Therapy in a Nutshell on Youtube had a video on this, but I'm unable to locate it at this moment. She said that when you avoid things, it trains your brain to keep avoiding. She was speaking directly about anxiety. Here is a link to her channel. https://www.youtube.com/c/TherapyinaNutshell

I would not suggest asking random strangers for their number. The random strangers will either not like it or like it too much.

I agree that chatting with cash register people is a great way to ease in. They are usually trained to chat up customers just a little and are totally safe to talk (though dont ask them their number) You can chat about your grocery selections. There is a built in subject there and when the transaction ends you walk away.

Ask for a stranger’s number? Why a weird random question? This seems odd and dangerous.

I agree with talking to cashiers. If you must talk to a stranger than how about asking for directions?

Anne, what are your goals?

I am not a therapist, nor do I suffer from anxiety, social or otherwise. But all I can think of is ways that your therapists suggestions could backfire. If one is anxious about how they are perceived by others, it is not good advice, IMO to send them off to act strangely and randomly in a public place. I am a person who tends to keep to myself and does not crave much human interaction but am friendly an open to spontaneous interaction with strangers. They are just people. BUT I would not be open or friendly to someone at the market who asked for my number. And if they are going to ask me a random question, I would feel they were odd of their question were not directly related to say, something in my cart or what I was wearing. I think SEA SEA has a much better suggestion. Make small talk with cashiers, wait staff, etc. Maybe a coworker. Practice with people who are essentially paid to be friendly. That would be a gentler introduction than to randomly chat up a stranger just trying to shop. It also helps to realize that one does not need to be a social butterfly with an answer to everything and an arsenal of small talk to "fit in."

I have a nephew with almost crippling social anxiety and none of his therapists suggestions have helped him even begin to overcome it. It seems the harder he tries, the more anxious he is about it. And its weird because he is not bullied, he does have friends and is active in several clubs, but it is something that he is struggling to overcome. I so wish that I could share my utter disregard for what other people think about me with him.

As for embarrassment, the bright side of being embarrassed in front of strangers is that they ARE strangers, and therefore of no account. You don't know them. So why does it matter what they think of you? I guess that is how I see it and wish I could share that with everyone who struggles with such things.

We did a scavenger hunt with the church youth group that was somewhat like this. It was in a fancy hotel and you had to get a picture with somebody who was wearing a red dress or a trade shoes with somebody, as examples. A lot of them, came out of their shells, and learned how to talk to people, and people were very open to it. Everyone had a good time, including the strangers.

I don't know how I encouraged them to do it, because I know I sure as heck couldn't have done it.

But I guess that's the point. There's a reason I have anxiety. Sure is hard to step out of my comfort zone.

I would agree with the being out and about and learning to talk/chit chat with cashiers/classmates etc. this is NORMAL behavior. Asking strangers random questions or for their number is not normal behavior. I see no good is practicing behavior that could get one a different label. We teach our students to use the acronym FORD Family/occupation/recreation/dreams. Things other's will want to talk about usually.

amylou makes a good point. I know when strangers try to make conversation with me in the market or other shopping, I tend to think coo-coo and I move along quickly. I have one of those approachable vibes I guess and it does happen often enough, but I don't like it too much. If I'm in a setting such as a park or the beach and we are kind of standing around at the surf/shore or at nearby picnic tables, it's a little different and sometimes some small talk will happen and I don't really feel the need to walk away. But it doesn't last long as we all go about our business and then everything is ok. I think most of us have a sense of stranger danger anyways, so yes, I don't think asking strangers for their phone number or ambush conversing with complete strangers out of the blue is too bright of an idea. But something where you have to deal with each other anyways, like the cashier, gives a moment of practice without any alarms going off. Or even at a charity event, fundraiser function or a community improvement day...things like that, were you are in each other's company for a while, that would be a good chance to try it out. Then you all go home :-) and everything is good. Then you can give yourself a high five for breaking the ice with someone who you and they have a reason to chit-chat.

Perhaps for someone with social anxiety, asking a normal question would be good practice. What aisle is rice in? Where are the flashlights? What time is the store open till? Oh, wait, that last question is bad, DS would just look it up on his phone. Anything to avoid interaction. oh oh, DH, too.

I agree that asking someone a weird random question or their phone number is NOT a good idea. I like Sea's approach. Very insightful.

I’ve dealt with this, myself and with my kids. Still do. I will tell you that NOW is a great time to work on it. Behind your mask. Like others I don’t understand saying something weird or awkward, seems to me the negative reaction would reinforce the anxiety. Unless the point is to force negative reactions and learn to deal with that? Dunno, I say just force yourself to make chit-chat. Check-out lines, cashiers, waiting rooms…

So when did being an introvert become a disorder?

Being an introvert ought to be a choice dont you think? It is one thing to chose to not interact with others but not being able to due to fear is not a good way to live. If you can lessen that fear with practice why not?

