THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW IF YOU MOVE TO THE SOUTH 1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road. 2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in the South. 3. There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 of them live in the South, plus a couple no one's seen before. 4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha. 5. Onced and Twiced are words. 6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy! 7. Jawl-P? means: Did you all go to the bathroom? 8. People actually grow, eat, and like okra. 9. Fixinto is one word. It means I'm going to do something. 10. There is no such thing as lunch. There is only dinner and then there's supper. 11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar. It is referred to as the Wine of the South. 12. Backwards and forwards means I know everything about you. 13. The word jeet is actually a question meaning, 'Did you eat?' 14. You don't have to wear a watch, because it doesn't matter what time it is, you work until you're done or it's too dark to see. 15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH em. 16. Y'all is singular. All Y'all is plural. 17. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect, or animal. 18. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car. 19. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, mustard, Tabasco, and ketchup. 20. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local high school sports, motorsports, and gossip. 21. Everyone you meet is a Honey, Sugar, Miss (first name), or Mr (first name) 22. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday. 23. You know what a hissy fit is.. 24. Fried catfish is the other white meat. 25. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive!!! 26. You understand these jokes and forward them to your Southern friends and those who just wish they were from the SOUTH. AND one more: 27. Why did the chicken cross the road? To show that stupid possum that it CAN be done! Rusty

That is so funny abot the coyotes. So many people have moved to my area, suburban forested, and go complely bonkers on Next Door if they spot a coyote- I’m sure they call 911. And foxes- omg, you’d think foxes were hunting people! It makes me so sad that people poison or shoot them because they cannot accept that people are the ones who are intruding.

Eld, There is a large Portuguese community in my small home-town. I loved telling this joke. What do you get when you cross a Portuguese with a Canadian? Canada Geese! LOL

Tell the lady, carolb, to "Quick - call a neighbour, have her tell him that she needs some advice, urgently - then ask him whether it'd be better ... to tie a noose around his neck ... or the top rung of the ladder!" o j A few weeks , when I was hitchhiking near a local indigenous settlement where many go to buy cheaper gas, when a woman stopped beside me, we talked through an open window, and I think I had the door open when she aked me, "If I let you share my car with me for a few minutes, will you promise not to hurt me?" When I said, "Ma'am - if you don't hurt me - I won't hurt you!" ... she let me enter. Less than a few kilometres down the road, she told me, which almost NO ONE does, her name was "Christy". Isn't that interesting, I said, "Christ-" with a "y"! I figured that she must be an unusual person. We had an interesting discussion. When stopping for a traffic light in the village nearby, when she stopped so close to the car ahead that I think that two people couldn't have walked aababrabreabreaabreasabreast between them ... with my back pushing the back of the seat, I said, "Far be it from me, who no longer has a licence, to make suggestions about driving ... but in the unlikely event that the driver behind you doesn't stop in time but bashes you - you'll need one repair to your car, guaranteed. If there's some space between your car and the one ahead, maybe you can stop in time, but if almost no space - almost certain that your car will need a second repair job". "That's certainly worth thinking about", was her reply. When I told this story in the hearing of a man a few days later, he said, rather gruffly, : "If you'd said that to me ... I'd have told you to get out and walk!". A retired paratropper, who recently with his companion were property manager and housekeeper for several years at the estate home nearby of the owner of a major window manufacturer ( where I worked for a few years) and is active in the village church, picked me up when he came to buy gas on the way to the old guys coffee hour at the church. When I told him this story, he said, "You don't tell a guy how to drive a car!!!". He drives a Lincoln - with partner went last week to their digs in Florida for the winter. ole joyfuelled