that the kids get sucked into a war zone. I don't see it too much with men but I'm sure that happens too. "I guess I just don't know how to disengage when I have to be a "parent" part of the time. If I am to be with my bf, i want to be a part of their lives too. And not just their friend. Am I in the wrong?? I feel he owes me an apology and needs to acknowledge what I do for his children. Is that wrong?? Please give me some advice because I am hurting right now and don't know where to go from here." You have to disengage until he marries you. Until he does that, you are nothing more than a friend to his kids. I would think hard and seriously before continuing to be with a guy that has already thrown you out and allows you to take care of his kids when he can't. To be honest, it sounds like you may have some "codependency" issues because you can't fix things, especially if your BF and his ex don't want you to. Why are you even bothering???
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Individual Morals v. Male 'Pack' Behavior
Q
Comments (0)
The thread from cate52 has a link to a good explanation of why some men conform to being members of what I'd call a 'pack'. See her thread entitled "Here's Some Insight..." I recall an award-winning book, (a novel disguised as a mystery) that illustrates this fraternal allegiance being passed down through generations. It's "Winter and Night" by S. J. Rozan.
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Realtor's role and responsibilies
Q
Comments (35)
To the people wanting to know how to find an agent that will devote themselves to selling your home, or helping you find one, you should attend open houses and look at the condition of the home, as far as cleanliness, staging, how professional the flyers look, how the photos look on Realtor.com (since it pulls directly off the mls and updates more often than trulia/Zillow.). Talk to the listing agent (it should be the same person holding the open house) and see if they seem professional, and you have a good rapport with them. If you go into an open house, and see unmade beds/clutter, dirty dishes, baths with wet towels etc, then I would probably not list with that agent. A good agent will show up early to make sure house is presentable. The agents that will give you the most personal attention are probably not the agents with a bunch of listings. Often those agents will tell the seller the house is worth more than it really is, to get the listing, then they do no advertising/no marketing and let it sit and hope someone else either sells it or the seller will get frustrated and reduce the price. Talk to the agents about various neighborhoods/upgrade value, theory on what homes to avoid (most expensive/largest in the neighborhood, for example), types of financing programs available, etc and see if they seem knowledgeable. Browse Realtor.com, and see which agents consistently have good photos, informative write ups. Ask realtors that you interview for references from previous clients, and call them. The other side of having an agent that will go above and beyond to market your home, is realizing that agents can/do refuse listings. I work primarily by referrals. I am picky about what listings I accept. When I go to a listing apt, I will bring comps/photos of comps/history of the homes on the market now (time on mkt/price reductions), examples of the flyers I get done, marketing plan. I will ask seller to let me walk thru the house. If the house is dirty/cluttered, etc, I will tell them what I want done before I list it. I offer staging advice/security advice, and what to clean. Then I will come back to do listing paperwork, and if the items are not done, I don't list it until they are. I usually do only 90 day listing agreements and tell the sellers that the house should be sold in that time period, and if it isn't, they will decide if I have been doing a good job and they want to renew. I also tell them that I will not renew if they haven't held up their end of the bargain, by having the house not show well due to cleanliness, clutter, ease of showing, etc. I expect them to have the house ready to show with reasonable notice. I have my sellers use new (new looking) neutral bath towels tied up in raffia in the baths, and put the towels they use regularly on a hanger that they hang in a closet. That way after they shower, they hang the wet towel up, and it is out of sight. I also have them keep a shoebox/basket in the bath for their toiletries, and have them put it under their sink, out of the way, before leaving for work, so tub/shower area is clear. No dirty dishes left in sink when they go to work. bathroom mirrors should be cleaned each day before they go to work, and sinks wiped out/tubs with no hair/soap scum. Countertops cleaned off. Toilets clean with lids down. Trash emptied. Occasionally there will be a time where I need to show the home without much notice, and I will tidy up as needed. But realtors are not maids, and it shouldn't be a regular thing. I don't want to give the impression that maid service should be included. I've terminated one listing with someone that wouldn't have their house even close to ready to show. I am not wasting money advertising their home, and time showing it, if it looks like crap, and is dirty, cluttered, weedy yard, uncut grass.
...See More
retiredprof
15 years ago
Oh, I'm here, seedmama, although some days I feel like a candidate for hormone replacement therapy. ;-)

Prof
ronald
15 years ago
I'm still here keeping an eye on all of you.
LOL
Ron
PVick
15 years ago
hmmmm ... little weird on the title of the post ...

