I only got to read about half the posts, but I did just want to add one thing about spending too much around the holidays... We have a 3.5 year old daughter and a 1.5 year old son. A few weeks before Christmas, my DD sat on Santa's lap and told him that she wanted "the pony on TV that you can sit on and feed carrots." We finally figured out what she meant--she must have seen a commercial for "Butterscotch the Pony"--this pretty big stuffed horse that's advertised all over the place. We're suckers for our firstborn little girl (and just proud that she actually sat on Santa's lap and talked to him...not so last year!), so we look up Butterscotch the Pony...$300!! For a stuffed horse! NO WAY!! You could get a real pony for $300! I went into school the next day and told a colleague in my department about this ridiculous cost of a big stuffed pony (and the fact that it SOLD OUT at most places!). She just stared at me. She said that that's nothing...she usually spends over $1500 on EACH CHILD at Christmas--and her boys are 5 and 3. What could they possibly need or want to add up to 3K?? Needless to say, Butterscotch did not make an appearance under our tree...but we did get a bunch of other toys and fun things for our kids...and you know what my DD loved the most? An Ariel pillow that her Uncle gave her and a $10 Cinderella dress that Grandma got her. No mention of the missing pony (we did get her a neat pony/horse & rider set, which made us feel better...$17...not $300!) Sometimes Christmas can be really overwhelming, we definitely do lose sight of the real reason for the holiday, and it's sometimes better with less!!! :) Sarah

We got two gifts in total. A vacuum cleaner and a pressure cooker. Both most welcome and the pc is still in use. No ’shower’ and only 8 wedding guests. Just parents, siblings and their spouses. DD got married during covid with the permitted 6 guests but a year later we had a party with 100 guests. They requested no gifts, just donations to two charities. The Italian side of the family found this diffcult to grasp and gave a lot of knickknacks they neither want nor need.

debi's post reminded me of something I forgot to put in my earlier post: It seems like a lot of couples today are under the impression that getting married entitles them to use everybody they've ever met to grab all the loot they can. If you're invited to a shower, you should be invited to the wedding, & if you haven't been invited to the wedding & to the reception, you aren't expected to provide a gift. If you're invited to the wedding but not the reception (ie, they don't have to feed you), my free advice is to send them a card & stay home. Some couples have found a new way to separate the A List & the B List: they have 2 receptions, 1 with champagne & a sit-down dinner & 1 with punch & cookies. Unfortunately, the B List guests don't find out about it until the actual event... People who put no reasonably or modestly priced items on their registries are putting their guests in an uncomfortable bind, & I always think it isn't accidental; they're using people & they know what they're doing.. This also applies to people who have many different registries & those who register for, say, 4 vacuum cleaners & 3 different food processors & a $300 toaster-people who do this are going to return most or all of their gifts for cash. Nobody has to buy their gift off a registry, or even any gift at all; do what your heart & your budget tell you.

I'm with the ones who say ignore the (alleged) cost of the dinner. Often others chip in on that stuff anyway. "Tradition" used to be that the bride's parents pay for the wedding so tradition doesn't really apply anymore. I believe that what you should give is what you feel comfortable giving and want to give. You should not feel compelled to give because they chose to spend more than the people who go to a JP or choose to have friends, family and themselves make the food. The gift is totally separate from the affair in the cost respect. Could always go with the idea that 2 people didn't go, and were going to give $25 so they should submit a bill to the couple for $125.00! Seems to me they're a little foolish to not make it clear they want cash gifts. Especially if the story released was true. I think it's a great decision to put the cash that way but why not just put it on the invitations and be done with it? I'm also very against the trinket givers. Some hunk of junk that the giver thinks is cute and "personal" that'll wind up in a closet taking up space that should just be tossed... wouldn't it be better to just send half the amount of cash? Or all of it? Seems to me someone previously married likely has all the trinkets and gadgets they need. Cash is still the classiest gift, the most useful and the one that is most always used and seldom is returned. And no receipt needed to return it and no standing in the return lines are added benefits.