Cynderella, how sad for you to lose your brother. Please don't feel bad because you weren't at your parents to see him. You just could not have known what was going to happen, and be satisfied that you made that important phone call to wish him happy birthday. Don't fuss too much about what you "shoulda coulda' done. It's just agonizing.

Your loss is very fresh, so naturally you are going to feel enormous emotional pain. I think your friends feel very sorry, but they probably just don't know what to say and are afraid of making you feel worse. I think we all have been on both sides of that fence.

Do you have a friend you can talk and cry with? Another sibling? Don't deny or hide your feelings, it helps a lot to share them.

I'm thinking of you, and I'm so sorry for your loss. Keep posting here. There are lots of good listeners with ideas which may be helpful.

Susan

Thanks for listening & thinking of me Susan.
It's nice to know I have someone who understands and a place to 'vent' & cry, to.

Yesterday was a hard day, 1 month. I took my 2 little boys over to my parents place and spent the day with them.

My mom & I had a good chat and cry. My brother's roommate came by for a visit too. We told a couple of stories and had a few chuckles. It felt good.
It's later when I'm home, it's quiet, and I can't stop thinking and wondering, that's when I find it hard. The nights are still rough. My brain just won't 'shut-off' and let me sleep.

Cynthia

if you loved him enough to miss him- he would miss you, but wouldn't want you to feel guilty- he was, I'll bet, just as busy, and thought at least as many times 'I should go see Cyn' and got side-tracked by something...

never expecting to be called back so soon.

healing takes time- and the fake smile only fools fake people- the real ones are watching you try and tough it out on your own when what they want to do is have you give them SOME thing they can do for you-

I'm blessed- the people around me know I NEED to talk- so they keep me talking about my dad as they knew him- benevolent, boisterous or bellowing. it helps me keep my mind off my frustration with the situation, and the Dr's.

Hi Cynthia,

About your guilt over not going to see your brother when he visited your parents:

Have you thought about how your parents and your brother got to spend that time more focused on each other because you weren't there? Not that they wouldn't have loved to have you there, too...but maybe having the time alone was the "right" outcome afterall.

You feel lousy because it's part of the grieving process. It's hard work, but hang in there. You will wake up one day and realize you're feeling a little bit better. You will be happy again. Keep posting, ok?

Hi

I did a google search on 'i miss my brother' and found you.

my brother died on oct 16 2005, he'd been undergoing treatment for testicular cancer, and went to hospital on the 10th Oct for his final treatment, he was clear of cancer and looking forward to a happy and healthy life with his wife of nearly 9 months, when he fell into a coma that he never woke up from... i went to see him the day after he lost consciousness and found myself talking to a body i barely even recognised as the brother i grew up with. He was in this state for 6 day, before finally dying when prayers were being said for him in the church he loved so much. it wasn't the cancer that took him, but some sort of rare reaction to the most easily curable cancer there is.

I'm having huge problems coming to terms with his death, and the fact that i have managed to live a vaguely normal life since he died. people tell me that once the 'first' of every thing is done it will get easier, but that doesn't change the fact that i realy miss him, far more than i would have ever thought, adn i would give anything to be able to talk to him again - it breaks my heart that he's never gona phone me ever again, that i can't share the good (and bad) things in life with him, and that he can't live the life he wanted.

I hope you are coming to terms with your loss now, you're probably in a better position than me to say if it gets easier, I really hope it is for you (and that it will for me).

I hope you and your family are well, and strong together, It's always good to be with people you can share the good memoies with, and the bad memories too - in my family we all had wonderful and bad memories of richard, but now he's gone we seem to fid even the bad memories to be really special - they may be memories of things we didn't like about him, but they are memories of him, and our lives have been touchd by having him in our lives - i'm sure you feel the same

I hope you don't mind me sending you this message, i needed to know that there are people out there that feel the way i do, and to share my feelings

I hope you are happy in your life, and you remember your brother well, with love and happy memories,

lots of love, Esther XX

Hi Esther,

I haven't been on this site for a while, and for some reason I decided to check back and saw your message.

I'm sorry you loss your brother too. I understand how you feel. I hope today went well for you. You & your family are in my thoughts.

