My brother Kevin died

11 months ago

last modified: 11 months ago

He died on August 28th. His friend found him and called me. He went to bed Thursday night, with dinner plans for Friday, and just didn't wake up. I truly have not gotten past stunned shock. I feel like I've been on auto pilot since then.

He came to our house every Monday for lunch then we hung out for several hours. Sometimes he came more than once a week. We did road trips together...to our nieces wedding in North Carolina, to visit our 2 sisters, to visit our brother Mike's wife and adult kids in Georgia.

We were closest in age growing up, got in trouble together, had adventures. He is our daughters godfather. He served 2 tours in the Marine Corps, then was a police office then a parole agent before retiring. He was adored by his nieces and nephews, respected by colleagues, would do anything for anyone. He was the youngest of 6 of us, he was only 62.

I will never stop missing him. I'm really struggling with this one. He is now with our other brothers Mike and Bart. God bless his soul.

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Comments (52)

Bluebell66
11 months ago
I am so sorry to hear this. It is so very hard to lose a sibling. Big hugs to you.
happy2b…gw
11 months ago
I feel so bad for you. He was so young.
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I am so sorry about the loss of your brother. No one should ever have to go through this. I do understand. A year ago in June my only son died in ATV accident. He was 31yrs. old , divorced, and had three young children. My heart has ached ever since..Each day I try to keep my smile on but I still cry many times each day. I have also lost my dad and many other special people in my life but your right, it has never felt as hard as losing my son. He sounds kind of like your brother. He did everything for everyone. Its good your mom went to work, it really helps to keep busy, but its during the quiet times when its really hard. This whole thing takes a long time and the first year is really hard. Our family tried to do things differently, on holidays, birthdays, etc. I also have one beautiful daughter who is so good to me. But there is always a huge, empty, hole in my heart and always will be. Just stay close to your family and talk often of your brother and how special he was. This whole grieving process takes alot of time and its different for each person. Bless you and your family. This is really hard. Carol
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Wondering...your Mom most likely feels close to her son...they share a home now...why should she want to see him homeless upon her death? If she buys his cigs and booze..he must be doing enough household duties to get those things..she may buy them whether he did or did not do anything for her....have you ever gone there to help out? Run errands, take her to dr....all those things that adult kids do for parents?? Maybe...your brother feels obligated to live there....be her housemate because he does not see anyone else stepping up to do the maintenance that she may need to run a house...I have seen this arrangement for years with men who live with parents... They give up certain life events such as dating, marrying and sometimes holding a good job because demands at home do not allow it...when my father was ill...I could not work....I had my own home but had to stay at home just to be able to care for my fathers transportation needs to drs ofc. My mother would not do it.... It sometimes appears as if the brother has a great time, but have you actually thought of the things he may have to deal with...maybe that is why the booze...is your concern having the will favor you some? I think your mom might see you as someone who she cannot depend on...I have a mother who made it public knowledge that she favored her boys over her daughters....she even said it as I was carting her a** around town running errands...while my oldest bro...her favorite did not lift a finger for her...ever..that I saw.... My middle bro owns the house...mother is not that crazy about him...but she will leave anything she has to my younger bro....older bro has his own money too....I do not go to my mothers house because when I did my brothers wete verbally hateful....you never knew what they would say....my mother basically kicked me to the curb 14 years ago when I started working full time....if I could not do things for her...she had no reason to talk to me..as she had done to all five of daughters....when my older sister passed away...she did not want to really talk to me after all that time...nephew passed away several months prior and I sat next to her after 12 yrs and she got up and left room. When my sister passed away she started speaking to me only to get a ride to funeral home...after that..nothing...about 2 yrs later after a conversation with another sister about problems in my marriage...my mother calls about a month or so later.....only to hear the details...thinking I would tell her anything...when I did not give her what she wanted...she stopped calling...my mother was just vacant emotionally to her daughters...not much better with sons but she treated them better.... If you are smart...you will let your brother be with this issue....some women thrive on seeing their kids fight..mine did....I have nothing to say to my mother that would mean anything at this point...she raised her kids half a**ed...but we all turned out good.....the girls all have had marital problems...and dependence on husbands because we were forced to leave home by the time we were sixteen....I did not go to clg till I was an adult and had no op to have a real career... I say all this because some women are just born to make trouble for their kids...they will play one off on the other....thats likely what she is doing now...her way of saying..."see what i did"...
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stacey_mb
11 months ago
My deepest sympathies on the loss of your brother. (((Katlan)))
lucillle
11 months ago
'My condolences on your loss of Kevin. He sounds like he was a wonderful brother.
olychick
11 months ago
I don’t have siblings,so can only imagine this kind of loss. What a special relationship you were so lucky to have with him. May love and peace surround you while you grieve his loss.
donna_loomis
11 months ago
I am so very sorry for your loss Katlan.
sealavender
11 months ago
So sorry. What a shock!
HU-279332973
11 months ago
That has to be a real shock. I am really sorry. You just don't expect this with such a young brother. I hope you can come to terms with it. So sad that you have lost other siblings as well. It is hard.

