First Thanksgiving without spouse
Lars
5 months ago
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Sudden Witnessed Death of Spouse
Comments (14)Becky, I've had a tough year too. I get it, but it's time to -- in the words of my late father -- get an attitude adjustment. I hated it when he said that. ;-) I hope you will understand what I am saying and know it not said with judgment, any harsh thoughts or desire to cause you pain. Sometimes there are things e probably already know, but it helps to hear someone else say them. That's where I'm coming from -- with a desire to help you over a hurdle. I see so much to be grateful for and to celebrate in your posts. Isn't it wonderful that you found that happiness and know that life has so much more to offer you than you had before? Eighteen months is not years or decades, but it is hundreds of days -- hundreds of sunrises, hundreds of sunsets and everything in between. And what about the fact that you were married? You may be a widow now, but had you not been married, you would not be next of kin and would have had no legal relationship or rights. He could have just as easily have passed before you were married and you would have had no say on his final affairs. You did say goodbye -- you tried to save him and pull him back, then you laid him to rest when you couldn't. That's more than many people get, Trust me, even when death is years in coming, you don't get to plan the moment or the way you say goodbye. You make the most of what you get and you give what you can for as long as you can. What do you want your late husband's legacy to be? What would he want the gift of his time with you to be? Sorrow? Being oppressed by his memory as you were a previous spouse? Or joy for everyday you had together and the things you know are possible? First tings first -- stop kicking yourself. You are not God. You didn't give him the heart condition and you couldn't save him. You said some things you regret -- doesn't everyone? And don't you think the one who loved you knew that better than anyone? If he didn't then, he does now -- more than you. Most of all, I want to suggest you try to spend some time each day counting your blessings. Maybe first thing over coffee, maybe in the shower or as you get ready for sleep -- it may be the first spring bloom you saw, a favorite tune you heard, a kind word said, a checkout line that moved quickly, that you didn't get any bills in the mail -- or at east anything unexpected, hat a friend shared a happiness with you or you were able to do something for someone else. Find a few new things each day and reflect back on one happiness from days gone by, Say thank you fr each one and don't take them for granted. The events in your life may not change (maybe they will), but how you feel about them will. I bought a greeting card when I was in college and planned to send it to my parents when the time was right. Instead, I enjoyed reading it and still have it. It had a Sandra Boyton hippo on the front and he was saying he was on a new diet. He used to eat when he was unhappy, so now he only ate when he was happy. You open the card and he comments, "I haven't lost a pound, but the change in my mood is remarkable." Loved that card and it still makes me smile. Then try to reach out to others who are lonely or in need of help. There are so many elderly who need companionship, meals or assistance with simple tasks, people who need tutoring. blind people who would appreciate reading books for them or taping them, children and adults in hospitals who are bored or scared, animals in shelters who would love to be touched and loved, walked, etc. You might even decide to adopt a pet and give them a new lease on life and let them give you purrs or wags. Helping someone else up always lifts you too. You can't replace your late husband, but you can lose out on a lot of life and happiness wishing he was there. Instead, take what he taught you and what he shared with you and go apply it in a life he would be happy to be watching you live. Give him that gift - now and should you meet again. I've shed a lot of tears too They are unavoidable, and they can be cleansing. Cry when you have to, but don't let them take over. You were given a wonderful gift. Live thankfully....See MoreFirst gluten free Thanksgiving review
Comments (15)I make crustless, gluten-free pumpkin pie using the Impossible Pumpkin Pie recipe (Bisquick/Betty Crocker recipe). You can use the gluten-free Bisquick, Bob's Red Mill gluten-free baking mix, or your own homemade gluten-free baking mix mixture. I make a high-fiber, high-protein, low-carb, gluten-free baking mix. Makes approx. 1-cup baking mix: 1/2 c. almond flour 1/2 c. hi-maize resistant starch (available through King Arthur or Honeyville Grain) 1/4 t. salt 1-1/2 t. baking powder 1 T. coconut oil (or other fat/oil of choice) Mix ingredients with a hand-held electric mixer until fat is well blended. --------------------------------------------------- My mother was gluten-intolerant and made gluten-free cornbread. When it was cool, sliced it into small cubes and toasted the cubes in the oven before using it for dressing. You could use the same method with other gluten-free breads (commercial or homemade). -------------------------------------------------- Cornstarch is what my mother always used for thickening gravy, and you can also use rice flour, arrowroot, or Instant Clear Jel, to mention a few alternatives. Instant Clear Jel (available from King Arthur and larger amounts available on-line - I buy it in #10 cans) is a modified corn starch that is popular with pie bakers. (Note: Do not use the instant version for canning of pie fillings because it is designed for heating only the one time which is when the pie is actually baked - use regular Clear Jel for canning). Features and Benefits: INSTANT CLEAR JEL will begin to swell or thicken as soon as it is added to water, milk or juices; it will impart a smooth, short texture when fully hydrated. The viscosity will increase slightly upon heating. It has excellent heat and acid resistance and can be used in acid containing foods and in those applications where heating is required. INSTANT CLEARJEL also has good cold temperature storage stability making it particularly well suited for refrigerated and frozen foods. 