Im afraid of manipulation under anesthesia
satine100
8 months ago
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carolb_w_fl_coastal_9b
8 months agoPatriciae
8 months agoRelated Discussions
I'm new here, but not to gardenweb
Comments (9)Hi, Ilene. You have certainly been a glutton for punishment. You are also good at owning other peoples' problems. If you have decided to become more self protective now and enjoy your pool and give more necessary attention to your husband, good for you. You are the one that will suffer if you don't slow down a bit and take better care of yourself and DH. There are social workers that can come to the assistance of your Mom if you are unable. You can make a referral to the Office of Aging in the county your mother lives in if you are no longer able to meet her needs. Definitely, you have the right to be the the one to decide how much and what you are able and willing to do for anyone. If your Dad is nicer to you, it is understandable that you would more easily be able to help him out--and your DH is the person you will need to lean on when you need help, so you certainly want to care for him! If you are still willing to have your Mom visit for the holidays, of course you have the right to set the terms-overnight or whatever. She's probably not going to have the good grace to appreciate anything you do in any case. You could be in for a surprise, though. As you begin to set firm limits and boundaries with her, she may beghin to show you more respect. Justy don't hold your breath on that. By the way, imo you express yourself very well. Some of us have just been so mangled by misguided English teachers that we can't see the forest for the trees when it comes to composition. If you still have problems with any of the above, give a copy of what you have written to a counselor and he or she will see very clearly how to support your move toward greater assertiveness. With the new health insurance we all now have, there will be more access to counseling for this sort of thing. It's easy to let one's family pull one down, especially in stressful times and by invoking undesired guilt....See MoreSorry, I'm a broken record - still no 'talk' about the plan...
Comments (34)I'm not sure why you're still posting to me when it's obvious that your situation is/was much different and agreeable to all involved. And, since there isn't an actual "step" relationship that exists for you as the SM is out of the picture, it probably is hard to relate. Here's the whole story - worked w/ DH a couple of years, got along w/ this DD, helped her in tennis (I played through college on a scholarship) but saw that she wasn't a worker at it and had visions of playing at the next level. Tried to tell her that practice in this sport needed to be daily, not weekly if she really wanted to play in college. Then, the ex and DH split up due to her affair w/ this DDs tennis coach. As I said, she bought his groceries (DH found her unloading them once at his apt!), gave him $, displaced DH as the father - took this man w/ her and the kids to the movies, etc. Fast forward - my engagement to my fiance from residency broke up - he wanted me to move to central FL, I was caring for my Dear Nephews 7 days/week who hadn't been dealt a fair hand in the parenting dept. I was living at my parent's home, paying all their bills and cleaning the house entirely weekly. DH and I loved sports - began taking my DNephews to games, etc. We fell in love - I didn't see it coming as he was 19 yrs. older and I'd never dated anyone that much older. Our first kiss was months later, 5 days before his divorce was final. The ex's bf dumped her and she was very bitter learning that he and I were seeing one another. She trashed my name to patients, neighbors, etc. We had a mutual friend who worked for us and this woman tried to get our rec't to give her all the addresses of all patients so she could spread her venom even more. The rec't quit under the stress of being friendly w/ all sides, severing ties w/ the ex, but leaving us high and dry after she worked for my DH for 17 yrs. It hurt the practice. During the time we dated (1 1/2 yrs), my steps were nowhere to be seen. In fact, I didn't see them at all while dating DH. They didn't come to the office and I didn't go to his place on his weekends (felt they needed time to reestablish a relationship w/o the gf around), and his ex tried like heck to NOT have them see him - coming up w/ any excuse to not allow his EOW visits to occur. She would often just have the DD play tournaments on her weekends w/ her dad, so they'd often be busy there, sometimes out of town at them. The kids were completely lost to him. We married when they were 12, 14, 16. The DDs said they wanted to go to the wedding, so I took them shopping for dresses. I thought they had changed their hearts back to where they were before I dated their dad, but when we got in the middle of the mall, they screamed that they HATED me and to get out of their lives. It was a terrible scene. I was embarrassed, hurt, you name it. My SS attended the wedding, the girls did not. After the honeymoon, the ex cried that she was