I am coming to terms with everything. It does get easier to deal with the days ahead, but the pain from your loss never goes away. There will always be an ache in my heart and a void that can't be filled. I can now talk about him without crying, but some photos still bring tears to my eyes.

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my brother. I still really miss him and wish I could hear his voice, his laugh again. The 'firsts' were hard, but I find the 'seconds' to be just as bad because it's another holiday/time without him. On Jimmy's birthday we had a get together of family & friends (my brother died shortly after his birthday), we all wanted to remember him and celebrate his life rather than his death. It felt good to tell & listen to stories about Jimmy, it helped all of us to cope. My 2 sons wrote notes and tied them to balloons and we sent them to the sky at the end of the gathering. We decided to do this every year.

I wish you well and know you're not alone in how you feel.

Take care,
Cynthia

Greetings Esther and Cynthia,

I was surfing the web, thinking of my brother and stumbled upon your recent posts.

My brother was killed by a drunk driver back on October 28, 2001. At the time, he was just 20 years old. He was the baby of the family, and I, being the oldest son was working out a plan with him in preparation of his coming of age celebration. Unfortunately, our plans never came to a realization because of the bad choices of someone else.

Like many that suffer a great loss, I have associated my brother's untimely death with a holiday, in this case halloween. So, as I start to see the pumpkins and halloween decorations, the emotions of that horrible moment once again resurface.

I feel that some higher power meant for me to see your postings as they allowed me to reflect upon where I've been and where I'm at in the grieving process. I see a lot of my past in each of your "present" comments and I hope that my posting offers you just a glimmer of hope that things will be OK. I'm not saying that its gets easier, the pain I suffer from my brother's death is still deep, however I've learned how to deal with it much better than before.

A year after my brother's funeral a very dear friend came up to me and said, you know, you have to try to stop getting over this and just figure out how to get through it. Now, looking back over the past five years, I see how true their statement was. I never wanted to get over it, and I don't want to ever get over it. He was and will always be my baby brother, whom I love with all of my heart, but I am getting through the transition of learning how to love a brother that is no longer here.

I'm no expert at this, but as time goes on, I'm sure that each of you will also learn how to love your brother in this way.

If I may, I recommend that you read a book about the greiving process that has really helped me. It's titled "On Death and Dying" by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. In it, she talks about the "5 stages" which has come to be know as the "5 stages of grieving"

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

In five years, I'm moving out of #4 and into #5.

The book is not really about loss (more about terminal illness), but I found it easy to make the connections to my own grieving process.

If anything is helps you affirm that what you're feeling is OK.

Not being a doctor, I would be remiss if I didn't say that if your emotions are very intense, you may want to talk with someone who is a professional.

All the best and God Bless,

Jody

PS. I'm going to steal that balloon idea, I love it! It will help me celebrate my brother with my daughter, who was 1 when he died and doesn't remember him.

I was feeling blue and Google'd "I miss my parents" and came across this page. My dad died in April 2003 and my mother died a few days after Christmas in the same year. It is over 3 years now and I am still depressed. I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong with me - still depressed after all this time. But reading Jody's post made me feel better - like I'm not weird or something.

The hard part is that I'm basically alone. My sister, who lives about 50 minutes away, is happily married with two grown children that she is very close to. I'm divorced, no kids and no real support system. I think if I had my own family, this loss would be easier to bear.

As for how I felt immediately after my dad's death ... I had survivor's guilt. He had emphysema (caused by smoking) so we knew he was going to die. I made sure that I told him I loved him after every daily phone conversation. I still felt guilty after he died .... I didn't cry in front of him, as I knew I'd never be able to pick up the pieces if I let go, but he began to question how much I loved him. As we were very close, this hurt me - but I couldn't articulate it either. The emotions were too deep.

I didn't get to spend much alone time with him at the end ... people were always around. Well-meaning people, but still - you just want some time alone. When he was in his final coma, I was left alone with him briefly, so I told him I was there. His eyebrows began quivering ... I asked him to open his eyes just one more time ... the eyebrows kept quivering. I told him how much I loved him, that I would never forget him .... Finally, his face relaxed again. I was told that when the dying are in a coma, they can hear you. The thing that finally comforted me was remembing the quivering eyebrows - that Dad was trying to come back to life when he heard my voice, but he couldn't.

