I don't know what to say to bring you comfort Marleah...words never seem to be enough. My heart aches for you my friend. Have you thought about maybe a small memorial garden dedicated to your father? What would hold special meaning to him, what would he of liked? Place it near the roadside if there's room so when you look at cars passing by you'll see his special garden and remember his smile and all the wonderful moments you shared. Sending much love and hugs your way.

Annie

My dad loved flowers so much that I often think of him while gardening--he has been gone 29 years--I still have some of his plants--and a rose bush that was his mother's--in fact most of my garden and many of my potted plants are from family, students that I taught, and dear friends--I smile alot, but shed tears, too-- I like being surrounded by them all--it is natural to grieve for your father--I just hope you'll have more smiles when you think of him as time goes on--

I like the idea of planting something special as a remembrance to him...

For me it's my maternal Grandfather. He loved gardening, and roses were a special favourite of his. When I'm out I find myself talking to him - telling him how much he would enjoy this garden and my roses. I think his spirit is out there taking care of my roses for me. He's been gone over 15 years and I still miss him terribly.

Marleah I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it must be for you. Annie's idea sounds great.

Aprille

I'm sorry for your loss, Marleah. It hurts so much when we loose our parents.
My own dear father passed away several years ago. For Daddy, it was a blessing, he had suffered so. A friend brought me a white mini-rose named "David" for him - it ended up being a tiny climber which did OK at first, but after a few years it did not fair well. So sadly I dug it up last year. Luckily I grow phlox David, which oddly enough Daddy wouldn't have favored. He liked wild color like I do!
I do think mainly of my dearest friend Paige who I lost three years ago from cancer. She was far to young to have such a dreadful thing, and really did have only 6 months from her diagnosis. One day she told me she LOVED her grandmothers heritage roses. Her grandma had passed away only a few months before, so her family drove her out to the home to see if the new owners would let her have cuttings for my garden. I wanted Paige to see the new growth while it was happening. Sadly the owners had tossed every rose, they didn't like the thorns. However, I have since then fallen in love with antique roses. There are many here now, in the garden and as always I think of Paige and the refuge I found from her cancer in my garden.
Now my kitty has cancer probably from being exposed to something toxic - today I took her out into her beloved garden in the cat carrier. She was so pleased. We weeded, tied back and pruned the early flower plants now finished.
Kitty will reside there when she goes to kitty heaven.

I love the garden. It could be seen as a place of sorrow, but when it brings such joy to others, it can only bring joy and HAPPY memories to me. Tears I shed are often happy tears that my loved ones made it "up there" to safety before me. That is a comforting thought knowing what they faced here on earth,

GGG

I think of many people when I garden...I have a Peach tree planted in the memory of a woman I know..she loved them, and especially Loring peaches, which is what the tree is...I used to have rose for my Mother, but it died, so now the whole yard, makes me remember her..she would think my yard is 'too busy' but I love it that way....
I know what you mean, about looking up when a car goes by, thinking it may be your Father...right after Mom died..I bought a purse like one she used to have...when I would enter a room, and see the purse...my heart would leap, and I would think, Mom is here! now I am crying! it will be 10 years she has been gone, this December, and I miss her, some days almost more than I can bear..so I have no words of wosdom for you, Marleah...but I do know what you are experiencing.

I understand completely----My father passed away suddenly at age 54------He also drove a truck---It has been 40 years and I still miss him.

I think the idea of a memorial garden is very nice.

Florence

Marleah,
When I saw your post I just had to reply. My dad passed away last May 2nd at age 62 after a battle with cancer. I planted a memorial garden in his honor. It breaks my heart that he can't be here to see it. Springtime is suppose to be filled with hope and wonder but it is hard when you lose someone close to you and they aren't here to share it with.

Everyday I look at his garden growing with earnest and I think of him. Your dad is in your heart always. Keep the faith. And remember he would want you to be happy and find peace.

It was my dad who introduced me to gardening and especially roses. No matter where we lived (he was a Naval officer and we moved frequently), he always created a beautiful garden to enjoy. He died very unexpectedly at age 56 but often when I garden, like Aprille, I talk to him and feel him nearby. He would be so delighted with this garden we grow and it's a pleasure to think of his spirit giving me little pushes toward a problem that needs fixing or looking into a hidden spot to find a floral surprise. The love we shared is something I always carry in my heart.

I'm sad for your loss, Marleah, and hope that you find comfort in the words and experiences of your forum friends.

Sue

I cannot stop thinking about my father who passed away last September (he was only 62 and it wasn't at all expected). I am having such a hard time because he always would stop his pickup truck and chat with me for a few minutes if I was out in the garden when he was driving by. I didn't realize how much I enjoyed and cherished those moments until this year. Every time a car or truck goes by I look up to see if it is him.

