Such a bummer when not everyone is wound up as tightly as we are (said with a huge smile of understanding and admiration.) Some people could not imagine doing what you did. I can. I so appreciate how far out of your way you go to make people's lives brighter, even here, just with your kind thoughtful words. You clearly have ton on your plate, and manage everything with such grace.

As for your kiddo, I hope she is feeling better.

Yeah, wound up -- guilty. Your words are very kind.

I will say that, immediately after declining the Facetime call (we are in the same house), I did text her to ask what she needed. DH ended up taking her to the Dr. and then ER and after a day there they determined it was not appendicitis and she is much better now.

You texted her. It's not like you dropped the ball here.

I’m glad your DD is ok. ❤️

Yes, scream! You’ve had to deal with work and kids and Covid for a long time. NOT easy.

And that friend? Very inconsiderate. Everyone is on their devices day and night — it’d take two seconds to thank you for your thoughtful gift.

Meh. If I were sick and I FT'd someone and saw a big fat "DECLINE," I think I'd remember that feeling. : ( Then of course, her Dad also spent all day with her, at the Dr.s, waiting in the ER. She didn't say anything but I do feel guilty.

You had a lot going on. I’m a mom, I truly understand why you’re feeling guilty. But sometimes, things happen. Stop beating yourself up. ❤️ Your kids know how much you love them. :)

What would you think if your DH behaved as you did?

Crazy day! Scream away! I‘m glad your DD is ok. We all know you are generally right on top of things, so good to know you sometimes have things spin out of control too.

I know, rationally, that what I did was fine. But... DECLINE. ya' know

It's OK...I still remember when I called my folks to tell them that I needed a kidney biopsy as I was in kidney failure. They were in the middle of some other "crisis" or other, so they just dismissed the whole thing with, we know the doc will take good care of you and you'll be fine...and proceeded to complain to me about their problems.

Funny, I didn't want to worry them...but then again, I *did* want them to be at least a little worried or concerned!

Not what I was expecting, but I still loved them anyway.

But look at it this way. Your daughter will have a story to tell everyone about how her mom declined her FT request in the middle of her medical emergency. All kids need at least one story like this :-).

All kidding aside, so happy to hear your DD is doing better.

I'm not sure how old your daughter is (glad she is ok), but if she had an urgent medical concern and needed you, she could have texted: MOM, I'm sick, I need you! A FT request could be to show you her new lipstick color or something, so I hope you'll talk with her about how to best get what she needs, when the need is urgent. Luckily, she didn't call 911 and the medics show up to find you at home! It could have been worse. Put away your guilt hat.

Glad DD is okay. Moms wear many hats, and sometimes we have days like this. Don't beat yourself up anymore. You've had your 10 minutes of Guilt, so it's okay to move on. Thankfully, every day is not that kind of day.

If I may join you in venting (mostly whining):

FWIW, I had one of those days this week that last 36 hours. Granted it was with the dogs and not our children. LOL I was in FL and little dog (LD) got sick. I drove back to AL Sunday with 2 dogs (we took 2 cars because DH had to stay to get pool heater gas line inspected and gas company blessing). Brought big dog (BD) home, unloaded car and took LD to ER. FOUR HOURS and $653 dollars later, Vet tells me she has vaginitis, which is what I said when I FIRST got there. To give medicine on full stomach. Midnight, she throws up, but at least I made it to the marble bathroom floor. Clean that up, awake for four hours because she cannot get comfortable AND she started leaking a little. Already had her on large towel in the bed with me, so I had to change the towel and my pajama bottoms, Pee pads area already packed and in basement. THEN I wake up at 4:45am Monday to BD moving around. She has pooped all over her bed and on the wood floor (at least it wasn't the rug). It was NOT the easy to pick up kind of poop. :-/ As I turn on the light and grab LD, I see two tiny spots, on blanket and bedcover, so it's a four load of laundry day. Called local vet when they open. He says give pill that evening with dinner, and if she gets sick again, bring in for injection. Yes, I knew better than to postpone, but was exhausted. LD spent most of Monday with her bed, food and water in my bathroom. LD is awake around midnight again but she never throws up. Tuesday I cannot make the only appointment time they have for her shot because appraiser is coming for buyers. Just as the appraiser is suppose to arrive the power goes out, but generator does not come on. I go to manually start, but it doesn't come on. So I call DH, then our generator guy, and get it going. Appraiser arrives just as I get back upstairs. When he leaves I have to drop off LD, which I hate doing. It's pouring rain - our area had 7" to 9" the last 24 hours. Yeah, the drive to pick her up was fun. I know what streets/areas flood, so knew where not to go. The good news both LD and BD are feeling better. *knock on wood* The best news, I already had a massage scheduled for this afternoon.

