Good for you.

Here’s the thing: we fill the space that we have! so easy to just leave things, for years as they are not in the way.

Every now and again, I go through closets and drawers. Amazing what you find, things long forgotten.

We have often thought about moving, but our home is small and manageable. It is just that we feel we have aged out of this young community.

But, do we really want to downsize? I am not a fan of neighbors above, below and right next to me.

Congratulations! You have set yourself up to enjoy your house more fully and for a successful move in the future if such a move becomes necessary. I agree that the hardest part is physically getting rid of the discards. I hate seeing them go into the dump, but sometimes that's the only outlet available for some items.

So happy for you! You kinda did get to move into a new house, except this one is even bigger than the original, IYKWIM.

They say we spend more than half our lives filling our homes and the other half trying to get rid of it all.

WM - when you are done can you come over and work on clearing out my junk?

I remember what you said earlier about no one wanting your stuff.

I'm glad you resolved the issue, and it sounds like a better choice to stay in your house instead of moving into a townhome.

We will downsize when my brother retires, and we will sell our house in Los Angeles and move everything to Palm Springs or Cathedral City. He cannot move until he retires, and that will be at least 10 years from now, but he is looking forward to it.

We've kept our house in Cathedral City sparse because we thought we wanted to rent it, but we have since decided against that. Still, we want to keep it minimal so that it would be easier to move there in the future. Kevin loves that house, and so we may just move everything to that house in 10 years - it depends in part to how the prices in Palm Springs are at that time.

Hurray, good for you! Whether it happened by virtue of a strong personal commitment or, as it turned out, as something that led to an unexpected and unplanned different circumstantial outcome because of a decision change, you've accomplished a massive task many would love to do and few can.

Buy yourself a Gold Medal and wear it proudly, you earned it.

You've been realistic in the process and in doing so will go forward with new habits. As Zalco recently expressed with great insight in a different thread, to someone grappling with the reality that items of long held clutter aren't likely to be viewed with such reverence by others:

"The need to pretend your junk is bound to be someone else's treasure, I cannot understand."

It gave you something to do so there's that. I hear these stories and I wonder why people feel so burdened by their life's accumulation? My in-laws did the "downsize", built a home larger than the one I was raising a family in, she filled it with NEW furniture as the old just did not "fit" the new house. My FIL was a veterinarian and had an office out of an old creamery. That building held almost every toy each boy ever owned!! That summer the boys came and went and we all helped her fill a construction dumpster. My kids had a blast hearing the history and finding "treasures". She deserved the new home (she assured us) and it gave her a fun two years of planning and building and then getting it set up just right. Her philosophy was old people need MORE room not less and would get angry at the idea she needed to decrease her presence in the world. Ten years later the the family spent a week together sorting and packing it up preparing for an estate sale, as they both died within 30 days of each other. The grand kids took some things, large and small, as did the sons. We had a wonderful time, a lot of memories were recalled and shared as we all worked. That week stands as one of the great one's in my life. My own parents also now have downsized. Mom parceled out what her five would take the rest went to the curb or thrift stores. No gathering, no memories shared just items dispersed via email. The new apartment is easier on dad but I don't think it is a move my mom would do again--if she could go back in time. I am finding much paper work I want no one else EVER to see so need to have a bon fire but the rest--well at this point I don't mind one bit the idea my kids will one day have to sift through and decide what to do with the contents of the home where they were raised. What they don't want NOW they may just find some tish of value in when we are gone..or not and that is AOK with me. Until then my STUFF is full of memories, full of happy reminders and not a burden at all.

I love this story. Thanks for sharing. I am so glad you realized you didn't want to move before it was a done deal.

We had a similar situation when we had a house fire about 6 or 7 years ago. The house was emptied by the restoration company, rebuilt from the studs up and then when we moved back in, I only brought back what I really wanted to keep. It felt great. Now that we have one child out of the house and the other is on her way soon, I feel like it is time to do it again (this time without the stress of an unplanned rebuild). It is amazing how much cr@p we've accumulated even knowing how good it felt to get rid of stuff.

