Lilo, I have felt the same way upon coming into our house after we'd been away for two months' in FL. (Unfortunately, those days are no nore) :Another instance--very long ago--was when I looked at the couch in our living room (it was covered in a paisley pattern) and said, "OMG, that upholstery is awful, it's faded, and soiled, too!" It was as if I were seeing that piece of furniture with new eyes! After DH's naps, three small kids, one big dog, and a long-haired cat, it was definitely time for a new one!

Colleen, I think sometimes the biggest help you can offer someone is simply understanding their position without judgement. I don't know the particulars of your situation, but it sounds like you're willing to share in some (perhaps many) of the child-raising duties. Which is great, and may even be an utter necessity depending on how responsible (or not) the BM in your life happens to be... and the DH.... But no matter what actions you're taking to help ---and no matter how great these actions are--- BM will still "bite your hand" if she knows you think of her as "pathetic", which would feel to her like massive insult on top of injury. Again, I obviously don't know all the details involved.... but c'mon... divorce, remarriage and especially 'the new wife" are always a touchy and sensitive set of issues. For anybody. Few women would reach out and hug or worship the woman who's now with the man that could have hurt or rejected them very harshly. Even if your DH isn't a sleazy caricature ---the type to toss out the first wife at mid-life then run out & get a red sportscar and a bimbo half his age--- this caricature exists b/c many men DO end up with younger women in their 2nd marriages. And to make matters worse, these men often "fix the errors of their past" or "become more sensitive and mature" just in time to shower the new wife with all kinds of praise, support, commitment, etc. that the first wife never got b/c when they were married the guy was a young pr!ck who thought he had a lifetime to discard or mistreat women at will or "upgrade" to a newer model as a prize for certain milestones of achievement or bank balance. So the stereotype is that the new wife is treated like a queen, unlike the first wife who scrubbed toilets to help put him thru med school, etc. Even when it's not so callous as this, thing is many men DO mature as they get older and learn how to treat women better and appreciate them more, etc. and the first wife sees this happening and feels like she wasted years of her life she won't get back. It's rough, and just plain not going to be easy for the first wife to think you're the bee's knees. Best case scenario, she will be civil and will have moved on with her own life and might even be really nice to you... But even in the best situations, there is always a small part of any former wife (or girlfriend, whatever) that will make some comparisons, question what you've got that she didn't have, why you "deserve" to be treated well by the same man that treated her like a piece of garabage (at least by the end of the marriage). And if you DO happen to be younger or prettier, it's going to make matters infinitely more strained ---obviously--- if she catches the slightest whiff of you regarding her as a pathetic old bag. Even if she's acting crusty and biting your hand, within yourself you should at least try to empathize with some of her situation. This romance business can be a really rough game for women in general.

Gloria Stuart lived to be 100. I googled her and read about her life, it was very interesting. May she RIP I loved Tony Curtis, he was so handsome. Didn't he star on the "Operation Petticoat " with Cary Grant? Cary Grant was also a favorite of mine. We are loosing so many great old actors and actresses.

Thank you for posting, it is absolutely fabulous. I think my fave thing it the shape of the tree in the backyard! It is so... slinky?! Do you think the stylist moved the chairs out there? They cannot be outdoor furniture can they? I adore the bathroom you posted, Jilly. I also love the living room and yes, the fringe. I want to here the story about the porch found in a dumpster. Really, what's not to love in this place. Something about it reminds me of John Robshaw, another fave. Many years ago, i think in the early 90s, she was featured in AD and they showed a large Lalique Bacchantes vase in her home. I was in love. A few years later I bought one just like it in Paris on a business trip. It was a prized possession, until it was lost (I think stolen) in a move 15+ years ago. : ( So alas that is my memory forever associated with Gloria Steinem. From time to time I thought of replacing it, but mine was the very large one and it really needs a very formal space. Hmm,maybe Boston.