Mine is not too interested in such matters so I don't press him to be involved. I keep him informed of what I'm up to and he will weigh in when/if he wants to. If he doesn't I just forge ahead without him.

Does he complain about the result if he is not consulted? If not, I'd keep doing your thing. Some people really do not care about decor! Crazy, isn't it? :)

My DH is severely color-blind, I make almost all the decorating decisions. I do make sure he has input about things that impact his comfort.

You may all borrow my husband. His mother was a decorator and he has...opinions. Most of them coincide with mine, thankfully!

In the past my husband usually just went along with what I picked. There were only a few exceptions over the years. Things have changed. I have been trying to collect a few quality living room pieces of furniture and husband has all of a sudden become very opinionated. A few weeks ago on my FB market there were two beautiful English roll arm club chairs with great lines, very high-end. When I showed him he almost had a fit and accused me of old lady decorating. Sheesh! Next I found a fantastic deal on some Milo chairs that needed to be reupholstered. He thought I was nuts for even showing him. Exasperated, I said, what do you want? He said, modern. OK. However, I know he doesn't know what that means. I'll just have to keep getting yelled at till something sticks. It doesn't make it any easier that I'm expected to pull off something amazing by rubbing two pennies together.

ETA: I do have to come clean with this little fact, I haven't found chairs that "I" love, love, love yet. If that happens I can be very persuasive. I see lots I like a lot that are good buys but nothing in the must have category. I have given him a heads up on that and how it will go down.

When my husband chooses not to be involved in a decision (which he frequently does) I remind him that "if you don't vote, you can't complain!"

But isnt that what you have us for?

seriously, my DH is such a good faker. he plays along saying all the right things and then when it comes to final decision time, he somehow makes it seem like he was involved, when really he has just deferred to whatever he thinks i want. Yup. He’s a keeper.

This is probably the most expensive and impactful furniture purchase I've ever made. So I don't have a lot of history to know if he will complain if I don't include him at all. He is currently complaining constantly about the worn out sectional we do have.

Today I asked him to look at 2 more fabric samples (previously asked him to look at 2 others from a different brand) and his response was "I don't ******* care." In the past he has been grouchy but at least said "I hate that one" or "I like this one best". He usually involves me in discussions about large purchases like vehicles and we always make decisions on house purchases, new roofs, etc together. I imagine it's along the lines of @3katz4me husband who is just not interested in decorating. Perhaps I am being obtuse in thinking that everyone would and should care about major furniture pieces in the house.

My ex wouldn't engage on research or the process of winnowing down options; he just wanted veto power after I put in all the legwork. One manifestation of the personality traits that led to the divorce.

I learned years ago not to ask my dh his opinions about my decorating unless I was willing hear the answers. Yikes! I think I have more vision and am able to determine what the final result will be a little better. He struggles with that. He is not willing to put any effort into decorating so he is stuck with what I come up with. This system works well for us. ;-)

Instead of asking which fabric he likes better, I would probably say I am thinking of buying a new blue sofa. It would be a statement, sort of a heads up in case he gets home tomorrow and happens to notice something different in the living room. Odds are he wouldn't notice. LOL He does not care much about furniture. I also might arrive home and notice some expensive kitchen gadget on the countertop. I wouldn't say a thing since I rarely cook.

I like nekotish's way of handling the situation. Remind him he can't complain in the future.

I’m sorry, prickly, it must be frustrating. It’s a big purchase and I’d definitely want my DH to be a part of the decision.

I am wanting a peachy velvet sofa, he’d rather it be green. We’re at a standstill at Casa Jinx.

It’ll probably be tan. :D

Mine couldn't care less about the look of a fabric, however he would care about the comfort of the furniture piece and also the fabric. The looks though - not at all and probably because he knows I don't like anything crazy. After we've decided on the actual piece I'll select the fabric and present it to him as a "this is the one I want to get - any objections?" and I've yet to hear one. Some people care how furniture look and others don't and it sounds like your DH is in the latter category.

