There are those who would say that step-parents DON'T have any rights when it comes to the stepkids....not even a right to an OPINION about what should happen with them. They feel that EVERYTHING that concerns the stepkids should be handled by the bio-parents. Another forum I used to belong to was much this way...so I left! But really, there is a pretty big contingent of folks out there who would agree that steps have ZERO rights when it comes to their stepkids. They call step-parents "legal strangers" or something like that...which really never made any sense to me. However, my opinion is that you DO have some rights. You have the right to be respected, for your home/belongings to be treated appropriately, for cooperation (or at least attempted understanding) from your spouse. Now, you have the CHOICE to enforce these things with an iron fist, or you can try to get SS to come to these realizations on his own, or with your help a little more gently. That can make all the difference. Get him excited about a hike. Get some maps, plan the trail. Get a book that shows the local wildlife you might see. Let him pick out the ingredients for some homemade granola, and let him help you make it. Get him a cheap compass for the trip (cheap at Eddie Bauer!). It'll start to become his idea. That's the trick. Not only for stepkids, but for all kids. I find myself trying to come up with creative ways to get things that I want done ALL the time, with both bio and stepkids. Also, help him get excited about the baby. My stepkids were a little "removed" from the pregnancy, also because of the long distance. But when they were here, they went to ultrasounds with us, and helped pick out stuff for the room. They poured over baby name books with me. They were 10 and 13 at the time. They now both have VERY close relationships with their baby sister (who is now 5). None of our kids (his, mine & ours) call each-other "1/2" or "step"...they are just brothers & sisters. So it is do-able, but it takes some work. If you handle this sticky situation the right way, you will be the "cool bonus Mom", instead of the "evil step monster". I have a fantastic relationship with my stepkids. We've had a few little bumps in the road, but nothing we couldn't work through.

(I posted this on another forum as well. So many have this issue!) Daddies instinctively protect daughters. Never make them choose between you and the daughters. The only way to, IMHO, to solve this is to convince the dad that forcing the daughter to be self-sufficient is BEST FOR HER, and this is easy to do if you read up on enabling behavior, teaching self-sufficiency, etc. Summary is that he is HARMING her by NOT teaching her budgeting, self-sufficiency, and the joy of building a comfortable life step by step. Children are raised in a family such that by the time they are 18 it is typically more safe and comfortable than if they go out on their own. They have to "step down" in living standards when they start out on their own, and build their own life in order to be comfortable. This natural way to build a life is stripped away by enabling parents who have seen to their children's needs and feel their children should continue at that lifestyle level instead of starting out on their own at a lower level. Remind Dad of his own struggle to become successfully/financially independent, and that he is robbing daughter of this same life journey and the character it builds. The daughter doesn't know anything different, this is what she has been made to expect, so this is, sadly, really ALL the Dad's fault. If the Dad isn't convinced this is the way things should evolve for daughter FOR HER OWN GOOD, then separate your finances, budget for your future including retirement, and require Dad pay his half of your joint expenses. If he can't pay it due to support for daughter, then he is bumming off of you, and you have some hard choices of your own enabling behaviour. Finally, I suggest strongly that the daughter is not just dumped. A timeline needs to be created, maybe 3 years, with firm milestones on becoming self-sufficient, including training for a career. The milestones need to be met every 6 months such as attending training classes, filling out job applications (if needed) x times PER DAY, with consequences spelled out in writing and carried through. Buy Quicken or similar product for daughter to learn about budgeting. I advise NOT being the career adviser, but pointing daughter to state/federal resources and career counselling to teach her how to get help on her own, although funding career counselling may be wise. Read up on tough love and remember that young people's expectations are set by the parent. They don't know any better than what they've been led to believe. Good luck. You only live once.

Elizabeth, my comments were based on my experiences. Not too many years ago, I offered an old CRT large screen TV we'd decommissioned to the salvadoreño who does work in and around our house. He chuckled and said in half Spanish and half English that his extended family had pooled their money to buy a big screen TV at Costco for the men to watch futbol and for the evening shows for the women in the family. My last visit to the cable store was to return a settop TV box (after I'd switched to DISH). The people in front of me in line were modestly dressed Spanish speaking women who paid their bills in cash, using mostly singles and also coin change. When people are spending extended time at the counter because of the need to count and recount cash, it's not hard to see what's going on. As you said, you and most others pay these bills with autopay or another online means. Those who are illiterate, or who don't have the credentials to get a bank account, pay bills in cash. And such people are typically hard working folks of very modest means. That was what I saw.

I designed two showers that had step down . We didn't have any glass as they were specifically designed as " wet room" style . We had large enough spaces that the shower floor within the step down area was more than sufficient to keep the water off of the remaining bathroom floor. There was no curb. The step down was 2" and the shower floor was sloped slightly toward a drain that was centered under a rainshower head nearer the end where the controls were placed. I will see if I can link to the showers in our house we sold 2 years ago. We had sky lights over each and it was like being in a tree house.Everyone wanted to use them when they stayed with us :) https://s63.photobucket.com/user/41455/media/Attic%2520renovation%25202002/bathrooms001.jpg.html?sort=3&o=9  https://s63.photobucket.com/user/41455/media/master%2520bath%2520construction-finished/bathrooms005.jpg.html?sort=3&o=1 Photobucket is so horrible now. I hope this works. These were splendid bathrooms . Don't believe it if someone says that the wet room design is too cold. It isn't true. We had these bathrooms for 14 years Used at least once a day. It is heavenly. c