In the attic. DD is already too tall (long waisted) to wear it.

Long gone. I kept it for a long time, but then when we were cleaning out the attic one time and discovered that a stain that was still there had ruined the dress, out it went. It felt weird to throw it away. It was even more weird when I realized how really tiny I once was. Neither of my daughters could have come close to fitting into it.

I never had a wedding gown.
First time I think I wore some kind of blue
dress. I was 17.

When Neil and I got married I wore a beige lace dress.
I was 30 and totally head over heels in love. The dress is
long gone but my love for Neil is still here as strong as ever.

If I had a beautiful wedding gown, the last thing I
would do is trash it. The photographs are lovely, at least
most of them are and I can see how you would be drawn to
photograph such an event, Suzanne. I just couldn't trash
a beautiful expensive gown.

I made my own gown. It wasn't so much I was cheap, but I wanted a gown a decade or two in the future. Those were the days of skirts with yards of material, and little girl bodices adorned with a sickening amount of frou frou. Just not me, so I bought a pattern for a pencil thin, floor length strapless gown and redesigned it and made a bolero jacket with heavy lace on the cuffs. After the big day, it was resurrected once or twice for formal events, without the jacket and nobody was the wiser.

I really don't know when it disappeared or the circumstances behind it. It was saved for a decade or so. Since I'm pulling a mental block on it, I suspect it went the same way as the husband who accompanied it, and I never looked back.

The veil, I did save and took it to England for my daughter to wear at her wedding.

Don't get me started on the extravagance of the typical wedding, nor Bridezillas who think everyone should be their personal vassels on "their" day.

tedium.

My dress for first wedding was stored at my Mom's house until about a year later when my very practical Mom and her sister put their heads together, consulted me and my niece who was shortly to be married and the dress was altered for her wedding. Since my marriage was already over and divorce finalized, I sure didn't mind it's being passed on. Good thing my niece wasn't superstitious...her marriage lasted. LOL josh

My wedding dress was from wedding #1 & was at my mom's house until they sold it & moved to the retirement community in central Illinois. I honestly have no idea what became of it - perhaps it was given to a resale shop?

I'm not sure what to think about "trash the dress," but then I'm also not sure what I think about themed weddings and a lot of the other extravagance that seems to have turned a wedding into the first stop on the road to bankruptcy for a young couple.

My second wedding was ast the city hall in St. Louis. It cst a total of $25.00 - the cost of the marriage license. Since wer'e now going on 33 years, it was highly economical onan amoratized basis.

I wore a white suit and haven't a clue what happened to it,but it must have been a lucky suit since I have the same guy I did 42 years ago. Guess I'd rather save the man and toss the suit rather than the other way around.I don't lose much sleep over weddings women choose for themselves. It's their day and unless someone gets hurt by it in one way or another,then let them have it. One can choose a Mickey Mouse themed wedding or a simple ceremony in a park..it's a personal choice,just like Yard Butts and Pink Flamingos,which are ok for some I guess..just not me. Why pass judgement?

I think there's a theme developing here Andie. For my first wedding I wore a cotton lace shirtdress, short length. That disappeared over the years. For my second wedding we went to the courthouse, and like you, paid the cost of the marriage license. We've been together 29 years. I did have a beautiful antique Gibson Girl top and skirt for the small party we hosted after returning from out New Orleans honeymoon.

I think it's human nature to ponder the decisions other people make....not so much passing judgement... just wondering out loud.

It really doesn't matter to me in what manner other people get hitched. Not really. I do tend to get verbal about it, however, because I have attended (got sucked into?) at least two "Weddings from Hell". They were tremendous stressors for everyone, down to and including extended families because of the way they were orchestrated and also because of the distaff side's expectations and control issues. They were a wonderful display for the observer about family dynamics. One of those weddings almost ruined my marriage, so uh huh.........I have baggage.