Growing up my parents were both very involved in decorating decisions, despite having very different styles and I think I just assumed this was "normal" and what to expect. My mom typically did more of the leg work and research like I'm doing, but my dad would certainly go to stores and be involved in every aspect of the decision making process.

I truly appreciate the incredible resource that all of you are in this forum. I have learned so much from you over the years. Because of you I am exploring much higher quality upholstery options and I think I will be so much happier with the end result (once I finally make a decision).

It seems like such a standard courtesy to make sure my partner has a say in the decisions. Thinking back, he has made some complaints about some of the smaller decor choices I've made (bedding, having bedside lamps at all). I wouldn't dream of making him sort through fabric samples at the furniture stores or driving around to multiple stores to sit-test dozens of brands like I have. But it does feel like I'm walking this fine line between annoying him with questions or risking spending thousands of dollars and having to listen to complaints or feeling his disappointment if I make a decision he does not like.

I like Friday's system. The last thing I would want is the opinion of a person who does not care much about the subject at hand.

I imagine it's along the lines of @2katz4me husband who is just not interested in decorating. Perhaps I am being obtuse in thinking that everyone would and should care about major furniture pieces in the house.

I imagine he cares enough to know he is fine with your decisions. If you planned on a sleek house filled with Bauhaus pieces and he preferred a cozy English country home look, the subject would merit more conversation for him.

If I were you, I would offer him a final veto before making the purchase.

Mine trusts me with the decorating/furniture, etc. decisions. I do keep him in the loop and the rare times he has a request, opinion, etc. I take that into consideration.

ETA: Prickly, i just read your last remarks.

But it does feel like I'm walking this fine line between annoying him with questions or risking spending thousands of dollars and having to listen to complaints or feeling his disappointment if I make a decision he does not like. I would tell him this and also that it's important that you both be happy with the furniture, etc. and you would like his input.

Mine's like Tina's, DH trusts me all the way. He may gripe a little when I show him what I ordered or we go pick the item up because he doesn't think something will look good and I end up amazing him. The other day he agreed we do need a new coffee table and rugs, so while he is napping right now I just ordered the table. ;)

The only things my better half cares about are chairs, sofas and mattresses, and only for the comfort issue  (he has real back problems.)  Those he wants to test personally. I consult if we're going to split the cost of something. If I'm paying for it though, I just go ahead.  (Got a great deal on a really nice entertainment unit I stumbled across that way).

We have been working on furnishing an entire house in Florida. DH hates shopping but I drag him along for the important pieces, the sofas and dining set. We will have three sofas. His main criteria is comfort.

And he likes ottomans!

Comfort again was key in picking the dining chairs.

Prickly, from what I have seen over the years, you have good taste. Nothing over the top.

I think whatever you choose will be fine.

(BTW, you are one who sold me on Coretec!)

Involve DH in the comfort aspect. . This softness or that. I think as long as he is comfortable, it’s all good.

The feel of the fabric is important to. So, the sofa that DH sits on the most has a velvet like texture.

ETA Years ago I had a decorator to help me with my kitchen backsplash. When she entered the living room and saw the chair and of ottoman, she said how important it is to give DH a comfortable spot. Many women forget this when decorating..

The only thing my DH cares about related to furniture is comfort so about the only involvement he has is sitting on it prior to purchase to test for comfort. If it can't be sit-tested prior to purchase it cannot be purchased.

43 years ago.....I purchased waterbed sheets in a jacobean print. They were gorgeous! He refused to sleep on sheets with flowers on them. 🤔

I wanted a traditional leather sofa, he hated them. He wanted a poofy one that reclines. We went to a BIG local furniture store & ran into a stranger....guy by himself shopping....we started shopping together...being silly...laying on the puffy leather sofas pretending to hold a drink in our hand and puff on a cigar....so much foolery....he bought the loveseat and we bought the sofa. I'm sitting on a puffy leather Lane sofa. But I just remember the fun we had buying it.

I acquired a leather Bernhardt loveseat a few months back. He wanted a huge ottoman the length of the loveseat, I wanted a tiny ottoman. I got the tiny one.

A little give and take....if he really didn't care...it would be easier...

