My thoughts are with your brother and your family. I hope he is ready.

I too hope that he can get on the road to recovery. It's not an easy one to do, but it sounds like he's got his heart in the right place. Blessings to you both.

I am so glad you shared this. Our DS made the decision this past July to get sober. He almost died in a motel alone . DH spent months living with him and helping him to recover. DS hasn't had a drink since July 10th. 2012. He told me the other day that he made the decision because he finally realized that alcohol made him "crazy" and he was just so tired of feeling that way. He has made remarkable progress ! I so hope that your brother is able to do the same. There is some gut deep change that finally takes place and then they "get " it.

A book that would be a help to your brother is called "Flow" . One of the problems with removing an addiction is the emptiness that follows. One has to fill that hole and it can be very difficult. Our DS is going through that now...he is doing well but it is hard to make a new life without the dependency..it does leave a very big empty space.

GOOD LUCK...and please do post back. c

Wishing your brother and family well, Gibby. It must be extremely difficult for all involved. I hope your brother is able to pull through this time and move on to better things.

Trailrunner, you have such a remarkable family and are such a beautiful and inspiring woman.

I am wishing him a healthy recovery.

Speaking of Clapton, we just saw him a couple of months ago, and we were impressed how good the show was considering his age and how he has not taken good care of himself over the years. His playing is awesome, of course, but his singing is good, too. He is truly an inspiration that it's never too late.

Thanks all for your kind thoughts. Yes Trail, I remember your son going through something like this but I wasn't sure what the whole story was. It reminds me of someone else I know who was found alone in his home nearly dead. He has been sober for many years and has also survived several cancers including lung cancer.

The book sounds interesting. I actually have another non-chemically dependent friend who I think would benefit from this book. She did grow up in a dysfunctional home with an alcoholic father. At 56 she now lives what I consider to be a very empty life - works all the time and allows people to treat her like a doormat and suck the life out of her. She has no life outside of work - no friends or social life in the city where she decided to move to, away from her family and friends. After talking to her this week I think she needs professional help.

Ah, all the fragile, troubled people in our lives - or maybe it's just in my life.

Ah, all the fragile, troubled people in our lives - or maybe it's just in my life.

Not just your life, Gibby, but everyone's life. I believe the only truly dysfunctional family would be a "functional" one as dysfunction is truly the norm. I have yet to meet a single family that hasn't had their issues.

I hope the best for your brother...it is not an easy road, but one that has been successfully walked by many.

Ah Gibby...Annie is right. The world is filled with fragile , troubled people. There are only those that do a better job of hiding it .

A friend at church suggested the book. DH and I have been reading it. We checked it out of the library. I will say , in honesty, that like many of these books it could have been written in 2 chapters. Check it out of the library rather than buy it. He has several very good points and they are important but he needed to fill "x" number of pages :) It is definitely helpful. I would not be at all surprised that your friend is suffering from this very problem of emptiness. It was like an " ah ha" moment when I read about this.

snookums..you are very kind...thank you. I am in the fragile/troubled club too for sure ! c

I also have a brother with addiction problems. I used to blame him and wonder why he didn't clean up his act, but now realize I can only be grateful I didn't get stuck with the addiction gene/ personality. I really doubt I would be strong enough to fight it when I can't even stay on a diet for more than a month. Good for your brother for taking steps to help himself and good for you for not giving up on him entirely and keeping that tiny bit of optimism alive.

Daisychain - I'm pretty sure I have the addiction gene/personality myself. My entire immediate family has/had it so I can't imagine I would escape it. When I realized years back that my second brother was also an alcoholic I stopped drinking alcohol completely as I felt I was playing with fire so to speak. Fortunately I never got into smoking or other drugs. I guess my addiction now is chocolate, desserts, etc. I can completely lose control of myself with that stuff. The thought of giving up refined carbs is completely incomprehensible to me.....I'd need inpatient treatment.

(((gibby)))

If he is on the waiting list for a spot in rehab, maybe you could encourage him to start attending local AA meetings while he waits. If he finds a group he likes, they will be a huge support, even if he hasn't quite quit drinking yet. If your brother has insurance, they might pay for his treatment. Worth checking.

I wish him all the luck in the world and hope he is successful. My DH just achieved three years of sobriety-he was older than your brother when he went to rehab and was a functioning alcoholic until just before he got help. No one except us really knew there was an issue. Hang in there -oh and I hear you about the chocolate. You do know that it is one of the five major food groups, right? :)

They say that there is something in Dark Chocolate that helps with addiction reform. My uncle was told to eat one ounce every day when he quit drinking. There is always hope and even if they fall off the wagon so long as they get back on. We have a few family members that struggle.

"Ah, all the fragile, troubled people in our lives - or maybe it's just in my life."

As others have said, not just your life...I've mentioned my sister who has been fighting her alcoholic demons since she was 12 YO. She is, right now, doing well. Has found a combination of meds and therapy that has her feeling steady and able to function and that is a blessing.

I think the one bit of wisdom I have learned over the years is that the cliche is so true: one day at a time. It's foolish to think the alcoholic or addict is ever really 'cured'. And it's foolish to give up and think there is no hope. I've come to my own balance of trying to love fully, accept what will happen and be always conscious of appreciating the sunshine before the clouds roll back in.

Ann

My brother is in Rehab for the third time right now. He's been an alcoholic for almost 30 years - since he was 16. During that time he's been functional most of the time but going from one declining job after another to almost homeless to almost dead.

I want to help him so badly but I've been burned by him way too many times. I can't give him financial, physical or emotional support but I do give him encouragement through text messages which seem to boost his spirits. He knows not to ask anything more.

Unlike my Mom, I'm not hopeful that this time is going to stick but I try to stay positive that at least he'll learn something new, have some new revelation that helps him get a little closer to sobriety.

I wish you and your brother good luck.

I hope he gets in soon now that he's made the decision.
His reaching out to you is a good sign, he'll need the support.
My brother has been sober for almost 30 years.

Addiction is such a mind boggling disease isn't it. Impossible to comprehend being unable to control yourself as you ruin your life or slowly kill yourself. Was just talking to a friend this weekend whose BIL has been through terrible situations yet continues to drink. Very tragic.

I hope you can remain cautiously optimistic and that it works out for him. It's such a difficult, complicated thing.

I admire you for recognizing the potential for problems within yourself and dealing with it.

I hope he is ready, it certainly sounds like it. There is always hope. My FIL found recovery in his 60s, and is a remarkable person. There are many addicts/mentally ill members of my husband's family and now two of our three children are afflicted. Al-Anon saved me - I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it.

God bless that charity that is providing the rehabilitation your brother is going in to.

I got more info today - both from my brother's significant other (SO) who sent me a long email and from him when he called me. He completed the intake evaluation today and he goes in Monday for detox and then into treatment for four weeks. He seems very committed to it and I do think he realizes he will die soon if he doesn't do this. Hopefully it's not too late as his SO indicated he is pretty sick - unable to eat, etc.

I was encouraged to hear him rather enthusiastic about his four hour conversation with the intake counselor who is a nine year recovering alcoholic. I know it will be important for him to develop relationships with other recovering alcoholics, which in the past he despised - things like AA meetings which he has attended in the past - required I think as a result of DUI arrests.

He's anxious to get in and get started though scared about the detox. He knows he will be given medication to help with this but I felt very bad for him as I don't think I've ever heard him express fear about anything.

So things are progressing. It's so tragic how awful addiction can be.