IMO it is your home and his so compromise will have to be worked on. I have flooring that we purposely bought so that shoes could be worn . I would say 80% of our guests always take off their shoes out of habit .I never have throw pillows that are so precius you can't use them for relaxing in my own home and guests should not be laying down .If he is wanting to use them for laying down then IMO get pillows that can be used for this , give and take goes a long way. I like my home to be the way I like it but I have the same husband for the last 58 yrs so we pretty much have this figured out..

I used to be very strict about people taking off their shoes when coming into my place - but I am not that way any more. If people care to take off their shoes, and it will make them feel more comfortable - I keep new, unused guest slippers on hand, by the door. If they see the slippers and ask, I offer the option.. I personally do not wear street shoes in the house; and that is what I choose to do in my place, but I don’t impose that on anyone else. I want people to just feel comfortable

As far as the pillows: if you are having company over and you do not want them to use the decorative pillows for lounging, it is best to remove the pillows before they arrive. There is no nice way to tell people not to lounge on the sofa pillows. So it’s better to just leave them off.

We don't wear shoes above the first floor and prefer not to wear shoes in the house. I know other people who request people remove their shoes inside. We are going to get slippers or something for people who want them once the LR is completed. You may want to have pillows that you can rotate. My mother had a debilitating illness and had to spend part of the day in a reclining position. She had some pillows with washable covers that coordinated with the more decorative pillows, so she could lie down on them every day rather than using the decorative pillows for that.

You are being extremely petty. Maybe you should not have people to your house. If you do have company remove all pillows from the sofa. I find that most people remove their shoes before going into a house. You do know that you can vacuum rugs after they are walked on. If you make people remove shoes be prepared with slippers etc if they ask.

Just have alternative footware at door that he, you, and guests can change into. Many households function this way and it becomes second nature.

In regards to the decorative cushions, It means you cannot ever use, so why have. You can get washable cushion covers, as that would be a solution.

https://m.lightinthebox.com/en/p/cushion-cover-4pcs-soft-decorative-square-throw-pillow-cover-cushion-case-pillowcase-for-sofa-bedroom-superior-quality-machine-washable-faux-linen_p8560370.html?litb_from=pinterest_sns_paid&utm_source=pinterest_sns_paid&utm_medium=sns&utm_campaign=litb_catalogs&epik=dj0yJnU9NGpsSUktMnZrX2ZFYW9BNndNb281U3lYOFEzNk43bGImcD0wJm49dV9YTUdxZUY1TEJNcXgtdGg5aFRRQSZ0PUFBQUFBR01UWUlj#header_anchor

In reality, you will be tired of them before you ever need new ones. If worried about them, your couch will also need protecting, so best to figure out how you want to live.

FYI bare feet do more damage to a rug than shoes the oils from bare feet are the culprit.

Very petty.

Get rid of the pillows. If no one can use them, they are just in the way.

We take our shoes off if muddy or covered with grass clippings. My husband wears shoes all the time and I go barefoot. That is why they make vacuums and brooms. Unless you live where it snows all winter or at the beach where everything is covered with sand, I see no reason to remove shoes.

My house is not a museum.

I think this is a function of where you live.

I grew up in a booming factory town where carbon and graphite were two of the industries. Everyone who was born and raised there at that time took their shoes off in the house. My parents were the rare people (outsiders) who wore the same shoes inside and out.

Where I live right now, the houses are right on the public sidewalk. It's the middle of a city. If you r feet touch the sidewalk they are touching dried up dog urine and dog poop residue, garbage juice, ground in discarded food and debris and spit and vomit from homeless people, and just plain old industrial pollution.

I don't think I am treating my house as a museum if I don't want to track any of that %#!t beyond my front door.

"I think this is a function of where you live."

Yes, For the shoes thing, You and your SO need to be on the same page.

About the pillows though, I still think it is stupid to have anything you cannot use. Either get rid of all the pillows or put ones that can be used for the intended purpose. In the '70's we had bathrooms decorated with towels on the racks that no one could touch. How dumb.