My DH is an Art Director/Graphic Designer. Count your blessings!😂

This is incredibly helpful to hear other perspectives and experiences.

Thank you so much @eld6161 for your kind words about my taste. This helps give me some confidence when that might be part of why I am trying to lean on him for support and decision making: lack of confidence and experience making such a big purchase. You are so sweet to say that.

You are all absolutely spot on that comfort is of the utmost priority to my husband. Because he has made it clear that I he does not want to sit-test sofas, I have largely based that criteria around knowing his height (tall at 6'3") and how comfortable he finds our current furniture (checking their seat depths and heights, cushion softness, etc). No overly scratchy fabrics. And a tight weave that's resistant to dog hair is another functional must for our incredible shedder.

@nicole___ that's hilarious that jacobean print sheets would be a deal breaker. And what a lovely story about how the shopping experience turned into a wonderful memory that has added a layer of love to your furniture.

@Zalco/bring back Sophie! I think that's a great insight that his "I don't care" might actually mean that he trusts me to make a decision that he can live with. That anything beyond that really isn't something he cares about. Let's hope he's right! I think veto power is exactly what I was hoping to give him with fabrics. He doesn't need to pick the fabric that will look just right in the room, but I do need to make sure he has the option to tell me if something I'm choosing would really bother him.

As a designer myself, I would never live with someone who did not share my taste.

A lot of men do not like to shop, especially for furnishings and even clothes, but I am not one of those men. I care very much how things look, and I will create custom designs, if necessary. That's how I got started in fashion design.

My friends Jimmy and Maartje had very different tastes in furniture/decorating, and it was important to both of them. My taste was similar to Maartje's, and I would make arguments supporting Maartje's viewpoint. Jimmy wanted to have a floral print La-Z-Boy recliner (which Maartje and I hated the thought of), and I told Jimmy that that would look like his grandmother's living room. Jimmy told me that he liked his grandmother's living room, but Maartje and I shopped around until we could find a sleek recliner with black leather upholstery for him to sit in instead. I tried to design a sleek modern recliner at work but never came up with a design that I liked, and so I failed at the project.

If one is sitting in a chair, they do not have to look at it, but the rest of the people in the room do.

In Cathedral City, my brother and I bought black leather recliners that we like because they are so comfortable and relatively inoffensive to look at. *(I've posted this photo before, but this time is is about the recliners.)

We almost never sit on the much more expensive sofa (which we love to look at), even though it has footstools, but our recent house guest did sit on it and found it comfortable. We added some small side tables between the sofa and the chairs and spread the furniture out a bit, but I haven't photographed them yet, and I'm not there now.

As a designer, I recognize that style is important to one's comfort, whether one consciously realizes it or not, and whether one has the time and energy to do the shopping. Jimmy worked full time as an engineer and did not have much time for shopping, whereas Maartje stopped working when their son was born and found herself at home much more of the time.

If a spouse does not feel comfortable with the environment at home, then there is motivation to spend more time away from home, whether consciously or not. My mother always seemed happier when my father was not at home, as was I.

Just a side note, all furniture is high performance fabric as we have one dog and DD’s visiting dog.

My DH cares about a comfortable chair and mattress. Otherwise ALL decisions are mine, and I LOVE it ! Of course I would not spend vast sums of money without his approval, but that is rare. I cannot imagine having to get his input, nor can he imagine that. We are both very happy.

DH has never been overly interested in furniture or decorating. I try to keep him in the loop by discussing what I'm planning, and if major purchases that he might actually use I'll insist he go with me to see it, 'try it on' for size. He is nearly a foot taller and twice my weight, I couldn't begin to guess if he would find a chair or sofa comfortable. But color, style? Only once has he had real opinions.

When we bought this house we needed all new living room furniture. I had a local stores decorator come over and measure, then a few days later we met with him and looked at about three groupings he'd put together for us. DH turned into someone I didn't know, I think he'd been watching HGTV or something. A print chair I was planning to float in the room had gorgeous lines from the back...he hated it. Sofa where I had particularly liked the feel of the leather had some nailhead trim and he was opposed to that too. He even had an opinion on the coffee table. Thankfully not interested in the lamps, lamp or sofa tables (we needed two floating all furniture in that room).

