George,what you have had to face with the loss of your children is something I can't even begin to imagine. Others here have been through it so to some degree know the pain with which you and Leone have had to deal. As for the Amish,it's just a whole other culture and I doubt if anyone who wasn't brought up in that environment would ever be able to understand many of the things they think and do. I hope their belief system is of some comfort and will help them get through these awful days. I wish the media would just butt out though,it has to compound all the misery there right now.

One thing the media have reported that makes me tear up is that people have sent a lot of money to the Amish community to cover their girls' medical expenses, some of which will be ongoing for a long time.

The Amish have set aside part of the money to care for the family of the man who killed their children.

I am not sure that what is going on with them is "forgiveness." I think it is more a quiet acceptance that this is what happened, and nothing they can do can make it better. So, they more or less manage to say that they are turning it over to God for His Judgement. Forgiveness is just a word. They won't ever forget. You can bet on that. Perhaps acceptance makes the unbearable a little easier. I don't know. I don't think I could "forgive" either.

Gandle, I barely survived losing one child. I don't know how
you and Leone can bear it, losing three.

I have been trying to get up enough courage to place
some flowers on my son's grave, I still can't bear to see his pictures and I have only been back to the cemetery once
since his death. It hurts too much. I'm crying now just
thinking about him.

Forgivness is a hard thing for some, I don't think I
could forgive anyone who killed my child, truth be known,
i'd probably be driven to violence myself. Of course two wrongs don't make a right but where my children are concerned, i'm sorry, i'm not one of those people who
forgives and forgets.

My heart breaks for you and Leone.
Your children and grandchildren are your heart,
losing them leaves a wound that never heals.

Personally, I'm humbled by the way the Amish people are dealing with this. One has also to understand that this comes out of a culture of foregiveness and acceptance that is very, very old. They are steeped in this concept.

Idon't know that I could forgive, at least not so readily. But I do think that if one can come to acceptance of what one cannot change, it's healing.

I have no doubt in my mind that if we could do as the Amish peple do, this world would be a better place for it and I, as an individual, know I would be a better person for it.

Shelia, Very well said & I totally agree with you.

I'm sure I couldn't ever forgive, but I'm not a part of such a close, compassionate community. Did you know that the families of the fallen even attended his funeral in support of his wife and children?

I don't know how many of these articles made it to national wire services, but I've linked to the local papers' coverage. Maybe reading about it from something close to an insider's eye can help.

Here is a link that might be useful: News Reports from Lancaster Papers

I'd like to echo what andie said. Sheila, you worded that so gracefully. As Sheila said, their culture is steeped in their beliefs. Violence is never an option for them. I surmise then that blame and resentments have no room for that belief to stand. Allowing only then, the option of letting go and forgiveness. Truly humbling.
~di

The Amish also have a good understanding of insanity, and in the Amishburg where I live there are well-established institutions that cater to the mentally ill Amish...just another consequence of a stagnant gene pool and the stress of colliding with modern culture.

Though I personally have a hard time seeing a sociopath as insane, since they are acting rationally based on their own goals and purposes, and because you ain't gonna cure or help a sociopath, this guy was certainly not mentally healthy.

Does God forgive a sociopath?

lynnie b from Middlebury

George, I am sorry you do not understand the principle of forgiveness. Steve in Baltimore County

We all understand the principle of forgiveness,but in this particular case it's not so easy and has to be even more difficult for someone who has lost children due to homicide.

Steve, unless you have experienced the same as we did please do not judge. I can forgive most anything but willfully drinking to impairment then killing someone child to me is completely unforgiveable. Perhaps God can forgive these people, he is supposed to be in that business. I'm not.

I also am not alas, a forgiving kind of person. When my niece was in the hospital and I was playing let's make a deal with God I promised to do the hardest good thing I could think of if only she would live and be OK. I promised to forgive two people who had treated me very badly. I have been working on that one for three years and I think I am almost there. But someone who kills your children, I just do not see how. Perhaps it is a little easier because he killed himself.

I really think it is better for you if you forgive people, but I am not good at it.

There is a difference between forgiveness and acceptance. Like many people, when it comes to personal loss, I often cannot make that last step from acceptance into forgiveness.

Many years ago, my baby daughter died from pneumonia, early in the morning of the day that we had expected to bring her home from the hospital because she had "almost recovered". I can accept that illness can quickly and unexpectedly kill a baby. I have not been able to forgive the nurse who decided not to call us with the sad news, "because you were coming in, anyway." I can accept the death of my best friend; I cannot forgive the young man driving the vehicle that lost control and smashed her car. Officially, he wasn't DWI; he had consumed only 3 beers before driving. I'm having trouble with accepting the "official" stance on impairment due to alcohol.

I can accept reality, but I cannot forgive those who deliberately choose to harm others. My heart cries for those who have lost a loved one; I can only admire those who have the courage to forgive the unforgiveable.

So many of you have suffered through some pretty awful things. It always make me pause and remember how lucky I am and to once again become grounded as to what is important and what isn't.

Death is an integral part of life but when it comes early it throws the balance of our world into disaray. The emotions that are activated when we loose a child are esspecially strong. We expect to go before them in the vast order of things and it is hard to wrap your mind around that experience.

The empty feeling never goes away and affects thoughts till we meet them again. No one is a lesser person for not reacting as others expect or think is proper. We still have much anger for the things that could have been that weren't when Randy passed.

Life proceeds and the Amish seem to have a handle on this. Perhaps it is due to the simple life they lead thet leaves no room for self indulgence. The world today is a complicated place.