I think we all know at least one person like that. Most times I just do a hard eye roll in my mind. Some times I want to thunder punch them in the throat! Just once, just to see what it feels like hahaha.

You think you’re frustrated! That’s nothing. I’ll tell you what’s really frustrating! :)

Just kidding. I know what you mean.

I periodically experience a variant of this.

In my region of California, Silicon Valley, there are tens of thousands of fortunates who have gained various degrees of wealth from a combination of hard work, being in the right place at the right time, just being lucky, or a combination. Some have phenomenal amounts of wealth. A number of such people are among those in my social circle and many, many others are frequently encountered.

I would say they can be categorized broadly into two different groups - those who have class and those who have no class at all. In the first group, other than when you visit their unbelievable homes, you'd never know just how wealthy they are. In normal settings and with other people of varying circumstances, they're as normal as anyone else, These classy people would never mention the exotic, upscale, and expensive elements of their normal life that their wealth allows them to experience.

The other group are those who can't stop crowing and talking about themselves and who think doing so impresses others. And who don't realize part of their good fortune was a result of having good luck. No one is impressed and it gets tedious quickly. Oh yeah, really? Who cares? You're still a social turd, no one likes you and this is part of why that is.

So, jasdip, this is my way of one-upping you with my take on your topic. ;-)

Yep, my FIL. Whatever it is, good or bad, he's had it better/worse. Love him dearly, but knock off the one-upmanship already.🙄

(((Jasdip))) I feel your pain and am walking right there beside with you.

Katlan makes a very valid “thunder punch” point!

A good friend of my DH's in college had a droll response when somone went on like that. When the person paused for breath, he'd very mildly say, "I'm happy for you."

Not that I've used it very much but I like the simple thank you for sharing comment. Very effective when I have remembered to use it.

Of course I do a lot of mental eye rolling as well.

my one son--he seems to know everything.

Empty pots make the most noise.

many years ago, I had a friend who was going to school to be a therapist. In discussions with her, she would always relate her story, which may have been perceived as a one up thing. I believe she felt relating her story was a means of expressing that she understood your experience. It doesn't really....and I hope she didn't take that approach in her practice.

Sometimes it's hard to be a good listener and not jump in with similar experiences. Keep doing your mental eye rolls and thunder punches.

I live in an upscale community and the consequences of that are that everyone has better, can do better, will do better. It's not that they are trying to one-up, it's just a fact.

Through the years I have found friends more similar to my circumstances.

But, yes, it can get tiresome.

I keep my circle small. Sometimes I am the only one in it.

I remember a SNL episode in which Jane Curtin and Gilda Radner kept trying to one-up each other, and I thought it was hilarious.

I tend to laugh at people who attempt to one-up others - I just can't take it seriously. Occasionally, I will play the Gilda Radner part and participate in this with someone, to the point where the other person will realize how ridiculous it all is, and then they will laugh also.

I find this very easy to turn into a joke.

Yes, I know two., my BF and a neighbor woman. Sometimes it's hard not to react because I know on the very rare occasions that I do I'll hear, "You're just being mean to me" or they'll go into even deeper defensive mode and sometimes go completely off topic just to win the argument. Being mean to me? But what about what you are saying and doing to people...... Oh well. I take some satisfaction in knowing others realize how those two are and won't judge me too badly.

I know a couple like that, who are also humble braggers. "Oh, so smart of you to buy a mainstream car. It's so frustrating to drive twin Porsches. We always get pulled over, even when we are not speeding."

Yep, I run across this sometimes, too. What I really find annoying is people who have to be sicker than you, have more pain than you and generally suffer more. If I mention that my knee hurts, they will be nearly crippled, if I mention that I had a headache, they will be certain they have a brain tumor, if I have a cold, they have double pneumonia.

In a broader sense than tiresome oneupmanship, there are people who bring joy and energy to others and to places where they are, and people whose presence removes joy and energy from others.

I try to avoid members of the second group. Life is too short.

Edit to add:

I once saw a small sign in a store. "Everyone gives happiness to people who are here. For many, it happens when they walk in the door. For others, it's when they walk out the door".

