Your cabinets do not have to match your trim. In fact, it's much better if it doesn't. Contrast is good. Maybe a painted vanity or espresso? As far as painted trim, it might be a bit more work to keep tidy if you paint it white, but it's really easy to repaint and have look brand new. But, nothing says you have to paint it white. It can be painted an espresso brown, or a saddle brown and give you the effect of stained wood from 10 feet away. Plus painted is about a third of the cost of stained oak trim. Stain grade wood is darn pricy, and it hits you again in the pocketbook at finish time because it's a lot more labor to stain and finish. If you are on a tight budget, stained trim would be one of the first things to go.

I got a sample door of driftwood with ebony glaze on cherry and really liked it. I think I would have been happy with Starmark, but after figuring tax/installation/etc the difference between them and the custom shop was very little and my contractor really wanted me to use the custom shop. The custom shop allows things to be a little more "custom" too which is nice. They work together well with the contractor so it has made things easier than I think it would have been otherwise. I ended up matching a stained maple to Starmark driftwood with a black glaze. It's very close in appearance. The kitchen is still in progress so I don't have any finished pictures (probably 4-6 weeks out still), but here is a sample door with the stain. This isn't the door style we ended up using, its more for color. This is my custom shop's maple, but it looks very similar in color/tone to the cherry driftwood sample I got from Starmark. I think the glaze is important on cherry or maple to mellow out the underlying wood tone, otherwise looks really pink (was not a fan at all of that look). Oak might be able to get away with plain stain. It's a little dark, I thought about doing the whole kitchen in it, but ultimately settled on a mix of light grey paint (matched to SW Repose Grey) on one wall and the island/mudroom/appliance wall/desk all stained. Omega porch swing seemed pretty similar, I cross shopped that too. I think I would have done QS oak inset if I stuck with starmark or omega. I really liked Porch swing with a brushed ebony finish.

Patty if you can get some information from your builder it would help. What brand of cabinets will be installed? Have you seen actual samples of the stain colors you mention above? Have you seen them on oak or alder? I'm wondering what you're unhappy about with the choices offered. What is your *dream* stain color

The flooring contractor should be able to show you patch samples on your floor of what a clear coat would look like, and you could also sample some stains if you decide you want it darker. You should be trying to be two shades lighter or darker than your island, but have the same tone (yellow, red, green). Stains have undertones just like paint colors. You may have to stain the new and not the old in order to get the two to look alike, but an experienced floor refinisher should be able to work this out. I had an addition put on my previous house and had new wood floors next to old which were blended seamlessly - I didn't even have the old refinished. If you didn't know where to look for the transition you couldn't tell, and even knowing where it was the difference was very fine - and I'm pretty picky. There was a 4-5 foot opening between the two rooms with no threshold.