The pillow things is weird to me. But maybe just put them aside and add other pillows when he’s over.
Unless y’all live together. And then idk. You can ask him to use other pillows instead but they need to be available.
My kids and DH know I have some things I’d prefer they don’t use bc they were expensive or bc I just love them and want to keep them looking nice.

We take our shoes off in the house but don’t make our guests. No shoes are allowed on the furniture either.

Although my FIL doesn’t think twice about sticking his shoes up on the coffee table while I cringe the whole time. I don’t even know why someone would do that anyway. But last time one of my kids told him he’s not supposed to do it so now he brings slippers. Maybe you need a little kid to tell him the rules 😂

But seriously it could be your delivery. Just explain you want to keep your new things nice for as long as you can. That doesn’t mean don’t use them, just be respectful.

If you want to have everyday pillows and company pillows and you can store them somewhere and switch them out easily enough go ahead...you just need to be in agreement. There are a few things that I have and like to look at everyday but I put them away when certain people come over because they are the bull in the china shop. Like my brother in law. And rather than worry over him breaking or ruining something I put it away. I don't want to embarrass or scold anyone so I put it away. On the other hand I don't necessarily want to live with 100 percent cheap or bulletproof stuff just because a very few people who come over can ruin anything they touch.

It may be that you want to preserve the relief and pride at having a clean home, decor and furniture you're proud of after having kids and your daughter move out. We updated furniture to light colored seating and much nicer decor after many years raising kids and pets where fun and relaxation were prioritized . After a couple of mishaps, we politely began telling guests about our new no-dog policy - some were offended and two even cancelled their trips in protest. Others were supportive. Sometimes it was uncomfortable but it actually help preserve relationships because we didn't risk feeling resentment.

We're still pretty casual and don't want to live in a museum - hospitality helps bridge the gap. Enjoy your pillows when you're alone and have a stash you can pull out when guests are headed your way so everyone can relax. Set a basket of slippers by the door and gently start training your guests to remove their shoes. My daughter-in-law even keeps a pair of indoor shoes/slippers on hand for her frequent guests who can't walk barefoot or use thin slippers.

I have a couple of beautiful pillows that I prefer not be used under someone’s head if they are lounging. I have some in the mix with washable covers that are fine to be used like a pillow. Maybe doing that could work for you?

Re pillows, here is a simple solution: Get a basket for your pillows. When someone is coming over, quickly move your nice pillows to the basket and switch out to casual pillows more suitable for lounging. You can do this on your way to the front door.

Farmhouse Living Room · More Info

Keeping The View At Bay · More Info

Some good suggestions above re the rug. BTW, I don't consider it "petty" to want your nice things to remain nice.

Well, I have dogs, so… I’m not one to wash their feet every time they come into the house. (There are several steps and doormats before the entry so it’s not terrible.)

Every rug on the lower level is a dog-worthy rug (i.e. not expensive and usually poly.) We have nice washable slipcovers and pillow covers and a rug shampooer.

We do take off shoes to go to the carpeted area upstairs. I ask contractors to do the same. I try to keep the stair runners nice.

I’m kind of the opposite in that I’ll remove the slipcovers for guests to expose the nice furniture. I have clean outdoor cushions and pillows for guests. I use the older outdoor cushions for me and the dogs, and my personal outdoor pillow. (I store all outdoor cushions inside, so I might be a little petty that way, but they do stay pretty clean.)

I have never lived in a household where guests were expected to remove their shoes. It used to be a cultural thing. Now I think it’s common. There should be graceful ways to ask guests to remove their shoes. I don’t think a lot of people know that that’s a thing.

I guess I don’t think either the shoe thing or the pillow thing is petty, now that I think about it. Pillows can be very personal. Throw pillows can be very expensive. I think you need to find graceful ways to have guests remove their shoes if that is what you want, and you need to change out the pillows before they arrive.