being evicted from her place - which was one room w/ her and these three kids. (DH paid handsomely and she skimped on EVERYTHING for these kids - the double dipping was sickening! The kids would come over w/ the clothes on their backs, and in one instance, w/ no shoes. Come on!) I immediately offered the rental I have (that I now have offered SD) or to allow us to house the kids while she found a place. Not willing to give up CS, that was opposed. I said that I wasn't worried about CS, just trying to help out. She moved the kids over and over and must have a small fortune stashed by now...never into the home I rent out. Anyway, on weekends, this SD usually had tennis - the ex would have her in tournaments on "our" visitation weekends that were out of town. DH would take her. Sometimes I'd have the other kids, sometimes she'd keep them. My weekends were filled w/ awkwardness. The kids did not respect me, I tried like heck to please them - made whatever they wanted, movies, amusement parks, etc. If I had them, they ALWAYS brought a friend to spend the weekend w/ us, so very little alone time was spent w/ me as the "buffer" friends were there and I didn't know what to do. If this SD and her sister were w/ us, the room was left in squalid conditions. Often, the beds would be moved so that I couldn't enter the room. I'd have to enter an adjacent bedroom, go through the connecting bathroom, then into their room. Sheets, comforters, wet towels would be all over the place. There were many other disgusting things that I'll spare you of related to their monthly cycles... Anyway, I'd complain to DH, he'd say nothing, and things didn't improve. By the time they came back, a gentle, "Please try to leave the room the way you find it, girls..." would follow. I was too unassertive to speak up. Then, a couple of years later, college followed - we paid, naturally, and they began to crash in on us each break, despite their mother now having a house and living alone. From never wanting to be around us, suddenly it was us they always with. They knew who buttered their bread. In they'd crash w/ a bunch of friends. Not one of them EVER made a bed, which is one of my few pet peeves - I have things cluttered up, but the beds are always made before we leave the house. By then, I had the boys, still worked, lived in our office bldg in cramped conditions, 2 bathrooms - showers only, etc. It wasn't comfortable for DH, me, his 3 kids, our 2-3 sons depending on the year, their friends, etc. The stepson, who had made fun of our old house (prior to its demo and this new one being built) HATED living in an office "basement" (ground floor of a 2 story bldg) and complained to anyone and everyone. Still, I tried to please him. I GAVE him my loaded Ford Explorer and he called it a piece of junk. It was no such thing - was very nice, 2 y. old. He was supposed to work for us, showed up twice in a summer in exchange for a car he felt was suitable. What did DH do? Bought him a LEXUS that we could not afford. Suddenly, DH was able to get financing (everything else is in my name as he has bad credit). The car didn't have xenon lights so the creep yelled, "I'd rather have a Honda Civic w/ xenon lights that this w/o them!" GRRRR - and I have a Honda and it's a GREAT car! DH and I fought. Later, the SAME situation occurred w/ the girls. They have a huge sense of entitlement. I realize DH's parenting caused a lot of this, but their mother told them over and over to basically try to take us to the cleaners and they have! DH married their mom as she was pg - said she was on the pill....They had broken up when she turned up pg. He stepped up, then a few years later, she stepped out, poisoned the kids, later tried to prevent me from having a relationship w/ them which worked for a long time. Then, suddenly, it could cost her to keep them from us. So, she and they all saw that Daddy would buy more toys - and so the story goes. Please, don't act like I haven't tried or didn't know this man had kids. They've made it clear how they feel and also that if they want anything, it wouldn't come from their mom. DH w/ the guilt or whatever, is a pleaser, and tries in the wrong ways to bond w/ these kids. I don't think it's right, but I DO understand. We all LOVE our kids, would lay down our lives for them, etc. I know he's in a tough position. However, I do not want my kids raised in the same manner and do not want any of their materialism influencing my children. I want to raise INDEPENDENT and happy, healthy men, not boys. My SD has received the benefit of the doubt so much of the time. She hasn't wanted for anything. I've mentioned that her father is stressed about our finances as we wait for some help from the ins. co due to the fire in '05, that he is stressed w/ time, still she forks over her bills and her errands, not handling anything. It's just making me sick. Sadly, these children have a huge sense of entitlement and are greedy people. The YSD never spoke to me, but after her mother found religion handed me a Christmas list and said, "My mother is baking a birthday cake for Jesus. She doesn't believe in the commercialism of Christmas, so