I went through denial and anger - sometimes, I go back into denial even now - but briefly. I'm mostly stuck in #4 - depression.

I'm living now in my childhood home, which can be wonderful, but it may also be contributing to my depression. I look at his desk chair in the den and can visualize him sitting there, working. There are so many reminders.

I'm definitely not yet in Stage 5. I hope to get there someday soon. And you will too.

Hi Ester, Jody and Nikki,

Please start another new thread just for each of you separately. Even if you just cut your message from this thread and paste it onto a new thread. That is what the forum is for, and folks will respond to you on them, I am sure. It makes it easier for them to do so.

Hugs to you all,
Lucy

Hi Cyn

I dont even know if you come here anymore. I lost my brother on 10th july 07, it has been two months today plus one day as it is now the early hours of the 11th. The nights are hard, I tend to grieve alone too, I find it hard to talk to people too, I am pushing my partner away and I snap at my son. I have been busy recently so I have avoided thinking about it but then it comes into my head and I just want to shake it out. Then I feel bad for not thinking about it.

My brother was murdered in Belfast, he lived a somewhat troubled life but he still always had a smile on his face. I kept promising to go and see him but I put it off, for one reason or other, although money ws tight. He liked a drink but was I feel at the beginning of his journey to kill his demon. It was my birthday on the 5th july and he always called this year he didnt and it took me finding ou that he was dead to realise he hadnt called of I had thought about it on the day he may still be alive. My brother had been attacked on July 2nd in the city centre, he was admittted to hospital and we were never contacted. He was awake but I have since found out from people who visited him that he was behaving strangly and he did not recognise them.

He had touched a nurse innapropiatly and was subsequently arrested and moved to a police station then called back later because there had been problems with his x-rays.

The people that went to see him on 6th July said that he was laying in a wet bed on a seperate ward under police guard. ( this was for a failed court appearance for some trouble he had been in nearly a year previously- that the police have now told us that charges would have been dropped. The guard was not supposed to let my brothers visitors to see him but they said that the guard had seemed concerned. The people said the staff at the hospital were very uncooperative.

I think that my brother may have been drunk when he entered the hospital and after his behaviour with the nurse - they didnt bother with him. As one of my brothers closest friends has said to me if he had been a man in a suit he would probably still be alive!!!!

So there are lots of complications surrounding my brothers death in amoungst all of this I have to grieve and I am scared.

My partner just came to see if I was ok and I hid this from him, its almost like its becoming my secret and I am not sure what to do.

Someone else has written about their sons sending messages on baloons and recently at my partners friends memorial his parents did the same. I want to hold a memorial for my brother at our local park, so children can come too, as my brother loved kids, but I dont think im ready to organise it yet.

I think writing may be quite comforting.

i miss you so much why did you have to go to ecuador i lost you just beacause of that please come back i miss you and i love you you're the best i'll always keep you in my hearth
from susan to jandry