I had a potential client insist I remove my shoes before I entered the house. No sooner had I complied than the dog ran up to me and lifted his leg. Before I could move, he peed on my leg. The rude owner never offered a rag to wipe my leg, just started pointing out the projects in the house. My shoes were too dirty for this precious house, but cleaning pee off my legs-and the floor!- was not a priority. I walked out. Further, socks alone should never be worn on stairs as it is a cause for slips and falls. The rule on stairs is shoes or bare feet-never socks. Athletes’ foot and toenail fungus and the dirty bottoms of your feet can stay inside your shoes at my house.

Hi. I get you. I’m very lax about shoes and pillows, but I do have a lot of hang ups about putting holes in the walls to hang up pictures.. how my sink and stovetop is used…All the new stuff has made me a bit overwhelmed at trying to keep it looking nice. I’m starting to relax but it’s difficult. Oh….And of course…The Chairs… we bought some way to expensive swivel chairs for the living room…never again… I really try to steer people to other seats as subtly as I can. Too new and expensive to use😭. As a child, I wasn’t allowed on the living room furniture unless there was company or a holiday so I come by this honestly ( it’s hereditary🙃). A lot of people prefer that their guests remove their shoes. No biggie. The pillows are a bit more difficult to avoid use( like swivel chairs).

I don't understand everyone saying they keep slippers for guests. You're asking people to wear something on their feet that someone else has worn? That is so disgusting. Isn't the first rule of being a good host to make people comfortable? Used footwear? Really?? So your floors are more important than people?

I have diabetic neuropathy and wear a specific slipper. I cannot go barefoot. I always take my own indoor slippers to a person’s house when visiting. I always ask if i can remove my outdoor shoes and wear my own slippers. The hosts have always been gracious and accommodating.

Floors are for walking on. The covering on the floor is the same. A bit of common sense helps. Mud, snow, salt, sand, rain. .....put clean shoes on. Remove boots for clean shoes.

I go in and out of homes constantly. I DON'T/won't remove my shoes in good weather . I'm pretty neurotic about cleanliness and my car is neater and cleaner and more frequently vacuumed than a lot of clients homes. Most of them have dogs in and out all day! Bare feet are the ruination of carpets, and ESPECIALLY stair runners and bedroom rugs. I didn't get dressed to wear a pair of hideous disposable slippers.....anywhere.

Pillows. I flop on my sofa. It's white. Pillows are silk/linen....easy peasy is my big basket with nappy pillow and huge oversized throw. A real down BED pillow ( right over the silk ) hiding under a nice throw in a basket. I move and change nothing for guests. Socks? Great if they are really clean. Gag me ewwww from most I've seen come out of the standard running shoe: ( !! When I'm in for the night ? Yes the comfy clothes and fluffy house socks. The nappy pillow and cuddle tv time. If a guest needs to sprawl/ sleep, they can go the hell home.

At the very end of your life, your interiors will matter far, far less than your family, your friends, times shared. You can take neither/none/nothing with you - and it's nice if you still have those people. Your "way too expensive" chair will matter not one whit.

I hate to say it but the boyfriend is sounding “inconsiderate” of your feelings? Sounds like relationship might need some attention? Do you own this home? If so, figure out how this feels to you and act on it. Good luck. Might be more to this than shoes and pillows?

The man friend is sounding like he wants to relax in her home. Is the man a RESIDENT or is he passing through as the visitor.

Who knows? But few men want to be hen pecked. It is not unreasonable to ask for respect in all ways. Both genders. Flipping a beer can, belching, and leaving junk all over is one thing. Walking on rugs, and then removing shoes to catch a movie and recline on a sofa? That's not unreasonable. If you're a guest in his home , would you leave junk all over his bath counter or make a great meal and destroy the kitchen in the process ? No. But I doubt he wants you cleaning and re decorating, either.

