Just checked up, Shellbark Hickory only gets into NY, not native in CT, so that one is unlikely unless deliberately planted. Shagbark Hickory is native in CT. Note that it only gets its namesake shaggy bark when older; young trees have smooth bark as you describe. Resin

rebel & revel, Bur oak, Q.macrocarpa, is native to both your states, tolerant of a wide range of soil types & pHs, is tough as nails once established, and in my experience growing seedling selections over the past 15 years, will grow as fast as any other oak - and will challenge some of the maples - but they're not brittle or prone to wind or ice damage. Largest leaves of the North American oaks, corky bark, even on 1-2 yr old twigs, the quintessential 'stately(or spooky )old tree' when mature. Not much in the way of fall color, but they're great the other 49 weeks of the year. Local biotypes will be your best bet, but I've noted fastest growth on seedlings from acorns collected in the southern/midwestern portions of its native range(OK, TX, MO)

Just some thoughts on your plant choices... Loropetalum and Lavandula stoechas are at opposite ends of the water requirement spectrum, and Loropetalum wants to get 5 feet tall by across or more at maturity, you'll be pruning this a lot and losing the natural form to keep it in check. I never use Loropetalum chinense rubrum selections unless they have at least 6 feet of space to grow. Purple Fountain Grass is really more of a warm season annual than a reliable year round good appearance perennial in SF Bay Area conditions, and I only use it in my designs as an annual to be yanked when it starts looking bad by late December/early January. It seems to take forever to look good after winter is over, while it arrives early in the season from southern California greenhouses each spring, it may be mid June before one in the ground looks full again. I'd suggest sticking with plants that are more water compatible if it is all on the same valve. My personal bias would be to lose the Pennisetum rubrum and substitute with more of the Lavender or maybe some Tulbaghia violaceae 'Silver Lace' for a similar grassy foliage look and long bloom season/deer resistance. Adding something like a spilling Erigeron x moerheimerii would also relate to the Lavender. If you like purple foliage, I might suggest seeking out Eucomis comosa 'Sparkling Burgundy' as an accent,(but this isn't a Home Depot type of plant), or maybe Sea Lavender/Limonium perezii for the long spring to fall deep purple blooms and low water needs. If you wouldn't mind adding some magenta/fuchsia flower color to the mix, Salvia chiapensis is another one that spills and drapes and has a nearly year round bloom period, or the newer hybrid Salvia 'Wendy's Wish' is quite nice as well. Some bulbs such as Scilla peruviana could also be an interesting addition to the mix, with bold color in March/April, and survives on rainfall alone.

I know it can seem as overwhelming that people are almost chanting, "No rubber mulch, no rubber mulch", but please try to understand that there are reasons for this. People who aren't 'in the know' think that aesthetically-speaking rubber mulch is the way to go, but mulch is supposed to do a number of things. For one, it helps trap moisture around the roots of plants and prevents evaporation. It also normalizes the soil temperature, which puts less stress on the plants. The mulch brings a sense of cohesion to the entire bed. And the mulch also feeds the soil, breaking down over time, which, again, helps with moisture control. Finally, mulch helps to suppress weeds. Rubber mulch does some of these things, but I do not believe it is as effective at temperature control as the rubber can get quite warm itself (could be wrong) and it absolutely doesn't feed the soil. It will have to be replaced just like the organic mulches. Whereas the organic mulches pretty much just need a new layer each spring, the rubber mulch needs to be raked back, disposed of and then completely replaced. So really you are just replacing one inconvenience for another and unlike the organic mulches, the rubber mulch doesn't go on to do anything beneficial. While both rubber and organic mulches suppress weeds, the organic mulches have a slight edge here as there are many weeds that thrive in poor soil. An organic mulch will improve the structure and nutrient content of the soil, making some weeds less likely to thrive and all weeds are easier to pull. As others have mentioned, rubber also has a tendency to float or move during our summer storms. I find that large pine bark, like the type the builder used here, also tends to move about and escape the beds. I personally have had better luck with smaller pine nuggets or, even better, shredded wood. My hands-down favorite purchasable mulch is Florimulch. Florimulch is made from Melaleuca trees (a weedy invasive tree from Australia that Florida has been trying to remove from the Everglades), has a very nice golden color that doesn't fade all that quickly, lasts for a good long time (even on my paths that I walk on frequently) and is, so far, the cheapest of the bagged mulches.