I think people get verbal about what weddings have evolved into because for a young woman who is about to plan her own, our culture has set up certain expectations, and not everyone is in a situation to fulfill those expectations, but sometimes think they must. I'm trying to express that guests come, because they want to celebrate the union. That not every bridesmaid is comfortable to buy a thousand dollar dress she'll wear once. I think people feel the need to speak up and tell brides it's perfectly alright not to have an extravaganza out of obligation, and people care less about the spectacle end of it than they'd ever believe. That some of the things a bride might obsess the most may not even be noticed. They need to know that if things don't pan out to perfection, they're likely the only ones who are aware the show didn't come out according to the script. I think parents of the wedding couple also need not to feel guilted into every conceivable whim to "prove" they love their kids. It happens.

I have always felt the whole wedding ritual a bit strange which is why mine was atypical. Spending any kind of money on one of those big white gowns,a father "giving away" his daughter,wearing a veil to cover one's face,which is done all the time in some countries,vowing to obey one's husband to be, wearing white to signify virginity, money spent for all that food,music,etc. etc. seems extravagant to me regardless of whether it's 500.00, 1,000,2,000 or 50,000. Thank God not everyone feels as I do or there wouldn't be all those great wedding movies.LOL

Almost 43 years ago, I wore my sister-in-law's dress which she had made. The flowers were poinsettias(sp). My father walked me up the aisle, but there were no promises of obeying nor any veils. The dress was white (signifying I lied), the food was furnished by my aunt and the reception hall was a neighbor's house.

The groom just spent today watching football and getting jumped upon by the two little grandsons. I am thankful.

LOL...
I was just thinking about this as my kids have been playing with my skirt and top...using them for doll beds since they were lying in the closet. With all our moves lately I didn't have a clue what to do with them.

Technically it wasn't a wedding gown, as it was an ivory mini (kind of) skirt and ivory stretch lace top with a lace over-jacket. I showed a lot of leg on my wedding day...more than I ever showed before or comfortably since.

I initially told the kids not to play with them, but as I keep finding the dolls sleeping on them I find I'm really not bothered after all...I just thought I should be.

DH and I had a small, 40 at most? guest ceremony at a local inn. The ceremony took about 5 minutes.

It worked for us. :^)

Trashing the gown? It bugs me a little bit in the way it symbolizes the excesses and sresses of our culture, but that's a whole long discussion for another day. :^)

It bugs me a little bit in the way it symbolizes the excesses and sresses of our culture

LOL .. that was my first reaction too, then I remembered something from my childhood. A little girl with Shirley Temple curls, red lipstick and bare feet parading up and down the sidewalk in her mother's satin wedding gown !

Hey I looked good :)

My first dress was a simple gown bought at a basement sale at May Company ($20) ... the reception was held in my parent's basement, the wedding lasted two years ... guess I got my $20 worth.

This partnership has lasted close to 40 years ... with no church or reception :)

OMGosh........I only accounted for wedding dress #1!

Dress number two was peach. It was rather flower-childish and I wore a halo of roses and daisies. I looked at it after the fact and wondered "what was I thinking?" It took a trip to Goodwill. I also looked at the reason I wore it and said the same thing. LOL.

Dress number three was deep red velvet, waltz-length skirt, and fitted victorian styled jacket with pearl buttons. Nobody told me red was not a good choice for a wedding, with various negative overtones. However, this marriage took and has lasted longer than the first two put together. Next month, we celebrate year 22. I dug this one out occasionally to wear to the opera or a fancy party. I am not much heavier now than I was when I tailored it, but my cargo has shifted, if you know what I mean and last year I gave it to my then eleven year old g'daughter to wear for a recital she was in around Chrismastime. With a little nip in the waist, it would have fit her.

Sitting here reading about weddings makes me remember the nicest wedding I've ever attended. It was a second marriage for the bride & the first for the groom, who before the event had passed into an age where the term confirmed bachelor (and an eccentric one at that) would probably describe him.

I worked with the groom & when he brought the woman who he married to the local bar where we used to go for a drink after work, we all immediately fell in love with her. She was bright & funny & she obviously loved this crazy guy. I remember several of us telling him that if he didn't' ask her to marry him, we'd kill him.

Anyway, there were only around 50 people at their wedding which was in our neighborhood Episcopal church & I think the ceremony took about 15 minutes. The reception was then at the house they had purchased . It sat on a big double lot & the extra lot had a huge perennial border along all four sides that was gloriously in bloom. A string quartet provided the music & a buffet lunch was set up in the dining room with all the tables out on the lawn among the flowers. It was a gorgeous day, the couple was gloriously happy & we were all happy for them.

