Your intentions are lovely The earrings and wine are perfect. just tuck in a note thanking them for all they did for your dad and how lucky you are to be able to call them both family.

I agree with jo. You have a kind heart. I think the earrings and wine are a great idea. It is thoughtful of you to remember how she liked your earrings. I think she would love both the gift and the thought that went into it.

What jojo said!

I'm also reminded of this definition:

Etiquette makes people comfortable and at ease, it shows that we value and respect others. Etiquette promotes kindness, consideration, and humility.

Sometimes I believe that goal is misunderstood--etiquette isn't about following rigid rules, or doing/not doing something because it isn't acceptable according to some code.

It is about showing grace, about making other people cherished and appreciated.

Which is to say Daisy your idea of a gift for someone doing a kindness fits the definition of good etiquette perfectly in my opinion!

I agree that the earrings, wine and note are thoughtful tokens of your appreciation.

Thank you so much all im just running out to work and your responses are sending me out the door with a smile. The advice is much appreciated - especially the wording of the note, jojoco.

Another who agrees with Jojo! You have a kind heart and good intentions. To me, that wins out over "perfect" manners. I agree with Running in that sometimes people get too rigid with manners. Your heart is in the right place and that will always show. I think your cousin will appreciate the kind note and gift(s).

Yes, Jojo said it all! Lovely idea.

How kind and thoughtful you are! Your ideas are absolutely perfect and will surely be welcomed.

Agree with all above. You have good instincts, Daisy 💐

When it comes to gift giving, my "etiquette" rule is based on Jo's principle, so in my mind, a small gift or token at any time is OK. The struggle is to find something that is actually a life enhancement, not something the "giftee" feel obligated to keep or use. There in lies the rub. So a further point of gift giving is to let go of your own emotional investment in the gift, so that you don't expect a certain set response. Also bear in mind the personality and social concerns of the recipient (Don't give wine to a teetotaler, nut mix to someone with allergies, leather gloves to a vegan, etc.) That's why nice cards shouldn't go the way of the dinosaur, because it's a great way to show appreciation in a tangible way, but not make the giftee feel obligated to eat or keep something they don't like. Also, you don't want to shower someone with gifts so much that so that they feel overwhelmed or obligated to reciprocate.

Slightly OT, but I always thought my home made jams, which I preserve in small 1/2 cup jars), were a perfect gift. Small so as to not hang around too long, and who, other than diabetics, doesn't like jam? (We're not talking kumquat or dragonfruit here, we're talking blueberry or strawberry or apple pie). Then I once was at a meeting in my boss' officer and saw all my jam gifts sitting on the top shelf of his bookcase. I hadn't given him a lot, just a couple over several years. I don't think he didn't like jam, he was a fairly absent minded person so I think he just put them there and forgot them. And then there are people who are terrified of eating anything home preserved. That's why the small, small jars seem perfect, if they get thrown out, no big loss. Another time I offered some home made salsa to a friend for his family, and he turned it down, said they didn't need it. I later got an apology text from him because when he got home, his wife told him he was dead wrong, they DID want my home made salsa, very much so! So there ya go, no such thing as a perfect system . . .