Its been months since I posted but I find myself struggling with issues that the long distance may have started but I just don't know what to do now! Upon my arrival it was apparent that he had fundamentally changed in his feelings towards our marriage and so his attitude towards me has been extremely hurtful. Its long so please bear with me as I really need help. Just before I came back he told me he had only 1 hour online access at work and no access at his Moms, and he blamed this as the reason he didn't respond to my messages and emails, but as soon as I arrived at his Moms he said 'you can go online and tell the kids your here safe' I asked him why he had told me he didn't have internet at home and he flew off the handle denying ever having said any such thing! I logged onto our yahoo account as it is more reliable in the middle east, he has never been tidy with the yahoo account so it was overloaded with old emails spam and the conversation list was pages long. I started to delete and generally tidy up the account when I noticed that he had over 30 emails from a woman I didn't know, I opened a few of them and they were love/friendship poems and pretty gif art featuring hearts and romantic settings. I don't know why I did it but I forwarded a few of them to another account. after an hour or so he came over with a coffee and nearly dropped it when he saw I was using the yahoo account instead of my msn. neither of us said anything. Later the same day I logged on again and All OF HER EMAILS HAD BEEN DELETED nothing else just those and she was no longer in his contact list!! rightly or wrongly I said nothing for a number of weeks as I didn't want to put even more pressure on what was looking more and more like a marriage he no longer wanted. Over the next few weeks he was so changeable he would either be emotionally shut down towards me or very loving, he became very negative about our years together saying it was a mistake for us to ever be together then he would say things like your different I think we can make this work only to change his mind again a few hours later. He started asking strange questions like 'do you think I will marry again?' or 'what should I do if someone else fell in love with you?' what kind of questions are those to ask your wife???!! I still tried to stay calm and would answer things like that by saying ' I'm not sure I understand what your asking, why would you be thinking of getting married again? I'm here with you" but no matter what I did he would become frustrated with me. One evening he was particularly hurtful and I tried to reason with him but eventually we ended up in a terrible row and I let him know that I knew about the woman at work and had seen all the emails before he deleted them. He told me I was crazy he had never received such emails and certainly never deleted them!! He was visibly shocked when I told him I still had copies and that I knew her name her facebook account and so I also had a photo of her. (where we live adultery carries the death penalty) and I keep wondering if this was not the case he may have been honest about this emotional affair I don't think it went further than sharing a private office together but I cant be certain as he will not speak of it. He then later said he should be allowed to do what he wants as I used to have a work friend that called me a lot. the guy was gay and proud of it and I always took calls from him in front of my husband. His family have all been very different towards me and I have since learned that just before I came back he talked openly about me not coming back and 'moving on' they of course all said what he wanted to hear at the time things like: you should have children of your own/ you need a Persian wife/ it was never meant to be etc etc. and now they seem embarrassed to be around me unlike when I used to live here and they came to us every week for a get together. His mother was very very rude to me throwing things at me and when she realized we were moving into our own home again she kept saying things like you can go but he owes me his life he has to stay/ she would make hurtful comments like 'he wants his own children and a new wife' my husband never told her off for any of this not even when she threw things at me and so it got to the point when we did move out that I asked him to have no contact for a while as I belived she was not good for our marriage. of course the first opportunity he got he went to her and this caused me such emotional termoil, when he came back he could tell I was unhappy and he just kept saying 'I can leave if you want' or an hour or so later ' I think you want me to leave' I ignored it for as long as I could and after a drink or 5! I finally snapped and said yes just go back to your Mom! and so he quickly packed and did!! I immediately felt that I had blwn it so I called him and said I was sorry for getting so angry, he got his brother to call me from USA to tell me to leave the country as my husband was never coming back and didn't want to see me!! My husband texted me the next day saying he felt he couldn't come home but didn't want to go to his Moms I told him to come home and we would see what we could work out. After work he came home but was very very cruel and said things I never thought I would hear from him, and in the middle of saying such things he would look at me and say 'I could never have said these things before as I know it hurts you' but it was as if he was enjoying hurting me. later the same night he started having sex with me but he was very drunk and he forced me to have anal sex which was so very painful!!afterwards he just said 'go shower' and then went to sleep. I cried all night and all the next day I tried to make a joke of it! I know that sounds stupid but I didn't know how to deal with it. I blamed myself as throughout our marriage he has 'tried' but it has always been too painful for me and so he has always stopped. But I feel that because I've always been willing to try maybe he thought it was OK or I tell myself he was so drunk he didn't know what he was doing...but he was sober enough to tell me to wash. If Im honest my gut feeling was that his cruel words before and this forced sex act were a punishment!! He wanted to hurt me??? This was 2 months ago and we are still together, he still is very loving towards me but then doesn't want to be with me, he will often just come home get drunk or stoned and go straight to sleep, but other nights he is lovely to me. If I upset him at all he repeats things like I will only stay if Im happy./ I want a perfect marriage/ if I get to 40 and this is no good then I have no kids of my own etc etc I never promised to stay with you forever!! But then the next day he will say things like 'please don't leave me/ your amazing/ I love you/ I adore you !!!!!! Please help me I dont know which husband to belive? I feel truly suicidal at times Im so confused.

