To me it has never been clear that people in this forum are motivated by or motivated to Do the same things. Some of us want to do things right once, and be done with it for a long time. Others of us are interested in constant change. I happen to be in the camp that takes years to get something done, and then it Stays that way. The extremes in both cases often lead to the same situation: living in undone projects. What people even consider "new" is not well defined. To some a relatively new kitchen is one they did ten years ago. To others, that has been 'old and outdated' twice over. (Although not many people live through too many kitchen renovations, intentionally). There really isn't a wrong answer to this question...the comment of people who don't live in harmony with their surroundings is valid, as is the objection to it. I have had a couple of clients who did not live in harmony with their surroundings and couldnt stand to be at home. They *thought they didn't care what their house looked like as long as it (barely) functioned, but at the core of it, they did. I have a client who hasnt been on a vacation since she moved to a new place and it was designed *for her* instead of living in a dumping ground for her family rejects that she changed her clothes and slept in. She used to travel constantly, I think, to escape her house. I am starting work with a client who is almost 50 and since I have known him (well over a decade) he has never lived in any way that is different than a college student, and yet more furniture and window treatments and junk has passed through that house than I can count. He obviously doesnt like the way that it IS, but he doesnt know himself how to make it better. The hurdle he is having trouble with is spending money on something thats going to last. His mantra has seemed to be "buy cheap and buy often". On the other hand, I know people who are *completely oblivious to their surroundings and it doesn't seem to affect their sense of well-being one bit. But they may still have fun reading this forum. I haven't owned a car since 1992, and I only owned that one for two years. I rarely drive, and I don't particularly like driving in many environments, but I *love cars, I love looking at them and knowing about them. So there is a place for people here who are not obsessed.

I am not being used as a chauffer or babysitter. I offered... it was my decision. I saw it as helping the two of them see each other more often. But I guess then I didn't realize the harm that it could be doing. As for mom, she is kind of a strange parent. It seems as though a lot of you women have a strong maternal instinct and wouldn't even let your DD SM pick your daughters up. However, BM has asked if I could pick up her daughter (we meet in the middle of our houses) because it was more convenient for her to drop her off at that time. If we don't accommodate her schedule she often tells us then she won't be able to drop her off at all. She's never around to receive her daughter either. Most of the time dad brings her with her grandparents because mom isn't around. This weekend was a perfect example. Mom told us she would receive her daugther at 6pm on Sunday. She called and told my BF that she left town and wouldn't be able to pick her up until Monday sometime, and that either she would pick her up with dad at his work or mine. HAH. So dad didn't go to work in the morning because mom decided she had better things to do than pick up her daughter, and he ended up bringing his daughter to her grandparents because mom wasn't answering her phone. Sometimes she leaves to the beach for the weekend and decides not to come back until Wednesday, leaving her daughter with her parents, and no one to bring her to school. Not very motherly if you ask me. As for our relationship, it's fine. I am not getting involved in baby momma drama... we see each other, say hello, everything's cordial, then we talk about the girl, say goodbye no name calling as far as I know etc. I never say a bad word about her mother to anyone.. ever. As for my bf we met 11 years ago in the US. I came here to Mexico to be with him a year ago. Maybe I use the term soulmate in a way you don't understand. I know I could find someone else if I wanted to. I don't. I'm here to stay with this man and this girl. We may not be married but we are committed to each other as if we were. We are talking marriage... and it will happen some day. What else... oh to answer a question dad and mom divorced when daughter was 2.5. Sooo... 1 year and half before I showed up into the picture. Their relationship sounds like it was verbally and emotionally abusive, probably from both parts but she also sounds like she was physically abusive towards him... but never to their daughter. Dad never had a serious girlfriend after that before me. I don't think dad ever introduced any women to his daughter before me either. But I don't know that for sure. As for the bed thing, I know. Dad and daughter used to sleep in the same bed before I arrived. I think it's weird. So when I came into the picture and she was over on the weekends, dad had daughter sleep in the same bed as us. I put a quick stop to that. NOT OK. I expressed to him that it's uncomfortable and he talked with her, though I don't think he really understands why it's a problem. He sometimes asks if she can sleep with us still... I don't understand why. As for this weekend little girl was throwing up and had a bad temperature in the middle of the night so she came into the bed in the early morning so dad could keep an eye on her. I didn't think it was inappropriate in that case. I don't want to be an in your face sm. I honestly feel like dad is trying to force the situation and really I was over doing the favors just to try and get to know the girl and make it easier for them to see each other... to be nice. I know that I need to back off now. Anyways I left and did my own thing on Saturday and part of Sunday and when I came back things were much nicer. I think the girl does like me when she wants to see me, but I was around too often and intruding on daddy daughter time. Today she was very talkative to me, sweet... gave me a little kiss goodbye and they left. I think I found my answer. I agree with the playing house thing being a rush, I'm not moving out now... so I have to find other ways to fix this. To answer someone's question it is not the house of his previous relationship... and when I say house I mean apartment.. a small one. I think it's kind of hard to stay out of each others business when we are all there... leaving is probably necessary to give them proper alone time.

I appreciate all the compliments! I know it's unusual and for most people, one of those things that you might be able to admire, but not for yourself (like me and granite countertops). @localeater - you are so funny because I do touch the turtles all the time! I figured it would be something interesting to look at while doing the dishes (this is our clean-up zone) and a pop of color in an otherwise blah color scheme. The honu (Hawaiian petroglyph turtle) has sort of been our family mascot, and we have three red-foot tortoises running around our backyard, so these tiles fit us. As requested, more pictures (let's see if I can figure out how to post more than one.)

Winconsitom, thanks so much for your advice! I am in Alberta, Canada so you are correct in saying that crabapples are a big part of the smaller trees that are grown here. Otherwise, people grow a lot of swedish columnar aspens (don't want!), maples (also don't care for as usually they are weed trees), ivory halo lilacs (I love those), hawthorns, serviceberry's, mountain ash's etc. Norway spruces and hemlocks are nice trees but too large for my yard I have found. I did plant an Picea pungens 'Iseli Fastigiata' which should be nice and narrow for my yard. I think at this point I have enough trees for my landscape as you can see in the plan below (the red x"s are trees I have moved or removed from the plan). My neighbour to the south has so many trees in his yard that is the same size as mine that I hate to see his yard in 5 years! This is what my city's drainage guidelines state. "Topsoil and sod should be placed so as to reflect the contour of the Rough Grade. Homeowners are not to change the drainage pattern, make significant changes to the elevations of the lot or block a drainage easement." So far I haven't blocked the drainage swale but I I already have a couple of trees immediately beside the swale, one of which will drop leaves and tiny crabapples. I also plan to put plants/shrubs next to the swale. If I didn't plants near this area it would be a pretty boring part of my yard that would be mostly unusable. Since my yard isn't very big that would be horrible for me as someone who loves to garden. I would prefer plants any day to expanses of lawn and rock. My back yard has split drainage. From the middle of the yard, some of it goes to my side swale that drains to the front street and the rest drains into the swale that I posted a photo of. I am also on a hill so neighbouring properties have some of their drainage water pouring into my swale. The water then goes down the hill to the storm pond. My backyard at this point is heavily compacted silty clay with a small amount of topsoil on top so I will be looking at fixing the drainage in the spring (we didn't get a chance to finish this past summer) because at this point the water just runs down the slope causing erosion and more compaction. I think once I get my grass in, amend the soil some and put my plants and flower beds in there will be way less erosion and run off during a storm. Drainage pattern (red arrows) I will look into the plants you mentioned and I also plan to plant some that can take the moist conditions and anchor the slope. Thanks again for your suggestions! Carrie