OMG Allison!!! I am exhausted just reading that! Glad things are on the upswing.

Mtn, I totally get where you are coming from. The phone call that laid to waste the effort that you put into making a gift special on such a hectic day would have sent me over the edge as well. I often find my predisposition to “sweating (my) details” goes unnoticed by 85% of people. However...it makes it soooo very special when someone DOES notice and appreciate. Plus, my internal satisfaction is not an inconsequential thing, as well. So there‘s that! 😂

Glad your dd is feeling better!

Wow, what a day. Honestly there are times when I feel like the top of my head is going to blow off and if the worst I did was decline a phone call, I’d be ahead of the game. However, I am sure you have scarred your daughter forever and she thinks you don’t love her. (Kidding, of course). I’ve done that and worse. Hope things have calmed down and daughter is feeling well.

DD was feeling badly about something she failed to do last week for one of the twins. I reminded her that I had set the bar high for failing your child. When she was in 1st grade, the children had to bring lunch every day. For the day of her birthday, I notified all the other parents and the teacher that I would be bringing pizza for the children’s lunches. No one sent lunch. About 30 minutes before it was time for me to get the pizza, crisis hit at the office. A big project hit a big snag. I threw myself into solving the problem and totally forgot to pick up the pizzas until the teacher called and asked where I was. 🙈 The crisis was still going on and I still had to stay and deal with it. My secretary saved the day. She picked up the pizzas and delivered them to the classroom for me. I will never recover from the embarrassment of that little episode, although we do laugh about it now. And DD agreed, she’s got a ways to go to top that!

Thanks, @nini804 And I am packing to move. I told DH I don't want to hear how good the pool feels. :D

@bbstx Glad you all can laugh about it now. We all scar our children at least once. They are lucky if it's just once. When DD2 was in 4yo preschool we carpooled with two other mothers, and also with them for elementary school. One mom, L, forgot to go to DD2's room to get her. The office called me when she wasn't picked up on time and I rushed the 5 minutes there. L was so apologetic and brought DD2 a balloon that afternoon. She still talks about how she was forgotten at preschool and the balloon didn't make up for getting left.

Mtn, I’m glad your daughter is feeling better.

Did they ever determine what presented as appendicitis? I ask because our 19 year old granddaughter recently was rushed to the ER thinking she had appendicitis. After 5 days in the hospital, a boatload of tests, appendectomy scheduled and cancelled 3 times, it was decided that she has endometriosis. Something to keep in mind if your daughter ever has another episode.

Thanks guys for commiserating.

Ruby, Love the "bad mom" cards.

Nini, yes, you get it.

Allison, Oh my what an ordeal. Glad to hear the dogs are on the mend! At least my crises did not involve doggily fluids.

Maddie, My DD is also 19. The Dr. told her she had a ruptured ovarian cyst. No surgery, nothing but Motrin and she was better in like 36 hours. She needs to follow-up with a GYN, which she does not have.

Mtn, when DS was 19 he and DH had a bout of stomach flu. Only, in DS’ case it was appendicitis. We didn’t know because it didn’t present like any appendicitis I have seen. And, tbh, I thought he was goldbricking a bit since it was winter break or was a bit sad about something our family was dealing with at the time. But when he finally told me he’d been running a fever for several days, we went to the doctor, who sent us to the ER, where after 8 hours waiting in the waiting room, then on a gurney in the hall, then in a corner, then in imaging (never did get an ER room) we were told he had appendicitis. The surgeon on call couldn’t make it in because she was at ANOTHER hospital doing an emergency appendectomy and DS would have his surgery in the morning.

Next day Surgeon comes out of surgery saying the appendix had actually RUPTURED probably a few days earlier, and there was so much “stuff” for so long it had adhered to other tissues and she couldn’t remove it. To clean it out, he spent 5 days in-patient (including his birthday) then another couple of weeks at home, all with a drain and antibiotics, and once things were clear he went back for new images.