The most consistent one I get from various quarters is that I am making a stupid decision. This relates to the topic because it carries an automatic implication of a belief in superior knowledge and judgement on their part, even though they are at the same time trying to be helpful.

I had a co-worker who would always one up me. Sometimes it was bewildering; I might just relating an incident or venting and she’d always have a comment or story about how her situation was worse, more difficult or she she’d done such a better job than me !

On the other hand my sister is just not interested in anything I say about my life. Our conversations are very one-sided. If I do interject a story, she barely acknowledges it or jumps in with her own. I’ve mainly given up having a relationship with her, which is sad.

It's called "grandstanding". As in the other person needing to have a constant focus on their oh so interesting selves and their vitally compelling monologues about their personal lives or whatever else they have on their minds - you are just a face to be talking to and might as well be replaced by a dummy. Whether it's just you or a group, your value to the grandstander is strictly as an audience.

Otherwise if you haven't been maybe keep responding with "uh huhs" and "Why is thats?" so that she gets continuous validation that she is being heard - maybe your sister will then tone down the barrage a bit. Otherwise there is always of course interrupting.

I talked to an acquaintance yesterday who is one of those who sucks the joy out of your day. I try to keep our communication confined to emails as those tend to be shorter and don't require immediate responses. I would stop all communication, but I've known the person forever and I know they don't have any friends. Since they live in another state, I can maintain the connection without having too much contact. Recently, their life situation changed a bit allowing them more mobility, so I'm hoping that they make new friends and forget about me.

My DD's mother-in-law does that constantly. When DD is telling her MIL about anything negative, (like a health related problem, for example) her MIL pipes up to let her know that she, or someone else she knows, has a similar, but much worse problem. In those cases DD gives her MIL the benefit of the doubt that perhaps she is only 'one upping' to make DD feel that she shouldn't be too upset about her own situation.

But her MIL also one ups, when you are telling her anything positive. If you're proud of something and mention it to her, she'll happily mention someone she knows, who also accomplished the same thing, but at a younger age, lol. Otherwise, DD actually gets along with her MIL quite well, so she doesn't want to rock the boat, as her MIL becomes defensive, and flips to a laughable extreme, if she feels offended.

DD knows if she touched on the subject with her MIL (of one-upping) she'd likely say something like 'Oh, if you feel I should never respond when you mention anything to me, from this day forward, I will just sit silently and nod my head, but not say a word.' She'd be unable to accept that DD is not asking her to 'never respond' but only to not always include a comparison to someone else in her response. So DD just continues to bite her tongue and think 'Bless her heart' in the Southern connotation, lol.

<What I really find annoying is people who have to be sicker than you,
have more pain than you and generally suffer more. If I mention that my
knee hurts, they will be nearly crippled, if I mention that I had a
headache, they will be certain they have a brain tumor, if I have a
cold, they have double pneumonia. >

Make sure that you do not take any of their medications, should they offer them to you, as they could be way too strong. I made the mistake of taking some allergy medicine that my boss offered to me (despite being warned by others not to do so), and it pretty much knocked me out, and I could barely drive.

Sounds also like my friend Maartje, and then my friend Michelle in Mexico City seems to belong to the "disease of the month" club. I could sort of understand it with Maartje because her father was a surgeon, but Michelle's father owned an advertising company.

I thought I would mention that in the SNL skit that I referenced, Jane and Gilda were competing with each other regarding who had gotten the best deal or discount while shopping. Eventually, Jane claimed that she had bought a blouse and was paid to buy it.

Definitely something to relate to - compulsive one-upsmanship is irritating and just plain tiresome.

I tend to agree that it's dysfunctional - social or emotional damage of some sort. I think sometimes it's narcissism, and other times maybe low self esteem &/or insecurity?

And I agree that for some, it may be an attempt to relate to another person in a weird socially awkward way.

And what about the Debbie Downer part? I have supervisor at work whom I'm always sorry I spoke to about almost everything - forget about resting b**** face - she just has straight up b**** face 🙄

I also have a younger sister I love dearly, but she can be a little dark cloud - always noting the negatives, and rarely the positives.

but I don't let on

You are a lady. There are times when if a person of that nature spends a great deal of time with you, that you might do something (I don't know what it might be, other than spending less time around them) but when it is a short passing annoyance, you are gracious, and probably wise, to let the annoyance pass as fast as possible.