MOST OF YOU ARE FORTUNATE THAT @ LEAST YOU HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HIS DEATH, MY BROTHER WAS MENTALLY ILL, HE WAS ALSO A RARE PERSON WHEN HE WASNT WELL HE JUST WITHDREW TO HIMSELF HE WAS NEVER VIOLENT , A FEW TIMES HE ACTULALLY CHECKED HIMSELF INTO A MENTAL HEALTH HOSPITAL YOU SEE HE WAS TRULY AN ANGEL HE HAD THE BEST PERSONLAITY , A TRUE GENTLEMEN, THE KINDEST MAN YOUD EVER KNOW,I HAD TRIED TO HELP HIM GET BACK TO WORK AND MAYBE CHANGE HIS LIFE BUT THAT ENDED UP TERRIBLY , HE THOUGHT I WAS TRYING TO HURT HIM AND HE BLAMED ME FOR PUSHING HIM TOO MUCH, TOO SOON , I THINK THE THOUGHT OF CHANGE IN HIS LIFE REALLY FRIGHTENED HIM, I WAS SO UPSET WITH HIM I ACTUALLY WISHED HIM DEAD FOR SOME REASON FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE ACTUALLY BECAME SCARED OF HIM , THINGS WERE VERY AWKWARD AFTER THAT BETWEEN US , I ACTUALLY ENED UP BEHAVING LIKE A PSYCHOTIC PERSON IN THIS SENSE I TRIEDD TO TALK TO HIM EVEN ASKED HIM TO COME AND SEE US BUT OUR CONVERSATIONS HAD CHANGED , THE NIGHT BEFORE HE DIED I SPOKE TO KIM FOR A ABOUT 8 MINUTES AND HE SAID HE DID NOT HEAR A WORD I HAD JUST SAID SAID . I WAS TELLING HIM THAT ID PAY FOR HIS SCHOOL THAT HE NEEDED TO KEEP BUSY TO BE WELL , AND HE SAID HE DIDNT HEAR ME, SO WE ENDED THE CALL , I LATER TOLD A FAMILY MEMBER WHO HE WAS LIVING WITH ABOUT MY CONVERSATION WITH MY BROTHER AND THEY STATED HE WAS OKAY THAT THEY WERE WATCHING HIM, APPROXIMATELY 10 HRS AFTER THAT MY BROTHER WAS KILLED IN A MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT , HE HAD AN APOIINTMENT THE NEXT DAY HE LEFT THE HOUSE VERY EARLY MORNING HE NEEDED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE I THINK HE WAS EITHER IN A MANIC /ANXIOUS STATE OF MIND , HE TOOK MONEY OUT OF THE BANK AND WENT TO TAKE THE BUS IT WAS VERY EARLY MORNING HE WAS KILLED IN A MOTOR VEHICLE ACCIDENT I BLAME MYSLEF EVERY DAY FOR NOT CALLING HIM BACK THAT NIGHT AND,NOT ASKING HIM IF HE WAS OKAY OR IF HE WOULD HAVE LIKED TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL, I SHOULD HAVE CALLED HIM BACK OR CALLED A CRISIS CENTER OR SOMETHING TO AT LEAST HAVE HIM EVALUATED SO YOU SEE MISSING YOUR BROTHER IS ONE THING BUT LIVING WITH HE GUILT THAT YOY FEEL YOU SHOULD HAVE AT LEAST DONE SOEMETHING THAT MIGHT THAT MAY HAVE MADE A DIFFERENCE IS SOMETHING ELSE I WANT TO DIE EVERY DAY ,EVERYDAY, I SEE HIM IN MY DREAMS IN THE BEGINNING HE SOKE TO ME BUT HE NEVER SAYS ANYTHING ANYMORE IN MY DREAMS , HE WAS TRULY THE BEST MAN I EVER MET AND I FAILED HIM AND MY FAMILY TRAGICALLY, I REALIZED I WAS NEVER EQUIPPED TO HELP HIM PROPERLY, I LACKED THE EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE, I WANT TO DIE EVERY DYA BUT I KNOW THIS WILL HURT MY FAMILY EVEN MORE .. DONT CREATE UNECESSARY GULIT BUT APPRECIATE AND CHERISH THE MEMORIES YOU HAVE WITH YOUR SIBLING NAD ENJOY THE REST OF THE TIME YOIU HAVE WITH THOSE YOU LOVE ... THIS LIFE IS ONLY A JOURNEY AND A TEST OF OUR STRENGHT, WEAKNESS AND CHARACTER NO ONE WANTS TO HURT ANYONE,I WISH YOU ALL PEACE , PATIENCE ... STRENGTH

