Yes, of course. You have a relationship with her that is seperate from your relationship with Ed. Hopefully Ed with realize this and act decent.

My aunt and uncle divorced after 30+ years. When my uncle, the brother of his ex-wife, died, my "divorced from the family" uncle showed up at the funeral. He kept a low profile. He kept his distance from his ex, who is still bitter. It wasn't about him though. It wasn't about her either. It was about my recently widowed aunt and her kids, and they appreciated the support.

You get to say goodbye. (And let her know how much you appreciate the fact that she's never uttered an unkind word! What a rare gem!) You have to do so in a way that is not about you though, so choose a time, place, and manner that best convey your heartfelt wishes and yet be devoid of dramatic potential.

But then you knew that already, didn't you?

Very good advice from Michael and Michelle. Sorry you are about to lose a loved family member Robin.

Robin, the fact that you had such a great relationship with
your MIL speaks volumes for both of you.

There are ways to handle every situation in life.
You will find a way.

I'm sorry that this will be yet another loss for you
and LF.

Hugs to both of you.
Surely Ed will man up and behave himself in a manner that would make his family proud.

When my father passed away, my ex husband was there at the funeral home. He belonged there, not only for his feelings and the relationship he had once had with my Daddy, but as the father of my children.......who were grieving. I thought my sib was going to have a hiss fit. I nipped that one right in the bud. If there were to be any hissy fits, I would have been the logical one to have it, it was frankly not any of the siblings business other than to mind their own agenda. I did share that my folks had invited my ex to their home for Christmas dinner only a few years previous. Doesn't sound to me like my father would have minded him at the funeral.

There are just some times to put animosities away and this is certainly one of them.

I think it's the Ed part of it. He's not been behaving, so why would he now. I hope he does. You're right Michelle, I did know it. I just hope he does. Thanks for your kind words. I have two bigger problems here than what do I do it's 1) Ed; and 2) it's on the heels of I know my grandmother is dying too. She's had congestive heart failure for years, but she's lost so much weight in the past week and isn't waking up... I have that gut feeling thing; this one I rarely get wrong. Actually, three. Ed, Sr. died July 8th, 8 years ago. It's too much. One thing at a time... breathe in and out.... I'm leaving. I am going to take LF to the pool and wait for the call.

Rob, Ed called you and told you himself. He didn't leave it up to the "grapevine". And it's his mother, he will have to contend with his own grief too. This is a painful time for everyone, including your young son.

I hope that calm and compassionate heads prevail at this time, that differences are put aside.

Robin, here are prayers and kind thoughts for you, LF, Ed, and most of all, his Mom. My heart aches for you.

Yes, he did Sheila. But I figured once he saw her, he'd crumble, and he did. Poor guy. He didn't call me last night after seeing her, so I knew it was as bad as it sounded. He is more than welcome to call me if he wants and needs, I'll be here for him. I'm sure he knows that. Instead, I called his sister. His sister and I are still friends so she's keeping me updated and has already stated in no uncertain terms I am welcome at the funeral. I don't get to say goodbye, but it's because her mind is too far gone, she doesn't even know her own children at all now. They're only giving her "comfort measures" at this point. No feeding tube, she'd felt really strongly when making out the living will and sis relayed that. Her lungs are filling right now and is still experiencing heart attacks. I'm sad.

Aw, Robin, sorry to hear this. I'm glad you're talking to his sister. Him calling you does show some hope that he'll act ok at the funeral. Hopefully dealing with his own grief and that of his family will take precedence. I hope he's good to LF too. Thinking of you and LF.

Mama died on Saturday.

True to his form, Ed said, "I don't want you at the funeral. If you come I won't go." Selfish and threatening to the bitter end. But, funerals are for the living and she knew I loved her and cared about her. I talked with the sibs who know how I feel. When I told Ed "I wasn't going for you", he said, "Well do this for me." He had me there, I do care about him and I do want to do this for him. I would've been there to pay my respects, bring LF, and be there for the brothers and sisters I've had for so long. It's disappointing, but he needs his space and I get it. He relaxed a bit and could see my true intentions. I just looked at him and said, "Ed, she has been a part of my life for ten years. I care about her and she did me. She never said an unkind word about me or to me." Feeling more secure in his vulnerability, he said "they" asked him to tell a bit about her. He smiled and said, "I'm lost. I don't know what to say. I know she never said a curse word. Well, three times, but two of them weren't real and she loved three things. She loved her husband, painting, and Germany..." "...and she loved her kids." He let me finish the sentence. "You only saw her tipsy once. She really enjoyed that party Ed (it combined all those things, except painting). And you two share those things." He's never really felt like he connected with her but he did, so what I said meant something to him I think. I guess my support came in a different way than I'd ever have imagined. He got in his car, kinda slumped over, and then drove off. As he drove off, he gave his thanks by meeting me on our level, something he didn't do enough in our marriage, "Hey! Don't make fun of my car!", he said jokingly. What can I say? We are both car nuts, his car is a POS, so how can I not?! :)