1 T. cornstarch = 1 1/2 T. Instant Clear Jel 2 T. flour or tapioca = 1 T. Instant Clear Jel Not all thickeners work the same. Some break when cooked too long, some are poor at gel formation, not all of them freeze well, or don't reheat well. Different thickeners work for different food applications, so 2 or 3 gluten-free thickeners may be necessary for different uses. For every 2 tablespoons of flour used as a thickener use: -1 T. cornstarch -2-1/2 t. arrowroot -1 T. tapioca (quick cooking, granulated) -1 T. potato starch -2-1/2 t. rice flour or rice starch --------------------------------------------------- I've been experimenting with a recipe I found on-line for "One Minute Muffins" and I thought it might also work for the bread substitute in dressing (cubed and toasted) but haven't tried it yet. Our daughter (the work-out warrior in the family) was looking for a low-carb, high-protein, bread substitute she could make at home without a lot of time and expense, and this recipe has worked well for her for a lot of applications (burger buns, toast, grilled sandwiches, bread pudding, etc. - and it's also gluten-free. One Minute Muffin 1/4 c. almond flour 2 T. golden flaxmeal (we also like to substitute the flaxmeal with 2 T. hi-maize resistant starch or 2 T. unflavored whey protein isolate) pinch of salt 1/2 t. baking powder 1/2 T. unsalted butter 1 large egg 1. Melt butter in a 4-1/2-inch ramekin. 2. Whisk egg then slowly drizzle in the melted butter. 3. To the egg and butter add almond flour, flaxseed meal and salt. Mix well with a spoon. 4. Sprinkle with baking powder and mix one more time. 5. Spoon into ramekin and microwave for one minute. 6. Remove from microwave with dish towel and invert onto a cooling rack. 7. Split in half and toast. (I get 3 thin slices from each "muffin". NOTE: If you don't like eggs, you might not like this bread substitute because it has an eggy flavor. If you spread peanut butter on the toasted slices, you won't notice the eggy flavor. Options: This morning I made the recipe but I used the batter to make 2 small sticky pecan rolls in 3-1/2-inch ramekins. I melted the butter between the ramekins and made the recipe for the batter (using whey protein isolate). In the bottom of each ramekin I added 1/2-t. of palm sugar nectar (honey or agave nectar would also work) and a light sprinkle of palm sugar (brown or white sugar could be used), cinnamon and chopped pecans. Divided the batter between the two ramekins, microwaved for 45-seconds. Hubby approved! A lot of low-carb foods are also gluten-free, and this recipe is a good example. -Grainlady...See MoreDifferences with spouse on where to live following retirement
Comments (11)I think you might try figuring out what you want your retirement to look like. Do you want to live near the beach, in a big city, in the country, mountains, in an over 55 community? Do you want to play golf a few times a week, or do you prefer visiting museums, or going on hikes? Is living near family a must or are you happy to fly or drive to visit a few times a year? Are you living in a high cost area and can you afford it in retirement or would moving to a low cost state ease you financially? I think writing down what is important to you can help clarify things.....cost of living, climate, access to good healthcare, activities, etc. I think the only way I would follow my kids would be if they or grand kids had a disability or something and they needed extra help on an ongoing basis. Would you want to live in an area you dislike just to be near the kids or family? And, as stated, job transfers happen...are you going to follow them every time?.....moving is expensive, finding new doctors, etc... We have the opposite dilemma. We're not retired yet but will be in a few years( I will go before DH). It looks pretty sure that two of our three kids will stay in this area..they are happy in pretty secure jobs. Do we move AWAY from them to a lower cost area, better climate, etc? They get a little upset when we talk about leaving, but they are busy and we don't see them every week anyway. Plus, as we age, I don't want to burden them with having to take care of us when they will have their own families to worry about. It's a lot to consider. Maybe you and your husband should pick a place where there isn't family that you both like and travel to visit each side. That's a fair compromise since it sounds like you won't be happy living near your step kids and he won't be happy living near your family....See MoreEvery Thanksgiving, without fail...
Comments (17)I have a scarlet Christmas Cactus. But it celebrates Christmas in July. It's survived frost, me watering it with a glass of water and dishwashing liquid, and drought-by-neglect. This little bugger is tough and has survived me. I have a friend who has a whole sun porch of only these cacti. They are stunning and bloom at all different times of the year. Thank you for reminding me of the beauty that happens despite the crap that goes on with the human side of nature. Christine...See MoreLars
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LarsOriginal Author