And what I've found...sofas are a little firm. Chairs OK. We used one large leather natuzzi chair we already had with big ottoman, and he watches TV and naps in that. He rarely even uses that room. I made the mistake of putting a chair for him and TV in my office and that's where you'll find him most every evening, whether I'm working in the room or not.

Prickly, count your blessings ;) If you are choosing furniture that will be comfortable for him to use, consider yourself lucky if he has few opinions on colors or style.

DH is all about comfort as well. I pick the patterns he picks the cushiness of it. Lately however seats that he sits in have to be a bit firmer so changes in taste happen. Driven by sciatica in his case.

For your DH pricklypearcactus I would tell him what style you are going for and say any objections? I would tell him what color scheme you are interested in and get his opinion on that. Then I would tell him your budget based on your research. That way he can object if he hears or sees something he dislikes. These are all a little bit less work for him actually choosing between two swatches. It sort of makes the project less detailed

As mentioned I would perhaps get him involved with furniture that needs to be comfortable to him and that's about it.

I truly believe we can't change people but we can learn to live with their taste or lack there of. 🤔☺️

Years ago we were redoing a bathroom and I brought him all (and I mean ALL) of my ideas and pictures as I went along. He finally told me he only wanted to see the final three choices (I think that happened after I came to him with the idea of an all black and silver bathroom). I have stuck to that request and it has worked for us. I love doing research and going to stores and spending hours on the internet in pursuit of the perfect (fill in the blank) and he hates it.

Prickly, when he says he doesn't f* care, say to him "then you won't complain with what I pick?" If he likes your past choices then go for it.

Count your blessings he doesn't do decor like my DH, but he did do one great thing. When we added onto the house we built a large LR with a fireplace. One day we walked into the room when it only had drywall and concrete floor, and the FP was built I noticed a hole in the middle of the floor and he said "It will be an electrical outlet, furniture will hide it," and I thought brilliant! The rest of his sentence was, "This way I can put my recliner in the middle of the room when I watch TV." The man was dead serious. Over my dead body and I meant it.

Other than that I don't think he's thought of decorating anything. He likes what I buy.

After I ordered the coffee table which he knew we needed, I also ordered a rug which he had no idea about. He was very nice about it. :)

And when you get your expensive furniture and he complains, simply say, "oh buzz off" and walk away. Or run. :)

It sounds like my situation is really not unique. My husband clearly does not care about most of the details that I do care about and his primary concern is comfort (completely understandable). At the same time, he does have opinions from time to time.

Mostly I have been using the strategy of narrowing down to the top two or three choices I like and then asking him to veto anything he hates. In the cases where he has given an opinion, it has helped me understand what he likes or dislikes about fabrics. (Namely he really does not like any kind of bold texture.) The sad thing is that he actually has good taste and a good eye for color so I would love have having his input more often. But it sounds like that's a double edged sword that a few of you have experienced!!

I do appreciate the general suggestion that I let him know that I am offering his opportunity to veto, but if he doesn't voice his opinion, he doesn't get to complain after I make the purchase.

I would no more ask DH’s opinion of a piece of furniture i was planning to buy than i would expect him to dance the lead in Swan Lake. 😎

I am DYING from laughter at this, @Kswl!!

@Lars I absolutely connect with having furniture that is high quality that I really spend more time looking at than sitting on. I have two chairs with a bold pattern that I bought years ago and somehow still love. And although they are incredibly comfortable for me, I more often sit across from them so I can enjoy looking at them. I never really thought much about the fact that I do it. but it's absolutely the case!

@eld6161 I am grateful that I only have a few pieces that I need to purchase. The decision making would be exhausting for an entire house! My dog is quite the shedder and I test every fabric sample by running it along her fur to see how much it picks up when she will inevitably lay next to the sofa or lean up against it for petting. If it picks up much hair or the hair doesn't come off easily, the fabric is discarded. So important to think about how you truly live in your house!

DH turned into someone I didn't know, I think he'd been watching HGTV or something.