PV
lblack61
15 years ago
Welcome you brave souls who dare to brave the realms of femdom...(hmmm...that didn't sound right). There are probably more of you here than we all know. :-)

PV,
The title of the post sounds like something MIMS would say....lol

Ronald!!! :-) :-) ((hug))

Linda
seedmama
Original Author
15 years ago
Whaddya know? I misspelled Roll Call. How embarassing.
daylilyfanatic4
15 years ago
Does male teenager count?
seedmama
Original Author
15 years ago
Absolutely! A teenager counts. Philmont was a teenager when he started here, and he may still be. Chime in!
dem_pa
15 years ago
Still here and winter sowing.

Don (dem_pa)
waynepa
15 years ago
Newbie here.

waynepa
origami_master
15 years ago
male teeanger #2

i'm usually on the Canadian exchange
wiley0
15 years ago
I'm here. Been hibernating tho. Limbering up to do some seed starting and filling ws containers and setting them out soon. done some research and a few posts but mostly just looking out the window at the cold and wind and drearness of it all and wondering .........When? won't even break freezing for a few more days....40's are more than a week away.....snowstorms are coming too.

But, I was at the sunny south side of a house today and I saw tuber roots,,could be day lillie and they had green shoots coming up. already about 3 in tall. Couldn't believe it. They were leftovers from a few years back landscaping what is now a rental house but they were alive and wanting to claim their place.
jim_6b
15 years ago
I'm still here, lurking mostly these days. Not gonna comment on the post title.
Hey seedmama, let me know how the echinacea and salvia do this year.
jim_6b
ellenr22 - NJ - Zone 6b/7a
15 years ago
PV - too funny!

i hadn't caught that.
rosco_p
15 years ago
Since you have asked I had better come out of lurkingdom and answer the call. I spend time on the Canadian Garden Ex. but also check things out at a few others, including this forum. Always enjoy reading about the gardening experiences of others.Thankyou. Ross.
seedmama
Original Author
15 years ago
Absolutely, jim_6b! I can't wait to see them myself. I think you'll be glad to know I've shared some that you sent me as well. I take my own seeds, baggies and labels to son's basketball practice. Parents help me bag while we wait. Early in the season I passed around seed catalogs. I listened as they talked about what they would like to have, so I could bring little surprises as a thank you. The echinacea and salvia were in high demand.
jim49631
15 years ago
I'm here and a newbie.
Jim
v1rt
15 years ago
Count me in seedmama! :)
pulldownclaw
15 years ago
Another male here. Veggies, flowers, I love gardening. Very happy I found this WS forum. It appeals to my thrifty side for sure. I've even got seeds on the way from one of the "enablers" agirlsagirl!

My Mom is so proud, she wished my Dad liked gardening as much as her son! :)
richdelmo
15 years ago
Male Member here:)
pbishop
15 years ago
Add one more
greengardener07
15 years ago
I am still here! Lurking more so recently, but I chime in! ;-D

BTW, I still haven't started my WS yet this year. What is wrong with me!?
ljpother
15 years ago
I'm new to these forums; however, if you know the right name you can find my contributions to usenet and fidonet as a newbie 25 years ago. On the internet your sins and omissions never disappear, unless you want to find them.

We moved and I now have space and a greenhouse I'm trying find ways to use.

PS: I don't think the comments about the title had anything to do with spelling. :)
jeb3669
15 years ago
Another one!
mmqchdygg
15 years ago
25 years ago...that would be when the net was in its infancy...and you must really be...

OMG it's AL GORE! Holy Moly, you INVENTED the net...oh boy! a ceLEBrity!!! Where's my camera...shoot...ow! Damned cat...get outta my way...ah...here it is! *click*

Hey...well that's just odd...why didn't your image show up on the picture?!
syman
15 years ago
1 more newbie here. I explain my fascination for flowers to my wife,as a color distraction from the stock market black hole...
kqcrna
15 years ago
Well, darn, I thought this was going to be about pet names guys have for their male member.

Or maybe we don't want to know.

