Barncatz I'm so sorry for the empty ache you feel. Is having other horses of your own possible at some point? Is there such a thing as horse foster if you don't want to commit to permanent ownership?

barncatz, I'm so sorry. Grief is hard. We moved next door to where I grew up, and for a few years, every time I saw that house, it brought me sadness as my Dad was no longer in the garden, my Mom was no longer there to welcome me home. But now, I can look and not get that stab in my heart, and I can be happy for the memories I have of living there. But it takes time...a long time. The heart knows no clock or calendar. But I do have to say that I am delighted living in this home now as it feels like I never left. The land and the views I do enjoy. I wouldn't want to be anywhere else but here. Once DH goes, presuming he goes first, I don't know how I'd feel. I'd be very sad to leave, but may have to move on, more from an aging perspective.

Not easy, but you'll know when it's right.

Hugs, barncatz. I’m so sorry for your pain.

I think your feelings are totally normal. I had horses all my life and understand how you feel.

Be gentle and patient with yourself. With time, hopefully it will be easier to bear.

Love that picture of them. ❤️

I've told you that my friend lost her heart horse a few years ago. She tried to fill the hole with two other horses and a donkey (with a hilarious name) but I can tell that it's not the same. The same thing happened with my friend and her cat.

I'm not sure of the answer. I like the idea of fostering or rescuing. They could fill the empty spaces but it hopefully would not be as painful when they move on.

You loved them with all your heart. Horses give you love back. Your photo tells a story. It's a beautiful life. I would want more of what I had. There are rescue horses that could fill that emptiness. I would reach out and rescue if your able? Seeing a happy horse in your pasture....would make you happy again....JMO

Your horses are beautiful❤️

That ache is going to be around for a while. Could you offer leasing a few stalls to other horse owners? That way you will have horse people to be with and horses to watch

Rescue senior or mistreated horses like Marilyn in Texas.

It hasn't been that long, maybe just allow yourself to grieve. It took me more than a year for the grief over losing my little cat to stop hurting so much. Animals can be family.

There's a stable here that rescues horses and provides therapy for disabled veterans.

Your post brought tears to my eyes. Your grief is palpable. I am so sorry.

I can't even pretend to know what you should do. We all grieve differently, we all find different things healing or restorative....

I guess all I would say is don't make any rash decisions. If your mind isn't sure what the answer is, I would say there is no rush to decide. Give yourself the gift of time with no pressure, and perhaps the answer will become clear.

I like jojo's idea. You get the joy of watching and being around horses, with no (or less) work. Plus extra income. Would you need extra property insurance if you rent space?

What a beautiful place you have. I can only imagine what the emptiness feels like, when you lose such gorgeous creatures that shared the land with you.

I’ve lost a husband and 4 long lived cats in my lifetime, but since we’re talking pets, I’ll address that and leave the spouse grief for other threads. when my last cat, my heart cat, died at 18 or 19, I could barely stand the emptiness of the house. I decided to not get another because I was getting to the age that I feared it would outlive me and I couldn’t bear the thought of leaving behind a senior cat to be rehomed.

After the initial mourning of her and of my life as a cat owner, the emptiness eventually morphed into a peacefulness of warm memories of the things that were special to me about her. I hope that happens for you.

I also was going to suggest boarding a horse or two that you can visit and enjoy and yet not have to care for. From my horsie friends, I know finding great accommodations for their horses when they don’t have their own land or facilities, is such a huge blessing.

I'm so sorry, barncatz. How much would you feel like taking on? Adopting a senior or special needs horse, having a couple boarding (insurance issues?) or something different like a few sheep. They say time heals all wounds, but I don't know who they is. I still get teary-eyed when I think about our two horses, and they've been gone 24yrs.

Thank you all. Your kindness is tremendously comforting.

I do think you need more time, but I suspect you will always feel the sadness. You are grieving not only their loss but the loss of the way you expected your life to look right now. And that's a lot. I haven't read all the responses, but I did see the suggestion of adding an older horse or two if you were so inclined. Another idea might be to offer the space to a local teen who would love to have a horse but doesn't have the space -in that way you would be passing on to the next generation something that has been very meaningful in your life.

Beautiful land! Maybe have a couple alpacas or goats.🐐 They are less maintenance than horses, and they can cheer you up in no time.

Sounds to me like you need to get a new friend to love, maybe two.

From The Atlantic, 1/11/24, The Feeling of Losing Snow:

"...there's a sense of loss. It makes me think of a word that an Australian philosopher coined a number of years ago: solastalgia, which is essentially the sense of homesickness for an environment that you never left, but is leaving without you in some way."

Thanks again, I have been considering. I think what I am feeling is about aging, too and trying to honestly face the constraints of that process, when I think I may have never left my 30s in my mind.

I'm so sorry that you're hurting, barncatz. Your farm is indeed gorgeous.

What a beautiful room and beautiful view! Hope sweet pup feels better soon. ❤️

Your horses and your property were/are beautiful. Your deep sense of loss is certainly understandable.

Your DH's suggestion, though, is interesting. I used to have my morning coffee in a particular chair in a particular room in my house. A few months ago, I began sitting in another room during those early moments of the day. It did give me a different perspective. A new view may literally influence a new perspective.

I’m so sorry Barncatz. you loved your horses and they were blessed for all the love and comfort you provided. it’s still early in your grief so be gentle with yourself.

While the familiar and routine can often help, when there’s an important element missing, it can be hard. I like your husband’s suggestion for a different vantage point, with a focus not on what isn’t there but on perhaps a new perspective.

I love my cats and understand the deep bonds that form with our animals. May you begin to find peace in the beauty of your surroundings.

I can only imagine how your beautiful view can feel incomplete now. I am so sorry for your loss of your animals and a way of life.

I think, when you are ready, you need to find a use for your property so that it has new life in it and does not lay fallow and unused. I generally don't quite get people who get another pet after losing one (almost in response or to replace), so I would not necessarily advise that. However, getting totally different animals --- goats or llamas sounds lovely to me, as does some sort of "giving back" approach where you let others house their horses there. Maybe even some sort of equine therapy connection? Or even a meadow of wildflowers in their memory?

I know how much you loved your horses and the pain will last some time. I don't know your age or if you can physically take care of another horse or two, thinking they won't lift your spirits. Not a horse story but a dog story.

English Pointers are my favorite breed, as house and field dogs. I've had several dogs that were my bff who died, but when I lost Lily, an EP, I couldn't move or stop crying for a week. She was my dog, KWIM? The hole in my heart was just too big to even think of getting another dog.

A couple of months later we met a couple who lived locally who had a new litter of EPs and let me make the first pick because they weren't ready to be weaned. I named her Gracie on the spot. Every week I'd say, Gracie comes in 3 weeks! 2 weeks! 1 week! then Gracie comes today! They delivered her to us and I ran outside to hold her and that hole in my heart immediately went away. EPs pretty much have the same personality which made it easier.

Not sure if switching chairs will take your mind off losing your precious horses, but at least if you had another animal that would enjoy the pasture, it will give you something physical to do and up your energy.