I'm doing that right now with my make up and lotions and potions drawer...I pulled everything out and have it it on a towel on the floor and what I used daily is being put back. My plan is to go about a month and then see what left on the towel.

Wednesday, that is wonderful. We did that years ago and it was amazing what we did not need. When I was a young chick, was always decorating. Had so much ”stuff”, dusting all the time. When we decided to let go, we kept very little. Our life is so simple now. Even our clothes, we keep to necessities. Tried the ten piece outfit idea and could not seem to work for me. When I buy now, will start pulling out things for the goodwill. Enjoy your new surroundings!!!

Finding what to do with it is harder than parting with it.

Congratulations on your ability to ’cleanhouse’!

Oh boy, around where we live, this is so true. Sure, I can donate and we have, but the bigger pieces are harder. We probably make 4-5 big hauls to either the library (books), The Saving Way or a Habitat-associated thrift store every year. I have managed to sell a few lamps, small tables and such but things don’t move well around here.

The other thing is DH will not part with his endless supply of ’parts’, screws and bolts, and old cr*p (college books, kids things, and other ’memorablia’). I try.

I have had pretty good luck with selling on Poshmark. And if it doesnt sell after a few months, it gets donated.

I’m not downsizing yet, but as I near retirement, I think about it more. When my inlaws went from their house to an apartment, I inherited a lot of stuff I didn’t want. One of those things was her china. I have china of my own that I don’t use. But I did use it that first Thanksgiving (which now became my holiday to host). It made her so happy to see them being used that I brought them out every year. Even now I carry those dishes up from the basement for Thanksgiving along with silverware from my grandmothers and I love remembering the ones who are no longer here.

That said, I am more thoughtful about the ”stuff” I buy these days

Oh yeah! Last year my kitchen cabinets were emptied out as the fronts were refaced. I looked at everything and items I hadn't used in years ( popsicle molds? shish ka bob skewers?) were donated. Suddenly the same amount of cabinet space wasn't so jammed packed.

How fun to move back into your own beloved house.

Mess causes stress....https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/high-octane-women/201203/why-mess-causes-stress-8-reasons-8-remedies

I know it's more than the pleasure of seeing something cleaned up...it's like an actual physical weight is lifted as one declutters. There's something therapeutic about it. Maybe it's a combo of forcing one to go back through one's memories and deal with those emotions as well as the objects of remembrance, forcing one to make choices and take responsibility for those choices, and the huge realization that so much stuff that was *absolutely critical and essential* at that time becomes tomorrows trash. It really helps prevent us from accumulating more stuff.

I would love to do some of that around here. But DH refuses to let anything go...even papers about a financial product he purchased back in the 70s that he later got rid of in the 70s. I tried to convince him we can keep just the initial statement of purchase and the final statement of sale and the intervening stuff could go...but he wouldn't hear of it. Another time I tried to sort through some stuff in the attic for a potential tag sale, and I was just moving some stuff into a box for *potential* sale. He was so upset by it that I had to stop. He was nearly in tears over his Mother's gravy boat!! So I'm going to be stuck with cleaning all this stuff up myself after he's gone. That's just a reality I have to face.

One of the things he wouldn't care about though is all the electronic stuff around. That's my fault as I don't know how to get rid of it. I still have my old blackberry as I'm not sure that I've ever transferred all the pictures out of it, and now it's been so long, I'm not even sure I know any passwords for the thing. My old mac is still around for the same reason and I don't even know how to transfer stuff off of it any more as it doesn't have a CD and it doesn't do wireless. It probably would be worthwhile to find some geek type who has archaic devices and could do the clean-up and transfer and disposal for me, but I have no idea who or how.

jasdip, I used to love that cartoon and have not looked at it in years. That was so priceless and so defines our situation so very well.