Hi, I came across this site when typed in I miss my brother. Im really struggling at the minute. You see my youngest brother died just over a month ago. He was a fisherman and went out with his friend to check his pots as normal on Friday 1st April and they never came back. The rnli and coastguard were alerted and an extensive search party started. We searched everyday by boat, helicopter and on foot along the coast shores for any type of clues etc. I was convinced we were going to find them. Sure why would we not with the thousands of people looking for them. People kept saying to us after a few days that we should prepare ourselves for the worst, either not finding them alive or not stall. I just couldn't accept that in my head, if I'm honest I still can't. They were found in the early hours of the 9th day, a boat came across there bodies in the water while out fishing. When I got the call I couldn't believe it. Many people were telling us we should be happy they were found together (they had tied themselves to each other) but I just felt devastated they were not found alive. I feel so lost, like a piece of me is missing. I to try to pit on the fake smile but I am just devastated. I feel guilty for not being a better sister and spending more time with him. I'm a little happy that the last time I saw him (a week before they went missing) we hugged and told each other we lived each other. I miss him so much!!! I'm so angry that he has been taken away from us, he was so young, only 26, he had got married only 6 months previous. His poor wife is devastated and I don't know how to comfort her or the rest of my family (parents and other brother and sister). It all just feels so cruel and wrong. To me it feels like it isn't real and if I'm honest I'm nearly pretending to myself that it isn't real but I don't know how long this will last. I keep expecting him to come home. I'm trying to be strong for my family and his wife but across that I may upset them even more.
I'm so sorry for the loss u have all suffered, and I really hope it does get easier for you!!! I hope u don't mind that I posted this but I'm not really good at talking to my friends etc about how I'm feeling as I get sad or angry. I hope this pain does get easier for all of us. My heart breaks for his poor wife :-(
Thanks for listening. :-(

i just wanna share it with you guys.. my brother died last Sunday June, 5 2011. There was this guy who stabbed my younger brother exactly at his heart with the use of kitchen knife then in just a seconds my brother died. The guys didn't contented of what he did he next my older brother to stabbed at her back.my older brother is in hospital now. It's hard for me to accept what happened. i wanna investigate but i'm scared because i don't want my family to be implicate..

I had 3 brothers, one older and 2 younger than me and I have lost all of them. One of the youngest has just passed away (unexpectedly); it happened 7 weeks ago. We lived in different countries (a world apart), he rung me on the 26 of April telling me how well he felt health ways and four days later he was on an induced coma and never wake up. I don�t have any children or a partner to talk about it. I feel as I am the only �soul� in this planet. My emotional pain is immense and it feels as it will never stop hearting this much. I was wondering if this pain is because I�m an old (73) lady and there is nobody closely related to share this loss. Is there any one in similar situation, please?

Aww Maria. I am not 73, I am only 41. My brother and best friend died in a vehicle accident on Dec. 11, 2009. They had began dating just 3 months prior and we were all so happy. My brother was everything to me, and Angie, my riding partner and close, close friend.

Of all the posts I've read over the internet, yours struck me the most and is the first and only one I've responded to. Me and my brother always knew we would have each other, no matter what - through the loss of our parents, friends, deaths,...whatever, we ALWAYS would have each other. Now he is gone, and I sometimes feel completely alone and vulnerable, sad and dreading the day my parents pass away. Unlike you, I do have another brother whom I dearly love, but we are not NEARLY as close.

I long to talk with him, eat with him, laugh with him and hug and kiss him. My pain was so immense, I was sure I'd never recover. What gets me through is God, my husband and my parents. Still though, there is this incredibly empty, sad place in my heart that I live with every single day. I know I will see him again one day, I just have to wait my turn. We do not have children (by choice), but I am so thankful for my husband. I am so sorry you are so alone. Keep the faith and know that one day, when it is your turn, you will be reunited with your brothers and loved ones.

I am so, so sorry for your loss and wherever you are, I am thinking of you.

Hello All. I'm here to support everyone with fresh losses. My brother died unexpectedly at age 29 in 2006, just 7 months after my Mother died. My brother was my rock, we sat together as my Mother passed away hours after a major stroke/heart attack event. He was like my first baby, I was 9 when he was born and I was very involved in his upbringing. The loss of him crippled me, and crippled my Father, who found him dead. For me, there is life before he died and life after he died. His death taught me so much. The pain I lived through made me beyond strong. I want you all to know that you never get over this, really, you don't. As Blake Shelton says - you just get used to it. My heart goes out to anyone who stumbles upon these posts. Truly, this is one of the most terrible things a person can go through.

Thank you all for posting here, it has helped me.
My big brother, my only brother, Kevin, died on February 16th very suddenly aged 44. He had a massive stroke but they say that high blood pressure, epilepsy and stress were contributing factors.
The last time I saw him was on Christmas Eve 2011. He invited me for new years, as he always did but I lost a baby on New Years Eve 2007 and its a night I find hard to celebrate. So I stayed home. I really regret that. I last spoke to him a week before he died. He sounded so depressed, he had just been made redundant. I wish I had helped more. Told him I love him. Told him I know I was so lucky for him to be my brother...but I didn't.