Those kind of people jasdip spoke of upset me too...my husband keeps telling me that they must have some need to upstage everyone to make themselves feel better.

always noting the negatives, and rarely the positives

Disturbing developments make much more of an impression on people. That is why retailers have had to deal in the past with the fact that statistically one other person will hear about a pleasant shopping outcome and twelve others will hear about an unpleasant episode.

And now of course we have social media, where a quite large number of people may read about how lousy something supposedly was.

she'd likely say something like 'Oh, if you feel I should never respond when you mention anything to me, from this day forward, I will just sit silently and nod my head, but not say a word

= manipulator

I think as we age out fuses get shorter & shorter. I also have a extremely small circle, so I can get on my own nerves.

Lars, only once did I take someone else’s medication. It was to help me sleep. I can’t remember what it was but it gave me the wildest dreams! Never again. It is really foolish to take medication that was not prescribed for you.

Embothrium,

I don’t think my sister does this with others, only me and I do believe she thinks my life is much less interesting than hers and less important because I don’t have children.

she is just not that interested in me.

I'm so glad I'm retired and no longer have to put up with some people. Isn't it funny how people can be blind to their own traits? I worked with a "debbie downer" who claimed to be positive and happy go lucky! In their mind, maybe?

My MIL. She couldn't let any conversation go by without making it about her.

eld6161 - DH and I were both raised in upper scale neighbourhoods and decided that when we bought our family house in which to raise our kids it wouldn't be in either of those neighbourhoods for the point that you made.

I have a couple of people in my life that one-up almost everything I say, whether it's positive or negative. A few years ago one of them asked why friends weren't inviting her out anymore. I told her the truth, but she still continues to one-up. When I do talk to her, I know what to expect and my two standard responses are "Oh that's awful or that's great." And yes, the mental eye rolls help!!

For shame, roxsol - be nice and don't rock the boat!

Next time you have dealings with that "friend", ded ...

... I dare you to tell her of a time when you were a real pain in the ass!

See if she can beat you ...

... up(smansjp).

ole joyful

I’ve seen that with someone I work with a lot. She looks for the bad news in everything.

Even during this pandemic, for example, you find 50 articles on how the vaccines are testing well, high rates of immunity that are long lasting, works well with older people, mild side effects....and she will find one article with one incident of something taken out of context to show how we are all doomed and we are all going to die. Either that or we will all end up either sterile or with autism from the vaccine. Yes, she finds articles on that too...from “trusted doctors”.

Anything on a positive note, she makes it a mission to counter it with doom and gloom from some internet source she found, sometimes even taking a one line snip of a cautionary note in an otherwise upbeat article.

It’s been like this the past eight years I’ve known her. Once every couple of months she winds herself up into an anxiety attack by thinking about all the “what abouts”.

I do believe she thinks my life is much less interesting than hers and less important because I don’t have children

Try reading about positive assertion techniques if still interested in getting improved responses from her, in a non confrontational way.

I’m not sure I ought to share this but others may find it a helpful coping strategy when faced with a lengthy social interaction that’s draining your will to live. I find digging my nails into the palms of my hands can divert a mounting need to say ‘shhhhhhhhhhh’.

I mastered this technique not long after meeting FIL.

Unfortunately it worked too well and I became his favourite go to buddy at all family gatherings. It was quite the family joke.

Other than that all my friends and family are well aware of my aversion to phone calls and usually stick to emails or messaging.

I honestly don’t have any negative friends. Family? Well, you can’t chose them and certain individuals I treat as a challenge in how many different ways I can sympathise or cheer them up before a yawning fit sets in.

This is a very real phenomenon and I have been known to leave ‘do’s’ because of it. Once relieved of the crushing boredom, the yawns stop and full health is happily restored.

Saying all of that, one can never be sure you don’t have a similar effect on others yourself, so I’m not proud, just passing on my technique for dealing with occasional mismatches in personality types, or as was the case before I took voluntary redundancy, staying awake at lengthy work lectures.