I used to find a lot of commonality in that cartoon with my own life and family and kids.

The word "junk" has been uttered a million times a day lately in my house. Most of it just becomes "junk".

It seems that i hear more about how it is the men who get upset when you begin to clear out things . I know that was true with my hubs. It took him some time to come around to recognizing the pleasure of lightening the load. Even after seeing the light, he might use it as a battering ram when we disagree about anything. He will lobby unfair accusations at me and blame me for uprooting him out of his little mess of a nest when he feels a need to lash out.

I have one friend who's hubs has built a very nice building to house all of his stuff. plus closets stuffed full of unused stuff. Our running joke is that she can call me when he dies and we will get a couple of those big dumpsters and have at it!

My sister has the same problem with her husband and is much like your hubs, Annie. He has completely forgotton about all the "gravy boats" until she pulls them out of the attic and attemps to pass them on to who ever it is that will take them. Then he is ovecome with some sentiment and thinks that they can be kept just sitting on the table right there!

My own soul mate is the kind who can pass something broken or falling off for months or years and never see that something needs to be done, ever, at all.

He did have to get rid of most of his books and we dumped the crude old bookcases that we put together over 45 years ago! They were crude and made of heavy lumber. The books were mostly very academic and not of a wide appeal. However, to his credit, he did what he had to do. He still has a selection of them.

And, Annie, I liked your linked article about how clutter influences your life.

I see this with our grown daughter. Even though their house is clean, the clutter of unneeded things makes it so hard to function. Everything has to be stacked and juggled just to empty the dishwasher. I have decided not to even offer many of my little treasures to her because, once it gets into their house, it never comes out .

Two careers and kids and limited time and energy would all be better dealt with if it were easier to just get around and take care of things easily. I dont understand why our daughter is acting like a depression era baby and feels a need to keep everything. I did have one aunt who would probably nowadays be considered to be a hoarder.

Thanks to all who chose to share this journey with me and reply.

It is not over yet.

One upside is that I now have my own bedroom after over 50 years of not having my own space. I sleep right alongside an opened window that opens out to a screened in porch. I love it! And, it is all mine!

Yesterday I did a purge of unloved things that were straining the closet pole. Even though most of the things that were eliminated are good, they are not good for me. Out with them!

Hubs asks me how I will know when I have reached the end and can quit. I will know. Not there yet.

My husband and his mother? They never met a piece of paper they could bear to part with.......

I don"t have the time at the moment to read all the comments.

Two things come to mind.

and Swedish Death Cleaning.

Annie Deighnaugh: when you do figure out how to transfer your files, Best Buy accepts all sorts of electronics for recycling, even if you didn't buy them there. You just take them into the Geek Squad and they accept them.

After 40 years of going to weekly auctions, my house is overflowing. During Covid, I planned to contact a dealer who has the exact taste I have and recently has four booths at an antique market. I was going to message him on Instagram and he suddenly died. I know my life would be less stressful if half the stuff was gone. I sold a large farm table a few years ago that was in my sunroom and this room is delightful now and I love being in it. My kids want none of it and probably not grandkids either. I just wonder what compelled me to buy, buy, buy. I'd always find a place for everything. I buy nothing anymore except necessities.

Security blanket or dead weight?

I had a neighbor whose DH (and his DM before him) saved every school paper and project he ever brought home, starting with kindergarten fifty years ago. IDK how many times this 'treasure' has moved.

Another friend's DH has three *tons* of books related to his field of study. They have moved four times as empty-nesters. Lack of shelving for the books has required them to pass on ideal homes because there was no separate room for The Books.

Michele, G Carlin was a really witty and funny guy. His comedic hit on things that own us is so true and funny. It is so funny because it is so true. The real things that we do are so laughable.

All of this time I have had the refrain of "death cleaning" resonating in my mind. This is a purge as we go into our later age.