He was this amazing person who could talk to anyone, be friends with anyone. He always made you feel better about stuff. Always helped me cope. That's gone now.

I know what you have said about life with him and life after him. I don't know how to deal with life without him. Its all very scary.

I am finding it so hard every day to know he isn't there anymore. His wife, who doesn't like me much, refused any help with the funeral and service. She wouldn't even let me make tea at the wake. I guess she's coping her own way too.

My sister and she are becoming close and I feel like I am losing her too. I don't know how to deal with this. Its not something I can talk to anyone about. I just want life with him again. I guess we would all want that too.

My loving big brother unexpectedly passed away last week, one day after Christmas. It has been the hardest thing I've ever encountered. He was only 46. We were very close but in the last few years our lives became so busy because we had our own lives and families to tend to and jobs with different hours. We lived in the same town but he worked out of town and that made it even more impossible to see eachother. We texted often, at least once a week or every two weeks to check on eachother. He spent most of the holidays either working or with his wife's family. But we grew to know that's the way he was all these years. We knew we'd see him when we'd see him. And when we did, they were wonderful times. He was a comedian, he was loveable, caring, generous, understanding. Such a great person! I have 6 other siblings and its been hard on all of us and of course on my mom whose had numerous health issues and has been given many 2 chances but is the strongest person I know. Well I know I will forever have that hurt of losing my brother but one thing I do hope to get over is the regret and guilt of not taking more time to see my brother. Occasionally we'd meet up at my Mom's for coffee and breakfast which I always looked forward to. It didnt happen as often as I wish it would've because we were always so busy. I will always and forever miss those moments. I've been praying a lot for myself and my family to overcome all the guilt and regret because I know he wouldn't want us to dwelling on it. He was just that type of person who never wanted you to be upset about anything. One thing that gives me peace is that we never fought or argued and I'm so grateful for that. I just wish we would've made an effort to see eachother more often. That's the regret I'll always have but I can hear him say "Oh don't worry about it". He had one daughter who will be graduating in May so this is going to be very hard for her and all of us. I will make it up to him by being there for his baby girl and his wife as much as I can. I'm hoping and praying I can move on with my life because I have two daughters and a husband who need me. He will always be in my heart and I will forever miss him.

I lost my only brother December 19 2012, a suicide. He had battled mental illness all his life. He was getting counselling from the VA at the time he made this decision. He was deeeply in debt, divorced with no contact with his 2 grown children, but had two loving sisters and a girlfriend of about 20 years. I knew he was depressed, I never thought he was suicidal. I've been talking to friends and my two remaining sisters. Also attending Church on days besides Sundays. I'll never forget him of course. This is a special kind of pain, losing someone I've known all his life.

Jannie, I lost my brother too to suicide, on November 6th. Although he'd had mental health issues for many years he was going through a period of wellness. Though in hindsight after the event everyone tells us this may have been because he knew what he was planning to do and that he'd be free soon. I can't get to grips with the idea that he would do something so awful to himself and that he didn't think any of us could provide the hope or support he so much needed. I also still cannot believe it has happened, life goes on as usual for everyone surrounding me, people rarely talk to me about it, and I have to get caught up in 'business as usual' as it appears that it hasn't happened when I'm around other people, but on my own the sadness hits every day.

I hope whatever happens with you that you can find some comfort eventually.

Hi i am also standing in line with you all having lost a loved one . My young brother 26 years passed away last year in September , this is when i forced him to go abroad and make a better life and g=come back after a year of experience. But i never knew that when he was the happiest in his life preparing to come back so that can engaged to his girl friend he was taken away from me and my family. we were just 4 and now we are just me mom and dad. Everybody said be strong you need to be strong for your parents but as evening comes i cant handle it even today miss talking to him , i live overseas and my parents are in India, whenever i talk to my parents i can feel in their voice how much they are missing him but they try to be brave so that i can be fine . We were very god fearing and specially my mom she was so dedicated to god always wanted her sons to be fine , happy, but i cant forgive god for this never and ever - he has taken the smile of my parents face and with me he has left me all alone i miss our fights , chit chat . When i see someone happy i just feel so sad that why my bro , he was just growing up ,always did all the right thing, was a good son , a good bro -i always took him for granted but now cant even say sorry to him, i feel guilty that why did i ask him to go abroad , why was i not given a chance by this freak god to save him all questions and no answers , the pain cannot go away and god or whoever it is will never be back in my life .torture continues