You are honoring his memory in a most beautiful way........

I just wanted to say thank you to all for the kind words. They mean more to me at this time than any of you can imagine.

I am going to plant some sort of memorial garden for my dad (thanks for the suggestion Annie). Hopefully this will give me a project and enjoy this season and bring some happiness back to the yard for me :)

Thanks again,
Marleah

You all have made me cry.

Girlgroupgirl...you have my heart especially. Loving a pet who can't even talk to you about her loves and her woes is especially painful. I lost one to cancer too. So nice of you to bring her to a place that she likes.

I frequently remember the advice of my maternal grandfather while gardening: "Never work on a thirsty plant. Don't fertilize, don't treat for insects or disease, don't prune, don't take cuttings, don't even pull weeds from around its feet. Don't do anything at all until you've given it plenty of water and time to drink it." He wasn't talking about roses - he was a camellia man - and he told me this long, LONG before I ever thought about doing any sort of gardening. He passed away in 1965, before I'd had nearly enough time to get to know him. But his advice was still lodged in my head when I came to need it and I've always followed it.

Another life lesson I learned from him concerned the tiny, yellowed clipping from the back of a magazine I found on the bulletin board in his home office one afternoon. It offered plants for sale and was obviously very old, so I asked him why he'd kept it. He told me it was there in plain sight to remind him how easy it is to do something incredibly stupid, if you aren't careful. He'd placed the ad. Those were hard times, and he would have done just about anything honest to earn a little bit of extra money. And besides, the government was pushing kudzu as a good thing at the time. That comes to mind every time a new companion plant seems to be a little bit too eager to make itself at home in my garden.

Hi Marleah,

Thanks for starting this thread and sharing with us.

I've lost both my parent the past few years, and it still effects me in unexpected ways. I thought your comment about the truck noises was very familiar.. it's those odd things that seem to surprise me by how meaningful they are.

I bought my father a yellow rose and potted it in a large pot for him for his birthday about ten years ago. He loved yellow roses. I still have this rose. I think of my dad every day when I see it.

On the other hand, I think my mom would have loved Heritage or Cottage Rose. She would have loved sitting and enjoying a cup of tea in the garden surrounded by flowers. So yes, I think of them both while gardening.

I'm glad you've decided to have a small memorial garden, I'm sure it will be beautiful.

My memories are older, but I garden today because of a grandmother with a green thumb. My earliest memories from child hood are the chubby back of her knees as she bent down to tie up her tomato plants :>) (she garden in a dress) She grew a peach tree in our yard from a pit, and I remember eating the juicy warm sun ripened peaches as a little girl. I remember rock gardens and pansies that I would stare at because each one was so unique. She loved gladiolas, and daffodils.
Your loss is great and I grieve with you in shared memories of loss.

I think of all my loved ones while in the garden, both living and dead. In fact, I use a different rose bush to memorialize a different family member or friend. It is always something about each bush that puts me in mind of someone special. These are all good memories for me and nice thoughts. My family, especially the nongardeners, get a kick out of knowing they have a memorial rose in their honor in my yard. I let them each know how their rose is doing. The only bad thing is when the darn thing dies. That happened to my mother in law's rose. My husband is still upset about that. I even bought another one and it died as well. Very strange. I finally dedicated a healthier variety to her, my magnolia (devoniensis) rose to her. So far, she's doing great.

Both my grandmothers and my mother were passionate rose growers. Yes, I think of them when I garden or am in the garden and wish they could enjoy it with me. I'm sure somewhere they are smiling to know I have been totally captured by their passion. As would my maternal grandfather who was a passionate fisherman and provided the fishheads to buried beneath the rosebushes. To that list, add my dearest friend, Dian, who supported each and every passion, and my longtime nextdoor neighbour and friend, Ilze, who could no longer garden but loved my efforts to replace the rose garden her parents had kept. They are all with me out there, with smiles and tears, helping me remember that we are all connected to the earth and each other.

Portulaca was my dad's favorite flower. When he died in '03, I planted four in his honor. I didn't realize how much they look like roses or how easily they self sowed. Each spring they reappear to remind us of him.

I'm sorry about your father and that you were having a bad day, I know what that is like. Sometimes it hurts more much later than in the beginning. As to thinking of loved ones while gardening, usually not, am too focussed on getting the task done, but do in the planning. I think about them more when I'm working on genealogy and off and on any time of the day or night. Something will trigger a memory, have teary days, too.