We don't have facts. But granny age, after years alone or in less than ideal living conditions, even if that granny age is FORTY? Can make one a bit "picky" . Just sayin.......

It's not the dinners out that test relationships. It's the long, boring, rainy Sundays. Sometimes, "love" isn't so much lol.

I am going with YES. Not sure "petty" is the correct adjective but he's right you are wrong is the bottom line. #1 rule one needs to keep in the forefront: your home/his home has to function to be LIVED IN. I have area rugs TO BE WALKED ON so the dirt stays there vs getting tracked farther into the home!! As some of us age we find going bare footed not a great feeling on old feet. It's a tiring argument shoes on or off. FUNCTION has to WIN. If you need 'for looks only' anything then get a cupboard to store it in and only pull it out when company comes!!!

Just to add: Even when I had a strict no shoes policy (which as I mentioned in my previous comment, I do not have that policy anymore); but even when I did - I NEVER asked contractors, or any other service people, to take off their shoes. To me—- that is totally inappropriate. They are NOT YOUR GUESTS. They did not sign on for that... They are there to do a job. Also, they could potentially be injured, trying to do their job(s) in their stocking feet. So, imo, it is way beyond rude - as well as potentially hazardous - to request that service people remove their footwear.

Many service people in our area put disposable booties on over their workbooks, unasked, depending upon the company and where they will be going in the house.

Normally, the no shoes rule isn't a big deal. But there are exceptions--like age or physical conditions that can make changing/ removing shoes difficult. Or not advised like the aforementioned neuropathy or other conditions that affect the feet. If he visits, that is one thing; if he resides with you, that is another..

How many decorative pillows are we talking about? Two? Six? More?

Because if there are more than 2 or 3, we aren't talking about pillows. We're talking about a fence. A fence that says, 'Don't sit here.'

If you are fencing him off from using the sofa that he bought as well as putting up a 'Do Not Walk' sign on the area rugs, then there are larger issues going on here sending an unmistakeable signal that it is time to move on from this relationship.

TBL….wow. Makes sense. I’ve been lax with shoes since we have a dog… now I feel the need to mop🙃. It all boils down to everyone is different. Time usually softens our hang ups. If it’s one of the few times you’ve gotten things just right, it’s difficult to watch it get destroyed. I’ve got quite a few hang ups as you may have guessed. My husband puts up with them usually because he knows I mean well… including not casually sitting in those too expensive swivel chairs🤣.

^^^Wow, it’s everywhere yet hardly anyone has severe diarrhea. 🙄🙄🙄

Get a basket to put the precious pillows in. Leave a couple for people to use.

I have to wear supportive footwear due to arthritis in my feet. I never go barefoot. Well, maybe for a few steps on the beach. Anyway, I live on a farm with lots of animals (and don’t have severe diarrhea despite the bacteria). I have farm shoes in the mud room, so change my footwear to do chores. But if either my husband or I are working outside and need to dash into the kitchen for a drink, we do so without removing shoes. It’s a tile floor that gets quick mopped a couple times a week (swiffer wet is awesome for this task). The whole “no shoes in the house” is just silly, as is the habit of allowing pets on the furniture and in beds. WRT the original question, dogs are much easier to train than men, so decide whether or not you are going to trade your relationship for a couple of pillows. Which do you value more?

I agree I appreciate the feedback it has been helpful. I can work on those things.

I was waiting for the part-time designers-part-time-psychologists-and-relationship-counselors to chime in and they didn't disappoint.

There are many countries in Europe, Northern Africa, the Middle East and Asia where removing shoes inside the house is either commonplace or the rule rather than the exception (although there are exceptions in those countries/cultures as well).

It's also possible to disagree with the practice, or any practice, without labeling it silly, stupid or phobic.

And the flip side of "They care more about no shoes on in their house than my friendship" is "they care more about keeping their shoes on than my friendship." There are two sides to every story.

@TBL from CT Thanks for mentioning the c-diff. I think COVID has brought us more in touch with the air and surfaces around us.