Find some things to do that you really love that you wouldn't necessarily do while your DH was around. My husband leaves every summer for the whole summer (6 months) and is out for up to a month at a time with no email or telephone contact. We see eachother about once every three months for a few days each time. It's not easy. There will be good days and terrible days. There will be days that you are so proud of all you've achieved on your own and days you feel you will feel overwhelmed by your aloneness. Lean on your friends and family. Get involved with a new project you simply wouldn't have the time to do if your husband were there with you. Take good care of yourself (this one's important). Though I hate it when my husband is gone, I have started to really love having my girlfriends over for dinner parties whenever I want, destroying the living room with arts and crafts projects (including the glitter my husband can't stand), and doing silly dance workout videos with no fear of teasing! Whatever you do, I think it's important to remain connected to your spouse. Be proud of your ability to maintain your life on your own. Try not to feel sorry for yourself. Do your best to stay positive during your interactions. Fighting, anger and resentment are pure poison. Let your spouse know that you miss him, but you are okay. Men worry about their wives and want to make sure we are safe and comfortable. Reassure him you are. Like I said, it's not easy. Though I'll admit to calling my mom on occasion and having a full-on cry fest, I'll also admit to having great moments of strength and accomplishment. Who knew fixing a toilet or installing a new light fixture could be so empowering! Hang in there and know he's doing this for you, he'll need support too. Share what help get you through the day and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE!

Hi again everyone. Just a few thoughts... Lisa I am sorry to have made you add things up! It's exactly what sent me reeling. Making the list and looking at the numbers, all in one shot, was stunning! I am actually very happy about the move, even though the process is difficult. I really love my home here and the way it has turned out. It's been a joy to work on and I am finally feeling pleased with the results. Interestingly, the staging process seemed to seal the deal. A little less furniture and clutter and the place looks "perfect" to me. (To the powers that be, may I please carry this awareness to the next place!) But we have never felt like we fit in here in FL. Going to MA is like going home. Our friends and family are there and the general mentality is a much better fit for us. DD has said repeatedly she wishes we could pick up this house and move it. To some degree, I will recreate certain elements up there...like in the kitchen. As for finding a good mover, we have been referred to someone by our piano dealer. We have a mid-sized grand to store and ship and supposedly this company is the best. (Don't even ask where we're going to fit that thing!) I have seen movers do a hack job. As a confirmed control freak, I'd love to do it myself! But that is ridiculous, of course. We will hire the best and just hope for a positive experience. Nothing we own is without patina anyway. Funny, Hoyamom, I woke up this morning thinking about my grandmother's silver. I think that will go in the car with me. So, if anyone's still reading, do you think I need to offer things at 25% like my realtor suggests? A good friend suggests I start at 40% and work from there. Patina or no, this stuff is only 4-6 years old and it's mostly name brands people would know and recognize. The dining table is the first thing you see on the Ethan Allen website when you do a product search for dining rooms! So, it's still relevant.

Do not have very many $5 plants. I have a friend that has a host business here that has been a wonderful enabler. She was on the national tour last summer. Moving about 550 miles south in Arkansas. Anyone on here live in Ar? My beds have gotten crowded anyway. So right now I'm splitting and planting half in my rows to take. Will probably list the house early next spring. I was thinking I could water my plants and put them in bags to save room then pot them in the new location for part of the summer. Will have quite a bit of time to plant them. I don't have near as many to move as you did and am not moving any duplicates. Getting older and need to downsize anyway. I'd say 200 to 250 hostas then all my other junk. I retired in December so have been doing painting , staining and downsizing domestic collections getting the house ready. Husband is a realtor and says we need to really down size the flowers before listing. Not sure I agree.