@morz8 - Washington Coast I am so lucky this hasn't happened. I should count my blessings that he is not very interested and will just learn to sit on whatever I buy. It could be so, so much worse and you and @Lars are so right about that.

@Oakley I would have lost it if my husband told me he planned to put a big ugly recliner in the middle of the room. I can't believe he was going to put an outlet there for that very reason!!

"Spouse hates being involved in furniture decisions"

Count your blessings. How much easier would life be for those wanting a nicely decorated home if someone in the household didn't insist on a huge black vinyl puffy sectional or recliner or a 108" TV in the middle of the living room? How many threads are started for those exact reasons? "What can I do with this room, but the reclining sectional has to stay?"

Prickly, I never knew we could put outlets in the floor because they're covered by furniture and I never noticed them in other people's homes.

This morning was a perfect example of how lousy a decorator he is. He was in the utility room where I keep a few plants and I was in the kitchen when he goes, "Wow! These are blooming like crazy!" What? What was blooming? I hurry to the room and he's looking at a cheap faux Orchid I had sat there temporarily. And he has a green thumb in the garden and green house.

KSWL, I'm sure your DH can do the ballet. Just look how easy it is.

Have any of you seen Les Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo? These guys can actually dance, but do it for laughs:

@pricklypearcactus sounds like you are feeling better about things 😊. I like my husbands input as this is his home too. I want it to reflect the both of us. Luckily we”ve had few disagreements over it 😀

Never been a problem for my DH, and he is never had input on furnishings or decorating. He might if it was too "girly", but lucky him, I have always been attracted to a more masculine decorating style. We aren't real tall people, DH is 5' 10", so it is very important for chairs and sofa to be size specific for comfort.

Thank you @Tina Marie. You all have absolutely cheered me up. I think I must have caught husband at a particularly grouchy time, since he volunteered his opinion the next day when he saw me contemplating the fabric samples. Yet it is very reassuring to know that this dynamic is fairly normal and I just need to work on going with the flow and not taking it personally if he is completely disinterested. Meanwhile I will continue having lengthy conversations about which pickup truck he should purchase. :D

Of course, I am still completely stumped on what to buy. Every time I think I'm nearing a decision on which brand will be a good choice, I get some new information that makes me completely reconsider.

@OllieJane I have definitely experienced that "too girly" response from my husband with a few small choices, like throw pillows or bedding. Thankfully for larger pieces I generally prefer a bit more streamlined, which usually doesn't read too feminine. That's fantastic that your husband has never had input and has been happy with your choices.

Perhaps I’m lucky as my DH is a woodworker hobbiest and his opinion is invaluable when considering wood pieces plus he is good at allocating proper space when filling a room. When we were transforming an old house, and our sons were teens, furniture shopping was a ”date”. With color and upholstery he has nothing to say

Prickly, it can be overwhelming especially when you are trying to please others besides yourself. I can’t tell you how many times I have run across customers that bought very expensive sofa and chairs that I have to work around and then after them living with the seating for a bit- their feet not touching the floor or the back of the chair leans too far back etc-very uncomfortable for them and they regret the purchase. I had to work around such a purchase (before I started working with them) of a couple a couple of months back but now they are wanting something that fits them body-size. I see it time after time after time.

@OllieJane thank you! That is exactly my worry. Assuming my husband and I are equal users of the furniture, it feels like he needs to have equal say in the matter. Or nearly equal since I'm the one who has been saving up for this sofa while he's been saving up for a new pickup truck. I worry so much about making an expensive purchase and having him unhappy.

Also, can I gripe about how hard it is to find the actual furniture collection in a store, not just the brand?! I started exploring King Hickory because the quality seems very good and the prices seem surprisingly reasonable, but there is only one furniture store in my city that has King Hickory at all and they have been getting rid of all of their King Hickory furniture because of the lead time. According to the sales people, it has a more reclined position but they don't have one in a store so I can't try it.

Prickly, I probably missed it but what furniture pieces are you wanting to purchase?

I want to buy a new sectional for our main living/family room. The one we have now gets a ton of daily use from both of us, but is falling apart and needs to be replaced.