Introverts are people who do not crave social interaction. They do not fear it. I am an introvert in that I am perfectly happy alone, do not wish to go to parties, dinners, outings with other people. I am not fearful of other people, what they think of me, interacting with them or making conversations. I am not nervous or anxious at such events. I just do not care to go when I have a whole house, a tv, and a giant mug of hot cocoa to keep me company instead. Social Anxiety is a completely different animal and is a disorder. My poor nephew WANTS to socialize. To go to dances and parties with his friends, but he cannot. He is too anxious, poor thing. It must be so hard, to want to make new friends and socialize, but to be too afraid of what they think about you or making some sort of mistake that you cant put yourself out there.

I agree with patriciae. There is nothing wrong with being an introvert or being reserved. The problem is having anxiety around social interactions.

That said, there is a book out there about how extroversion is prized above introversion in our culture and how hard that is on introverts.

But again, to me, the question is about functioning socially without anxiety.

Just to add to what amylou said, introverts get their energy from being alone. It doesn’t mean we don't enjoy socializing, but at a certain point we need to be alone to recharge. For extroverts it's the opposite. You can be a shy extrovert (like my son) or a fairly gregarious introvert (like me), but neither of us has social anxiety, which is something quite different.

"So when did being an introvert become a disorder?"

Use a different word - it can be a disability, an obstacle, a burden, a hindrance, a career limiting affliction, a problem preventing adequate performance in a particular role, a personal annoyance, or whatever. Just as having problems thinking conceptually, or spatial perception problems, or having difficulty doing creative work, or being innumerate, or having reading comprehension problems or whatever, can similarly be door closers for specific jobs a person may want to do that require specific abilities.

There are many types of advisors, counselors, occupational coaches, therapists, etc, available to help people work on personal changes they want or need to make. I applaud anyone who pursues this path.

I would not look kindly if a random person asked for my number or made crazy remarks. I'm an introvert but I make casual conversation hiking on the trail like...sure is a pretty day, or it's too darn hot. I talk to cashiers but never walk up to a complete stranger and start a conversation.

To me it's okay to be introverted but it's not okay to be anxious about it. Well unless you enjoy being anxious. I don't.

I think this sort of thing is just like driving or anything else that you want to improve on. It takes practice and talking to grocery clerks and waiters waitresses etc seems like a very safe route to go.

I would not ask for their number unless I knew quite a bit about them. That's too big of a step at first even if you're looking to make friends and not just getting used to speaking in front of people..

This is a bit off topic but thought it might interest some.

Today there was a radio program on the CBC. Vanessa Bohns spoke of our interest in strangers being quite high and that people noticed you more than you think.

That's reassuring to some I'm sure and not so to others. Personally I like to be more anonymous a lot of the time. But when I need help I approach people for help.

Personally I'm not likely to take advantage of what she considers to be a fairly high influence on others with my loner status. Plus my shyness hits me at random times.

https://research.cornell.edu/news-features/how-much-influence-do-we-have-over-others

This article from BBC talks about approaching and talking to strangers being positive and uplifting for some people.

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-48459940

This is making me smile. What might be called social anxiety in the US might be called polite behaviour over here. That ’introversion’ could be considered good manners and minding ones own business in a different culture. Maybe say something about the weather and then shut up unless you get a good response. 😉

That ’therapy’ sounds horrific. Asking someone you don’t know for their number is plain rude and could get you into a lot of trouble. It’s tantamount to harassment. Being desentitized to embarrassment could make one obnoxious. A measure of embarrassment is no bad thing as it stops one being insensitive to the feelings of others.

Please don't confuse being shy, polite, or introverted with Social Anxiety Disorder.

Fortunately, it can often be effectively treated with cognitive behavioral therapy and/or medications.

According to the DSM-5, (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, 5th ed.), there are 10 diagnostic criteria for Social Anxiety disorder:
1. fear or anxiety specific to social settings, in which a person feels noticed, observed, or scrutinized. In a adult, this could include a first date, a job interview, meeting someone for the first time, delivering an oral presentation, or speaking in a class or meeting. In children, the phobic/avoidant behaviors must occur in settings with peers, rather than adult interactions, and will be expressed in terms of age appropriate distress, such as cringing, crying, or otherwise displaying obvious fear or discomfort.
2. typically the individual will fear that they will display their anxiety and experience social rejection,
3. social interaction will consistently provoke distress,
4. social interactions are either avoided, or painfully and reluctantly endured,
5. the fear and anxiety will be grossly disproportionate to the actual situation,
6. the fear, anxiety or other distress around social situations will persist for six months or longer and
7. cause personal distress and impairment of functioning in one or more domains, such as interpersonal or occupational functioning,
8. the fear or anxiety cannot be attributed to a medical disorder, substance use, or adverse medication effects or
9. another mental disorder, and
10. if another medical condition is present which may cause the individual to be excessively self conscious- e.g., prominent facial scar, the fear and anxiety are either unrelated, or disproportionate. The clinician may also include the specifier that the social anxiety is performance situation specific - e.g., oral presentations (American Psychiatric Association, 2013).