I know everyone's soil/region is different. I am so disgusted with my soil this year. Nothing but rock-hard red clay that practically bakes into Terra Cotta in the sun. Even the topsoil we used for some of the raised beds crusts over pretty hard on top and needs some work. A local daylily grower/seller in Georgia who also used to grow them in Florida's almost 100% sandy soil told me the best thing I could do for my daylilies in this area is mix in as much sand as possible with the soil that's there and be sure and break up all the large dirt chunks. Pretty labor intensive but sand is cheap and I figured it's worth a shot. Supposedly easier for the roots to grow through it if it's sandier. I may have to water more frequently but each time you water it's actually getting where it needs to go unlike my hard clay where it just runs off right now and isn't really soaking down to the roots. He's successfully grown and had a buisness for years so I figure he knows what he's talking about. Of course that black mid-western/northern soil would be wonderful too but would cost a pretty penny here. Good luck with your clumps! Danielle

You have a lovely room and it will be worth the effort to take the time to locate the right furnishings. Try Pottery Barn for to get some ideas about stylish comfort. Some of their furniture is on sale now. With down-wrapped cushions and down throw pillows, it really is possible to be comfortable without resorting to a recliner! Also, if there is a Bassett Direct near you, it would be worthwhile to visit the store, as they provide complementary design services. We had a very good experience with a store here in Florida when we were refurnishing our second home in North Carolina. I took in the blueprints and the designer drew out possible furniture arrangments and did a marvelous job assisting us with our selections. All of the furniture can be customized by fabric and finish and shown to you on a monitor as modified. Here is a link that might be useful: Bassett Direct

I second what mizscarlett said. PTSD or even TSD is a very real thing that happens to many people, not just soldiers. Arcy- I understand why you wrote what you did, it is the common stance of the general public to abused and battered persons; I used to feel much the same. BUT....unless you have lived through it yourself and had the same crushing emotions, guilt, worthlessness and self loathing that these people have experienced from years of emotional abuse, you really are in no place to judge. It is easy to view as an outsider and say, "you should have just left", it is FAR more difficult to do when you've been, slowly over time, made to live in fear for your life and the lives of those you love or been made to believe that you are, in fact, worthless. The worst damage people like OPs husband do isn't physical, it's emotional and mental. Her mother was willing to pay for the divorce but she was so worried for her mother's safety from this lunatic that she was willing to endure additional abuse to keep her mother safe. You berating her for something she already regrets is simply blaming the victim and encourages other people to NOT come forward. Many people who are abused (not saying this is necessarily the OPs stance) state that their abuser is quite charming at first, a "catch". Slowly, over time the verbal and emotional abuse escalates but they still say, "s/he's so great, and they've never hurt me!". Then the first time comes and they are physically abused. They are so shocked that it happened and "it's never happened before" that they write it off. It happens again, a few months go by and it happens again...and again....and again. At this point it is happening at an alarming frequency but by this point, the battered person is so broken, so ashamed at not recognizing what was initially happening, that they stay silent. The victim blames themself. THEN, in worst case scenarios, they begin to actually believe what the abuser says. They believe they deserve this. They believe they messed up, believe they are worthless, believe they are at fault. Frankly, as much as I want to judge and blame someone for their past mistakes, I can NOT sit by and blame a battered person for their poor decisions regarding their abuser. It's not right and it's not fair. msgenie- you've been given some great advice already. The only thing I can add to it is that you've already given him power and control over 50 years of your life. He is gone now and you can finally live. Try to NOT let his ghost take any more of your life from you. You only get one life, one chance at this big game; make it count. Regret nothing, learn from it.

Just my opinion but I would do something black to tie in awning above it