patriciae
chartreuse scorpion
11 months ago
I'm very sorry to hear this.
hobbitmom
11 months ago
Such sad news. Im sorry.
caflowerluver
11 months ago
I am sorry to hear the news. It is good that you have such memories.
Ally De
11 months ago
What a horrible thing you are enduring. Sooo sorry. He sounds like the kind of sibling everyone wishes they had.
foodonastump
11 months ago
I’m so sorry to read this. I can only imagine both the shock and sadness, esp so young and - I’m guessing - unexpected. Wishing you peace and strength as you continue to adjust to this loss.
Zoe 29
11 months ago
I am so very sorry. I lost my younger brother 19 years ago when he was only 43. I still miss him every day.
chisue
11 months ago
My sympathy in the loss of your very special brother. It sounds like YOU were also HIS special, loving sister. I'm glad you had so many close years -- worth every minute, although his absence will be all the harder to bear. Big ole' HOLE in your life, but aren't you glad you had one another!
Alisande
11 months ago
I grew up wishing I had siblings, and that never went away. It must be terribly hard to lose one. It sounds like you and Kevin made the most of your relationship, and made many happy memories together. I hope these will comfort you.
Indigo Rose
11 months ago
Oh, my! How awful. It's never ok, but with a long illness at least one can come to terms - but a sudden unexpected loss?....take good care of yourself and hold onto the wonderful memories for comfort.
Kendrah
11 months ago
I'm so sorry for your loss and how aburpt and shocking it all is. It seems like it will take quite a while for it to feel real. It all takes time unfolding. That's just the nature of grief. Be good to yourself.
maire_cate
11 months ago
Katlan - I'm truly sorry to hear about your brother and the special bond the two of you shared.

My deepest sympathies.
roxsolid
11 months ago
So sorry. My condolences to you.
Rose Pekelnicky
11 months ago
I am so sorry
Fun2BHere
11 months ago
My sincerest condolences to you. What a loss.
carabubble
11 months ago
I’m so very sorry.
PattiG(rose)
11 months ago
My condolences on the loss of your beloved brother.

I lost my brother suddenly many years ago.
Ninapearl
11 months ago
i'm so very sorry for your loss. may your many memories be a blessing. 💔
morz8 - Washington Coast
11 months ago
I try to imagine what it might feel like to lose my brother and can't quite even finish the thought. I'm middle child with one older sister, one younger brother - And I think my heart just broke for you. I don't have words to express how sorry I am but I am adding strength for you to my prayers,
eld6161
11 months ago
Sending caring thoughts to you and your family. May the fond memories of Kevin help move you forward.
lat62
11 months ago
I'm so sorry , my condolences
carolb_w_fl_coastal_9/10
11 months ago
last modified: 11 months ago
I'm so sorry to learn of your loss. Please accept my condolences.

It's true our siblings can be much closer to us than our parents. My sisters are my best friends and I know I'd be devastated, should one of them pass away - let alone unexpectedly.
tsugajunkie z5 SE WI ♱
11 months ago
My prayers for you and your family.

tj
Annie Deighnaugh
11 months ago
I'm so sorry to hear this. Be sure to reach out for whatever help you need. People will be there for you if you tell them what you need. Don't set any expectations for yourself. The heart knows no time clock, especially when it comes to healing from a devastating blow. I found meditation to help me a lot when I was in the worst throes of grief.

You may not be ready for this yet, but when and if you are, I recommend A Short Course in Happiness After Loss by Maria Sirois. I found it very helpful for me.

Sending you thoughts of comfort, solace, strength and courage as you go through this difficult time.
salonva
11 months ago
I am so sorry to read this. I wish you strength to carry on and that your memories of him bring you some comfort.
palisades_
11 months ago
I’m so incredibly sorry to hear that. I can’t imagine the shock and pain of losing a dear brother so suddenly, especially in his sleep. Sending my deepest condolence, and when I transition I would like to go easy like your brother, hopefully in due time.
bpath
11 months ago
((katlan))
porkchop_z5b_MI
11 months ago
I'm so sorry for your loss...
blfenton
11 months ago
Oh my gosh! I am so sorry. ((((Katlan))))
djacob z6a SEWI
11 months ago
Katlan, you have suffered a devastating loss! My heart goes out to you….. I lost two brothers before they were 50 and another

just after he retired. Keep your memories of those good times and travels close to your heart. Don’t be afraid to reach

out for support. As others have said there is no timeline for grief. You may find journaling about times together helpful

and/or gathering your favorite pictures together in a remembrance album. Be kind to yourself, we never get over the loss,

it just gets easier to bear.

debra
lily316
11 months ago
I am so sorry for you. Treasure your memories.
rob333 (zone 7b)
11 months ago
(((katlan)))
Michele
11 months ago
I am so sorry for your loss. For you and your family.
dedtired
11 months ago
How very sad. Im so sorry. My older sister died at age 51 and that was 30 years ago. I miss her even more as time goes on.
ladypat1
11 months ago
Just sad, It sounds like you have some wonderful memories. I am so sorry.
orchidrain
11 months ago
I'm so sorry, Katlan.
LynnNM
11 months ago
Oh Katlan, I am so incredibly sorry! Hang on to those wonderful, precious memories of your times together. My prayers are with you and your family 🙏
vgkg Z-7 Va
10 months ago
Our condolences to you Katlan. 2025 has been a very somber year. I too have lost a brother, my wife lost her sister, I lost my last remaining childhood friend, and we lost a good neighbor just 2 weeks ago. I'm not a particularly religious person but I hang on to the belief that one day we'll all be back together again. It helps tame the grief a bit.
Rusty
10 months ago
(((Katlan))) And prayers going up for you.

Rusty
terilyn
10 months ago
I am so sorry for your loss.
likestonehomes
10 months ago
I am so very sorry for your loss, Take care!
OutsidePlaying
10 months ago
I’m so very sorry for the loss of your brother, Katlan. One can tell from the way you write about him and your relationship from childhood to the present you were very close and enjoyed being with each other. It will be a void that is hard ro fill but keep those memories close.
HU-864750314
10 months ago
last modified: 10 months ago
i am sending heartfelt condolences on the the loss of your cherished brother. a terrible loss. westsider40

My brother Kevin died

Comments (52)

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