I'm sure the whole event probably cost under $2000, but it's the wedding that stays with me in my memory as one of the happiest events I've ever attended.

I agree Andie. Some of the loveliest weddings I've attended have been very simple affairs. Unfortunately in the Chicagoland area there's a "wedding formula" that everyone feels compelled to follow. And that formula is getting bigger and splashier. One wedding we attended was held in a very exclusive and old money country club on the north shore. Mr. Suzanne told me, "Look around - you'll never get in here again as long as you live!" The flowers were absolutely fabulous and I told Mr. Suzanne to be sure to mention it to the father of the bride who was a friend of his. Father of the Bride says, "OH MY GOSH......thank your wife so much for noticing. Those flowers cost me $63,000!!!"

One favorite story is the daughter of a friend of mine. She spent over TWO YEARS planning her wedding. Dad and mom put their foot down on the budget as they were just preparing to retire. The daughter and her fiance extended the wedding date two years out so that they could save the budget overrun. The months leading up to the wedding were H#%$% for everyone involved. Like suzy mentioned above it did damage to several relationships along the way. Things reached a fever pitch on wedding day and some of the vendors were victims of the bride's wrath. Really silly stuff like having the wrong shade of peach in the floral arrangements.

So the couple goes off to their honeymoon and upon return the bride flips out. Remember, she's just spent two years of her life planning for one day, and being the center of attention for all that time. She calls her mother and says, "The wedding is over, what am I supposed to do now?"

Mom says, "Real life....go scrub a toilet you'll feel much better!!"

It's very typical even in this area for a bride to start arranging the event a year ahead of time, whether they want to or not because of the demands of those involved in the bridal industry for advance notice. Alls you have to do is say the magic word "wedding" to throw you into that special $$$$$$ category.

Example is when I had wedding number two, it was very simple and small and held in the chapel of a larger church with only immediate family and friends present. I wait until a couple weeks before the wedding and call a florist and started to tell her what I want and used the word wedding in my opening sentence. She jumped down my throat, told me it was impossible with that kind of notice and ended the conversation right there. She didn't even let me explain what I wanted. I call back later and rephrased the request. I asked what kind of time frame they needed to fashion a halo of roses and daisies, and a couple of courages and buttonholes to match and she says if they have the flowers available by the next day..........three days if she has to order them. I was just very careful NOT TO TELL HER THEY WERE WEDDING FLOWERS!

Ditto banquet halls. When my Aunt passed away several years ago in the Northern Part of the state, her children had her funeral service up there and a reception following it and then asked if I could arrange the details for a wake here since she grew up and had friends and family here. My husband called a very fancy golf course/club we sometimes sell to and enquired. They set up a lovely private sit down dinner for a good many people on one day's notice. So, I KNOW a reception at a nice place can be done without six months to a year's lead time. But if you say the word WEDDING, it won't happen.

Alls you have to do is say that magic word. WEDDING. It's not just the greed involved. Over the years when I'm not in my busy growing seasons, I've taken on wedding orders and it's not something I do lightly because of the PITA factor. I can't say the words but it has to do with pain somewhere. Brides aren't customers who call up and tell you what they want. The expect a private "sitting" or two ....or three...or more.with the mother in tow. They don't want arrangements, they want original designs. They want tulips in August and lilacs in January. They reserve the right to change their minds every three days and will try to change it again the day before the wedding when you have several thousand cut stems cooling out you have already special ordered from a wholesaler. They want the flowers to absolutely match their bridesmaid's dresses, even if you have to spray paint them. If they carry a basket for their posies you can't just go get one, they want you to use the "perfect" one they saw somewhere else, and btw,can you spray that out too?

Perhaps all of this revolves around having too much time on their hands because they need to reserve everything at least a year in advance, but I suspect it has more to do with the emphasis on "their special day". Well, it is a special day and a little of that is fun and healthy. But, it's also her intended's special day, and only one solitary day in a what should be many special days of a special life. No wonder returning to the real world is an anti-climax.

I know a younger couple who spent(or their parents spent) 46 thousand dollars on their wedding, and this was on top of school loans for college they need to pay back. They started their life in the red. By they time their children came along, they had already gone into bankruptcy once. And this isn't even one of the weddings from hell I was talking about.