I guess I'll have to give you this." I was dumbfounded, but off I went, buying everything on the list. It was ALL returned, and has been ever since. See, I still TRY, feel like there could be a window for a real relationship to form, but I'm always disappointed. Now, I have my own kids' well-being to be concerned w/. After the b-day, shopping trip that never happened to my oldest last month, I see a pattern and I won't have my own kids feeling disappointed like I have over the years. Guess I even tried to placate them materialistically - basically in any way I could. I've never had this situation. Don't you see, TOS, it's all about "her." For me being as close to my mother as I am, I'd rather stay w/ her in a hut w/o A/C, 'cause I love her, than w/ anyone else in a palace. I don't think these kids understand love. They all but dumped their mom when they began wanting things she wouldn't provide. What kind of love it that? And, now, living w/ me and DH and our three sons while her mother lives alone? Just doesn't make sense. I think when their mother found religion, they found Daddy again as mom started tithing to her church and not to them...maybe they see their mom's lies and severed some ties because of that, but regardless, these kids don't care for me. I allowed myself to be treated like a doormat, trying to be accepted, liked, etc. That's my mistake, but I'll be darned if it will continue or extend to my kids. This morning, she was yelling because my younger two woke her up 10min. before her alarm would go off and she needed that sleep (did her own laundry last night, hooray, but didn't like it apparently!) It's the youngest one's 3rd b-day and they were excited. I was making everyone breakfast, got a dirty look for not keeping them quieter, but I smiled, "Good morning!" She mumbled something back and that was that...agree to disagree yet?...See Moremy stepdaughter is a manipulative teenage her father doesnt see
Comments (22)I wrote this to try to get help with my family or what is left of it. This is the first time I ever posted anything on this forum. So instead of getting help I am getting feed back based on the notion I am a teenager or the same person that wrote something on a wedding. The real issue is that a young girl of 17 has manipulated her entire family to the point that she is now posting blogs on how the ruin your parents life and get anything you want while you do it. Again she doesn't want to spend time with her father her real mother or anyone she justs wants to do what she wants to do.. She is entering her senior year and has no job doesn't want to go to college her father lost his job and he is going into over twenty thousand dollars of credit card debt to continue to keep her in clothes and jewelry he can't nor never could afford he never made more than fifty or sixty thousand dollars a year. He has no health benefits he depends on me and now that she is living with her grandmother I don't even know if she is eligible to stay under my health benefits. She is dating a drug dealer and there is nothing I can do or say about it. Her father says he believes her when she says he never carries drugs or deals drugs when he is with her. Tell me does this seem odd to anyone? I now don't want her in my home anymore in fear that she will bring this home. So since I last wrote these new developments have changed things If my husband doesn't disciple her and I cant how can I let her be around my children or in my home. I love my husband but I have an obligation to keep my children safe and under the new circumstances having her in my home isn't an option.. MY children informed me she was bring drugs in the house and when my son found out he told her he was not only going to tell us but call the police. I am sure she brings things into my mother-in-laws house she is 65 and doesn't speak much English. So although I love my husband my life may have to be on hold until she is 18 in June. She wants to go out and be discovered she is considering working at Disney a character for experience for acting. That is today tomorrow who knows. If I sound bitter I am. I gave this child love, a home, clothes and anything she could want.Including consistence and rules. I was her only parent five to six days a week. Now she has total freedom because know one knows what she does she can lie and they believe it. The fact that she is writing this on her new facebook which her father does think she has since the time she put up naked pictures of her self.Tells you she is really something If she put this to good I swear she could rival Donald Trump...See MoreManipulation?
Comments (1)The abuse issue is serious and frightening. Has your DH tried to get a change of primary physical custody? As to the rest, you sound extremely resentful and bitter toward your SD, and I'm sure it is very clear to her that you feel that way. How old is she? How long have your been her stepmother? Under what circumstances did this happen? All these are factors in her behavior and attitude. But your resentment may be throwing gasoline on the fire....See Moresephia_wa
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