Im not a widow myself, but I remember a friend’s husband’s ashes came to her in a box. Was this fellow cremated? Would a lovely urn work if so?

Yes, he was cremated, but she chose a nice urn and had a lovely engraving put on it. Thanks for your thoughts.

We have been discussing the unfortunate demise of Porkchop‘s cherry tree. How about a tree for your friend?

WELL! Yes, I thought of that, but it turns out that her sewing group is getting her one.

I’m not a widow.

Be a listener.

Don’t be afraid to mention her husband’s name.

Continue being a friend. Do what friends do.

Was there anything her husband was passionate about? A hobby? A group? Perhaps a donation in his name or a plaque to show respect?

just be present. if she is a longtime friend who won't mind a drop-in visit from you, go see her. sit with her, hold her hand, just BE there, you don't even have to talk. my best friend dropped in on me for impromptu visits often for many months after i lost my husband. she didn't stay long, spent just enough time to give me a break in the day. we cried, we laughed, we told stories about gary, sometimes we just sat in silence with our own memories. it's been 20 years, i still cherish those times we shared.

what i can suggest is this...if you know things that she'd like to have (a few of her favorite treats, some fresh flowers, a couple of magazines you think she'd read), take those things to her occasionally. it means so much more than just simply asking what she needs/wants. take the initiative to make it happen, don't wait for her to suggest or ask because i guarantee you, she won't. people in this position don't like to ask for things because even with best friends, it will feel like an intrusion. she will appreciate the effort you put forth.

Oh yes - I believe we keep our departed loved ones with us by saying their names as often as possible. Just spending time together and sharing memories gave us solace.

And beautiful flowers from friends and relations meant a lot to us when my mom passed.

And a dear friend of my mom's sent us some lovely embroidered handkerchiefs - 1 for each daughter, which I thought was a lovely gesture.

When my brother Mike died, the 5 of us left sent a windchime with his name engraved on it. She loves it. My siblings sent a memorial windchime to us when DH's mom died. It's a beautiful rose gold.

Suzieque, I think the most meaningful gift you can give to your dear friend is your continued presence in her life. You must be grieving the loss of her husband as he was your friend as well as she is Your friend. Tell her that and give her many opportunities to talk about her husband. Continue to include her in your life in the same activities you included both of them with.

It seems too often that after a person suffers the loss of a family member they receive great support and company from their family and circle of friends but too soon that attention from the friends begins to wane. After all, the friends lives go on with not much disruption so their life returns to normal. It’s not anyone’s fault but it’s the old saw that ”life goes on”. So, I strongly feel that the kindest and best gift you can give your friend is your shoulder to cry on and your hand to hold hers for a long time.

I think your idea of something decorative for the garden is lovely. I wonder if a stepping stone with his name on it might seem similar to a grave marker. My parents are buried in a cemetery that doesn't allow headstones so each grave is marked with an engraved stone set level with the ground. Perhaps a different piece or even a bench. There is a nice selection online.

And I am sorry you have a lost a good friend too.

Widow here and I received a few gifts that meant a lot. A man he worked with (I didn't know him well), was a wood carver and he carved a hummingbird plaque, because he thought of my husband as a high energy person who was always busy, flitting through his tasks. My son's girlfriend (they were in college) is an artist and she painted me a picture of us on our sailboat with an inscription honoring him. Some other friends had their favorite photo of him put in a nice frame for me.

We had many close friends that we did lots of activities with and the most difficult thing was being a single among our couples friends. So, I really appreciated being included with a couple to dine out or go to a play or movie, or even to dinner at their homes.

Maybe take her out for lunch, to a matinee (if she's free during the day), or other activities that keep her connected and gives a little distraction.

A group of friends across USA &Canada chat every day via internet. One beloved member husband passed away and a collection was taken up. It was decided to send a gold charm with husbnds name engraved on it. Widow wrote when she receivd it and indcated she was thrilled with the momento.

She may not be for a spa day, but would she take a massage? My mother suffered after Dad passed and a combo of stress and not being physically touched brought her to a real panic level. She went for a massage and was greatly relieved afterward.

Some people suffer with feeding themselves as they are eating alone. Is there something you can prepare for her food wise in individual portions that she can freeze?

I'm thinking of something that's ongoing rather than just once, like a monthly flower club?

Is she a reader? She may not be ready for it yet, but I found a great deal of insight reading Maria Sirois book "A Short Course in Happiness After Loss".

I love the idea of wind chimes. Just wanted to recommend Wind River Chimes. I have them and they have lasted for years. What I really like is they are tuned to a specific key and harmonize so well with each other. And the web site plays them so you can hear the sounds before you buy. If you get them, get large ones so the tones are lower...some find the higher pitches more irritating, esp if they have hearing issues.

Few of us need more "things". We need for you to remember that we are still alive.

A phone call, a visit, an invitation is a Godsend to one who is learning to live alone

24 hours a day.

Annie good idea about the lower tone windchimes. I don't like the high pitched ting-y ones.

The wind chimes is a good idea, she will think of him when the music plays.

I had some of my husband's ashes turned into a piece of jewelry, not flashy but something I could and did wear almost daily. There are online places that make rings, necklaces, bracelets, etc. It's comforting, especially in the beginning, to have that talisman.

The tree is a good idea, and not saying there can't be more than one planted in his memory! If you guys went to a local park, perhaps a bench with a plaque showing in his memory. Or, that's a good place to plant a tree if there's no room at home.

And, there are people who make memory bears (and giraffes, elephants, etc) out of old shirts. Or a quilt. That would give her something to wrap up in on weepy days.

Totally agree with sweet_betsy. I think your company is the best thing.

Personally I wouldn't want a spa or massage voucher even now, let alone if I were grieving. But if you know she likes such things why not invite her to go with you?

I wouldn't give any gift that puts any kind of obligation on the recipient. Even a book could pressure them into feeling they should read it to please the giver when they might not feel like it.

So many thoughtful ideas. You are a special friend, Susie.

Another thought. I've found an old fashioned handwritten letter has been much appreciated.

I was going to suggest something Mystical Manns suggested. If your friend’s DH wore flannel shirts, for example a good quilter can make a ‘rag quilt’ out of them. If not maybe his old jeans? DD has made several out of some pretty flannel nor baby or personal gifts, and another out of flannel shirts for a friend who’se father wore them. she actually had to make 3 of those, one for each of his children. DD makes hers a little larger than just a lap quilt and great to keep by your chair or sofa when it’s chilly. You can see these on Etsy but honestly, my DD’s are prettier than most.

And of course those intangible gifts of time spent with her are priceless and will be welcomed I’m sure.

Large deep resonance Wind Chimes link to see

These really are all great suggestions and I thank everyone. 4 of us got together this morning and went over to her house, bringing her breakfast (pre-arranged with her) and we all sat around laughing, intermittent crying, more laughing, more crying. This is all very fresh.

We will certainly continue to do the visits, calls, lunch, cards, etc. And not just for now. She is a very special person (as was he) and we'll take care of her.

At the moment, I'm looking into windchimes. I've asked her son and daughter (they live a couple of states away) if she likes them or is irritated by them. LoL.