Karen
silverkelt
15 years ago
Silverkelt...

going into 3th year wintersowing! sheesh!

But in a new house this year, so all my old beds are gone, heck I still had dozens of plants that never flowered when I sold my old home.

Real name is Jeremy...
gratefulgardener3300
15 years ago
Is this some kind of dating post? Are you a winter sowing woman with a husband that doesn't understand why you have been going out to the neighbor's recycling looking for 2 liters the past four months? Are you a single female winter sower looking for someone to share your homemade potting mix with? Are YOU hoping GW will help you find your soul mate, that person that knows how elated you are when your SASBE finally gets back to you? Is this you?

If so, I am a male memeber and I know my role. Call me and I just might ask to see your jugs. (383) 555-DIRT.
bakemom_gw
15 years ago
So, who is going to be the root vegetable model for the 2010 winter sowing men's calendar?
seedmama
Original Author
15 years ago
Oh! I've got it. This is a carrot my son grew last year. He called it carrot pants, but you can name it whatever works for you.

{{gwi:352641}}
richdelmo
15 years ago
If you're willing to put up with a 53 year old vegetable I'll volunteer. But not for any of the cold shrivel months, I want to model as a proud member.
bakemom_gw
15 years ago
I tried to run a search on the Texas gardening site that does that male member calendar each year. Can't find it. It's GREAT!
bakemom_gw
15 years ago
http://www.redorbit.com/news/oddities/683823/mens_garden_calendar_is_very_revealing/index.html
mmqchdygg
15 years ago
Here it is.

Texas Twisted also has a reference.
genoprizebull
15 years ago
With a name like 'prizebull' I figured I'd add my name to the roster and let you guys think whatever you like about why I call myself that.
Oh , and 'Seedmama' check out http://forums2.gardenweb.com/forums/load/wtrsow/msg0213275313262.html?3 and let me know what you think
ihategazingballs
15 years ago
I usually just let the women do all the talking since I am pretty much used to it here at home (wife and 3 HS/college age daughters), but I will come out of hiding since you are taking roll call. I may try to write more when I get a little more free time. I teach and have a high maintenance classroom this year, so my brain doesn't work when I get home.
jim_6b
15 years ago
The cold shrivel months, thats funny and so true!
I was in Chicago working about 6 weeks ago and it was so cold. Two words come to mind. Frightened turtle!
jim_6b
lotus_bud
15 years ago
I come in often to see what is going on. Did a lot last yr.
I'am a M.G.--Landerscaper-Lawncare person so have little time in warm weather only winter.
ljpother
15 years ago
I did my first formal winter sowing yesterday. I planted a few spinach seeds in a ceramic planter and put bottomless windshield washer containers over them to act a mini greenhouses. I watered the spinach so I hope it doesn't crack the planter. Low was -10C (~27F) -- colder next week.

PS: 640K, 2 floppies, no hard drive, ATI Graphics Wonder, 300 baud modem, monochrome monitor (amber), $2000 -- bulletin boards, gopher space, predating the Mosaic browser. Those were the days. Some hosts avoided newbies by telling users to press "control Z" (disconnect sequence) to continue.
lunajade
15 years ago
Hello there, I have not been posting too much lately but did want to chime in. Even though I have not WSed a single seed yet, I do intend to do that later this spring. It's been my experience that if I wait till late March or April I have MUCH higher success rates. My California poppies did well last year as did my cactus flowered dahlias and lemon gem marigolds. Not really sure what I will sow this year. Something colorful and attractive to birds and butterflies I think.
proudgm_03
15 years ago
OMG! I almost wet myself laughing at you guys.

gratefulgardener for some reason I'm not getting a response when I dial that number. ;)

rich_manure you are just full of it aren't you! :)

jim, 'Frightened turtle' now that's one I'll have to remember!

token you sound like my kinda man. Oh wait. Hell, I'm already taken! :)

kqcrna I don't think we even want to go to that subject! ROFL!
dereks
15 years ago
I'm here quite often but don't post much. This is my fourth or fifth year WS. I have to look back and see. Anyway, I only have two containers out so far. I have some Cleome seeds I need to get out soon. Although, I don't think it is ever going to warm up. There is still 12 to 18 inches of snow in the back yard and only a week until March.

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