Vaunsag, I'm sorry for what you are going through. It's going to be a long road, going through the pain of losing your brother. I just want to say that you shouldn't feel guilty. You told him to go abroad with all the love and good intentions in the world. You can now think 'What if he hadn't gone abroad?'. But that's NOW. You couldn't know back then what was going to happen, no one could.

I am encouraged to see so many people supporting one another through such a difficult life changing struggle. I lost my brother on 2/16/2012 at 6:54am....I knew the moment he passed away...I was at work, dropped to my knees and felt him pass...we were that close...he committed suicide...he was addicted to alcohol and drugs....he was emotional pain and physical pain that was beyond what any reasonable person could be expected to endure. I am glad he is no longer in pain...he is no longer hurting...he no longer has to endure the horrible memories and imprints left scarred deep inside of him....he was my big brother and we were the only two in my family that were close...we loved one another so deeply....when I was younger we would stay up late, order pizza and watch Saturday Night LIve...he loved disco music, being the life of the party, and his baby sister....I will always love my brother and I have had such a difficult time with his loss....so many nights I drop to my knees as I did the moment I felt him pass and my heart aches for him...he has been to me in my dreams and hugged me and assured me he is okay...he wouldn't want me to hurt the way I do but it is hard not to do....however, I close my eyes, see all his goodness, kind and gentle heart, and I inhale all his love....I wish you all well and I thank you for having this site to allow me to write my feelings....

Still missing my brother, who passed just before last Christmas. I think of him daily, but I'm religious and find comfort knowing his soul is free and with our parents and others we loved.

Yes, feeling a little low tonight as I think of my brother Michael. Taken away from us many years ago now, but still very present. He was hit by a drunken driver on his way home after work. The driver ran away immediately afterwards. Saw an old picture a couple of days ago and it only just dawned on me the impact this had on the whole family. In the picture, I felt we were a whole family that had never experienced any major grief. Life was good in our middle class lives. The person that fatally hit my brother was taken to court and we were award a small amount of money. He laughed when he was aloud to go free. He was the top tax man in the South West of Avon in the UK. Free mason and so they do take care of their own there. I knew nothing about this organisation when my father spoke of it, but being a Policeman my father and his colleagues knew who they were. My father was so disillusioned with this experience he retired early and moved to NZ where we still are. The happiness of family life never returned. My father stayed out working for most of the time and we the family felt abandoned in a new country actually living in a isolated spot with no transport. From being surrounded with family and friends from childhood security was always there. The locals seemed quite hostile to us being from the mother country, this is almost no existent now due to the number of Poms now living here. When I was older, I returned to the homeland to meet some of the Police who convinced me of the strength of Freemasons and their influence. I have been offered a couple of times here, but politely refused. Going back to the picture, the loss of my brother, the grief feels so overwhelming. I ask for prayer to help me to sleep, I will indeed pray. My brother was training to join the Household Cavalry. He was officer material the Sargent had said and we were all so proud of him. The man that killed him had gone back to the pub that night and created a cover story in case the police found him. Apologies for jumping like this, just not feeling too happy, and this feels like a good outlet. It has been a long time since anyone wrote on here, but just releasing some of the pain into cyber space just may be a good outlet for me right now. It is 1am in the morning and I must go to bed soon. The horror and grief this person has put us through. Never an apology, even by letter ;o(. Little things the number of my brothers private gun 19, his number 24499694. Memorised since the age of 12 years, I am now 46. The picture has him wearing his favourite jumper and the watch received on Christmas day - he was wearing both of these on the day he was taken from us. They obviously looked very different following this incident. My father once told me, that my brother apparently made a lot of noise - maybe not the best thing to know. We were not there for him, we were warm tucked away in our beds, whilst he suffered in agony. Can you hear my pain? My father has now passed away, my mother becoming more frail and the memories shared.............................. I miss you Michael. Thank you Ian

I did not spend much time with my half Brother but he was my only Brother and I will miss him just the same. He died of Cancer 5 days before his 63rd Birthday. He had not spoken with his Parents since he was 17 years old. I have many thoughts of sorrow, anquish, and guilt for things I did not do. I know he is in heaven and wish him well. I never got to say Goodbye, he wanted it that way so I say Adieu to him now and launch him into the great wide expanse. I love you my Brother, Goodbye for now.