I often wonder what my loved ones would think of my gardening now. I know my parents would have been supportive. I can get things they never dreamed of because they didn't live into the computer age. But I could learn a thing or two from them, too. Of course there are regrets that I took them for granted so much of the time I did have with them. Don't beat yourself up over it. You were probably a blessing to your father, didn't cause him worry and grief in his last years because you had a passion for something that didn't hurt anybody. Many parents today will go to their graves in grief over what their loved ones have done even if they didn't do it intentionally to hurt their parents.

This is a good thread.

I often think of an old flame of mine who loved gardening. We grow many of the same plants, and this time of year when some of our favorite spring flowers are popping up I often get teary-eyed full of bittersweet memories when I see certain ones. But I still feel we are connected and always will be even if I don't see him any more.

Lately I've been helping my aging mother out in the garden of the house where I grew up. I am grateful that we have grown closer with her growing interest in roses and scented flowers. But I'm also aware, while I don't expect to lose her any time soon, not to take her for granted.

I'm so sorry for your loss, Marleah. I think just thinking of a loved one is a memorial. So many folks, especially older ones, think they will be forgotten when they are gone, I don't think they realize the wisdom they pass on or memories they create live on in the minds/hearts of those whose lives they touched.

- "And did you get what you wanted from this life, even so? I did. And what did you want? To call myself beloved, to feel myself beloved on the earth." ~ Poem by Raymond Carver

I think of my grandmother when the lilacs bloom.

My grandma was the gardener in our family, and I think of her often, wishing she could see what I can grow out here in California, and all of the roses that I tend in the cemetery.

I find that gardening is the time when my thoughts move most freely. I might figure out problems, or have insights, or think about the friends who passed along plants.

I really understand your pain at losing your dad. It's so hard. My father's been gone for 15 years. I could not believe how badly it hurt, and it's not something that you get over in a little while. My dad loved Christmas, and I still feel pangs when I pull out boxes of ornaments and see his handwriting on them, or recognize a box that he constructed to keep things safe. It's wonderful to have things that remind me of him, but I'm sometimes surprised to find that my eyes are full of tears.

A memorial garden is a lovely idea, but it will be a memorial to him every time that you grow a plant that he loved, pick up a tool that he used, or remember something that he said to you.
Anita

I often think of my dear father-in-law who loved and nurtured his roses so much. I wish he could see me now in my rose-obsessed life, talking and sharing roses with friends on Gardenweb and growing all these beauties. He would definitely have joined us.

I like to plant memorial specimen plants. My Dad had a huge saucer magnolia out side his bedroom. My Mom- its roses. And I had a sister who was murdered- for her its a plum tree sympathetic friends gave me. The TLC I give these plants is my way of expressing my memory and love that lives on.

oh Marleah I know just how you feel. My mom passed away on March 21, a little over a month ago. I had all these roses on order from last Fall. I couldn't figure out why I ordered so many...now I know...my garden will be my therapy this year. I ordered an Austin rose named "Claire" in her memory.

Marleah,
I am so, so sorry for your loss. My heart aches with you. I am fortunate that my parents are still living at the age of 83, but Mom has Alzheimer's and we treasure every day we have with her. My dad is and always has been my hero. Dads are so special to girls, now matter how old we grow. They are the first man we ever love and the only one to ever love us unconditionally and with so much pride, skinned-up knees, buck teeth and all.

I decided I wanted to honor my Mom & Dad BEFORE they passed on, and dedicated my main rose garden to them a couple of years ago. This way they can enjoy it in their final years and I will have the happy memories of them sitting there with the sun on their silver hair, looking like angels.

Celeste

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Marleah - I just happened to check this forum out tonight and am so glad that I read your post. It is so nice to remember your father, but think back - would he want you to feel so badly now? It is difficult to do, but thank the dear Lord that you had him for as many years as you did. We have to pick up the pieces and go forward. My first husband was only 56 when he passed away, and my nine year old son at the time never had the years you had, so God bless you and comfort you but find your comfort in the happy years you had - Barb

Dear everyone,

All of your stories have truly touched my heart. I would like to respond to each one of you, but we all know how well garden web's mail accounts have been working so I wanted to post here.

Thank you so much for sharing.
Thank you for the words of wisdom.
Thank you for caring.

Thank you for the wonderful pictures and stories and memories you all have. While I am still very sad presently your words of encouragment reassure me that things will get better, and I really need that right now.

Rosey hugs to all,
Marleah

I lost a dear friend last week who I'd known since I was a little boy. He was much older than me, and was good friend of my father. But we became collegues and then very good friends ourselves.

His funeral was Monday, but over the weekend I worked very hard building trellises and planting 2 Sombreuil Climbers outside our bedroom window. I thought of my friend, Julian, the whole time I worked. And I felt the roses would be my own memorial to my lost friend, And when they bloom again in future springs I will think of him.

I'm sorry for your loss Marleah.

Bill