Floof! You've heard of victory gardens.....
amylou321
2 years ago
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Whats the Worst joke/pun you have ever heard
Comments (76)Someone sent me these in an email so thought I'd share them here. Puns for Intellectuals 1. A vulture boarded a plane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess stopped him and said, "Sorry sir, only one carrion per passenger." 2. NASA recently sent a number of Herefords into orbit for experimental purposes. They called it the herd shot round the world. 3. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One took off to Hollywood and became a rich star. The other stayed in Carolina and never amounted to much ---- and naturally became known as the lesser of two weevils. 4. Two Eskimos in a kayak were chilly, so they started a fire, which sank the craft, proving the old adage ---- you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 5. A 3-legged dog walks into an old west saloon, sidles up to the bar and announces, "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw." 6. Did you hear about the Buddhist who went to the dentist and refused to take Novocaine? He wanted to transcend dental medication. 7. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and met in the lobby where they were discussing their recent victories in chess tournaments. The hotel manager came out of the office after an hour and asked them to disperse. He couldn't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer. 8. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One goes to an Egyptian family and is named "Ahmal". The other is sent to a Spanish family and is named "Juan". Years later, Juan sends his birth mother a picture of himself. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. He replies, "They're twins for Pete's sake!! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal!!" 9. A group of friars opened a florist shop to help with their belfry payments. Everyone liked to buy flowers from the Men of God, so their business flourished. A rival florist became upset that his business was suffering because people felt compelled to buy from the Friars, so he asked the Friars to cut back hours or close down. The Friars refused, so the florist then hired Hugh McTaggert, the biggest meanest thug in town. He went to the Friars' shop, beat them up, destroyed their flowers, trashed their shop, and said that if they didn't close, he'd be back. Well, totally terrified, the Friars closed up shop and hid in their rooms. This proved that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot his whole life, which created an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him frail, and with his odd diet, he suffered from very bad breath. This made him.... what? (More apologies...) -- A super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. And finally... There was a person who sent 10 puns to some friends in hopes at least one of the puns would make them laugh. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did!...See MoreThe Education of a Gardener('s Helper)
Comments (13)I am lucky too - my DH also does all of the physically difficult work in the garden. When, like now, it is time for Fall clean up of finished annuals, etc., he gets more done in way less time than I do. I just tell him what needs doing, and point him. He climbs up a 35 foot ladder once a year to prune and re-support our enormous roses which go 3 stories up our house. The other day I happened to mention that friends were coming over that evening. WIthout saying anything at all, he went out and mowed and edged the lawns, and swept the front walk and the front stairs (our huge Scarlet oaks are starting to drop their leaves, and they can cover the walk with leaves in just a couple of hours). Like Melissa, I have noticed that over the years he has learned a lot about the garden. He now knows what is a weed and what is something I want to keep, and most importantly, to ask if he is not sure. I still purchase and plant (after he has dug any big holes) the plants. He has learned how to prune the old huge roses, and how to train them on the house or garage, although he would deny it if you asked him. I could not have our garden without him. Once, to my astonishment, he asked me if we could get and plant a specific plant in a truly huge pot we had acquired. It is called Heavenly Bamboo around here - I do not know its latin name. It makes huge clusters of tiny red berries. Well, I had planned on putting a rose in that pot, but managed, when I got over my astonishment, to quickly say of course we can, and we did, and it looks fine there. Jackie...See MoreFloof! Funny quirks..SO edition!
Comments (37)Annie, my SO is like that too. And he says the EXACT same thing: "I think this is done, but I am gonna leave it for a few more minutes." Luckily, the only cooking he does is grilling. And that is not often. He does it with other things too. Washing the car? He has to mix 4 different soaps in the bucket. Spraying some ants? He will use half a can of raid on 10 ants. He RUINED a batch of my scented wax cubes by waltzing in, telling me HE knew how to make them better, and dumping a ton of fragrance oil in the wax, way more than it will hold, thus ruining them. And even if they somehow managed to turn out out, I would have to sell them for 10 bucks a pack to break even on the cost! He has since learned to stay away from my cubes and candles! (unless of course, he sells them for me. He does sell quite a lot. But as far as production goes ,hands off!) However, that quirk carries over into positive things too. He is a very generous man, and good to me in all things. But man I get tired of eating dried out grilled chicken!...See MoreFloof! Those feel good moments.....
Comments (22)Busy day at work. Seriously, because the time goes fast, but that means a lot of things happened that needed to happen. Doing things I don't know that I've ever done before. I never knew I could snorkel. Never knew I could rollerskate after having quit for a couple of decades. I didn't know I could do plumbing or drywall until I tried it. Even more satisfying, is when I'm good at whatever it is I'm trying to do! Not everybody's good at drywall. I love to re-read things I've written years ago, and by re-read, I mean in my hold- it - in - my - hands journal. It's amazing how far I've come, and the things I thought about, are still relevant. Though, more fleshed out. Nice to figure them out....See Moreamylou321
2 years ago
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