They pretty much start a year ahead here too. My friend's daughter was married and had the reception in an old inn not far from here,and she had to book it a year ahead of time and even then didn't get it the one she really wanted because it was already booked that far in advance. The same goes for those large tents if you want to have it on your property. They are rented months and months in advance as well as caterers if one wants to have someone else prepare the food. I'm sure it's because the East Coast is a heavily populated area and you might not have the same problem in other less populated places.

I just finished packing up my wedding dress for the move. It was very simple made by a local seamtress from a vogue pattern. Wedding planning lasted 2 months, the same amount of time as our engagement. (I am sure everyone thought I was pregnant but I was not.) We got married in a park. Our Marriage had its ups and downs but I am pretty sure it will last. (37 years so far) Dress also has a stain. Too small for my daughter. I don't know why I keep it but I would never throw it away.

Marda, Most good-sized metropolitan areas are about the same as far as booking places for the reception, booking caterers and even being able to secure the church on the desired day. Even here is Tyler (which is hardly a big city) people have to book nice places 9-12 months out.

My 1962 vintage wedding dress is in a box in a closet here at my house. I wore it for my wedding and my sister wore it four years later. I can't imagine it will be used again but I certainly would not give it away.

I can't help but wonder what the mother's of those brides think when they see the pictures of those beautiful wedding dresses being trashed. Some how I can't see the point in doing that.

I can't either, Gabrielle. I also don't see the point in mashing a piece of wedding cake in your new spouse's face as the crowd whoops and jeers, either.

Dress #1 was made by my mother. Long since gone to a charity shop.

Dress #2 was made by me. Pale pink silk, fitted column, with pink lace jacket. Hanging in my closet.

Suzy, you made me laugh: we planned our wedding in one morning, from 3300 miles away: phoned parent's minister, and confirmed date, he sent materials by fax for us to study. Phoned church organist, sorted out music. My mum phoned her friend who does the church flowers and sorted out both church, and a bouquet of daisies for me. We then phoned the inn we usually stayed at, which is in fact the closest hotel to my parent's house. Booked a small room for a private dinner for 12. They faxed menus and wine lists, we selected and faxed back 15 minutes later. Then went to the fabric store and selected dress pattern and fabric. Wrote and mailed hand-written invitations.

Only when we got off the plane and arrived at the hotel the day before did we actually tell them our private dinner was for a wedding. They were great: asked if we wanted a cake. We hadn't planned for one, but they said they could get a small one by the next morning, from a bakery they knew.
My sister took all the photos. We had a riot.

By contrast, next weekend, we're going to a (literally) Big Fat Greek Wedding. Ten bridesmaids. I'm taking my camera - this should be good!

1st wedding gown given to daughter, who played dress up in it. marriage went south on wedding night but lasted 11 years - ouch!

2nd wedding gown was a simple ivory coctail/dancing dress with a big skirt. It's still in my closet - I dream of being slim and wearing it again. It's been 16+ wonderful years. of all our favorite wedding memories, none involve the wedding attire, just the goofy, sweet things that happened that day.

Hubby worked, really champaigned, hard to wed in Vegas the same day we got engaged. Toured me around all night looking at wedding chapels. In hindsight, I should have. Even though the wedding was simple, I almost chickened out.

It was the very best wedding I've ever been to - I'm an organist and I've seen more than most. Hubby has proposed every day since. We spent $500 on the wedding and put the $5000 we saved into buying a home we closed that same month. Nine years later that house sold for $35,000 profit and saved us another $10,000 in income taxes. My husband thinks I'm brilliant!

In our family, everyone loves the tale of my aunt and uncle driving around in a convertible, with two brothers for witnesses and a justice of the peace, looking for a place to wed - they finally pulled over on a new bridge span (itty bitty bridge over a creek) and performed it right there. they almost made it to 75 yrs.

Also, not sure about trashing the dress; but, like Suzanne, love the photo aspect.
Don't know that I could use my weddinng dress this way but would go to a resale shop and get one for $19.99 for this purpose.

For those of you not knowing what to do with your dress...