Yes, the same thing happened to me also, I request all of you to pray for my brother also, I loss my brother in last march 2016, till now I am worrying lot/crying so much whenever comes in the mind. After that I can't laugh loudly, I can't participated in full for any thing with my friends or relatives or within my family. It should not happen to any body. I have lot of confidence about LORD, but LORD made something wrongly, I can't believe till now. My age is 46 now, my brother age is 36. His wife is a educated lady and working as a pvt school teacher, so I believed her, that is only a mistake I did. We should not leave our brother or sister relationship on behalf of others till end of our life. I was lived always in out of state due to my job position, but my brother lived with his wife in my native place only. My parents did lot of help/security to them, But they went out of my parents. so that it was happened. Last call I received from him on last January, 2016. At that time he told some thing about struggles happened between him and mother in law and wife law. Both made struggle about property. After that he didn't gone to Mother in law house, but his wife was lived with her mother. My brother lived in my sister home and finally he went towards my parents and my parent admitted in a hospital as he was fallen into addict for alcoholic drinks. After 22 days he came again to parents house from hospital. which was observed by his wife. And she went to my parents home, and made struggle and carried my brother to her house. That is the last. Within one hour, she admitted in a hospital again. What he was drunk in her home is a secret till now. That doctor is a friend to his mother in law. What they did I do not know. After five days they told that he was expired. These all matters are i got from my relatives who they are living near to mother in law house. Elder Brother of mother in law was also died before five to six years in the same style in same hospital doctor friend, immediately mother in law converted all property into her name. This is also well known to all of villagers.

His father in law was expired just before this, that was December, 2015 only. And after this instant she (mother in law) shown immediately who she was!!.

Finally I decided that THE TRUTH WILL COME OUT ONE DAY, AT THAT TIME THE LORD WILL SHOW HIS ACTIONS. Also I decided myself that for living in this world, it is better to live with lord in the heaven. So my brother gone for doing spiritual works in front of lord before me.

My brother passed away on his birthday, Octiber 21st. Oh God, I so miss him. He was so important to me. He was unhappy in his life, had a failed relantionship and never married as a result. He took care of our mim for 13 years as she stayed with him. He struggled with alcohol but was still such a good person. I feel so guilty that I wasnt there for him more. I looked (or helped to look) after him financially after he lost his job a year ago. I now only realise how lonely he must have been especially after my mom passed away 4 years ago and the guilt is eating me up. I always scolded him about his drinking, but maybe I could have approached it with more compassion. He adored my children and was a great uncle to them. He just struggled with life and he needed support to cope. I wish I showed him more how much he meant to me.

I'm so sorry you've lost your brother. We live with our regrets. And a friend's consolation doesn't get to the heart of it. We all mean well when we console saying, "you have nothing to feel guilty about." The only words that ever helped me were," You did the best you could with what you knew at the time." And I also know that THAT won't be enough because you want to turn back the clock and do it all over again. I did too, more than once. It's because life is messy. We make mistakes and fix them and then we make a "mistake" and the person isn't there anymore. We can't make it up.

Here's the thing. I do believe our loved ones continue on. Not because my religion tells me that. Your brother knows everything now. He knows what choices he made and he knows how much you helped him and how much you care. He doesn't hold a single thing against you. At some point you'll remember the good things you did and the good times you had that wouldn't have happened if you hadn't been a great sister.

❤️

I under stand you I lost my brolaw 2 yrs ago and the pain doesn't go no where I'm n pain all day think about him and yes I do cry alot .he was my best friend

I lost my big sis I can't get her out of my mind .it hurts too bad some days I wish I could stay n bed don't move just cry but I know I can't I have kids /grands /husband but I do cry to myself wen I'm alone .