Guess what? The rupture had HEALED. Now he had a choice, whether to have it removed or not. He chose to have it removed.

I need a Roz Chast card for “I thought my kid was loafing around but he was on the brink of death”.

In my defense, the surgeon explained why DS didn’t present as one might expect: the appendix has a curve to it, and if it curves outward, then when it inflames it touches the outer abdominal wall and it hurts. DS’ curved inward, so when it inflamed it either touched nothing or nothing with nerve endings that cause pain. Or something like that.

In the middle of all that, my mother got the flu, which turned to be joined by pneumonia, and SHE spent a week in the hospital, then went to rehab/skilled nursing, and eventually moved from there to memory care. That was a hell of a winter.

Yikes, go ahead and scream away! Mtn, I am glad your DD is ok and Allison, glad your doggies are also.

One of my brothers got hurt at a sports practice when we were growing up. We lived in a really small town. My mom was at work as a school teacher, so she told him to walk over to our doctor's office to be seen. He told the doctor's receptionist that his arm hurt, and they worked him in. He sat in the doctor's office waiting for four hours WITH A BROKEN ARM. My brother laughs about it now.

Mtn, my DD had the same a few years back but needed laparoscopic surgery.!

Glad it wasn’t as serious.

“ My DD is also 19. The Dr. told her she had a ruptured ovarian cyst”

Granddaughter has one too. It fills and ruptures every few months. The GYN is going to look (laparoscope) at it when he’s looking at the endometriosis in a few weeks.

Oh Geez Maddie, I'm sorry to hear that. One of the joys of HIPAA is that DD was the only one to meet with the Dr., so we are a little short on det.s. When DH took her to ER, first they said he couldn't come in with her. He insisted and they said only if she is under 25, which she is; 19. (BTW, whaaaaat? Who goes to ER alone?) Then they said he could come in, but there was no space for him to sit in the waiting room, so he waited in the car. When she was called in, she was solo so only she knows what the Dr. said. She is uber reliable but still.

I hope things work out well for your GD.

Bpath, I texted my DD, while she was waiting, that about a century ago her great grandfather had a ruptured appendix and went into the hospital, where he met my great grandmother, a nurse who took care of him. So I told her to be on the lookout for a cute Dr. to carry on the "meet cute" family tradition.

“ One of the joys of HIPAA is that DD was the only one to meet with the Dr., so we are a little short on det.s. When DH took her to ER, first they said he couldn't come in with her. He insisted and they said only if she is under 25, which she is; 19. (BTW, whaaaaat”

what also happened here was that once granddaughter was admitted to the hospital and placed in a private room, our daughter (the mother) was told she could not stay overnight with her because she was not a pediatric patient. At 8:00 pm she had to leave even though her child was in much pain. May have been COVID, may have been HIPAA? (Daughter is now lobbying for a change.) Luckily, the nurses were ok with the hourly calls throughout nights.

Oh my Maddie, that would have driven me crazy.

It may be due to COVID, but both DH and DD are vaxxed. My DH thought it was odd that they did not ask that question at intake, but he did offer it up. I guess with HIPAA she can waive her privacy but he was out in the car anyway so...

((Mtn))

Your daughter’s full we report is likely on her mychart account if you want to know what was said and which test were done. The doctors’ notes are usually quite thorough if she was at a Yale hospital.

Glad she is feeling better and I hope life settles down a bit for everyone too.

Thanks, Roarah, We have something like that but it's not Mychart; I will call the Dr. tomorrow (with her) and find out.

Maddie, they would have had to knock me out to drag me out! If the mom had been there all day already, what difference did staying overnight make?

What I heard was that daughter, usually very calm, had a Shirley MacLaine (Terms of Endearment ) moment when told to leave. It didn’t make sense, the rooms have daybeds for visitors to rest on.

Oh Mtn, what a day for you... and everyone's stories here too! My heart goes out to all of you! The HIPAA law makes me crazy every time I check in at a doctor's office and they read aloud your private info - address, phone, etc - to confirm no changes. I can say that a ruptured cyst / endometriosis is not fun so I hope DD is feeling better now.

An early Happy Mother's Day to all mothers here 🌺