Caligal, it really sounds like you want to stay with your current home. However, I'll just point out that right now the inventory of foreclosed homes gives people unprecedented chances to obtain homes they could not hope to have before and many will not be able to afford in future (let's hope no more such "wonderful" home markets). I don't mean go looking just for a bigger home (although in your case some additional size would be nice), but rather a lifestyle improvement: A decent home in a location that is particularly desirable to you. You know, location, location, location. Things like good schools, a pretty sociable neighborhood, close to family, en route between friends and mall (they'll be dropping in), favorite amenities close by (cows in pastures or high-density shopping, your choice), good proximity and transportion to work. Whatever floats your boat. If you're not already in a place you'd really like to raise your children and even be happy growing old, this current opportunity to make your home there should not be passed up for any but the most important reasons.

The problem is always trying to find the answer to who is right and who is wrong. The "right thing to do", if what you are looking to do is improve your relationships is to stop trying to make everything so black and white. Sometimes you are right, sometimes somebody else is right. That is the nature of relationships. Unfortunately, if you can't get past all of the percieved wrongs somebody else has done to you, you will not move on and your relationship will not change. Thurman is on here seeking advice, but everytime he gets advice that he doesn't want to hear, he ignores it. If he would try to get past whatever beef he has with his SD and if he starts to see her as she truly is, he would be much better off, and so would she. It doesn't matter what she does, in Thurman's eyes, it is never right. If she did something nice for Thurman, he would view it as being underhanded and for some alternative purpose. Colleen...I agree with kkny and finedreams that anybody who wants to send a card and to whomever, it's nobody's business exept for the sender and the reciever. So, if you sent a nice card to you SD's inlaws and she blew up at you over that and only that (and nothing else), then you are right and she is wrong. However, what difference does that really make? Why dwell on that? Why not try to move forward and try to make the relationship better instead of focusing on who is right or wrong?

Maybe you can start a new thread asking for help about decorating your guest room. I think many people were confused about your original question and when you didn't explain why you wanted to abandon the furniture, they lost interest in the post. You could also post in design dilemma, which is busier than this forum. Good luck! [Design Dilemma[(https://www.houzz.com/discussions/design-dilemmas-dsbr0-bd~t_28561)

The comments here are so insightful. Just goes to show how complex people lives are and how diverse and difficult their experiences have been. Chris M- You wrote- "my wife is depressed and angry every time she looks at the poor job they did with just about everything. I've tried to get her to agree to have another contractor come in and redo the kitchen at least, and some other things too but she won't go for it. Doesn't want anyone else in the house." You also wrote there is "hoarding in her family." That is a lot to unpack there, to choose a metaphor. Presumably you have been together a long time and you know her and her family and her upbringing well. It might help for you to know the roots of what is going here. Is she a perfectionist on some level and ashamed, even mortified that she screwed up by hiring the wrong people? Note, we don't think she screwed up, but might she? Was someone significant in her family of origin rigid/demanding with high standards? Was approval/love contingent on performance and appearance so now your wife cannot forgive her own imperfection and mistake and has poor self-esteem? Did someone marry beneath them (one of her parents or a grandparent or aunt) and always say that they came from better and coulda/woulda/shoulda so now your wife feels her station is lowered and she has lost her sense of self-worth? Is your wife the adult child of an alcoholic, so she, the fixer now that she sees her herself as having screwed up has lost her role in life because she is in over her head? Did your wife suffer a serious loss early on of a significant person? Have a traumatic event? Was she given the message from someone that ones possessions/appearance/home are how one is judged, rather than one's values/morals/behavior so now she sees herself as as trashed and worthless as her home? Anyhoo, you get the idea. No, please don't be her therapist. The above is just food for thought for you. And while you are thinking about the possible origins of your wife's psychopathology, why not think about yourself, too. Not many spouses would be willing to live in the space you describe for as long as you have with a spouse defiantly unwilling to exert a joule of energy to change things or even allow anyone else to. And why haven't you unpacked things yourself and hung up the pictures? Are you afraid of her? Do you think she is so fragile she will flip out totally if you do unpack and hang pictures? Have you done something not so perfect yourself so you two have struck some sort of devil's bargain? Think about it. If so, admit it. And stop talking about ancient history. How about this- Tell her, "This weekend I am unpacking, whatever. I would be very happy if you would help me and I could really use the help, but I will do it whether you help me or not." Then do it, whether she cries, or screams or yells, or curses your every family member. And if she hits you or throws the furniture around, you need to call 911 for a 5150 hold or whatever the numbers are for a psychiatric hold in your state because she would be a danger to you and herself. I mean it. Then another day, unpack the pictures and measure everything and where they will go, and show her the plan and say "This is where I am thinking of putting everything, do you like it, or do you have any suggestions? Take a half-hour to look at it. " (Make a copy in case she rips it up.) Then if she has comments about your lay-out, discuss it with her. If she has no comments, do it per your design, and think about using Command Hooks so you don't make holes in the wall in case you change your mind later on. Throw away any of your stuff you want. Do not throw away her stuff, or communal stuff like photographs. I strongly advise against getting a storage locker, they are exorbitantly expensive, and the odds are she will never go into it, and you will be spending $200 a month in perpetuity for things that are actually worth very little and that she never looks at and doesn't need. When you have done everything with your stuff and the furniture and dishes, then hire a contractor and kitchen designer if you need that. Invite your wife to the design meeting. Tell her that it is going to happen. Period. Tell her you would like her input, she has good ideas and great taste and she and her input is important and you value it and her, but it is going to happen, whether she participates or not, and you are not waiting any longer. And if she doesn't go, you will decide on the plans and you will not pay the added cost if she wakes up and wants to change things later on. And you tell the contractor no changes that you don't sign off on. You get the idea. She can go to counseling. You can go. You can go together. Meanwhile, get cracking. Remember Newton's First Law? INERTIA A body at rest will stay at rest unless acted upon by an external force.