Lily, I used to love, love, love yard sales and it still think that they were a wonderful source of goods on the cheap and a great way to find some unusual treasures. That was years ago and I have not stopped at a yard sale in years.

Although there were lots of really great things that came home with me, most of them have gone. However, there are a few things that remain and have some real value to me. One example would be the very desk that I am at right now. It is from sometime around mid century and is one like the teachers used to have at the front of the room when I was growing up. It is big, solid oak, and I picked it up for $25 at a yard sale. Lucky that it does come apart to a degree and I was able to get it into the pick up.

I rarely even see a yard sale anymore. They seem to have disappeared a few years ago, not just with the virus, before that.

Like you, I buy anything only after much consideration and I dont buy much.

chisu, your friend sounds like the story of a professional book critic. I have read the stories about this one professinal critc who has a collection that has taken over his entire world. He likely has a very valuable selection of books and he also has many prized editions of many books. But, he has way too many books to fit into his house.

Hubs had been resistant for years to the idea of getting rid of most of his books. Yeah, he had a wonderful, mostly academic, collection. But, the sad truth is that there is very little appreciation or use for them in any future, near or far. That is the reality.

I felt that it was not a security blanket. I felt it was a dead weight. Hubs saw it as more of his security, but if you let him, he will dig a little mess of nest for himself like some rodent. If left to his own he would never clean in and it would just build with things left undistrubed, forever.

No, that is not going to happen. I know some advocate for his right to do that. But, again......no.

A clean, pleasant and functioning home is a comforting pleasure. Besides ,he found more value in reconnecting and remembering as he sorted. Previously, those same books had been untouched for untold numbers of years. They had become nothing more than backdrop scenery. At least he had one last conversation with them before they went out into the world. Otherwise they would have been the backdrop to his old age.

We had a friend die this summer who left behind and entire wall of books that he collected. He had a great time collecting, but those books came to almost taunt him as he lay on his death bed in his own home. There are no kids to inherit, and his wife has no real connection to them. She is going to have a big job ahead of her to find a place for them to go.

We cleaned and decluttered (practically emptied) when we sold our first and then our second homes. It allowed us to see the beauty of the spaces we had lived in and loved. With minimal furnishings and decor, they felt light and airy and open to possibilities.

But neither of us are cut out to be minimalists. We both have favorite things that give us joy to have around. We've done the first great purge when we downsized to our retirement house. In a decade we'll do the second great purge in readiness for a retirement community apartment.

It is such a freeing experience, for me.

Some folks like to live with a lot of stuff around them and clutter. Not me.

Have any of you seen this YouTube channel call Curiosity Inc?

These folks in Canada have a business of dealing in collectibles and such and they will buy up old houses full of stuff and sort through it. They do a few other things in their videos, too, but yesterday I watched them clean out a house of a couple who fancied themselves as vendors of collectibles and such, but never actually sold the things that they collected to sell. Instead, they piled them in their house until they became hoarders who had to make a change because it was detremental to their health and well being.

So these folks at Curiositiy came in to clear it out for a portion of the profits from selling it all. What a lot of stuff these folks had!

I watched the whole process until the house got cleared and cleaned.

They did another excavation of ahouse that was lived in by a potter of some reputation. That was interesting too. The things that they found in her house!

nickle, I really understand how your house now feels light and airy and open to new possibilities. That has been my experience, as well.

I dont give creedence to that notion of thanking an inanimate object or taking a photo of it before you cast it out into the world. But, one thing that I do believe to be true for me is that I did revisit much of my life and the meaning that things once had with all of the stuff. That was all I needed from it.

I have rearranged the logistics and the aesthetics of every inch of my house.

I am still not where I want to be, but am getting there.

I will know that I have arrived when I get there. What I dont know is where I will go with myself once I reach that place. What is there? Who will I be? What will I want to do? What will I find value in? What is at the end of this rainbow? I dont know.