Being a seamstress, I have made christening gowns, dedication dresses, coming-home-from-hospital outfits, etc. with parts or all of the wedding gowns.

Then, I suggest to the parents to either have the outfit framed professional as a keepsake or buy a special porcelain doll that the outfit will fit, dress the doll and put it in a special place in their home.

As the wedding dress usually doesn't fit the next generation, I have also used parts of the mom, grandmother, or aunt's dress on the bride's dress...pieces of lace, appliques, the train for bustle or bow, etc.

One bride bought a porcelain doll, I remade the bride's mom's dress to fit the doll, and the bride used the doll on her table where guests signed the book.
Turned out very special.
Bride planned to pass the doll on to next generations.

Our state has the largest Amish community in the world and all this talk of what to do with the wedding dress makes me think of Amish custom.

What does an Amish bride do with her dress? It becomes her Sunday go to church service attire, and she will also be buried in it.

I can't even imagine slipping in to my first wedding dress, but then again it was tailored. Amish dresses often contain a lot of tiny pleats, so that it may be let out and still be serviceable in pregnancies and as a woman becomes less lithe and more portly through her childbearing years.

Very interesting tradition of the Amish wedding dress. My great-grandmother was a Seminole and they had different tradition. If you look at the woman on the left in the photo I've linked you'll see that she wears a large collection of bead necklaces. Upon birth a Seminole female would receive a bead necklace, and over the years she'd add more necklaces. At middle age she would start removing them one by one until at her death she would be left with the original necklace she received at her birth.

Seminoles also had their own version of the birthing room. If a death occurred in the confines of their village the would abandon the village and find a new spot to set up camp. Infant mortality was quite high in those times and in order to keep from moving constantly they would set up a small shelter just outside the boundaries of the village as a birthing shelter.

Here is a link that might be useful: Seminole Women boiling cane sugar

The necklaces are a wonderful thing aren't they? I love reading about the Lakotas,Cherokees of course,Navajos and so many others.Their sense,belief and worship of the cycle of life hits a nerve somewhere deep inside and I always like to think it's genetic,coming from my very Cherokee great grandmother.

All this talk about wedding gowns has me having dreams
about weddings. I was about to get married the other
night, in a dream of course, but I woke up just as I
was all wedding gowned up and ready to walk down the isle.

My gown was beautiful, of course and I won't be trashing it.:0)

Suzanne, the Crow Indians will still move off and leave a
dwelling if there is a death. They just walk off and leave
everything in it. They stay on the reservation but leave
the house.

Suzanne--I'm still not sure what you mean by "trashing the dress." Is it merely draping oneself across possible dirty hay bales and the like, or is it some stylist artfully ripping it, spraypainting it, or doing other intentional and unrepairable damage?

I have my grandmother's wedding dress, a pale pink silk flapper shift my mother used to let me wear to costume parties, my mother's, and mine (pure silk and it would have been expensive if not for the I.Magnin going out of business sale), all in boxes but not "preserved."

I hope I can pawn them off on some great-niece someday.

I saw a wedding dress draped over a Christmas tree as
part of the decorations over on the Holiday Forum.

If you follow the link and look at the photos you'll see that brides are being photographed in outdoor settings, sometimes in water, forests, etc. In the process of the photo shoot the dress gets trashed.

As an alternative, I read recently about some group that organises Wedding Dress Balls - on the basis that people only get to wear this dress once, why shouldn't they get a chance to wear it again, for the fun of it? So, you and your friends and spouses buy tickets and go to the ball, with all the foolishiness and fun of dressing up again. With variations to the look, if you want . . . .

Sounds like a laugh.

In the closet, still dirty! I just got married in August. I LOVE my dress and have no interest in doing a trash the dress shoot. Of course, I don't know what else I'm doing w/ it either. It makes tons of sense to sell while it's still in style, but I just don't want to. Maybe I'll break it out for anniversaries?? Maybe I'll do the christening gown thing sometime? Whatever I do, first I'll have to get it cleaned this winter!

Congratulations!

My mother, 56 years later, still has her dress, in a suitcase. Classic Dior New Look style she made herself (revolutionary at the time - dark blue net over white satin, day dress length!) She used to get it out now and then for us to see when we were little.